To Covet (GL) - Chapter 53

“Are you in a hurry to go home? Want to watch a movie?” My eyes caught the huge advertisement across the street. “Look, the new release, they say it’s pretty good. We don’t have anything planned for tonight. Wanna go?”

I had no particular desire to go home, and I suspected Yu Zhouwan had come to find me mostly at Shi Yunya’s instruction, so I actively looked for a reason to linger outside.

Yu Zhouwan took the cup. Although it wasn’t very hot anymore, she still pulled a section of her sweater sleeve out as a coaster. The gesture of holding the cup with both hands looked particularly clumsy.

I crouched down to tie my shoelace, silently complaining about her preciousness. I stood up and reached out to touch her hand. Whether by coincidence or intention, Yu Zhouwan pulled her hand back a step ahead of me.

“Didn’t you say you have an exam tomorrow? How can you still be thinking about going out?” Yu Zhouwan stopped where she was, standing parallel to me. “Mom found you a new English teacher for a winter break class. She arranged a trial lesson for tonight. I’m taking you over there.”

No one had informed me, but considering Shi Yunya’s way of handling things, I wasn’t surprised.

I suddenly remembered the look of disgust on Yu Zhouwan’s face when she was handling my answer sheet a few days ago. I glanced at her, but she was busy selecting movie showtimes and didn’t respond to my questioning look.

“Have a sip. I can’t finish it.” I inserted the straw and handed the cup back to her. “It’s not hot now.”

Her hand, along with the sweater covering it, still carried the dry warmth from the paper cup a moment ago.

Winter days were always short. I looked up. It was completely dark even though it wasn’t six o’clock yet. When my gaze left the glaring screen and looked at Yu Zhouwan, I was momentarily dazed. Her figure blurred for an instant. Only the color of her hands and face was barely noticeable; her hair and clothes were roughly smeared, blending into the shadows of the roadside trees and buildings.

After the series of intimate acts and hours of sleeping in each other’s arms last night, I thought I was already sick of her scent. But the faint trace of perfume that wafted up as she handed the cup to me still urged me to grab the fingers she hadn’t managed to pull back and bite down on them.

Yu Zhouwan quietly gasped, glanced around nervously, and quickly pulled her hand away.

“No one saw us.” I grabbed her sleeve and stuffed her hand, which had been chilled by the wind, into her jacket pocket. “It’s dark. Who’s idling around looking at people?”

“Someone will see us…”

After our relationship was exposed, the person who instinctively resisted intimate contact shifted from me to her.

I pulled Yu Zhouwan through the rusty fire exit on the side and entered the building. The narrow stairwell was made even gloomier by the ghostly green light of the “Safety Exit” sign. I deliberately softened my footsteps, gripping Yu Zhouwan’s fingers tightly. Her breathing instantly grew heavy, elongated by the echo of the stairwell.

“No one can see us now.” I thought her clothes were too thick, so I lifted her hem, slipped my hand inside her thin sweater, and wrapped my arm around her waist.

Yu Zhouwan hadn’t had time to recover her breath from the quick dash. In her panic, she let out a yelp.

“Sister, you actually want to be seen, don’t you?”

I squeezed her waist. With the clothes in the way, she only felt ticklish. She bit her lip to prevent her sounds from changing too noticeably.

“You’re breathing so loudly. It’ll draw people here.”

Yu Zhouwan instantly swallowed the faint, shame-laced moan with a sharp gulp.

“Yu Keyi, don’t… don’t here,” Hearing voices gradually growing closer, her body suddenly tensed. “Someone’s coming in…”

I rested my head on her shoulder and closed my eyes, remaining quietly still, as if I was just tired and looking for a place to lean and nap.

A group of people carrying large bags lifted the curtain, clumsily pushed open the safety doors, and streamed out laughing and joking. They brushed past us, carrying a gust of cold air, but didn’t stop or even spare a second glance.

Yu Zhouwan sighed in relief. Her tense body immediately went limp, leaning weakly against the wall.

Taking advantage of her unguarded moment, I pressed down on her hands, kissed her lips. The sound of our tongues intertwining and sucking was amplified by the empty stairwell. Her body rapidly heated up.

