Chapter 38

Once Gu Yi’an left, Shen Juan was the only one remaining in the long corridor.

The lights were dim, and the night was silent. She walked toward her own room. When she passed in front of Gu Shuge’s door, her steps paused.

They had shared this tacit understanding for so long. Starting tomorrow night, they would enter a new stage.

Shen Juan turned, opened Gu Shuge’s door, and walked inside.

Gu Shuge had already fallen asleep. A lamp had been left on at the head of the bed, dimly illuminating that small square of space. Shen Juan lightened her steps and sat down by the bed.

Gu Shuge lay flat, eyes closed, her cheeks slightly flushed from sleep. Shen Juan looked at her and could even feel the tenderness in her heart welling up like warm spring water.

In truth, she knew that after she confessed, the way she and Gu Shuge got along probably would not change much. After all, they had already lived under the same roof for eighteen years, and their way of interacting had long since taken shape.

But Shen Juan was still looking forward to it. She looked forward to Gu Shuge’s surprised expression tomorrow night, looked forward to her blushing as she said yes, looked forward to a day in the future when they would put wedding rings on Read on BaiLianTales each other, looked forward to spending this life supporting each other through hardship and staying together without ever parting.

She stroked Gu Shuge’s face, her gaze falling on her lips. As if possessed, she kissed her on the lips.

No matter how moved she had been before, she had never once done anything that crossed the line. But tonight, perhaps because tomorrow they would officially become lovers, or perhaps because she had long wanted to do this and could not bear to wait even one more day, she failed to restrain herself.

When Shen Juan left, she even thought that in the future, when Xiao Ge kissed her and blushed while saying it was her first kiss, and Shen Juan told her about tonight, Xiao Ge might even feel proud of the influence she had over her.

And then? Shen Juan left the room, gently closed the door, and continued thinking. Then Xiao Ge would definitely confess her love to her countless times, proving that her love was definitely no less than Shen Juan’s.

Xiao Ge was like that. She had never been willing to let Shen Juan suffer a loss.

The next day was an autumn day that seemed very ordinary.

Shen Juan first went to the company early in the morning. Originally, she had planned to go straight from the company to the restaurant at the agreed time. But that day, no matter how she looked at her clothes, she felt dissatisfied. So she simply pushed everything back by a day and went home to change.

After she changed, the restaurant called.

“Miss Shen, there was one thing we forgot to confirm last night. Could you tell us what flowers you would like for the bouquet at dinner?” the manager hurriedly confirmed.

Shen Juan actually found this difficult. In her memory, Xiao Ge did not seem to have any particular preference when it came to flowers. But it was still early, so she simply went to the study and had the restaurant send over the options, then chose carefully.

At that time, she still did not know that these exquisite, splendid bouquets would all have no fate with Gu Shuge. The first bouquet she would ever give her in this life would be four years later, on a winter day—a bouquet of white daisies she personally cut from the flower room and placed beside Gu Shuge’s remains.

She chose very seriously, so seriously that she did not even notice when Gu Yi’an came back.

“What are you looking at?” Gu Yi’an leaned against the doorway and asked.

Shen Juan was startled by the interruption. Seeing it was him, she smiled and said, “Come help me look. Which kind of flowers would Xiao Ge like?”

How would Straight Man Gu know what kind of flowers his younger sister would like? But he still walked over, intending to help her choose. Yet the moment he saw all the pictures on the computer screen, his eyes blurred.

“Aren’t these all the same?” Straight Man Gu could not tell the difference between Chinese roses and roses. He did not Read on BaiLianTales know that roses came in many colors, nor did he know what differences flowers like lilacs, lilies, tulips, and daffodils had besides their names.

Shen Juan knew then that she should not have held any hope for him and helplessly continued choosing by herself.

“The color of the tulips is a little better, and the arrangement is beautiful too, but it isn’t suitable for Xiao Ge. This daffodil is said to be a newly cultivated variety, and it hasn’t even had time to acquire a flower meaning yet. Would using it give a sense of exclusivity?” Shen Juan looked while speaking.

After she finished speaking, she did not hear anything for a long while. Puzzled, she looked over and saw Gu Yi’an smiling at her. He asked, “You finally can’t hold back anymore?”

Shen Juan’s ears heated. She nodded. Then, before Gu Yi’an could tease her, she looked back at the screen and all those choices, saying, “This is really troubling.”

Gu Yi’an’s smile was gentle. Everything was getting better. Once the group stabilized too, the three of them could live very happily. When he married in the future, he could have several more children and even adopt one to Xiao Ge. But with medicine so advanced these days, it would not be difficult for the two of them to have one themselves either.

Once he thought this, his longing for a stable life grew even stronger.

Gu Yi’an looked at Shen Juan, brought up the old matter again, and said with a smile, “Why don’t you marry me, then?”

Shen Juan was not surprised that he had still not given up on the idea. The Gu family members were all somewhat bailiantales.com stubborn. But today, she only wanted to think about the confession at dinner. Her gaze fell on the flowers, still unable to decide. Helplessly, she looked toward Gu Yi’an. “Can you take my troubles seriously?”

