After She Fell for Me, I Lost My Memory (GL) - Chapter 33

Qin Ran and Xu Fengwan felt that Cen Luo was very strange today. Everything they did seemed wrong in her eyes.

The food they bought was either too salty or too bland. In the three-person setting, Qin Ran and Xu Fengwan were like a two-person comedy act, while Cen Luo just stared at them with a particularly strange look, not joining the conversation.

An entire morning passed. When it was finally time for their lunch break, the two wanted Cen Luo to take a proper nap. Instead, Cen Luo didn’t close her eyes. She stared at the two of them with wide eyes, not blinking once.

Qin Ran and Xu Fengwan were already feeling guilty because they had secretly deleted all of Jian Mu’s related content from Cen Luo’s phone.

Now that Cen Luo had been staring at them for so long, they felt even more uneasy.

Qin Ran finally couldn’t hold it in anymore and asked Cen Luo directly: “Xiao Luo, you’ve been staring at us all morning. What is it?”

Cen Luo bit her lip and countered: “What do you think?”

Qin Ran and Xu Fengwan exchanged glances, seeing the same question in each other’s eyes: Did she find out?

After Qin Ran and Cen Luo talked about Jian Mu before, Cen Luo had been very obedient and hadn’t asked them about Jian Mu.

What suddenly happened now?

“Are you two hiding something from me?”

Seeing that the two of them were looking at each other and seemed unwilling to speak, Cen Luo prompted them.

After Cen Luo said that, the two of them realized that Cen Luo might have indeed found out that they had touched her phone.

“I searched for Jian Mu on my phone today, and there were no traces of her. No pictures, no chat logs, nothing.”

Cen Luo looked at the two of them, trying to make her point clearer.

Previously, Cen Luo hadn’t searched for any traces of Jian Mu on her phone because she wasn’t interested.

A person, whether liked or disliked, should always leave something behind.

For example, she could still search for the records of the colleague she had an issue with, as Qin Ran had told her.

There are so many people with the surname Jian, and so many words that can be formed with Mu (慕), yet those two characters did not appear even once in her chat history.

It was as if someone had done it intentionally.

Cen Luo didn’t directly question Qin Ran and Xu Fengwan at first because, although she didn’t think she was the kind of person who would delete things so thoroughly, it was possible to change over ten years, so Cen Luo hesitated.

The two of them were acting increasingly strange, which made Cen Luo realize that the two of them might have touched her phone.

Qin Ran was stunned when she heard that. She pursed her lips, then finally said: “I’m sorry, Xiao Luo. I did touch your phone. I deleted the contents inside.”

Seeing Qin Ran confess, Xu Fengwan immediately said: “Qin Ran and I discussed this. It might have been presumptuous, but it was the most beneficial way we could think of for you.”

Cen Luo didn’t understand why the two of them had to erase all traces of Jian Mu, as if leaving even a tiny trace would be detrimental to her.

“What was the reason?”

Qin Ran had originally decided not to tell Cen Luo anything about Jian Mu anymore.

But Cen Luo’s attitude was firm. She stared straight at them and asked, “Xiao Ran, Fengwan, we grew up together. You two are the only people I can completely trust.”

Cen Luo paused, then said, “Are you going to deceive me too?”

From the moment Cen Luo woke up until today, Cen Luo had never doubted Qin Ran and Xu Fengwan’s words.

If she couldn’t even trust Qin Ran and Xu Fengwan, Cen Luo didn’t know what she would do.

Despite trying to put on a brave face, she was filled with fear and worry about the world she suddenly woke up to.

Seeing Cen Luo’s momentary lapse of composure, Qin Ran felt a pang of guilt and overturned her previous decision.

She decided to tell Cen Luo about the past, wanting Cen Luo to make her own decision.

Compared to Qin Ran’s previous attitude when discussing Jian Mu, she was much more objective now.

However, some things, when viewed from an outsider’s perspective, cannot have the damage reduced just by an objective description.

Cen Luo was silent for a long time after hearing Qin Ran’s words.

Looking at her past actions from an outsider’s perspective, the word “crazy” wasn’t enough to express her feelings.

The first time Qin Ran exaggerated and spoke about Jian Mu, she directly conveyed her anger. With 100% trust, Cen Luo also unhesitatingly believed Qin Ran and felt the anger she conveyed.

