Amnesia Trap (GL) - Chapter 10
The overly gorgeous girl appeared before her, spoiled and dazzling.
Her skin was snow-white, making her pupils seem deeper and her lips a rich, vibrant red.
The visual impact was incomparable.
She was more beautiful than the dolls and toys she used to see displayed high up in shop windows.
She subconsciously held the puppy in her arms tighter.
After Sheng Zhi arrived, she wasn’t hit anymore.
The young lady was imposing, but her eyes were full of pity when she took the puppy.
She asked Ji Qingfan what she wanted.
Ji Qingfan still remembered only saying, “It’s what I should do.”
It sounded like selfless kindness, but the truth was just as those people speculated—she knew it was Sheng Zhi’s puppy, which was why she stepped forward to protect it.
Because she had seen, on that stormy day, how this notoriously arrogant and difficult young lady carefully carried the abandoned puppy home from beside the trash can.
Sheng Zhi was different from her. She had a loving family and a healthy body. She would sign up for school sports days, and whenever she participated, first place always fell into her hands, making her shine with dazzling confidence.
People at school talked about her; no one didn’t know her.
Her temper and her appearance were frequently mentioned together.
Good family background, very proud, extremely bad-tempered, always surrounded by a group of people, and did whatever she pleased.
Ji Qingfan knew there were many wealthy students at her school; those like her who got in on academic merit were the minority.
But this advantage, which would be praised in other families, brought her abuse at home.
When she was little, she couldn’t understand why they only loved her poor-performing younger brother and not her. She couldn’t understand why she tried her best, yet they only gave her old clothes. But as she grew older, she understood: she was destined to be an outcast in this family.
Just like her birth, it was unwanted.
Sheng Zhi was actually easier to handle than she thought. Like the puppy she took home, perhaps because she had seen too little evil, she always responded to pitiful things with excessive kindness.
All Ji Qingfan did was use some methods to expose the scenes of her being bullied to Sheng Zhi. Perhaps because she had protected her puppy, Sheng Zhi punished the bullies and protected her too.
That was the most peaceful period of Ji Qingfan’s life.
She went to school and left school with Sheng Zhi, getting closer to her than ever before.
Initially, she just wanted to use Sheng Zhi’s influence to make her life easier, but she failed to account for the fact that she would be attracted to her.
The willful and confident young lady gradually filled her vision.
She secretly figured out the relationships around her, knowing she had a close childhood friend named Jiang Wanyin.
She loved sweets and would happily squint her eyes like a cat whenever she ate her favorite food.
Her mother loved her but was busy with work, so she often lived alone, and she treated the puppy she adopted as family for companionship.
The day the puppy died from illness was the first time Ji Qingfan saw Sheng Zhi cry.
“What am I going to do? My puppy is dead. How could it just leave me…”
She cried until her eyes were red, her voice was choked, and big tears rolled down her cheeks.
Ji Qingfan watched, unable to resist wiping away her tears, and spoke softly and seriously: “I’ll be your puppy.”
Sheng Zhi sniffled at that, looked at her with red eyes for a while, then wailed and cried even harder: “No, that would be too mean of me. How can I treat a person like a puppy?”
“It’s not mean. I want to be your puppy,” Ji Qingfan awkwardly held the hand she was using to wipe her tears. “Let me be your puppy, okay? Please don’t cry.”
Sheng Zhi was comforted and stopped crying.
She held Ji Qingfan’s hand tightly, her eyes still misty with tears: “Then you can’t leave me.”
“I won’t leave you. I will always be your puppy,” Ji Qingfan said.
Their relationship grew closer and closer.
Sheng Zhi was very kind to her and cared about her deeply.
Ji Qingfan found that Sheng Zhi was actually an incredibly gentle girl inside. The everyday arrogance and willfulness were more like a protective layer.
Many students at their school had cell phones.
When Sheng Zhi couldn’t reach her, she bought one for her too and saved her contact information on it.
Ji Qingfan didn’t even know what the colorful things on the screen were or how a button press made it jump from one page to another. It was utterly foreign to her, like something from another world.
Sheng Zhi taught her how to use the phone patiently: “You open this app, and you can send me a message… then you type your content… and hit this send button when you’re done.”
She guided Ji Qingfan hand-by-hand to type and send a message saying: [“Sheng Zhi is the number one beauty in the world”]. “There, see? It’s simple, right? Got it?”
…They were too close.
Sheng Zhi’s intoxicating scent completely enveloped her.
“I got it,” Ji Qingfan nodded, blushing. Sheng Zhi let go and let her try on her own.
Ji Qingfan earnestly typed and sent a message: [“You are so good to me”].