Gu Yi’an wanted to persuade her to relent. “I am serious. I’ve thought about it for a long time. You marry me, and I marry you. This is the best choice.”

“Yi’an…”

“We’re family to begin with. Marrying me will only make our relationship even closer, that’s all. Nothing else will change. Think about it. Are you repulsed by me?” He pressed on, continuing to persuade her.

Shen Juan’s attention was all on the flowers, and she did not want to be distracted for the time being. But a Gu family member’s stubbornness would not easily change direction, so she could only deal with him first. Looking at Gu Yi’an, she said, “I’ll think about it.”

Gu Yi’an was pleasantly surprised and immediately said, “Then think about it. Once you have an answer, tell me right away. As for Xiao Ge, I’ll talk to her.”

At last, Shen Juan could quietly choose flowers. She smiled and nodded.

Gu Yi’an still had things to do, so he stood and left first.

What kind would Xiao Ge like in the end?

Shen Juan chose for a long time and ultimately selected daffodils. She thought she would buy this variety from its breeder and let Xiao Ge decide both its name and its flower meaning.

After making her choice, she glanced at the time, took out her phone, and sent Gu Shuge a WeChat message: “Where are you? Is the road congested?”

She was also preparing to leave.

But Gu Shuge did not reply for a long time, which made Shen Juan somewhat puzzled. Xiao Ge had always replied to her messages instantly. Unless something had happened, she would not delay.

At this time, her classes should already be over. Had something held her up?

As Shen Juan was thinking, her phone screen lit up with a new message. She opened it and saw that it was from Gu Shuge. A few simple words appeared on the WeChat interface, yet Shen Juan froze.

“I have something to do. I’m not coming back,” Gu Shuge replied.

The bouquet pictures had not yet been closed and were lying coldly on the screen. Shen Juan could not quite react. Only afterward did a faint disappointment rise in her heart.

She was an adult. When faced with changes, she had long since developed the ability to respond calmly. So the disappointment in her heart was only a little.

It seemed the confession had to be postponed. Shen Juan sighed softly. Without even realizing it herself, that tiny bit of disappointment expanded without limit, filling her chest.

She had to go take a look. Perhaps after Xiao Ge finished being busy, there would still be time. Shen Juan still very much wanted to settle their relationship today.

Thinking this, she stood, walked out of the house, and drove toward the university.

She sat in the car and waited outside the school gate for two hours, staring without blinking at the students entering and leaving.

Of course a university could not have only one gate, but Gu Shuge had always used this one. Shen Juan gradually began to panic. She herself did not know where this panic came from. It was as if some kind of premonition had arisen in her subconscious.

She took out her phone and called Gu Shuge. No one answered. Shen Juan hung up very quickly and continued staring at the school gate, placing her hopes on Gu Shuge walking out from inside.

She waited another hour. Gu Shuge did not appear.

They had agreed yesterday. Xiao Ge had said she had a very, very important surprise for her. She had been looking forward to tonight’s meeting, so she could not possibly suddenly not come.

Even if something had truly happened and she really could not come, Xiao Ge would definitely call her and explain. She could not, could not simply send her one cold WeChat sentence saying she was not coming.

Shen Juan got out of the car and dialed Gu Shuge’s number again. She had many guesses, but each one was like a brief meteor, flashing past and disappearing.

There was still no answer on the other end. This time, she did not hang up and kept waiting. When the call was about to disconnect automatically, it connected.

No one spoke on the other end.

Shen Juan pressed her lips together and called her name. “Xiao Ge?”

There was no response.

Shen Juan bit her lip and carefully called again. This time, there was a response.

“Mm.” Gu Shuge’s voice came through, soft, like a little kitten.

Just hearing her voice made Shen Juan’s clenched heart relax. She smiled and asked, “Are you done with your work? I’m waiting outside your school.”

Aside from Shen Juan, the only things Xiao Ge cared about were matters related to her studies. So when she said she had something to do, Shen Juan had gone directly to the school to wait for her. But school had not started long ago. No matter what important thing it was, it should be finished by now, right?

She waited for Gu Shuge’s answer, but the other side fell silent again.

The smile on Shen Juan’s face gradually faded. She sensed that something was wrong and asked with concern, “Why aren’t you speaking?”

“I…” Gu Shuge spoke haltingly. “I’m fine.”

Shen Juan abruptly closed her eyes. Xiao Ge’s voice carried tears. An image appeared in her mind: the scene last night when she had quietly entered Xiao Ge’s room and kissed her.

Could it be that Xiao Ge had been awake then?

She took a deep breath and forced herself to calm down. “What happened to you?”

Only after a long while did the other side answer, “I miss Mom and Dad.”

That sentence was false. Shen Juan did not need to guess much to judge that, because Xiao Ge’s tone was rushed and guilty. But before Shen Juan could say anything more, the call ended.

The other side had hung up.

She was avoiding her. Shen Juan realized it.

She gripped her phone tightly. Waves of cold spread through her body. Fear and panic surged into her heart. She had never been so afraid before.