But this time was different. After hearing the description of the past ten years, Cen Luo only felt a hint of sadness and a faint sense of being unworthy in her heart.

Unworthy of herself.

She was no longer the Cen Luo who was almost crazily in love with Jian Mu back then, so she felt that what she did was not worth it.

The reason why Qin Ran hadn’t gone into detail about what Cen Luo did to Jian Mu before was that she was worried Cen Luo would remember those things after hearing it.

The doctor had mentioned that familiar scenes and events might trigger Cen Luo’s subconscious, thereby promoting memory recovery.

“It sounds like I really liked her, so I ignored the rules and rushed into her class to be her deskmate. I must have trusted her a lot too, which is why I dared to go to the travel destination she wanted without booking a hotel.”

Cen Luo chuckled softly at this point: “In ten years, I’ve become so impressive.”

Qin Ran couldn’t read Cen Luo’s emotions and didn’t know how she felt after hearing those words.

Will she still like Jian Mu again?

“But Xiao Luo, what I told you about your birthday wish wasn’t a lie, and before the car accident, you confided in me that you wanted to try to stop liking her.”

Qin Ran was very worried that Cen Luo would go down the same path again.

“Was it for her own good?” Cen Luo suddenly looked up and asked.

Qin Ran was stunned. She didn’t understand how Cen Luo knew this. The chat logs had been deleted by her. Cen Luo shouldn’t know about this.

“I guessed.” Cen Luo saw Qin Ran’s confusion, smiled, and explained.

This morning, when Cen Luo exited Weibo, she saw a small red dot in the “likes” section.

She clicked on it and found that someone had liked a comment she made a month ago.

—If you could go back ten years, what would you say to your younger self?

—Like Jian Mu a little more, and never let her be sad.

The same question, two completely different answers.

When Zhao Zhao came to see her this morning, she asked Zhao Zhao what a “draft” was.

Zhao Zhao said that comments or posts that were not posted or failed to send would be automatically added to the drafts when you went back.

The time of the comment in the draft was one minute earlier than the time of the comment that was posted.

That is to say, at the time the comment was posted, she had hesitated, but in the end, she still decided to love Jian Mu a little more.

She sighed inwardly. It seemed that her past self really liked Jian Mu.

Xu Fengwan listened silently on the side. She only knew a part of what happened in high school and university. Furthermore, because their colleges were far apart, sometimes she and Cen Luo didn’t see each other for days in university.

She knew Cen Luo had done a lot for Jian Mu, but she didn’t know she had done so much.

“Xiao Luo, you probably won’t like Jian Mu anymore, right?” Xu Fengwan asked tentatively.

In the past, she thought that as long as Cen Luo was happy, she couldn’t stop her from liking Jian Mu. But now, Xu Fengwan suddenly felt that the only person she could truly trust was herself.

Perhaps only she would spoil Cen Luo unconditionally. Compared to others, Xu Fengwan felt that she was more confident in making Cen Luo happy.

“She did love Jian Mu very much, but she didn’t love herself.” Cen Luo tugged at the corner of her mouth, looked at the two of them, and took a deep breath. “I’m not her. The person I love most is myself.”

Seeing Cen Luo’s attitude, Qin Ran and Xu Fengwan finally let out a sigh of relief.

Cen Luo didn’t mention the matter of them deleting her phone records again. She just said she wanted to be alone.

Then Qin Ran and Xu Fengwan left the ward.

Cen Luo lay on the bed, closed her eyes for a while, but found that she couldn’t fall asleep.

No one can be blamed. It was all her own choice.

After a few minutes, Cen Luo opened her eyes again, stared at the ceiling for a while, and then sat up from the bed.

To the right of the ward was a row of glass windows. The view from the 18th floor allowed her to see the garden downstairs.

Cen Luo had gone to the garden twice before to get some fresh air. Later, she was too lazy to walk, so she didn’t go for a walk in the garden anymore.

There was a fountain in the garden. In front of the fountain were a few long benches where people who were tired of walking would sit and rest.

Cen Luo’s eyes scanned the garden and suddenly stopped in front of the fountain.

There were two girls on the lawn, who looked to be in their early twenties. They were most likely a couple.

Because Cen Luo saw one of the girls lightly peck the cheek of the other girl, who was in a wheelchair.

