Appearing on a Marriage Show Before Getting Divorced - Chapter 36

Ruan Youran exerted strength in her hands, and as Chu Nian was slammed against the wall, she was startled and flustered. Looking up, she met Ruan Youran’s bloodshot eyes. Youran’s hand was pressed against Chu Nian’s collarbone as she spoke through gritted teeth: “Say it. Say you were wrong!”

The fierce voice was underscored by falling tears.

Chu Nian noticed that Youran’s shirt was different from the one she wore when she left. Initially feeling cold and wanting to struggle, she froze upon seeing those tears. After a moment, she said softly, “I was wrong.”

This was what Ruan Youran demanded she say, and it was also what she had said in her heart a thousand times but never dared to voice.

Youran pinned her forcefully, not letting her move: “Say you will never leave again!”

Chu Nian looked into her eyes, a clear tear rolling down her cheek: “I… will never leave again.”

Ruan Youran took a deep breath, reached out, and suddenly pulled Chu Nian into her arms, holding her with a crushing grip.

It had been too long. It had been far too long since she had held Chu Nian like this, using all her strength as if trying to embed her into her very soul.

Chu Nian shrank into Youran’s embrace. Her heart, which had been suspended in distress and grief, finally touched the ground. She allowed Youran to hold her forcefully; though it was a bit painful, her heart felt a mix of bitterness and sweetness.

Accompanied by the pitter-patter of light rain, Ruan Youran fell into a deep sleep.

Her physical foundation was originally excellent, but it couldn’t withstand the toll of the past three years. Now, having been caught in the rain and bustling about all day, both her heart and body were drained. By the middle of the night, she developed a low-grade fever.

Chu Nian stayed by the bedside, checking Youran’s temperature and feeding her medicine from time to time. Zhengzhi wanted to stay with her Mamma-Youran, but Chu Nian, fearing she would get sick too, strictly forbade her from entering the room.

The child could only watch from a distance. “Mamma, Mamma-Youran is in a lot of pain, isn’t she?”

She saw that even in sleep, Youran kept shedding tears. They slid from the corners of her eyes in a steady stream, impossible to wipe dry. Chu Nian felt a sharp pain in her chest; she knew Youran must have found something out. To cause her such agony… it must be because of her again.

In her feverish daze, Ruan Youran had a dream. She dreamed of Chu Nian dressed in white, just like during their high school days, smiling at her. Chu Nian picked a small yellow flower and tucked it behind Youran’s ear. They held hands, their long hair dancing in the wind—the scene was beautiful.

But in the next second… Chu Nian suddenly vanished. The dream fractured. Chu Nian was lying alone on an icy bed, her face ashen and unmoving. Youran saw herself standing outside the door, weeping heart-wrenchingly. Finally, it started to rain. She stood before a black tombstone, murmuring: “Madam, I’ve come to see you…”

“No! …Chu Nian… Nian Nian!”

Youran was burning up. Left with no choice in the middle of the night, Chu Qing came over. She set up an IV for Youran and sighed softly: “If this child keeps punishing herself like this, even a body made of iron won’t hold out.”

Ruan Qiu stood by in silence, and Chu Nian bit her lip, not saying a word.

Ruan Youran woke up the next day at noon. She smelled the aroma of preserved egg and pork porridge. In the past, this was her favorite thing to eat when she had a cold or fever. She instinctively looked down; she didn’t see Zhengzhi, but instead saw Chu Nian sleeping by the side of her bed.

Three years… Even since they had met again, it had been a mix of hate and boundless rage. Youran hadn’t looked at Chu Nian properly for a long time.

She was thinner. She looked incredibly haggard. Her face was no longer as radiant as before; her skin was pale, and her lips weren’t a healthy color. As Youran watched, tears began to fall. She lifted the quilt to get up, but Chu Nian woke first.

“You’re awake?” Chu Nian’s voice was still groggy.

Youran nodded. She didn’t look at Chu Nian but got out of bed, walked straight to the table, and picked up the bowl of porridge that had grown cool. She swallowed it down silently. Chu Nian watched from the side, her lips moving as if to speak, but she didn’t know how to start.

“Go to sleep.”

Youran’s voice was soft, but it carried an undeniable authority. Chu Nian looked at her. “Are you… feeling better?”