She had to quickly find Xiao Ge. She thought, Once she found Xiao Ge, she would know everything.

She called someone and had them go home to see whether Gu Shuge was there. At the same time, she ​Read on BaiLianTales​contacted Gu Shuge’s classmates to ask whether she was at school.

But school had only just started, and no one knew anyone well. Gu Shuge also did not like interacting with classmates, so surprisingly, no one knew where she had gone.

Shen Juan grew more and more panicked. Just as she was about to arrange for people to search for Gu Shuge, the household called and said Miss was at home.

She drove back home and went straight to Gu Shuge’s bedroom.

Gu Shuge was lying in bed, the quilt covering her entire body as she lay with her back toward the door.

Shen Juan hesitated at once. But she still walked over. Once she was close, she again did not know how to respond. She began, “You…” In the end, concern gained the upper hand. She asked gently, “If you have something on your mind, say it. We’ll think of a way together.”

Gu Shuge held down the edge of the quilt, refusing to let go. “It’s nothing. Let me stay quiet for a while.”

She was rejecting her. Shen Juan froze helplessly, her panic growing more and more obvious. Her mind was in chaos, filled entirely with images of Xiao Ge smiling at her in the past.

“I want to be with Sister.”

“I just want to spend a little more time with you.”

“I really have a very, very important surprise for you. You’ll definitely like it.”

“Let me follow you. I won’t make trouble. I just want to be able to see you.”

“Sister, you’re so beautiful.”

Gu Shuge’s shy and smiling appearances kept surfacing before Shen Juan’s eyes.

She felt as though her life was about to be completely destroyed. Shen Juan clenched her fists, yet could not make a single sound.

After who knew how long, Gu Shuge lifted the quilt herself and came out. Shen Juan’s heart tightened. Then she met Gu Shuge’s surprised, helpless eyes.

She thought Shen Juan had left. Even at a time like this, Shen Juan could still instinctively infer Gu Shuge’s emotions from the smallest details.

She wanted to fight for it once more. She thought that perhaps she was overthinking it, and Xiao Ge had encountered something else. So she softened her tone and asked with all the gentleness she could manage, “What’s wrong? Is there something you can’t tell Sister?”

The moment her words fell, Gu Shuge looked at her, tears streaming down without stop. Her expression mixed disappointment, sadness, and pain. Her eyes were red and swollen; one glance was enough to know she had cried for a long time.

Shen Juan wiped her tears. Gu Shuge did not avoid her. She asked, “Why?”

Shen Juan’s heart felt as if it were being gnawed by insects and ants. At first it was a dense, prickling pain, and then the pain turned violent. She could not answer. She could only help Gu Shuge wipe her tears.

Gu Shuge did not ask again, nor did she avoid her. Reluctance surged in her red, swollen eyes. Shen Juan could not bear to look, so she covered Gu Shuge’s eyes. Then she felt Gu Shuge’s eyes close beneath her palm, and tears slid down with it.

Why?

Shen Juan wanted to ask too. So it turned out she had misunderstood everything.

Although she had been helpless and distressed that night, she had not yet reached despair. She thought that once [bailiantales.com]Xiao Ge’s emotions settled, she would properly talk with her.

She truly liked her. Could Xiao Ge give her a chance? If she could not accept it for now, Shen Juan could wait.

But she had never imagined that this soft little thing, who had always followed her and said, “I just want to spend a little more time with you,” could hurt someone so mercilessly.

Gu Shuge avoided her, stopped appearing anywhere Shen Juan might appear, left early and returned late every day, or simply did not come home at all. She never came to the company to look for Shen Juan again.

Only with great difficulty did Shen Juan finally block her at the school gate. Gu Shuge was walking with classmates, looking as if she was about to go have fun.

Shen Juan walked forward. When she saw the shock on Gu Shuge’s face, she truly felt humiliated.

The feelings between girls could not withstand too much thought. If examined carefully, everything was intimate and inseparable, as though it were love. But if examined even more carefully, it also seemed to have nothing to do with love.

When she thought back on those intimate gestures from the past, they all seemed merely like heart-to-heart closeness between family. From beginning to end, she had been the one who misunderstood.

“I want to talk to you,” she said to Gu Shuge.

Gu Shuge turned her head away, as if she did not dare look at her. That action stabbed Shen Juan hard.

That night, when Shen Juan kissed her, how disgusted must Gu Shuge have been for her to find it difficult even to face Shen Juan like this now?

Shen Juan lowered her head, nearly pleading. “Just for a little while.”

Gu Shuge, who had just been afraid to look at her, immediately looked at her in flustered helplessness and said, “Sister, I’ll go with you.” She was still soft, unable to withstand Shen Juan’s pleading. She walked to Shen Juan’s side, looking at her with a gentle gaze, as though completely undefended, completely trusting her.

Shen Juan barely curved her lips and brought her to a nearby restaurant.

Neither of them spoke along the way. Shen Juan looked toward Gu Shuge from time to time, but Gu Shuge avoided her gaze the entire time.

When they arrived at the restaurant and sat down, the first thing Gu Shuge said was, “I’m planning to study abroad.”