The girl in the wheelchair was holding a bubble machine and blowing bubbles. Under the sun, the colors of the bubbles became iridescent.

All the bubbles the girl blew floated toward the other girl.

The girl looked very happy, grinning at the other person.

The scene was beautiful, whether it was when they were standing close together or when the iridescent bubbles floated away in the wind under the sun.

Cen Luo was so engrossed in watching that she unconsciously smiled along with their interaction.

Suddenly, a disobedient bubble seemed to have a mind of its own and floated farther than the previous bubbles.

Cen Luo’s eyes were drawn to it, wanting to see where it would eventually land.

At the end of the broken bubble, Cen Luo saw a familiar figure.

Her smile suddenly disappeared.

Jian Mu was standing there. Following her gaze, Cen Luo saw that the place Jian Mu was staring at was those two girls.

Does Jian Mu like this kind of thing too?

She was so engrossed in watching.

Cen Luo found Jian Mu to be very strange. She had been standing outside the door for almost a week, and during that time, she only came in once when Cen Luo was asleep.

That time, Cen Luo happened to wake up. She was startled when she saw Jian Mu standing by her bed and asked her what she wanted.

Jian Mu said she wanted to see her.

Cen Luo felt speechless and told her to go out and not just come in whenever she wanted.

Sometimes, she thought Jian Mu was quite silly.

Now she realized that the silliest person was herself.

Jian Mu was probably just not used to it, just like in university.

When her heart wasn’t clouded by feelings, Cen Luo could easily see the truth of things.

Cen Luo sighed. They say a fool has a fool’s luck. Perhaps this car accident had become a blessing for her?

Because when she heard about Jian Mu, Cen Luo’s mood wasn’t affected. She could rationally analyze what she would do now if those things had happened.

When she came back to her senses, the two girls blowing bubbles were nowhere to be found, and Jian Mu was no longer in her previous spot.

Cen Luo returned to her hospital bed, ready to close her eyes and rest for a while.

This time, Cen Luo fell asleep quickly. When she woke up, it was an hour later.

Cen Luo stretched and then got out of bed, ready to go out and get some fresh air.

Cen Luo had just walked to the elevator when she heard a ding sound. The elevator had stopped exactly on her floor.

Cen Luo had originally wanted to run over and press the elevator button, but Jian Mu walked out of the elevator.

Seeing her, Jian Mu casually pressed the down button on the other elevator next to her.

“This elevator is going up.”

Jian Mu suddenly spoke.

Cen Luo looked at the elevator’s floor indicator and saw that it was indeed going up.

Without answering Jian Mu, Cen Luo walked to the other elevator.

Jian Mu, who had just come out of the up elevator, didn’t leave. Instead, she stood next to Cen Luo.

“Are you going to the dental clinic?”

Jian Mu asked again.

Cen Luo didn’t answer. In fact, Cen Luo could hear that Jian Mu’s voice was deliberately lowered. Cen Luo had heard Jian Mu’s voice before. It was clear and cold. But this time, it was a little gentle.

To be honest, using “gentle” to describe Jian Mu felt a little out of character for Cen Luo. Whether it was the descriptions of Jian Mu from others or her own perception, Jian Mu and “gentle” didn’t really go together.

Even though she could hear the deliberate gentleness in her voice, Cen Luo didn’t say anything.

Before was before, now is now. Not to mention Jian Mu, even she herself didn’t like her former self.

In a little while, the elevator arrived on their floor.

Cen Luo felt Jian Mu enter the elevator with her.

Cen Luo pressed the first floor button.

Jian Mu was standing to her left. When Cen Luo slightly turned her face, she saw Jian Mu’s hand hide behind her back.

For some reason, at that moment, Cen Luo thought of a child secretly hiding a toy, afraid of being discovered.

But it was only for a moment. Jian Mu wouldn’t hide toys, and she wasn’t a child.

Cen Luo didn’t look at Jian Mu anymore after that.

Cen Luo didn’t go to the dental clinic as Jian Mu had expected. Instead, she walked toward the garden.

There were many patients in hospital gowns in the garden, as well as family members accompanying them.

The rare sunshine in winter was warm and comfortable.