She desperately tried to suppress her trembling whimpers, but this only made the few weak, thread-like noises that escaped more distinct. She was too weak to push away the hand that was toying with her breast. Exploring the sensation through the cloth in the darkness added a hint of slickness.

“Sister didn’t wear a bra today…” I bit her earlobe, deliberately increasing the force with which I kneaded her, feeling the gradually defined firmness forming in my palm and the constant shaking of her legs as she struggled to support herself.

“It’s cold, so I didn’t wear one. The clothes are thick… they cover it…” I guessed she only offered that explanation to stop me from teasing her about not wearing underwear.

Looking at her expression—eyes narrowed and mouth slightly open, lost in the pleasure of the fondling—I just found it amusing. I deliberately lifted the hem of her coat behind her waist. Her feverish body hit the icy wall.

Her misty eyes instantly widened. Her body couldn’t help but tremble. The unsatisfied desire was abruptly interrupted, and she instantly sobered up as if doused with cold water, leaning on the stair rail and panting heavily, the moment completely aborted.

I kissed her cheek. Yu Zhouwan didn’t resist, letting me adjust her clothes and lead her upstairs to pick up the movie tickets.

I looked back at the mall’s circular hallway. Many people were gathered at this hour, yet it still felt slightly strange to me, perhaps because it was too empty. The cinema was on the top floor. The steel structure ceiling gave me a sense of imminent danger, a feeling that only disappeared once I stepped into the dim cinema corridor.

The movie always had an awkward emotional dialogue between the male and female leads awkwardly inserted just when the suspense was perfectly built up. I frowned, having lost interest, and leaned against Yu Zhouwan, dozing off.

The temperature from the cinema’s heater was high. There was a thin sheen of sweat behind her ear. I reached out to undo her coat, but Yu Zhouwan snapped out of the story and quickly clasped my hand. Seeing that everyone around us had taken off their thick coats, she withdrew her hand, undid her buttons, and draped her coat over her lap.

I slept through the second half, nestled in her coat, until she nudged me awake when the end credits rolled.

After nightfall, the wind was excessively strong. I held onto Yu Zhouwan tightly until she led me into a residential complex. After several turns, we went upstairs and knocked on a door. It was only when I saw the face of a strange woman that I fully woke up.

The teacher was an Italian PhD student. It took me a lot of effort to remember her name—Elenora. She was very outgoing, asking us to just call her Elina.

Elina asked if we wanted coffee. She happened to be testing out her new coffee machine, so I was given a hot cup of pour-over latte.

I wondered to myself what I had done to deserve a teacher like this.

Elina humbly said her Chinese was still not very good, but Yu Zhouwan could talk to her fluently in English without any issues. I sipped the steaming coffee. When Elina burst into laughter, I followed suit with an awkward grin, pretending to be part of the conversation.

“I heard that in China, it’s very common for university students to tutor,” Elina found this quite novel. “My roommate hasn’t come back from her class tonight. Ah, her tutoring class. She teaches math.”

We arranged the time for my winter break lessons with Elina. She wasn’t very familiar with the domestic college entrance exam, but she did provide me with an excellent English environment. After less than fifteen minutes of stumbling conversation, I had lost count of how many times she had corrected my “Chinglish” pronunciation.

“So, you’re the one who actually found this teacher, right?” I yawned.

“Mhm. Dad suggested it, saying he wanted to find you a specialized teacher,” Yu Zhouwan’s face was reflected on the metal elevator door. “I thought you already have a lot of classes to catch up on. A formal teacher… might be too much pressure. Your English isn’t bad, and you’re not planning to study abroad. Just practice your speaking. It’s enough for the exams. Elenora’s English is very good; she can handle the needs of the domestic college entrance exam.”

“Just treat it as practicing language sense.”

I squeezed Yu Zhouwan’s hand. She gave a small “mhm.”

“If there’s anything you don’t understand, you can just ask me.”

The day after the exam, Gao Rui messaged me, inviting me to her house to prepare for the winter camp that was starting tomorrow.