She looked at Sheng Zhi with a very serious expression. Sheng Zhi became a little embarrassed, humming and muttering: “Come on, you’re my puppy. If I’m not good to you, who am I good to?”
After learning the basic functions, Ji Qingfan put the phone back in its box. She took it home, washed her hands several times, and only then carefully opened it, as if she were holding a precious treasure.
But no matter how hard she tried to hide it, her younger brother still, unfortunately, saw it.
Her brother asked her, both surprised and delighted, where she got the latest model phone and demanded it.
She had always been precariously careful in the house, minimizing her presence, but this time she reacted strongly and refused him. Her parents came running at the sound and immediately started hitting her, telling her to give the phone to her brother: “What’s wrong with being generous, you’re the older sister?”
She only shook her head, gritting her teeth, tearing and fighting back like a small animal.
The result of her resistance was that she was pinned to the floor, her hair messy, and her furious brother snatched the phone. He shook it at her, smiling scornfully: “You ungrateful wretch. Give it to me earlier and you wouldn’t have been hit.”
Her eyes turned red with hatred. She found a burst of strength and struggled forward: “Give it back to me!”
The phone broke during the scuffle.
But the resistance, once again, was futile. She had completely enraged them. She was tied up with a rope, gagged, and locked in the only room with a lock.
“We didn’t intend for you to marry so soon. We thought if you studied more, the bride price would be higher, but now it seems you’re too disobedient. You should get married soon. Your brother needs a new phone anyway.”
“No need for school once you’re married. Go and drop out in the next couple of days.”
They discussed her fate in light words, making a nonchalant decision.
They knew she wouldn’t marry willingly, so they made all preparations.
Ji Qingfan looked at their faces and listened to their voices.
The rope was tied so tightly it chafed her skin painfully. The rag stuffed in her mouth made her feel nauseous.
Perhaps because of the dizziness from starvation, she almost hallucinated them as monsters.
So disgusting. So disgusting.
How could she escape…
Fearing she might have thoughts of self-harm, they forcibly poured thin gruel down her throat. All other bodily functions had to be performed under their watch. They seemed to want to tame her this way, to crush her will.
They did indeed make her lose the will to live well because she wanted to drag them down with her to death.
But just that afternoon, when she was ready, Sheng Zhi came looking for her.
Noticing the evasive attitude of her family, Sheng Zhi sensed something was wrong and burst in with her bodyguards, refusing to be stopped.
It turned out that Sheng Zhi had messaged her for days without a reply, and she also heard rumors about Ji Qingfan dropping out of school. Feeling uneasy, she came looking for her.
—The truth was that Ji Qingfan had indeed been locked up.
Sheng Zhi had the bodyguards contact a lawyer and restrain the Ji family, who had already started begging on their knees. She then went to find Ji Qingfan alone.
When she opened the door and found Ji Qingfan tied up in the corner with ropes, Sheng Zhi could hardly believe her eyes.
She found scissors and cut the ropes on her body.
The numb mouth was finally freed. Ji Qingfan lowered her head, instinctively trying to hide from her gaze.
She was too wretched.
But in the next second, Sheng Zhi embraced her.
Ji Qingfan smelled her fragrance again.
It wrapped around her completely, along with the embrace.
She hadn’t shed a single tear during those days, only calmly thinking of countermeasures no matter how hard it was. But at that moment, held by Sheng Zhi, she suddenly broke down. Tears fell in large, uncontrollable drops.
Buried in her embrace, she trembled with unstoppable sobs.
“I’m so scared. I didn’t want them to trade me for a bride price. The ropes hurt so much. They even watched me use the toilet, afraid I’d run away…”
Her words were fragmented and chaotic: “Am I really that terrible? Why did they treat me like that…”
“You are good. Especially good,” their long hair intertwined with the embrace. Sheng Zhi said with certainty, “It’s not your fault.”
Ji Qingfan listened to her voice and hugged her even tighter.
She was so warm and soft.
Like the bright moon hanging in the sky.
Once she touched her, she never wanted to let go.
Sheng Zhi helped her sort out the situation and took her back to her house.
She pitied her and wanted her own mother to mentor her.
She also bought her a new phone and told her to remember to reply to her messages.
The new phone was also beautiful. Ji Qingfan secretly took many, many pictures of Sheng Zhi with it, from every angle.
She barely had anyone else’s contact information on her phone, only Sheng Zhi, so Sheng Zhi didn’t have to worry about her not replying.
Sheng Zhi told her to focus on studying, not to worry about anything else, and just study well.
But Ji Qingfan secretly took on a part-time job. She felt she couldn’t repay Sheng Zhi’s kindness now, but she would one day.
