Song of Everlasting Regret - Chapter 18

Hearing now of the dire situation her mother had been in back then felt like having her heart gouged out; the pain was exceptional. Lou Jing felt as though her world was collapsing. The past, once vivid like a vermilion wall, was peeling away in flakes to reveal a mottled, ruined reality. She felt helpless within, on the verge of tears.

Seeing her expression, Lou Yan said, “Jing’er, your father is not that kind of person.”

Lou Jing thought of Lou Xuanzhi’s solemn figure. Having lived with him for over ten years, she understood his character from up close. Because of this, she struggled immensely, shaking her head. “My father wouldn’t be that kind of person.”

Lou Yan said, “Jing’er, come home with Second Uncle.”

Shen Zhongyin gave a cold snort. “You think you can leave?”

As the words fell, Shen Zhongyin struck with lightning speed. Channeling his internal energy, his opening move was a killing blow. His palms moved in a blur of countless afterimages, possessing the momentum to topple mountains and drain seas. Lou Yan, standing in front, felt as if he were facing a raging sea with towering waves crashing down upon him.

Lou Yan flicked his folding fan, wielding it as a sword. He thrust it straight out. A fan with wooden ribs and gold-flecked paper suddenly radiated a majestic sword intent in Lou Yan’s hand. It was a move from the Qian Formula—”Sword Piercing the Rainbow”—severing the western sky.

True qi surged, sending sand and stones flying.

This was the first time Lou Jing had seen Lou Yan fight. He usually only carried a folding fan, and she had never seen him wear a sword. She had originally thought he just didn’t have it with him, but it appeared Lou Yan did not use a sword as a weapon at all.

However, for those with profound cultivation, anything can serve as a sharp blade. Lou Jing was only momentarily surprised and didn’t dwell on it.

As dusk deepened, the two fought for a short time before clashing palms. The shockwave radiated outward, and a burst of scorching air made the chest feel tight and breathing difficult. Lou Yan was knocked back.

A trickle of blood escaped from the corner of Lou Yan’s mouth. He clutched his chest, frowning. A surge of heat coursed through his body, turning his cheeks crimson. After a long while, the flush faded, leaving his face ghastly pale. “I didn’t expect your power to have reached such heights. You are not the man you once were; even I am no match for you.”

Seeing Lou Yan injured, Lou Jing worriedly tried to move toward him. “Second Uncle…”

Because she was distraught by the truth of her mother’s death, she felt a tragic sense of grief and a pent-up indignation with no outlet. Seeing Lou Yan hurt, her concern caused her to lose focus. In her lack of vigilance, Shen Zhongyin struck her acupoints from behind.

Lou Jing’s consciousness drifted; her legs went soft, and she could no longer stand. Shen Zhongyin caught her in his arms.

Lou Jing’s vision grew hazy, as if covered by white mist, and her ears felt muffled as if stuffed with cotton. She only vaguely heard Shen Zhongyin say: “If you want to take her away, tell Lou Xuanzhi to come…” The rest was lost to her.

Lou Yan seemed to look at her several times, or perhaps he was looking at Shen Zhongyin. After a long while, he turned and left. As Lou Yan’s figure grew more distant, Lou Jing’s consciousness gradually sank into darkness.

After leaving, Lou Yan headed straight back to the Qian Yuan Sect.

Traveling for more than a day, he reached Tiger Roar Mountain and rushed to Lou Xuanzhi’s study.

Seeing him travel-worn and weary, appearing as though he had galloped without rest, Lou Xuanzhi poured him a cup of tea and asked, “Things didn’t go well with Caoliu Mountain Manor?”

Lou Yan shook his head and recounted encountering Lang Ye delivering the letter and his fight with Shen Zhongyin.

“Foolish!” Lou Xuanzhi slammed the table and said in a deep voice, “You are usually so cautious. Why didn’t you report to the sect first instead of going to meet Shen Zhongyin alone?”

Lou Yan said, “Jing’er wrote in her letter that she was secretly monitoring him. Shen Zhongyin is dangerous; if he discovered her, who knows what he would do? I thought it was an emergency and it would be best to scout the situation and bring her back quietly. Who knew she had already been exposed and was being held by him? I thought my strength alone would be enough to contend with him, but over the years, his power has grown immensely, far exceeding back then. I was no match and had to withdraw first.”