Youran nodded, still eating the porridge without looking at her. “Go to sleep. Sleep until you wake up naturally. I’ll make breakfast for Zhengzhi in the morning.”

Although she still wouldn’t look at her, her attitude had clearly softened. Chu Nian’s heart relaxed. She dragged her weary body toward the bedroom; the moment she lay on the large bed, she realized just how exhausted she was.

The next morning, when Chu Nian woke up, she heard a conversation between Zhengzhi and Ruan Youran in the living room.

Youran was flipping through Zhengzhi’s children’s books and picture books. “Tell me, what’s inside that little head of yours? Did you learn all that from these?”

She had seen clearly how Zhengzhi covered her eyes the night before. Was that something a nearly three-year-old child should do?

Zhengzhi was very proud. She pointed to her little hair-buns. “Mamma-Youran, my Mamma had me take an IQ test. I’m a genius.”

Youran was speechless for a moment. “Your pigtails are crooked. Come here.”

“Okay!” Zhengzhi walked over on her little “radish legs” and plopped down on Youran’s lap.

Youran wanted to laugh. “You’re quite good at acting spoiled.”

Zhengzhi looked a bit embarrassed. Youran stroked her hair—it was a bit thin and soft. she mused about what she could cook to give the child more nutrition. While Youran tied the pigtails, Zhengzhi hummed a little tune.

Sunlight poured in, and the scene warmed Chu Nian’s heart completely.

“Mamma!” Zhengzhi saw Chu Nian and jumped up, rushing over to hug her. “You’re awake?”

She had thought her mother was sick again. Ever since she woke up, she had been pacing back and forth at the door. Youran had explained several times, but Zhengzhi didn’t listen until Youran took her hand and led her inside to see. Only then did Zhengzhi feel a bit more at ease.

Chu Nian knelt down, hugging Zhengzhi and kissing her soft cheek while looking at Youran. Youran didn’t meet her eyes, saying flatly, “Let’s eat.”

The breakfast… Zhengzhi stared at it, dumbfounded. There were all sorts of soups—this kind of soup, that kind of soup—and many strange foods she had never seen before. Chu Nian was also a bit stunned.

Youran had prepared almost everything she had found online that was good for the heart: pig liver, lungs… even something with violets… she had made a variety of dishes.

Chu Nian pursed her lips. For the first time, Youran let her gaze fall on her. “Eat.”

Chu Nian: “…”

Sometimes, a lover’s dominance can be very intimidating.

Chu Nian silently began to drink the sea cucumber soup. Zhengzhi was about to take a sip when Youran handed her a corn cake: “You don’t eat that; it’ll cause too much internal heat.”

Chu Nian: “…”

Zhengzhi gave an “Oh” and obediently took the cake. Her dark little eyes darted around, looking at Youran. Youran’s brow furrowed almost imperceptibly. She put down her chopsticks and looked at Zhengzhi. “Zhengzhi, if you want to do something, you must tell Mamma-Youran, okay? Don’t keep it inside. If you don’t say it, I won’t know, and guessing is very tiring.”

Though these words were for Zhengzhi, Chu Nian, who was drinking soup, went quiet.

Zhengzhi said timidly, “The weather is so nice today. I saw a rainbow. Mamma-Youran, can I… go out to fly a kite? In my books, when the weather is good, the Mama Rabbit takes the baby rabbit to fly a kite.”

She rarely participated in outdoor activities, so she had never flown a kite. Youran’s heart ached. She nodded and gave Zhengzhi a firm kiss on the cheek. “Okay, Mamma-Youran will go with you.”

“Yay!”

With her Mamma-Youran’s permission, Zhengzhi was immensely satisfied. Previously, at home with doctors and nannies, they doted on her and would often give in if she cried. But Chu Nian was very principled; if she said no, no one dared to soften. Now, things were different. Zhengzhi realized that the position of “head of the family” had shifted to Mamma-Youran. She just had to act piteous in front of her.

Youran originally wanted to buy a Peppa Pig kite, but Zhengzhi thought it was too childish. She insisted that her two mothers make a kite together—she wanted a unique one.

Left with no choice, Youran looked up tutorials online. Why is this so complicated? What anchor point? What ‘twist three times’??

