To Covet (GL) - Chapter 9

The so-called hug was more like a mockery, like asking someone, “Do you like candy?” and the moment they nod, you pick a piece of candy covered in mud and garbage from the ground and shove it in their mouth.

My heart was racing. Everything happened in an instant. My subconscious thoughts took over my actions. I did what I had fantasized about, at the cost of not knowing how much strength she could muster out of fear. So I used the weight of my body to press her down, and her breathing gradually became a painful whimper.

Yu Zhouwan was destined to be disgusted and even hate me because I had pulled down her mask without any warning, trapping her in the shame of her unconventional sexuality.

“Yu Keyi, what is your problem?”

I let go of Yu Zhouwan, and she immediately jumped out of bed, her heels thudding on the floor.

Yu Zhouwan was adored by everyone, and of course, I secretly resented her. But after I discovered her secret and held her life in my hands, that jealousy suddenly felt light and insignificant. Ever since I saw her bare body—just a part of it—something else had started to surface in the undercurrent.

Yu Zhouwan didn’t run out. She stood by the bed, trying to continue to question me.

In that moment of blank, nervous thought, I remembered some irrelevant things. Ever since I met Yu Hanyang, I had been stripped of everything outside of the name “Yu Keyi.” As I lay in my spacious bed, I had long forgotten the sound of the leaking roof in my old apartment all night long. Of course, I hadn’t forgotten the days Yang Chun lay in her hospital bed, counting down the days of her life. Some lingering shadows from the past made me feel no guilt toward Yu Zhouwan.

I sat with my legs crossed.

Yu Zhouwan realized she had overreacted and suddenly calmed down. “Feng Jia and I had a conflict. It’s my own business. I really wasn’t happy she came. Where did you hear I was a lesbian?”

Of course, I saw it myself. I squeezed the skin on my knuckles.

“Why would you even think that?” she pressed. “Don’t misunderstand me. She and I are not a couple.”

She sat back down on the bed. The rising tide hadn’t caused a tsunami; it had quietly receded.

“How did you know?”

“Know what?”

“That I’m gay.”

“Oh,” I said, running a hand through the hair covering my eyes. “I saw it in a pop-up ad on a sketchy website. Do you believe that?”

Yu Zhouwan calmed down, hugged her pillow, and didn’t argue that she didn’t believe me.

I remembered Yu Zhouwan touching the red marks on her face that night and saying, “You’re the only person I can trust.” Sometimes, I had to admit that inheriting Yu Hanyang’s looks had its benefits. We could both use our harmless appearances to easily gain other people’s trust, even if we were suspected of being deceptive and offensive.

Yu Zhouwan turned off the light and tried to fall back asleep. I hugged her waist again, and I could feel her body go from relaxed to stiff instantly. If she was a live fish on a cutting board, the part you would cut now would be the toughest and most tasteless.

“Do you have to sleep this close to someone on such a hot day?” she asked, not directly telling me to leave. “If you’re cold, I can turn up the AC.”

Yu Hanyang cherished his daughter so much that he never gave her all the details about Yang Chun and me.

All Shi Yunya and her daughter knew was that Yu Hanyang had married and had a child in China, divorced early, and that the woman had died of a terminal illness. The woman only had a sick, old mother who could die at any moment, so Yu Hanyang had to raise the underage child. That was it.

It turned out that everyone who got involved with him would quietly rot away, I thought. I wondered what Yu Hanyang’s reaction would be if he knew that his precious, angelic daughter, Yu Zhouwan, was twisting like a water snake while having sex with someone—a woman. Would he grab her by the neck and call her a slut? Or would he go insane and smash everything in the house in front of her?

The thought of it made my temples throb with excitement.

Yu Zhouwan was curled up stiffly with her back to me. It was impossible to sleep soundly with another person next to you. I got up and stood by the bed, then I touched her hand. Before this series of movements was completed, she was completely awake.

“Yu Keyi?” Yu Zhouwan instinctively raised her hand to turn on the light but found that her wrist was grabbed and she couldn’t move. “What are you doing?”

