Appearing on a Marriage Show Before Getting Divorced - Chapter 38

From their early childhood through the hazy stages of affection, to loving each other and finally to their separation, Ruan Youran had never heard Chu Nian say “I love you” quite like this.

In the past, Youran would often tease Chu Nian, smiling as she said, “I love you.” Then, as Chu Nian leaned against her shoulder with a flushed face, she would ask, “What about you?” Chu Nian would only purse her lips and smile: “Me too.”

“Me too” what? No matter how much she teased, Chu Nian wouldn’t say the actual words. Even in bed, in those moments where Chu Nian lost control, Youran had asked her; no matter how overwhelmed she was, Chu Nian was too shy to voice her love.

Now, she had said it, but the words were saturated with the taste of tears.

Youran held her, repeatedly kissing her forehead. “It’s okay, it’s okay…”

The past was the past. What was gone could not be chased. The time remaining in the future was already so brief. She wanted to be hard-hearted, but in the end, she simply couldn’t.

Chu Nian huddled in Youran’s arms, her body trembling with sobs as she clutched Youran’s clothes. Throughout her life, many people had appeared and then left. She thought they would be there forever, but they always departed in a hurry. Now, she only had Ruan Youran. Only Youran, after all the mistakes Chu Nian had made and the hurts she had inflicted, could still give her such a warm embrace and gentle kisses.

Chu Nian cried until she was exhausted. Her mind and body had been tired for far too long. In the middle of the night, she finally fell into a deep sleep.

Youran stayed by her side, keeping a small nightlight on. She stared at Chu Nian for a long time, leaning down to kiss her forehead before turning her gaze to the medicine cabinet nearby. There were boxes of all sizes, labeled in English and other languages Youran didn’t recognize, but she studied each one seriously.

She had heard from Chu Qing. Even if the surgery was a success, Chu Nian would be on medication for the rest of her life.

She thought back to when they first met. Chu Nian was so small then, with a pale, chubby face, hiding in a cabinet and crying silently. In the blink of an eye, that little girl had become a mature woman. Yet, she was still crying.

In the quiet of the night, Youran lit a cigarette and drank a can of beer. She thought of the past, those three years, their first hug, their first kiss, the first time they slept together, their first fight, the first time they almost broke up… so many firsts. Her life had long since been filled to the brim by Chu Nian. Therefore, she could not accept this “first” permanent departure.

She didn’t sleep all night. The next day, Youran was back to scouring major hospitals. This time, her goal was clear: find a heart donor.

The three-month countdown was ticking; less than two and a half months remained. She didn’t want every day to feel like a heavy boulder crushing her. She wanted Chu Nian to live.

Finding a donor heart is no easy task. The most basic requirement for a transplant is a blood type match. Actually, when Zhengzhi was one year old, there had been a potential match for Chu Nian. But at that time, both her body and Zhengzhi were in an extremely fragile state, making the surgery unsuitable. That delay had lasted two years. Now, she couldn’t afford another two. It had to be fast.

Sometimes Youran wished she could dig out her own heart and give it to her. As long as love remained, a miracle would surely follow.

No matter how busy she was, Youran was no longer cold to Chu Nian. Every time she went out, she would tell her the itinerary. Chu Nian urged her several times to let nature take its course, but Youran refused to listen. It got to the point where the security guards at several major hospitals would smile when they saw her: “You’re here again?”

Besides the hospitals, Youran nearly blinded herself reading online. She looked at countless folk remedies for the heart, even getting desperate enough to seek out “mystical” solutions.

One morning, Chu Nian looked at Youran awkwardly. “What is this?”

Youran held a bowl of water, looking at Chu Nian seriously. “I went to a master to have a mantra chanted over this. You’ll feel better if you drink it.”

Chu Nian: “…”

Such behavior was something Youran used to despise most. But now, for her lover, she did it even knowing it was foolish. She didn’t want even a sliver of hope or fantasy to fall through. Chu Nian understood her heart; she took the bowl and drained it in one go.

While the adults were busy, Chu Nian used all her connections to find her mother. But just as her mother had said, she had disappeared cleanly after their farewell, leaving no trace.

Beyond the adults, there was the matter of the child. Zhengzhi was nearly three, the age to start kindergarten. Although she had become more cheerful since Youran arrived, she was still unwilling to interact with strangers.