Lou Xuanzhi gave a heavy snort. “I see you just wanted to help her hide her recklessness. If you could cover it up for her, you would; only when you couldn’t did you think of coming to me.”

Lou Yan sighed. “The details cannot be explained in a few words in a letter. That’s why I left Jing’er to return in person. Brother, now is not the time to assign blame. The priority is to find a way to get Jing’er back. That Shen Zhongyin is a master of manipulation. Do you know that he… he… oh!”

“What? Speak up.”

“He told Jing’er the truth about Jiao Lan’s death…”

CRASH.

The four-drawer ebony desk beside Lou Xuanzhi was shattered by his palm. Lou Xuanzhi’s face turned dark with rage. “He actually dared to mention it in front of Jing’er!”

Lou Yan said, “Brother, I think he came prepared. Holding Jing’er is likely a way to force you into another duel, to avenge that single sword strike from years ago.”

Lou Xuanzhi said coldly, “I spared his life out of consideration for Jiao Lan and Jing’er when they were wandering outside; I have already fulfilled my duty. Since he wants another match, fine! I shall not show him mercy!”

As Lou Xuanzhi walked out, he said to Lou Yan, “This man is cunning. I don’t know if he has a backup plan. Go gather some disciples and follow me immediately.”

“Wait, Brother!”

The moment Lou Xuanzhi left the study, he pushed off with his toes, his figure drifting outward like the wind. In moments, he was gone.

Lou Yan had no choice but to go find the elders. Just as he stepped out of the study onto the terrace, he saw a man walking up slowly, who asked, “I just saw the Sect Leader descending the mountain in a hurry. What happened?”

The newcomer wore green robes and had a goatee. His eyes were thin and long—it was the Third Elder, Li Changhong.

Lou Yan looked at Li Changhong and said, “Jing’er has been captured by Shen Zhongyin. Do you think my brother wouldn’t be anxious?”

“To think such a thing happened.”

“You’ve come at the right time. My brother wants to bring some disciples to prevent any traps Shen Zhongyin might have set. Gathering disciples takes time, so I’ll leave that to you, Senior Brother. I’ll follow him first to provide backup.”

Li Changhong nodded and said, “Good, good. I will gather the disciples and follow shortly.”

After handing over the task, Lou Yan hurried after Lou Xuanzhi.

Meanwhile, on Xiangri Peak, Yu Jingqiu was sitting at her desk, her brows knitted.

She held a message sent by carrier pigeon. The finger-wide slip of paper was spread out in her hand; she read it repeatedly, unable to stop herself from letting out a soft sigh.

In the cage by the windowsill, the pigeons cooed.

The letter contained a detailed drawing of half a jade pendant. The shape and the break in the jade matched the piece in her hand.

Beneath the drawing were four words: Are you willing to meet?

All of this went back to when she went down the mountain to chase Lou Jing.

She and Lang Ye had failed to find Lou Jing, and Lou Xuanzhi eventually discovered Lou Jing had run away. Although he claimed to let her fend for herself, his heart softened, and he still sent her and Lang Ye to Xuzhou to look for Lou Jing and search for clues at the scene of the incident.

They had found nothing in either matter.

Returning unsuccessful, as they headed up the mountain from the town at the base, they encountered a farmer named Zhang. He raised poultry and was the main supplier for the Qian Yuan Sect; he even delivered to Xiangri Peak, so they were well-acquainted.

That day, he handed her a cage with five or six pigeons, saying someone had entrusted them to him to pass on. When asked who, he didn’t know the person, saying it was a fresh face he hadn’t seen before. He added that the person left a message: They will be useful in time.

Mysterious.

She didn’t know who was playing riddles.

Yu Jingqiu found it strange. She thought these were homing pigeons; was the mysterious person trying to contact her? But most people she knew were in the sect. If someone from the sect wanted to contact her, they wouldn’t go to such trouble. If it were someone outside, it might be one of her Master’s close friends, but those elders weren’t the type to act so cryptically. Besides those elders, who else could it be…

Her heart skipped a beat. She involuntarily thought of her elder sister, whom she had never met. As soon as the thought arose, she quickly suppressed it, telling herself she was being too imaginative.

Yet, she ultimately kept the pigeons.