Chu Nian watched from the side in silence. Zhengzhi waved at her: “Mamma, come here! I want to make a kite of the three of us.”

Chu Nian glanced at Youran. Youran swiped her phone and said nothing. Chu Nian walked over. She had been skillful with her hands since childhood—something Youran used to be proud of for a long time. In school, Youran would always rely on Chu Nian for crafts. Chu Nian was amazing at sewing little clothes or making toy wagons.

Zhengzhi’s high IQ truly came from Chu Nian. Chu Nian also looked at a tutorial on her phone. After watching it once, her hands began to move. Youran bit her lip, watching the busy mother and daughter. She sat there awkwardly. It… made her look like she wasn’t the smart one.

Chu Nian and Zhengzhi worked together perfectly. Once Chu Nian started a task, she entered a state of focus very quickly. She lay on the floor sketching the figures of the three of them with a pencil. “Zhengzhi, don’t touch the bamboo splints; they’ll scratch your hands.”

“Okay. Mamma, I’ll get the brushes for you.”

Watching the two of them, Youran’s eyes turned red again for some reason.

They worked in perfect harmony until they reached the part of drawing the clothes. Zhengzhi muttered, “The white shirt Mamma-Youran wore yesterday was very pretty. I want to draw the white shirt.”

Chu Nian’s hand stiffened. Ignoring Zhengzhi, she proceeded to draw a pink dress on Ruan Youran’s figure.

Zhengzhi got anxious. “Mamma, don’t draw a dress. If the dress flies up, people will see her underwear!”

Chu Nian usually doted on Zhengzhi and wouldn’t argue over such small things. But today, as if acting out of spite, she ignored Zhengzhi and completely bypassed the white shirt.

Ruan Qiu somehow got word that her granddaughter was going to fly a kite. She dragged Chu Qing along, having quickly made a kite at home.

“Oh, my precious granddaughter! Did you miss Grandma?” Ruan Qiu walked in showing off the kite in her hand. “Look what Grandma made for you!”

Zhengzhi took one look and was terrified, hiding in Youran’s arms. Youran looked at the kite in Ruan Qiu’s hand. “Mom, what are you doing? Why did you bring a bear over?”

“What?!” Ruan Qiu snapped. “Open your eyes and look! Is this a bear?? This is clearly Batman!”

Batman. Zhengzhi was scared; it looked like a pitch-black blob with red eyes. Chu Qing patted Ruan Qiu’s head. “You’re old. You can’t keep up with the times.”

Everyone knew that President Ruan, who was reaching her “sunset years,” hated being called old. Without a thought, she snatched Zhengzhi from Youran’s arms and stared at the girl fiercely. “Where is Grandma old? Grandma knows a lot! I know Peppa Pig, I know PAW Patrol, I know Octonauts!”

Youran mused: “She really does know a lot.” Zhengzhi cooperated perfectly: “How childish.”

The two looked at each other, and Zhengzhi raised her hand: “Aoli-gei!” (Keep going!)

Youran laughed and high-fived her. Ruan Qiu, hearing “Aoli-gei,” immediately turned to Chu Qing: “Quick, get those Oreo cookies I bought for my granddaughter! I told you she’d want to eat them!”

Youran: “…” Zhengzhi: “…”

One has to admit when they’re getting old.

At the playground, Ruan Qiu sat on the ground, smiling as she watched her granddaughter and Chu Qing fly the kite. No one let Chu Nian run, so she sat to the side.

Ruan Qiu looked at Youran. “Still hurting?”

She could sense her daughter had changed, but Youran still seemed to have a knot in her heart regarding Chu Nian. They rarely spoke, and even if their eyes met, Youran would quickly look away.

Youran looked at the deep blue sky. “Mhm. How could I not be?”

Ruan Qiu said helplessly, “You’ve really grown up. In the past, you never had secrets from me.”

Youran remained silent, staring at the blue sky for a long time until the white clouds made her slightly dizzy. She said slowly, “Mom, I can’t help but be in pain. Do you know? I imagined so much for our future… I even wanted to grow old with her in an instant. Like you and Mommy, watching our granddaughter play happily. I thought of us when we’re grey-haired, two old ladies leaning on each other and laughing as we walk, with the sunset just right, stretching our shadows long… I thought of so much. I didn’t want to be someone who feels sad and lonely whenever I face the sunset. Can you understand?”