Chu Nian hesitated, wondering if Zhengzhi should go to a “special” school. Youran immediately vetoed it: “No. Zhengzhi is fine. Why should she go to a special school? That will only make her more isolated.”

Youran had become incredibly firm over these three years. Chu Nian didn’t argue. She looked down at Zhengzhi playing with toys and stroked her hair. Zhengzhi was actually quite afraid; she didn’t want to leave her two mothers or go to any school. She just wanted to be home. She was so anxious she suffered from insomnia that night.

The kindergarten required an interview. The next morning, Youran and Chu Nian took Zhengzhi, feeling confident. With Zhengzhi’s IQ, she could answer adult questions, let alone simple ones.

But that was exactly where the problem lay.

The interviewer was a kindly, elderly lady. She smiled and held up a card. “Little one, look, what is this?”

Zhengzhi looked at the card. It was PAW Patrol, her favorite. She thought for a moment and asked, “Is it a cat?”

Youran: “…” Chu Nian: “…”

The teacher was stunned. Actually, when Zhengzhi first entered, she had been quite impressed. The little girl was different; she had immediately scanned the whole room with her eyes, observing everyone. She had even pursed her cherry lips when she spotted the security camera on the wall.

The teacher paused, then asked, “What is your mother’s name?”

Zhengzhi smiled. “Jianjian.”

Youran: “…”

Another silence. The teacher asked, “What do you want to do every morning when you wake up?”

Zhengzhi tilted her head, thinking seriously. “I want Mamma to hold me.”

Outside the transparent window, the two mothers watching were flabbergasted. They hadn’t realized their daughter had the talent of a Film Queen at such a young age. She didn’t look like she was lying at all; her “confused child” act was vivid and flawless.

After a long while, the teacher walked out. She looked at Ruan Qiu (the grandmother) and smiled. “Mom, it seems your child isn’t quite ready yet. Why don’t you look at other schools?”

Dammit. “Mom”? Ruan Qiu raised an eyebrow. “Auntie Song, let’s not play this game. You have to take her.”

Auntie Song smiled. “No.”

Ruan Qiu: “…”

The child clearly had a rebellious streak. Having been a teacher for so many years, how could she not see it? While they were at a standstill, another set of parents walked up with a little girl who had a ponytail, dark eyes, and snow-white skin.

Comparison is the thief of joy. That little girl went in and answered clearly: “Hello, teachers. My name is Su Xiaoyu. I was born on a rainy day. I am very smart. That man outside who isn’t very handsome is my dad, and the one smiling like a sunflower is my mom. I want to attend Yifeng Kindergarten because I am pretty and articulate and smart.”

After speaking, the little girl turned to look at Zhengzhi. Zhengzhi looked at her as if she were an idiot. Zhengzhi felt she had no common language with these “little brats.” Communicating with them was less interesting than reading a book.

Youran saw this and her expression darkened. She grabbed Zhengzhi. “Stand still.”

She was afraid that if Zhengzhi kept growing up this way, she would become like Chu Nian—silently swallowing all the bitterness and hardship alone, letting no one know.

Zhengzhi immediately stopped. Youran walked over, looking at her sternly. “What did you promise Mamma-Youran yesterday? Why didn’t you answer the teacher properly?”

Zhengzhi had never been scolded like this by Youran. She froze, her head dropping as her eyes turned red. Chu Nian walked over and sighed. Youran’s heart softened, but she took a breath. “We are coming back for another interview tomorrow!”

A doting mother spoils the child. She couldn’t let Zhengzhi shrink into her shell and refuse to face society.

The mother and daughter returned home in a tense mood. Once home, Zhengzhi acted as if she were holding a grudge. She ignored Youran during dinner, ignored her while playing, and wouldn’t let her kiss her goodnight. Youran was both amused and annoyed—how could such a small child have such a strong will?

Unexpectedly, in the middle of the night, Zhengzhi suddenly developed a fever. It spiked to 39°C. When they rushed to the hospital, Chu Qing was frantic: “What happened? How did she suddenly get a fever? She was fine on the video call this morning!”

Chu Nian remained silent, watching the room anxiously. Youran felt a wave of regret. “The pressure might have been too much.”

Pressure? Chu Qing was speechless. How much pressure could such a small child have?

The doctor prescribed fever reducers and smiled at the nervous adults. “It’s fine. It’s just a common cold and fever. Has she been out in the wind lately?”