Days later, there was a fluttering sound at the Clear Heart Waterside Pavilion. A carrier pigeon had arrived.

Yu Jingqiu was surprised. Xiangri Peak was deep in the mountains, far from the bustle of the world. This was the first time a carrier pigeon had ever flown here.

Who sent the letter?

Yu Jingqiu unfurled the slip. Looking at the few brief words, she stood frozen, turned into a stone statue.

It was her sister? How could it be her sister!

Yu Jingqiu struggled to steady her mind, only then realizing how suspicious it was.

How was it that as soon as she learned of her heritage, someone claiming to be her sister sent a letter? It was too coincidental. Furthermore, carrier pigeons rely on their homing instinct. To have these pigeons know the way to Xiangri Peak required time, meaning the sender knew she was here long ago. If they knew she was at the Qian Yuan Sect, why hadn’t they come to find her sooner?

Yet, what was said in the letter was almost identical to what Lou Xuanzhi had told her.

It must be her sister.

Yu Jingqiu felt a surge of emotion. Countless questions arose, and she wanted to rush to her sister right now to see her and ask her everything.

But her Master had made her swear not to see her sister or investigate her. She had made a vow.

Thinking of her Master’s command, she was plagued by indecision. She gritted her teeth and burned the letter, intending to forget it all and pretend she had never seen it. She looked at the pigeon, wanting to send it away. She lifted the cage but hesitated several times. In the end, she couldn’t bear to let it go and kept the pigeon.

The matter sat for many days, yet Yu Jingqiu still thought of it constantly at night. Perhaps everyone yearns for their flesh and blood, especially someone like her who had thought she was all alone.

She couldn’t forget the joy of learning she had family in this world; she couldn’t let go of this attachment.

Finally, for the first time in her life, Yu Jingqiu secretly disobeyed her Master’s command and wrote back.

Thus, a correspondence began.

Yu Jingqiu wanted to follow her Master’s command, yet she also wanted news of her sister. Every time she received or sent a letter, she spent the day in the guilt of violating her Master’s orders.

She had received three letters in total. Each time she opened one, the guilt deepened, becoming an unbearable burden.

Earlier today, a fourth letter arrived. It sat on the table unopened all day while her mind dwelt on it. Her promise to her Master and her longing for her sister battled in her head.

She thought to herself: This is the last time.

She opened the letter and saw the drawing of the half-pendant and the words.

Comparing the drawing to her pendant, Yu Jingqiu was certain the sender was indeed her sister. Her heart was both joyous and melancholy.

Are you willing to meet?

Communicating privately was already her limit in defying her Master. To meet in person… she didn’t know how to face the guilt in her heart.

She held the pigeon, sitting in a daze by the waterside.

She had made up her mind: We shall not meet. Yet her reply could not find its way into the tube on the pigeon’s leg.

If she sent this refusal, would her sister be heartbroken?

As she was lost in thought, a voice called from outside: “Senior Sister Yu.”

Startled back to reality, she saw the pigeon in her hand. Like a thief, she moved left and right, trying to hide it. Once she steadied herself and her logic returned, she hurriedly let the pigeon go.

After releasing it, her face burned. Looking into her palm, she realized she had forgotten to put the reply into the tube.

“…”

She never thought her first time defying her Master would leave her feeling so guilty and flustered.

Yu Jingqiu could only smile bitterly.

The person calling from outside was Han Ling. Hearing movement inside, he entered. “So Senior Sister is here after all.”

Yu Jingqiu asked, “Junior Brother Han, is there something you need?”

Han Ling saw Yu Jingqiu’s cheeks were flushed. Her cold, gentle aura was now touched by a trace of vivid beauty, giving her an air of peerless charm. His heart skipped a beat, and his tone softened. “Senior Sister forgot? I promised I had words to say to you, but you have been so busy and preoccupied that the matter kept being delayed.”

Yu Jingqiu remembered and said apologetically, “I have been neglectful.”

“You are busy; it’s unavoidable. I don’t blame you.”

“I wonder what important matter you wish to discuss.”

Yu Jingqiu lit the small stove to brew tea for Han Ling. Han Ling unfurled a scroll on the desk. “I heard Senior Sister loves paintings. This is an original work by Xigu…”

Yu Jingqiu’s expression was unimpressed. “Junior Brother Han, one should not receive rewards without merit. I told you, you shouldn’t give me such expensive gifts.”