There was a rockery next to the fountain, and in front of the rockery were two long benches. Not far from the benches were a few children, about seven or eight years old, squatting on the ground playing.

Cen Luo scanned the garden, then sat down on the bench in front of the rockery.

Normally, Cen Luo didn’t like overly noisy children, but now it felt a little too quiet being alone here. Listening to the children’s noise might be more comfortable.

Everyone has their own life. It was impossible for them to be with her all the time.

Not just now, but also in the future.

So, Cen Luo had to adapt quickly.

Perhaps the weather was too nice. Cen Luo sighed in her heart.

Jian Mu was standing not far from her.

Cen Luo didn’t talk to Jian Mu, and her gaze wasn’t even on her.

It was as if she didn’t exist at all.

Jian Mu stood behind Cen Luo. Her left hand moved slightly, and her right hand suddenly reached into her pocket.

Jian Mu saw Cen Luo sitting alone on the bench in a daze. She hesitated for a few seconds, then walked to Cen Luo’s side.

The sunlight was suddenly blocked. Cen Luo frowned slightly and looked up at Jian Mu’s face.

In fact, just looking at her face, Jian Mu was indeed quite beautiful. The mole on the corner of her eye was like a beautiful accent, both cold and alluring.

However, she was really not her type.

If it wasn’t because of pity, then why did she like her?

Qin Ran said she didn’t know, and Cen Luo certainly wouldn’t know.

“I want to give you something.”

Suddenly, Cen Luo heard Jian Mu’s voice.

Cen Luo was a little confused. She didn’t know what Jian Mu wanted to do.

After a few seconds, Cen Luo saw Jian Mu’s left hand reach out from behind her. In her hand was a blue object that looked like a water gun.

But after looking closely again, Cen Luo realized that she had seen this object before. It was the bubble machine that the couple in the garden was playing with just now.

Cen Luo was stunned for a second. Jian Mu suddenly shoved the bubble machine into her hand.

Then she saw Jian Mu fumble in her pocket again, and a pink and an orange bubble machine suddenly appeared in her hand.

Cen Luo then realized that the pockets on both sides of the red wool coat Jian Mu was wearing today seemed to be bulging.

The coat was loose and had a unique design, so unless you looked closely, you wouldn’t be able to tell that it was filled with things.

Then she saw Jian Mu place all the bubble machines on the empty spot next to her.

Cen Luo: “?”

In less than a moment, she saw Jian Mu take out two more bubble machines of different shapes.

Cen Luo: “?”

What was she doing? Was she a bubble machine wholesaler?

Did she see the couple having fun and then buy them to start a business in the hospital garden?

“These two seem to be able to blow out heart-shaped bubbles, and the water is special. The colors will be more vibrant.”

The last two machines seemed to be manual bubble blowers, requiring you to blow them yourself.

Cen Luo looked at Jian Mu and didn’t say anything for a moment.

“There are only these colors. I don’t know which one you would like.”

So she bought all of them.

Cen Luo automatically completed the rest of Jian Mu’s unspoken sentence in her mind.

In an instant, Cen Luo was speechless.

This time, it wasn’t just that she didn’t want to talk to Jian Mu. She was speechless because of her actions.

She didn’t understand why she bought so many bubble machines for her.

Just as she was about to get up and leave, Cen Luo suddenly remembered the couple she had seen an hour ago.

So, was Jian Mu trying to coax her with these bubble machines?

Cen Luo completely stopped her movement to get up. She suddenly looked at Jian Mu, opened her mouth, but couldn’t think of anything to say.

Should she ask if she was crazy?

Or scold her and ask what she was doing?

At this moment, Cen Luo suddenly stopped thinking.

The atmosphere between the two of them became more silent than before.

The sound of children’s laughter came from her ears. Cen Luo looked away.

She wasn’t thinking about anything, and she didn’t know what she should be thinking about.

She was disgusted with the past, but she maintained respect for it.

That was all her own choice, and it was only respect.

Now, she had no love or hatred for Jian Mu.

After a long time, Cen Luo didn’t reply. Seeing that she looked away and was lost in thought, Jian Mu lowered her head and looked at the bubble machine in her hand.

She pressed the button for a long time, and bubbles suddenly came out of the nozzle, floating in the air under the sun.

Jian Mu slightly moved her lips and whispered to herself: “It’s very pretty.”