I expected to see Gao Anqin and had prepared my strategy for dealing with her conversations. Instead, Gao Rui led me to another unfamiliar address, a three-story small villa on the outskirts of the city.

It was still early for dinner. She led me straight through the foyer into the backyard, where a small wooden table was set up in the sunroom.

“Grandma,” Gao Rui called the old woman in the wheelchair. “This is Yu Keyi, my classmate. I’ve mentioned her to you before.”

In stark contrast to Gao Rui’s taciturn personality, Grandma—though Gao Rui called her that, she was actually Gao Rui’s mother’s mother, so she should technically be called maternal grandmother—had completely white hair but was not as conservative as her age suggested. On the contrary, she was a stylish and talkative trendy old lady, interested in youth popular culture and even the hot exam topics for various subjects in the college entrance exam in recent years. She could even slowly recite a long passage from the Fu on the Imperial Park.

“Rui Rui grew up with us,” she chatted cheerfully with me. “Rui Rui’s mom doesn’t have a good relationship with us. Only Rui Rui is close to us old couple. Now she’s busy with school, and we don’t see her often, maybe just a few times a month.”

I didn’t know how to respond, so I could only agree, saying, “I have a very good relationship with my own grandmother too. She often makes me good food.”

“Then you should visit your elder often,” she handed me a bottle of juice and took a sip of tea. “If you don’t like drinking this, I’ll have Rui Rui order takeout. This child has been staying with her parents lately, and she hasn’t had anything good to eat or drink. She must be miserable.”

Gao Rui was sitting on the swing not far away. Hearing her grandmother mention her, she tilted her head to look. Realizing her secrets were being revealed, she quickly buried her head, continuing to look at the flowers and trees in the courtyard, pretending not to hear anything.

“This child, your own classmate is here, why are you sitting so far away?” The old woman slowly moved closer in her wheelchair. “You loved this swing when you were little. Last year, I specifically asked your grandfather to hire someone to fix it. I knew you’d definitely sit on it when you came back.”

“She’s been taking care of me since I was born,” The nanny pushed Grandma toward the flower room for a change of scenery. Gao Rui remained still on the swing. “Yu Keyi, did Grandma just tell you that my mother and she don’t have a good relationship?”

“Mhm, it seemed like it.” I nodded vaguely. Being too curious about other people’s family affairs was impolite, and there wasn’t much else to talk about. “So, why is that?”

“Do you want to know?”

“Yes, so why?” The winter afternoon sun made one sleepy. I picked up a small stool and sat on the brick-paved ground.

“Because of my brother.”

“Hmm?”

“Grandma didn’t like my father. My mother insisted on marrying him. My grandmother also didn’t like my brother. She thought my mother had completely spoiled him useless. But my mother absolutely doted on him. They kept arguing,” Gao Rui swung her legs. “She thought my brother was useless, so she demanded my mother have another child. My mother didn’t want to, but she forced her to give birth. Later… after my mother gave birth to me, before I even reached one month old, she took me away and wouldn’t let us see each other.”

My mind, which had become cloudy from the warm sunshine, momentarily cleared. I pondered the relationships. I had thought the grandmother blamed her daughter for causing the death of her beloved grandson, leading to the generational conflict. It turned out to be the complete opposite.

It made sense. Judging from the environment of this house, the elderly woman must have been a successful elite before retirement. I couldn’t help but speculate that if she greatly valued her life’s work, she probably couldn’t bring herself to like a descendant who was spoiled beyond redemption and unable to inherit the family business.

“Grandma was a strong person when she was young. I was also forcefully required to take her surname, but my brother wasn’t,” Gao Rui rested her chin on her hands. “In her words, I am a child of the Gao family. Since my mother married out, she gave birth to a child with a different surname, so she’s not considered part of the family anymore. My brother has my dad’s surname, so he doesn’t count either.”

“It’s rare for a woman to have both money and authority…” I rambled along with Gao Rui’s words, but my mind was a jumble of thoughts. An image of a young, powerful female elite was already forming in my head.

“I think so too,” Gao Rui took the fruit and snacks the nanny had brought and shared them with me. “Yu Keyi, do you think I’ll follow my mother’s old path?”