Han Ling knelt by the desk. “Senior Sister, we are fellow disciples. It’s natural… but if it were… if it were…”

“Junior Brother?”

Han Ling took a deep breath and bowed to Yu Jingqiu. “Senior Sister, I… since I entered the sect, I have admired you.”

Han Ling looked up, his cheeks slightly red, shouting as if to bolster his courage, “I… I like you!”

Yu Jingqiu was stunned. she gazed at him blankly for a moment. Having no experience with romance, she didn’t know how to respond and frowned slightly.

Han Ling had a bad premonition and quickly added, “Senior Sister, I don’t need you to answer me right now. You can take your time to consider.”

Yu Jingqiu shook her head and gazed at Han Ling, saying softly, “Junior Brother, I only see you as a fellow disciple. I currently have no heart for romance. The sect is in a period of transition. As a man, you should focus your mind on honing your sword and serving the sect.”

Han Ling’s heart plummeted from a great height, his face turning grey. “Senior Sister, I…”

Yu Jingqiu’s refusal left him no room for recovery.

“Senior Sister, I am sincere.”

“Junior Brother, I am also sincere.”

Yu Jingqiu poured a cup of hot tea for Han Ling and was just filling her own when Yun Yao rushed in. She grabbed Yu Jingqiu’s cup and took a sip, only to yelp and stick out her tongue from the heat. Gasping for air, she said, “Senior Sister, they found A’Jing.”

Yu Jingqiu stood up immediately. “Where is she?”

“I heard from a disciple on the main peak that A’Jing has gotten mixed up with that great demon Shen Zhongyin. Master and Uncle Lou have already left, and fearing a trap by the Feihua Alliance, Master had the elders gather the disciples and left as well.”

Yu Jingqiu asked, “Why didn’t I hear the bell to gather disciples?”

“They said it wasn’t a huge matter, so they didn’t ring the bell. I don’t know the rest; we have to ask Uncle Wu.”

As the words fell, Yu Jingqiu said to Han Ling, “Junior Brother Han, excuse me.”

Yu Jingqiu headed for the main peak, and Yun Yao hurriedly followed.

Watching her hurried departure, Han Ling’s words caught in his throat. His heart felt stifled. Looking down at the masterpiece he had painstakingly found, his disappointment and failure turned into resentment. Veins throbbed on his forehead, his face turned crimson, and he grabbed the cup of tea and slammed it down onto the painting.

He hissed through gritted teeth, “Lou Jing, Lou Jing! You only have eyes for Lou Jing!”

“I revere you like a goddess, afraid of causing you even a hint of displeasure. I only wish to please you, offering you my sincere heart, yet you act as if you don’t see. That Lou Jing opposes you at every turn, has a perverse personality, and even draws her sword against you, yet you always protect her. Your eyes only look at her!”

Han Ling gripped a piece of broken porcelain so tightly that the sharp edge pierced his palm, and blood flowed through the gaps of his hand.

It was late spring and early summer; the weather was warming, and the night was alive with the sound of insects.

Lou Jing woke to the sound of those insects. After being struck by Shen Zhongyin’s acupoints, she had been taken to a roadside inn.

Shen Zhongyin had sealed her internal energy, and her range of movement was limited to the inn and its immediate surroundings.

The bodies of the horse team Shen Zhongyin had killed on the road had already been cleared away. It had rained that night, washing away even the bloodstains.

Lou Jing wondered if the armless man who escaped had recognized Shen Zhongyin and would seek help from Caoliu Mountain Manor. During their stay at the inn, a group from the manor indeed came to ask questions. However, because the innkeeper had been “warned” by Shen Zhongyin—and had witnessed the killings—he didn’t dare disobey and helped hide the truth.

Shen Zhongyin continued to teach Lou Jing palm techniques. The internal energy method was undoubtedly top-tier. But Lou Jing was listless. She had never been as lost as she was now, doubting her sect and even the father who raised her.

Lou Jing suddenly hated Shen Zhongyin for tearing open this bloody scar. If he had shown his fangs and acted like a monster, she might have felt better, treating it all as his plot. But he didn’t; he was the same as before.

The road was quiet, and the inn was empty. Aside from Lou Jing and Shen Zhongyin, there was only the innkeeper. The waiter had fled out of fear during the night.