Cen Luo slightly narrowed her eyes, using her hand to block the sun that wasn’t too harsh.

She looked at the children playing nearby and softly said, “Give them to the kids.”

Hearing Cen Luo’s sudden reply, Jian Mu subconsciously looked down at her. However, Cen Luo’s gaze was not on her.

But a little unrestrainable joy rose in Jian Mu’s heart.

After she spoke, Cen Luo got up, ready to go back to the ward.

Jian Mu followed Cen Luo’s instructions and gave the bubble machines to the playing children.

When she looked back, she saw that Cen Luo was already quite far from her.

Jian Mu quickly caught up, standing less than half a meter away from Cen Luo, and waited for the elevator with her.

Perhaps Cen Luo’s words just now gave Jian Mu a little more confidence. She opened her mouth and asked:

“Are you being discharged tomorrow?”

“Mhm.”

Her voice was barely audible.

Cen Luo suddenly remembered Qin Ran’s words. Her relationship with Jian Mu used to be like this.

She would ask, and Jian Mu would answer. Each reply was very short.

But now, their roles were reversed.

Jian Mu was the one talking a lot, and she was the cold one.

Cen Luo found it a little funny. It must be because she didn’t love her, which is why she could be so cold.

Just like now, she didn’t love Jian Mu, so even if Jian Mu said a lot of things, she could pretend not to hear her. Even if she replied, she could just use a few words to brush her off.

Love and not love. The difference in treatment is huge.

“Can I pick you up from the hospital tomorrow?”

Jian Mu’s attitude today was very strange. Besides her deliberately lowered voice and tone, everything she said seemed to have a questioning tone, as if she wanted to hear Cen Luo’s opinion.

Just then, the elevator arrived on the first floor. Cen Luo didn’t answer Jian Mu’s question. Instead, she walked straight into the elevator.

There were quite a few people going up now, and the traffic was heavy. Cen Luo stood in the corner, and Jian Mu stood next to her, blocking some of the crowded people for her.

Jian Mu’s perfume smelled quite good, at least better than other strange scents. And Jian Mu was standing properly, leaving a small distance between them.

So Cen Luo didn’t move.

The atmosphere at this moment was not suitable for conversation. Jian Mu didn’t ask anymore and just slightly turned her face to look at Cen Luo on the side.

She saw that Cen Luo’s head was slightly lowered. Her eyes were fixed on her toes, and the tips of her feet were moving slightly.

It was very cute.

After a while, Jian Mu suddenly remembered that this seemed to be a small movement Cen Luo often made.

The elevator was fast. It reached the eighteenth floor in no time.

Jian Mu followed Cen Luo out of the elevator.

“Can I pick you up from the hospital tomorrow?”

Jian Mu asked again.

Cen Luo didn’t want to answer. Could she? Definitely not.

However, Jian Mu suddenly said another sentence: “I want to take you somewhere.”

When they were near the ward, Cen Luo stopped when she heard this. She could guess that the place Jian Mu wanted to take her must be a place that would help her regain her memory.

Seeing Cen Luo stop, Jian Mu thought Cen Luo was waiting for her to tell her where she was taking her.

So she said, “How about we go to our old house?”

Listening closely, Cen Luo could hear a hint of anticipation in Jian Mu’s voice.

It was useless. It was really useless.

“Jian Mu,” Cen Luo suddenly called out her name.

It had been a long time since Cen Luo had called her name. Jian Mu was stunned for a moment.

Even just those two simple words made Jian Mu feel a slight change in her heart.

It was very joyful.

“I’m not the Cen Luo I used to be, and I don’t want to regain memories that are not friendly to me.”

Seeing Jian Mu about to speak, Cen Luo said, as if she had guessed her thoughts: “I’ve heard everything about the past. Even if I know everything, I still don’t want to regain my memory.”

“It’s good like this now. If you do any more inexplicable things, I’ll just make you…”

Sad.

Cen Luo didn’t say these two words because it sounded a little inexplicable.

It might be because she didn’t love Jian Mu anymore.

However, after hearing her words, Jian Mu still insisted on saying, “Can I pick you up from the hospital tomorrow?”

Maybe she didn’t explain herself clearly enough, Cen Luo thought.

“Address,” Cen Luo said.

Then she would go once and settle everything.