Back to Auntie’s School Days - Chapter 21

She certainly loved Jian You—that was her mom, how could she not?

But loving Jian You was one thing; what did she mean by loving her “this much”?

Jian Hao steadied herself and asked, “The ‘love’ you’re talking about… is it the kind of love I think it is?”

Tan Yanqing gripped her pen, her eyes downcast as if contemplating a problem on the worksheet. In reality, her silence was her answer.

If it were a stormy day outside right now, a bolt of lightning surely would have struck Jian Hao, charring her to a crisp. Truly, if the heavens wanted to punish her, she’d rather be turned into a roast chicken than be questioned by her own mother about incestuous thoughts, only to then be interrogated by her crush.

Jian Hao was petrified. It took her a long while to find her voice. “That was just a joke. You couldn’t tell?”

Tan Yanqing’s gaze paused. She slowly lifted her eyelids toward Jian Hao. “Letting her kiss you—was that a joke too?”

“…” Jian Hao stammered, “She didn’t actually kiss me.”

“But you let her.”

“Then you kiss me, too,” Jian Hao blurted out. Problem solved.

Tan Yanqing: “…”

She lowered her head, a flare of irritation rising from somewhere unknown. “I’m not that casual.”

Jian Hao sat up straight, her expression becoming serious. She looked at Tan Yanqing and said, “I don’t like the sound of that.”

“In other countries, social etiquette includes a kiss on the cheek… I let you both do it because I like you. Would I just pull a random person off the street and let them kiss me?”

Tan Yanqing stiffened, her eyes filling with apology. “Sorry.” She pursed her lips. “I didn’t mean it that way.”

“I know.”

Jian Hao rose from her cushion and moved on her knees until she was right next to Tan Yanqing. She propped her arms on the edge of the coffee table, her elbows intentionally pressing down on Tan Yanqing’s homework.

—This was a bad habit a secret crush could never change: always wanting to touch the other person’s things, as if it created a physical connection.

She gazed at Tan Yanqing, the anger on her face already gone. “But if you don’t want me to let others kiss me, you can just tell me directly that you don’t want it, instead of lecturing me with that weird tone.”

Jian Hao tapped the table twice with her fingertip and said sternly, “Keep that in mind for next time.”

“Okay.”

Tan Yanqing responded briefly and fell silent.

The “house” of her heart wasn’t just closed up; it was as if she had nailed wooden boards over the doors and windows, making it impossible to open from either side.

But Jian Lai’s appearance was like someone stripping tiles off the roof. She kept opening hole after hole, allowing beams of light to pierce the dark, cramped room. Jian Lai would peer through one of those gaps and shout: “Hey! Come out and enjoy the sun!”

Then, she’d lower a rope.

All Tan Yanqing had to do was grab the rope. She didn’t even have to climb; Jian Lai would pull her up.

Even if she didn’t grab the rope, Jian Lai wouldn’t mind. She would just slide down the rope herself, a wrench and screwdriver tucked in her pocket, walk up to the boarded-up doors, and unscrew the nails one by one. She’d tear down the boards, open the door, and lead her out.

Tan Yanqing’s hand tightened around her pen.

That was the feeling Jian Lai gave her, but in the end, it was just a feeling. What if… Jian Lai wasn’t actually like that?

What if it was all just a fantasy?

The holes Jian Lai made allowed the sun in, but they could no longer keep out the wind and rain. Where would she go then?

She still couldn’t bring herself to say what she was thinking, even though Jian Lai told her she could.

Looking at Tan Yanqing now, Jian Hao suddenly remembered something from her childhood.

She had a round face, big eyes, and long lashes; her mother and other aunts often praised her for looking like a doll. This led to many women wanting to kiss her or offering candy to get her to kiss them.

She must have been six? She couldn’t remember the exact age. She just remembered a party where an aunt coaxed her into a kiss for a lollipop. She gave the kiss, took the candy, and ran to sit beside “Auntie Tan,” asking her to unwrap it. As the woman unwrapped the candy, Jian Hao—on a whim—tried to kiss her too. But as she puckered her lips and leaned in, the woman dodged her. She was heartbroken for a long time; even the lollipop didn’t taste sweet.

After the party, when her mother went to see the guests off and only she and Auntie Tan were left, she avoided the woman out of sadness. Not because she was angry, but because she thought the woman didn’t like her anymore.

Auntie Tan sat on the sofa and simply patted the spot next to her. “Come here.”

She walked over sheepishly, but instead of sitting, she leaned against the sofa, looking at her fingers rather than at the woman.

“Look at me.”

At those words, her grievances almost overflowed. After a few seconds of “rebellious” silence, she looked up, her eyes red. The woman reached out and brushed a finger against her cheek. “Why are you crying?”

At the question, she began to sob. “You… you didn’t let me kiss you… you don’t like Tangtang anymore.” (Tangtang was her childhood nickname).

The woman picked her up and sat her on her lap while she rubbed her eyes and sobbed. Auntie Tan took her hands away. “Did you wash your hands? Don’t rub your eyes.”

She wiped away the tears and snot with a tissue, explaining in a calm voice: “It’s not that I don’t like you. I just don’t like seeing you kiss others.”

“If you kiss others in the future, you can’t kiss me anymore, because I won’t like it.”

This was devastating news to her. Auntie Tan always smelled so good, and she loved being held by her. Because her face was soft, she loved kissing her, and because she was more beautiful than anyone else, she would never choose anyone else over her. She would never kiss anyone else again!

She only had one small hesitation then: “But Mom can kiss me… can I kiss Mom?”

“…Yes.”