As the weather warmed and supplies at the inn ran low, the innkeeper had to go into town himself to restock.

Lou Jing sat under the eaves of the back hall, facing a pine forest. The pine needles on the ground seemed to prick the eyes.

She remembered what Shen Zhongyin said before she fainted and asked him, “What exactly do you want to do?”

“Do?” Shen Zhongyin caught a falling pine needle between his fingers and flicked it; the needle vanished halfway into a pillar. “Avenge my beloved.”

Lou Jing’s expression changed instantly. Even though he didn’t name her, she knew exactly whom he meant. She had always wanted to clarify the matter between Jiao Lan and Shen Zhongyin but could never bring herself to ask. Until that day when Shen Zhongyin said: No one believed her loyalty.

Lou Jing suddenly realized the truth, followed by a deep sense of self-reproach. She was just like those people; she too had doubted her own mother. Thinking of the phrase not a single person could stand by her side filled her with endless sorrow.

“You said my mother committed suicide.”

“How is Lou Xuanzhi, who left her to suffer alone, any different from a killer? I should have killed him ten years ago, but my skills were inferior. Now, I only need an opportunity.”

“I don’t understand you. You want to kill my father, yet you teach me your palm techniques.” Lou Jing glared at him. “Are you not afraid I will kill you?”

Shen Zhongyin stood before her, looking down at her as the breeze stirred his robes. He said, “Jing’er, I knew from the moment I saw you—one day, you will avenge your mother.”

Shen Zhongyin squinted, his gaze darker than the sky. “So, I will lend you a hand.”

Lou Jing felt his words held a deeper meaning, but she couldn’t grasp it.

Avenge her mother? Who was the enemy? The now-extinct Pasha Gang? The righteous martial arts path? Or the Feihua Alliance? Her father? The Qian Yuan Sect?

Lou Jing didn’t know whom to hate.

Just then, the roof tiles rattled, and robes whipped in the wind. A figure drifted down into the courtyard.

Lou Jing stood up and called out, “Father.”

The newcomer was Lou Xuanzhi. Since leaving Tiger Roar Mountain, he had traveled day and night to get here.

Lou Jing wasn’t surprised by his appearance. She knew that if Lou Yan returned and told him of her situation, Lou Xuanzhi would definitely come.

Lou Jing both hoped he would come—to confront Shen Zhongyin and shatter his lies—and hoped he wouldn’t, fearing Shen Zhongyin had a plot.

Lou Xuanzhi shouted, “Jing’er, come here!”

Lou Jing stood her ground, her expression complex, and did not move.

Dark clouds covered the sky, casting the world into shadow, with only a sliver of light visible between the clouds. A cold wind rose, blowing down the green leaves.

Lou Jing asked him, “Father, why did you hide the cause of my mother’s death?”

Lou Xuanzhi knew Lou Jing’s temperament and had anticipated this question. After a long silence, he said, “You were too young…”

Shen Zhongyin said, “Is it not rather that you feared your daughter knowing her father had lost all dignity?”

Lou Xuanzhi spun around, his gaze sharp as shears, his voice like a tiger’s roar. “Shut up!”

Shen Zhongyin gave a low snort. “Enraged by the truth.”

Lou Xuanzhi said sternly, “Shen Zhongyin, do you think that because time has passed, no one knows what you did back then?”

Shen Zhongyin sneered, “What did I do?”

Lou Xuanzhi said, “When Jiao Lan left the sect, she was already over a month pregnant. While protecting the Meng family in their flight, she sought help from the sect. You repeatedly interfered, preventing her from contacting us, causing the misunderstanding between her and the sect to deepen. If you hadn’t meddled, would she have wandered outside with Jing’er for years, only returning when the Master passed away? You are so despicable, yet you dare to claim you loved her! You even have the face to stand before Jing’er? If Jiao Lan knew in the underworld, she would surely regret ever knowing you!”

Shen Zhongyin was struck in his sore spot. In his rage, veins throbbed on his forehead and his eyes turned blood-red. “If I were despicable, I would have kidnapped her back to the Feihua Alliance long ago! There would be no Lou Jing today, only a Shen Jing! If I were shameless, I wouldn’t have let her return to the Qian Yuan Sect to slit her own throat in despair!”