Chu Nian remembered—it must have been when they were flying the kite. Even though she had dressed Zhengzhi in extra layers, the child must have caught a chill. Chu Qing, being older and cautious, insisted Zhengzhi stay in the hospital for the night to observe the fever before leaving.

Looking at the tiny Zhengzhi lying in the hospital bed with her eyes closed in pain, Youran was overwhelmed with guilt. She sat by the bed, holding the small hand to her lips and kissing it gently, her eyes red.

Chu Nian walked over. “It’s okay.”

Youran’s voice was choked. “Has she been like this often over the years?”

Chu Nian hesitated, wanting to stay silent, but seeing Youran’s tears, she nodded. “Yes.”

It was better now. Two years ago, if she caught a fever, it was no joking matter—it was life-threatening. Back then, Chu Nian was constantly anxious, holding Zhengzhi’s burning body through night after night. And when the child was sick, she clung to her mother; she wouldn’t let the doctors or nannies hold her, only Chu Nian. A minor cold like today was routine for Chu Nian.

But not for Youran. This was her first time experiencing it. Seeing Zhengzhi in pain, she wished she were the one with the fever. She regretted everything. If the child didn’t want to go to school, then so be it. Why had she been so insistent?

Zhengzhi woke up in the middle of the night, thirsty. “Mamma-Youran, water…”

Youran quickly gave her water. Zhengzhi took a few big gulps. Her feverish, listless eyes darted around. “Where’s Mamma?” She was still used to seeing Chu Nian the moment she woke up.

Youran’s eyes were bloodshot from staying up. She felt Zhengzhi’s forehead; the fever had gone down a bit. “Mamma isn’t feeling well, so I sent her home to sleep.”

“Mmm…” Zhengzhi gave a soft reply. Youran felt a pang of heartache and kissed her cheek. “It’s okay, it doesn’t hurt anymore. Mamma-Youran won’t force you to do things you don’t like anymore.”

Zhengzhi curled into a small ball. When she endured pain, she looked exactly like Chu Nian. After a long time, just when Youran thought she had fallen asleep, Zhengzhi whispered, “Mamma-Youran.”

“Yes?”

Zhengzhi looked piteous. “It’s not that I don’t want to go to kindergarten.”

“Then what is it?” Youran watched her eyes patiently.

Zhengzhi hesitated, then whispered: “I want to watch Mamma. Her health is bad. I’m afraid…”

She was afraid. She was afraid that if she went to school, when she came back, Mamma might be gone.

Youran felt as if her head had been struck by a heavy blow. Her tears fell, and she could no longer restrain her emotions as she hugged Zhengzhi tightly. The adults were all busy with their own matters. No one had stopped to consider Zhengzhi’s thoughts. This tiny child had lived with the terror of her mother leaving at any moment since the day she was born. She was insecure and afraid, yet she tried so hard to smile and love her two mothers.

If the child was like this, what about the adults? Living in this world for so long, Youran felt her own heart wasn’t as clear and pure as a child’s.

When Youran brought Zhengzhi home, Chu Nian woke up instantly. She had been sent home but hadn’t been able to sleep.

Youran looked at her. “Why did you come out without putting on a coat?” Chu Nian blinked, not having thought of it.

Youran washed Zhengzhi’s face and fed her formula, then carried her toward Chu Nian’s room. Chu Nian followed behind. Zhengzhi was surprisingly excited despite her low fever. “Mamma-Youran, can Zhengzhi sleep with Mamma-Youran today?”

Lately, to protect Chu Nian’s rest, Youran had Zhengzhi sleep with her. Chu Nian needed sleep most of all, and Zhengzhi still needed help with the bathroom or milk in the night.

Youran didn’t answer. She tucked Zhengzhi into Chu Nian’s bed. Chu Nian, also wanting to be near the child while she was unwell, climbed into the covers as well.

Everything was ready. As the two of them looked up at Youran to say goodnight, Youran brought in a pair of pajamas. She washed her face, took off her coat, changed, and climbed into the bed.

Chu Nian looked at her in shock, while Zhengzhi grinned widely. Youran stretched out her arms, pulling both Chu Nian and Zhengzhi into her embrace.

“Sleep. I’ll watch over both of you.”

In that moment, one bed held a family of three. A long-awaited warmth bound their wounded hearts tightly together.