She heard many people say Sheng Zhi was impatient.
But she never thought so because Sheng Zhi, who disliked studying, could always stay with her for an entire afternoon of studying, and she would lean next to her, complimenting how amazing she was, with those bright, sparkling eyes.
Just like when she wore the clothes Sheng Zhi bought her, Sheng Zhi would compliment her on how beautiful she looked.
And when she was sick, Sheng Zhi would be very worried, take her to the hospital, and feed her medicine. So, when she was almost recovered from a fever, Ji Qingfan secretly made her illness worse again.
To record all of this, Ji Qingfan developed the habit of writing a diary.
She loved Sheng Zhi’s concern for her so much, and she wished she could care for her forever.
Sheng Zhi gave her the warmth and protection her family never did.
At that time, she always dared not meet Sheng Zhi’s gaze, yet she saw her frequently in her dreams.
She was almost dreamlike in her beauty, her lips like roses, her features gorgeous like peach and plum blossoms. Touching her skin was soft and delicate.
Her breath was full of tempting sweetness.
Ji Qingfan would wake up from her dreams, gasping as if she couldn’t breathe.
Wetness below made her fingers tremble. Although she was awake, she would continue the dream, picturing Sheng Zhi in her mind, and pleasuring herself while thinking of her.
She felt ashamed and guilty for the feelings she had for her, yet she was uncontrollably excited.
This translated into her becoming increasingly dependent on Sheng Zhi in reality.
She didn’t want to see Sheng Zhi smile at others or play with others. She wanted… to possess her exclusively.
To make her belong to her, and only her.
But Sheng Zhi was always surrounded by people, and her gaze wouldn’t stay fixed on Ji Qingfan forever.
She wouldn’t be her “only one.”
She clung to her even more, as if she would die without her. She even used the excuse of being afraid to sleep alone and having nightmares to sleep in her room at night, and she insisted on Sheng Zhi doing everything with her.
She couldn’t help but ask Sheng Zhi what she said and did with others. Even casual chatter made her desperately probe for details.
“Do you like her? You smiled at her so many times today.”
She was so anxious.
She just wanted to hold onto her regardless of anything else.
But the harder she tried to hold on, the more she felt she was slipping away. Sheng Zhi, instead, started to avoid her, unable to tolerate it anymore.
Sheng Zhi never seemed to lack new people around her either.
A new transfer student arrived at the school.
Sheng Zhi started spending time with the new transfer student, Yun Xian.
Some people said they would get engaged in the future, and there were even people shipping them on the school forum.
Ji Qingfan became even more anxious.
Because during this time, Sheng Zhi was no longer willing to tell her where she went, seemingly not wanting to be questioned anymore.
A lot of distance grew between them.
She didn’t understand why Sheng Zhi was avoiding her.
…Didn’t she want her anymore?
The news about the Sheng family and the Yun family’s potential engagement on the forum pricked her like needles.
Engagement.
Was she going to be with Yun Xian? Would they embrace? Would they kiss? Would they do more intimate things…?
So, Sheng Zhi had tired of her, right?
Ji Qingfan desperately dug her nails into her palms.
So much panic, so much unease.
She wanted to be with her twenty-four hours a day.
She sent Sheng Zhi many messages, asking where she was.
But Sheng Zhi didn’t reply.
Finally tracking her down by following a new post on the forum, she saw her sitting with Yun Xian, who was sharing cookies she had baked.
Sheng Zhi was fed a piece by her, and her eyes were sparkling and bright: “You’re amazing. They’re so delicious.”
Yun Xian’s expression was gentle: “If you like them, I can keep making them for you.”
The taste of jealousy surged in her heart. When she finally realized what she was doing, Ji Qingfan found she had stepped forward and slapped the bag of cookies out of Yun Xian’s hand.
“Ji Qingfan?” Sheng Zhi looked at her in confusion, “What are you doing here?”
Then she looked at the bag of cookies scattered on the floor, and back at Ji Qingfan. Her lips moved. She seemed to want to say something else, but finally suppressed it, saying with displeasure: “What is the meaning of this?”
Ji Qingfan looked at the unhappy expression on Sheng Zhi’s face and only felt dizzy: “I…”
How was she supposed to explain? Should she say, I’m jealous? Should she say, I don’t want to see you so close to her, and I don’t want to hear you call her ‘Jie Jie’? I don’t want you to compliment her skills? Or should she say that she hated both Yun Xian and Jiang Wanyin and didn’t want to see her spend time with any of them?
She couldn’t articulate an explanation, and ultimately, Yun Xian smoothed things over.
Sheng Zhi saw how panicked she was and waved her hand: “Never mind, never mind.”