Shen Zhongyin shot back, “Lou Xuanzhi, you craved the Sect Leader position! You cherished your reputation. Externally, you didn’t dare offend the martial arts sects; internally, you didn’t dare defy your elders. You only dared to fail her! You couldn’t protect her. You are a failure of a man!”

Lou Jing asked, “Father, is what he says true? Father, if you say no, I will believe you.”

Lou Xuanzhi didn’t wish to defend himself, for regardless of the reasons, it was a fact that he had failed Jiao Lan. He closed his eyes, and a tear slid silently down. He stood there like a stone statue, cold and silent.

This was the first time Lou Jing had seen her father cry. For some reason, she hated this tear intensely. She seemed to understand—it was the regret of a father who hadn’t exerted his full strength.

Lou Xuanzhi opened his eyes again, glaring at Shen Zhongyin. “If it weren’t for you, she wouldn’t have reached such a point! If it weren’t for you!”

Lou Xuanzhi’s hatred and pain were so deep his voice was raspy: If it weren’t for you, why would she have to slit her throat to prove her innocence so that Jing’er’s birth wouldn’t be questioned? If it weren’t for you, why would Jing’er be insulted and cursed as a bastard?

He didn’t dare say these things, fearing Lou Jing would feel burdened by guilt.

Gossip is a fearful thing. Back then, Jiao Lan was pregnant without knowing it when she went to the Meng family, and then began her life of wandering. She gave birth to Lou Jing alone; besides Jiao Lan, Shen Zhongyin, and the Meng family child, no one could prove Lou Jing’s parentage.

But no one believed the words of Jiao Lan or Shen Zhongyin—not even the disciples within the sect—because the timing was too coincidental. Even if Lou Xuanzhi believed her, he couldn’t stop the tongues of the masses.

Lou Xuanzhi’s only regret was the Pasha Gang incident; he had failed to speak up. Behind him was his mentor’s coffin, and in his hand was the Sect Leader’s sword Jie E. Facing Jiao Lan, who was being accused by everyone, he had failed to be her reliance and say to the world: “She is not at fault!”

Jiao Lan was proud and upright. When he didn’t speak, she saw his dilemma. She didn’t want to burden him or the sect, and for the sake of her own and her child’s reputation, she resolutely drew her sword and committed suicide before the assembled sects.

This was the pain of his life, a place of irremediable regret. If he hadn’t had so many misgivings then and had stood firm, sacrificing everything to save her, would she have been so resolute?

Shen Zhongyin laughed mockingly, “If it weren’t for me? If it weren’t for me? Then where were you when she was suffering back then!”

The two hated each other, feeling the other’s existence had destroyed the one they loved.

When enemies meet, their eyes burn with rage.

Over the years, Lou Xuanzhi had focused on the sect and his disciples, trying not to think of the past, letting the hatred fade; thus he hadn’t sought revenge against Shen Zhongyin. Shen Zhongyin had fought Lou Xuanzhi once and lost, so he had lived in secluded, bitter training.

Meeting again, Lou Xuanzhi’s dormant rage was ignited. Besides himself, he hated the Feihua Alliance and Shen Zhongyin most. And Shen Zhongyin’s heart for revenge, suppressed for years, had grown into a raging fire.

With words as sharp as blades, how could they show mercy?

Lou Xuanzhi said, “The height of shamelessness!”

Shen Zhongyin said, “Coward!”

A dull roll of thunder echoed in the sky, and a wild wind rose. As the two peerless masters clashed, their true qi collided and compressed, sounding as though Mount Tai was collapsing.

Lou Xuanzhi drew a sword—not the Sect Leader’s sword Jie E, but even with an ordinary blade, it emitted the roar of a dragon as it was drawn, showing the depth of his cultivation.

Shen Zhongyin shifted his palms, exerting his full strength, sounding like rolling wind and thunder. The pine needles on the ground turned into countless tiny sharp swords, swept up by his palm force. With a burst of his scorching qi, flames erupted, and the long bands of pine needles caught fire, circling like two fire dragons. Shen Zhongyin pushed forward, and the fire dragons roared.

Lou Xuanzhi let out a clear shout. His sword was like a silver rainbow, like ten thousand falling stars, its momentum massive and irresistible.

Majestic true qi from both sides collided, and the very sky and earth changed color.