“That’s for when you grow up. That’s still at least ten years away.”

The implication was that by the time she was old enough to make decisions, the old Mrs. Gao might no longer be able to interfere with her life.

I didn’t understand why she had suddenly invited me over today to talk about such an emotional topic. I felt a little anxious. Emotion is something you can’t grasp, and the same applies when it’s brought into a conversation.

“I believe you won’t.” That statement was sincere. Gao Rui and her mother had completely opposite personalities—one cold, one passionate. Gao Rui seemed even more rational and calm than her free-spirited mother, appearing much more reliable overall.

“You misunderstood what I meant. I wasn’t referring to my mother’s decision to marry and submit to another family. I meant…” Gao Rui looked confused. She never liked talking too much, but every sentence she spoke usually had a clear structure. Today, not only did she keep chatting with me endlessly, but she was also at a loss for words at a crucial moment. “Yu Keyi, have you thought about the future?”

“Huh?”

The sound of me shaking the snack bag attracted the calico cats on the wall. They meowed loudly, surrounded me, and when they realized it was a false alarm, they angrily turned and scurried over to the old woman to fawn and beg for food.

This topic was too vast for me. Before Yang Chun died, I thought about getting into university, finding a stable job, and bringing her to live with me. However, after she died, my life options suddenly increased—or rather, they became disorganized. I hadn’t even figured out how to handle my relationship with Yu Zhouwan, and I couldn’t gauge her happiness or unhappiness, so I could only take things one step at a time.

“What I mean is,” Gao Rui finally organized her thoughts, “if someone has done something wrong in the past, will it affect their future choices?” But even after saying it, the words were too vague. I blinked, not understanding if the “wrong thing” she referred to was a trivial matter like breaking dishes when she was little, or something else…

“Gao Rui, can I ask?” I looked into her eyes. They held the same usual, composed calm, but a truly dark suspicion that had just sprouted in my mind was growing wildly now, so much so that I forgot the phone in my pocket was buzzing. “Why did your brother commit suicide?”

“Rui Rui, go get some cat food for Grandma. Huahua brought her kittens. Oh, there are four… five little kittens here.” The old woman smiled kindly, as if the group of little cats, biting and chasing each other without a care, were her own grandchildren.

“Where did you go?” Yu Zhouwan asked me.

“Went out to play.”

“With her?”

I rubbed my nose guiltily.

“Mhm. Discussing preparations for the winter camp tomorrow.” I tried to explain clearly to her.

“I see. Do you need me to pick you up?”

“It’s too far. I’ll just take a taxi back.”

“Mhm.”

Gao Rui took a bag of cat food and poured it out for the kittens. The large, chirping group immediately fell silent.

When she returned to sit on the swing, she was cradling a sleeping calico kitten that looked almost exactly like its mother.

“Grandma really loves that calico cat. It’s so smart. We haven’t seen her for months, and now she’s brought back a litter of kittens.” Gao Rui rested her head on the back of the swing. The kitten was sound asleep, not waking up even as the swing swayed gently. It only stumbled down when its mother meowed anxiously looking for it. “My mother bought her a golden cat before, it cost over ten thousand, but Grandma didn’t like it. She thought it was dirty and gave it to a former colleague.”

“She probably just doesn’t like anything my mom gives her,” Gao Rui muttered to herself. “Their mother-daughter relationship has been strained for so many years. It might not be possible to reconcile it.”

“Was it related to your brother?”

“No. When my brother died, my mom cried very sadly. My grandma didn’t react much, but she did tell me to go check on my mom, which she usually never lets me do.”

“So your brother…?” I ventured to ask the question I was curious about again. “He committed suicide, right? Why?”

“No.”

But the news report said so. I recalled the snippet of the news I had glanced at during the performance, which roughly suggested that the mother was too overbearing and drove her son to death. That was the gist of it.

“It was because of me,” Gao Rui shrugged. “I killed him.”

She hugged the stumbling kitten that had returned to her lap, stroking its neck repeatedly. I thought, if she wanted to, she could snap its neck and kill it instantly.