Ji Qingfan clenched her palm, taking a long moment before humming noncommittally.
The intoxicating sweet fantasies could no longer be pieced together.
She realized once again—Sheng Zhi would not belong to her, and she was not special or unique to Sheng Zhi.
She would be kind to others.
She would look at others with those bright eyes and sweetly call others Jie Jie.
She might even fall for someone else.
She wasn’t her salvation, but her torment.
Ji Qingfan was driven nearly insane by jealousy.
But after the jealousy came an even greater fear.
She tried her best to be good to her, but that kindness was drowned out by the many others who were also kind to her, making it seem insignificant.
Sheng Zhi wasn’t lacking in love. She had been surrounded by love since childhood, and the people who were good to her were too many to count.
I can’t grasp her.
She couldn’t hold onto her.
But how could she accept the fact of gradually drifting away from her after experiencing her goodness?
After her jealousy escalated into a frenzy, she began to take more extreme measures: secretly sowing discord between others and Sheng Zhi, stealthily throwing away the gifts and love letters people sent to Sheng Zhi, and turning Sheng Zhi’s friends against her.
These actions, born of madness, were eventually exposed. When Sheng Zhi discovered it was her, she confronted her in an empty classroom, incredulous and infuriated, asking if she was crazy, what she had done wrong, and if Ji Qingfan just hated her that much.
In that moment, Ji Qingfan vaguely recalled the look Sheng Zhi gave her when she slapped Yun Xian’s bag of cookies away—that look aimed at her.
What was the difference between love and hate?
As long as she could capture her attention, that was enough, wasn’t it?
Ji Qingfan looked at Sheng Zhi’s hand clamped on her neck and gently placed her own hand over it.
After a long silence, she spoke: “Yes, I hate you.”
But that wasn’t true.
How could she hate her?
She would never hate her. She only adored her, loved her so much it was driving her insane.
Sure enough, Sheng Zhi couldn’t accept it when she personally admitted that she did these things out of hatred.
Sometimes, past intimacy and familiarity become the best weapons for attacking each other.
That’s how it was between them.
Ji Qingfan enjoyed her attention. Sheng Zhi grew to hate her more and more, and their interactions always ended badly, but Ji Qingfan truly became her “only one” in a different sense.
She could openly stop her from seeing Yun Xian. If someone gave Sheng Zhi a love letter, she would throw it directly into the trash can in front of her.
All these acts, full of possessiveness and jealous love, seemed to become justifiable once cloaked in the name of hatred.
Their relationship had deteriorated beyond repair then.
Since the last time Sheng Zhi asked if she hated her and she admitted it, Sheng Zhi retaliated by targeting her everywhere. She wickedly hooked her chin and ordered her to bark like a dog before she would let her go. Ji Qingfan, looking utterly humiliated, meekly barked, but her heart was close to bursting with happiness.
Sheng Zhi didn’t know that during that time, Ji Qingfan bought many different types of collars and PU handcuffs, storing them in the room plastered with Sheng Zhi’s photos. She fantasized about Sheng Zhi using these on her.
The objects were dazzlingly arranged. Some had bells, some had leashes. The slightest touch would make the bells jingle, just like her heart frantically beating when Sheng Zhi looked at her.
The more pathological her inner world became, the more normal she pretended to be on the surface. She joined the student council, presenting herself as a high-achieving student. People began to gather around her, forming two distinct factions opposing Sheng Zhi’s group. The two groups couldn’t stand each other, as their leaders were so incompatible.
They became known to everyone as sworn enemies. Everyone knew their relationship was bad.
But this was exactly what Ji Qingfan had longed to hear for so long—their names were finally being mentioned together frequently on the forum.
Her covetousness and desire for Sheng Zhi reached a peak threshold. She rented a large apartment to hold the photos she had secretly taken of Sheng Zhi.
Every smile, every frown of Sheng Zhi was recorded through her lens.
Ostensibly, she was the aloof, high-achieving student council president. In reality, she was a secret admirer who craved her to the extreme, hidden from the light.
She would hide the cup Sheng Zhi drank from, carefully placing her own lips where Sheng Zhi’s had been, imagining kissing her, achieving closer proximity.
She collected her discarded clothes, using the lingering scent of Sheng Zhi on them to comfort herself.
There was a school legend then that you could succeed in confessing your love by giving the person you liked the button closest to your heart on your school uniform.
She didn’t believe in such things, but she secretly removed the button from Sheng Zhi’s school uniform.
Then, at night, she pressed it hard against her own heart.
One day, she would use everything she had to keep Sheng Zhi by her side, to make her look only at her.
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