The sky was just beginning to lighten. The numbers on the digital clock jumped.

I let her go. As she propped herself up and instinctively leaned toward the bedside table, I knelt on the bed, pushing her back until she had nowhere to retreat.

“Yu Zhouwan, are you afraid of being touched by other women?” I forced a smile that didn’t reach my eyes. “Do you react when other people touch you?”

She finally realized that this situation was beyond her control. “I don’t understand…” She shook her head. “Yu Keyi, are you crazy? You must be dreaming…”

Yu Zhouwan, with her messy hair, shrank in confusion until I put a small piece of photo paper in her hand.

“You were following me?”

Yu Zhouwan shot up, but I put my arm on her shoulder and pushed her back down, refusing to give her a chance to have a face-to-face conversation.

“Shh…” I put a finger to my lips. “You don’t want me to say anything, do you? So don’t wake them up, okay?”

To hold Yu Zhouwan down, I had to put all the weight of my upper body on my right forearm, which was pressing against her. My left hand propped me up on the bed. She stared at me with an empty look in her eyes, gasping for air. She probably never expected me to be so brutish and rough with her, and she struggled and resisted several times to no avail.

“I wasn’t following you. What are you thinking? It was a coincidence,” I said, getting closer to her face. Her gasping became less frequent, but the rising and falling of her chest showed her nervousness.

Clearly, Yu Zhouwan didn’t believe me.

“What did you see?”

“Do you want me to repeat the whole thing for you?” I didn’t want to answer such a pointless question.

“How long have you been following me? Since you got here? Yu Keyi, you…”

Most people would stop when they’re scolded or told to stop, but I had no morals. I never cared about what people liked or disliked. A little bit of contempt just made me want to do wrong again and again, trampling on other people’s boundaries and self-respect.

“Don’t guess. I’m not that bored,” I said, trying to catch any change of expression on her face. “Only Shi Yunya would believe the nonsense you make up every day. Yu Zhouwan, you’re a terrible liar. You should learn from me. The way you and Feng Jia were acting… if someone else had seen you, it wouldn’t have been as simple as just a photo.”

Even though the light outside wasn’t strong, I could see Yu Zhouwan’s face and the backs of her ears were completely red. She turned her head and closed her eyes. “I admit it. I am. So what? What are you trying to prove?”

“Oh, nothing much. I just wanted to let you know. That’s all.” Yu Zhouwan gave in too quickly. I thought she would have argued with me, but she immediately surrendered. This trump card was no longer as shocking as it should have been. “If you want to insult me, try to come up with some fresh words.”

My malicious taunt didn’t have any effect. I let go of her, and she didn’t raise her hand to slap me. She was still half-lying on the bed, as if she had used up all her strength in the struggle.

“Don’t tell anyone.”

“Make me an offer. If it’s a good one, of course I won’t tell anyone. Yu Hanyang isn’t a good person. It wouldn’t be good for either of us if I did.”

“Yu Keyi, you…”

I suddenly raised my hand and covered her mouth, pushing her back down and pulling the blanket over her head.

Footsteps moved from near to far. I heard the sound of keys, then the heavy sound of the front door closing.

Yu Zhouwan was completely pinned under me. She pushed me away with all her might.

“You’re disgusting.” Her voice was trembling. “I thought you…”

“You thought I was a poor orphan whose mom died? Do you really want to feel sorry for me?” I rubbed my shoulder where she pushed me, and I couldn’t help but click my tongue. “Think about it, Yu Zhouwan. Can I be more disgusting than you fooling around with your own teacher?”

“Yu Keyi, don’t show those photos to anyone,” she gritted out through her teeth. “She and I just… we didn’t even…” She couldn’t say the explicit words. Her ears couldn’t get any redder.

I tilted my head. The flush on Yu Zhouwan’s face spread to her eyes, turning into tears that wavered on the brink of spilling over.

“Yu Zhouwan, you’re so beautiful,” I said, ignoring her shame and anger. I raised my hand and touched her tear-streaked face.

“I want to play with you.”