Ruan Qiu fell silent. In fact, she knew no less about Chu Nian’s condition than Youran—after all, her wife was a doctor. She wanted to comfort her daughter, but when she put herself in Youran’s shoes, those words of comfort became hollow.

Let alone ten years… even now, if Ruan Qiu thought about Chu Qing suddenly leaving, she wouldn’t be able to handle it. Her eyes would well up with tears and her heart would ache. And that was just a thought… let alone Youran, who was facing the reality of death.

Zhengzhi was having a great time. She had never laughed or played like this before. Ruan Qiu eventually got an itch to join in, running over to fly the kite herself, nearly getting into a fight with someone nearby over whose kite was higher.

Zhengzhi giggled and ran to Youran, picking up her little water bottle to take a long drink. Youran watched her, and Chu Nian, not far away, turned her head to watch them as well.

“Mamma-Youran, what’s wrong? Are you unhappy?”

Zhengzhi was very good at reading people. During the years she couldn’t go out for treatments, she faced doctors every day. Because she was small, doctors often couldn’t tell the full truth for fear of scaring her. But as a child wanting to know if there would be more needles or bone marrow aspirations, she learned to read faces. Sometimes, with just a look, she could guess what someone was thinking.

Youran stroked her hair. Zhengzhi tugged her hand. “Mamma-Youran, tell me. I have many ways to help you.” She used to say that to Chu Nian often.

Youran’s heart felt heavy and sour. She smiled at Zhengzhi. “Mamma-Youran has someone very important to her who is sick. She can’t be healthy like us. I’m very sad.”

Zhengzhi thought for a moment. “Then how many more years does she have to live?”

Youran was startled; she didn’t expect the question to be so direct. Zhengzhi tilted her head, her eyes sparkling like jewels in the sun. “I remember when I was two, I had a high fever. It lasted two days and nights. I was always sleeping. When I woke up, I heard Mamma crying, and a doctor-auntie was telling her to sign her name on some paper.”

Youran’s heart clenched in a knot. That paper… was likely a critical condition notice. Although she had imagined many times what the mother and daughter had gone through alone abroad, it couldn’t compare to Zhengzhi’s casual confession.

Zhengzhi lowered her head. “At that time, I heard the doctor-auntie say that if I didn’t get better, I might not make it another week.”

Youran hugged her tightly. Zhengzhi looked up at her mother. “I was scared too. But then I thought about it… Mamma-Youran, I’m already very happy. Look at the bugs, the birds, the chicks, and the ducks—they all live such short lives, yet they are still very happy.”

Youran stood motionless, staring blankly at Zhengzhi.

Zhengzhi said with a smile, “And my friend Little Zhu—it was a red spider. It was gone after one winter, but we were both very happy. At that time, I thought if I really left and went to heaven, that would be good too—no more pain. But I was afraid Mamma’s heart would hurt, and I really wanted to meet Mamma-Youran.”

Saying this, she grabbed Youran’s head and gave her a firm kiss. “Now I’m with Mamma, and I’ve met Mamma-Youran. I’m so happy and satisfied. Even if I get sick or have a fever or need more needles, I won’t be afraid! Mwah!”

Youran looked at Zhengzhi, just staring at her. In that moment, something cool slid from the corner of her eye.

Chu Nian walked over slowly and sat down next to Zhengzhi. She still didn’t dare get too close to Youran, fearing the same rejection as before. Zhengzhi hugged Chu Nian and gave her another forceful “Mwah.” After the kiss, Zhengzhi turned to Youran.

“Mamma-Youran, your turn!”

“What?” Youran was still immersed in Zhengzhi’s words; her soul had been shaken by a child.

Zhengzhi looked at her with a beaming smile. “The forest animals are all like this! Mamma-Youran kisses Mamma, then Mamma kisses Mamma-Youran, and then they both kiss the baby together!”

That one sentence made both adults suddenly look very unnatural. Youran’s throat was dry, and Chu Nian lowered her head with a red face. At that moment, the sunset glow hit her face—a beauty like a lotus, making one want to linger and gaze forever.