From then on, regardless of what anyone said, she never kissed anyone else or let them kiss her. No amount of snacks could tempt her. Auntie Tan had told her: “If there’s something you want, just tell me. I’ll buy it for you.”

Whenever she rejected someone, she would report it to Tan Yanqing, who would reward her with treats and a kiss on the cheek, praising her for being a good girl.

Although they hadn’t kissed like that since she grew up, the habit remained. Even her best friend was never allowed a kiss, often complaining that Jian Hao didn’t love her… but how could she explain?

At this moment, Jian Hao’s shoulder was slightly hunched as she tilted her head to find Tan Yanqing’s face.

“So… why do you mind if I let Jian You kiss me? If it’s because you think I like Jian You, do you mind because you like me?”

Tan Yanqing’s eyelid twitched.

Her gaze, which had been fixed on the worksheet, snapped toward Jian Lai.

It was Sunday, about 7:30 PM. The last sliver of twilight clung to Jian Lai’s cheek, adding a touch of softness to her usually playful face.

But light and shadow are the best liars. Half of her face was in brightness and half in shadow, yet in both, the mischief in her eyes was unmistakable. Even the lashes of her eye hidden in the dim light betrayed her thoughts with a slight flutter.

Tan Yanqing had only one interpretation: I’m asking this just like I asked if you’d consider dating me—as a joke.

Before, she hadn’t understood why Jian Lai constantly made these ambiguous jokes. Over the last few days, she had begun to understand.

Jian Lai wasn’t a “scumbag” playing with feelings; she was just naturally cheerful and easygoing, with a blurred understanding of these boundaries. Otherwise, how could she say she loved Jian You and then say she loved Tan Yanqing in the same breath?

If she were a player, would she be so open about her “love”?

Then again, it wasn’t impossible. Perhaps Jian Lai was simply the type of person who was “honestly” unfaithful. She liked Jian You, she liked her, and she might like even more people. Most people have a heart with one room for two people. Jian Lai’s heart might be a hotel—a whole skyscraper. Everything she did or said to her, she’d say to Jian You or anyone else.

The affection Jian Lai gave wasn’t unique. This was what Tan Yanqing had gradually realized. It was the answer she kept hidden when Jian Lai asked what was wrong.

Faced with the question, Tan Yanqing chose to block it out. She asked instead: “Why do you want to go to the same university as her?”

Jian Hao was successfully distracted. She looked puzzled. “I don’t.” She thought for a second. “I just want her to get into a university; it doesn’t have to be the same one. I haven’t even decided which one I’m applying to yet.”

“Why? Even if you don’t have a specific school, you must have a general direction?”

“I don’t know.” Jian Hao flopped down and let out a yawn. “Forget the amnesia for a second; right now, I have no hobbies other than reading novels and watching dramas.”

“Then you could be a screenwriter. Or an author.”

“…I just like watching them.” How could she actually write them?

“Do you like acting?”

“You want me to be an actress? No way.” Jian Hao shook her head vigorously.

“Why not?” Tan Yanqing stared at her. “You’re very beautiful.”

“…”

Sorry if this is loud, but—Aaaaaah!

If Tan Yanqing meant it, she was the happiest person alive. If she was just saying it to comfort her, she was too good at flirting! How could someone say something so heart-stirring with such a cold face?! Okay, the words weren’t that bold, but coming from Tan Yanqing, they were different.

Jian Hao suddenly felt shy. “I… I’m really beautiful?”

“Mhm.”

Jian Hao laughed softly in her embarrassment. “But being an actress is impossible.” She had no acting skills.

Tan Yanqing’s gaze lowered. “You can do anything you want as long as you put your mind to it. Don’t dismiss yourself.”

“Anything?”

“Mhm.”

Then I want to be your girlfriend! Didn’t I confess and still get rejected? Jian Hao snorted in her mind.

But unfortunately, she snorted out loud.

Meeting Tan Yanqing’s gaze, she gave a dry laugh. “I’ll think about it.” She propped up her chin. “What about you? Do you want to go to the police academy?”

Jian Hao said this “casually” while staring intensely at Tan Yanqing, waiting for a look of shock—like, “How did she know I want to be a cop?!”

Would she think she was amazing? Would she think they were soulmates?

But the surprise she expected didn’t appear. Instead, Tan Yanqing frowned in confusion and shook her head. “I’ve never thought about the police academy.”

Huh?

It was Jian Hao’s turn to be shocked. How was that possible? “Auntie Tan” had graduated from the police academy! She joined the Nanqing Police Bureau as an outstanding graduate and had worked there ever since!

Jian Hao sat up straight. “Then what do you want to apply for?”

“Southern University. Astronomy.”

Tan Yanqing answered without a second’s hesitation. It was clear this wasn’t a sudden thought, but a plan she had held for a long time.

Noticing Jian Hao’s strange expression, she asked, “What is it?”

Jian Hao shook her head and softened her voice. “Because of your mother?”

“Mhm. I want to be like her.” Tan Yanqing looked at the black-and-white photo on the wall. Though there was a storm in her eyes, her voice remained flat. “I want to complete the explorations she never finished.”

Although she didn’t know why Tan Yanqing had changed her ambitions later, Jian Hao could only offer her congratulations now. “I’m sure you can do it.”

Tan Yanqing smiled. “Mhm.”

Seeing her smile, Jian Hao smiled too.

Growing up, all she heard about Auntie Tan was that she was cold to the point of being heartless. But from her perspective, while she was a bit chilly, she was gentle. She wasn’t an iceberg; she was glacial water.

She used to think Auntie Tan was indulgent and kind to her because of Jian You, or because she was a child. But now, she was just a stranger with amnesia. Tan Yanqing was being kind and smiling because she was fundamentally a lovely person.

Lovely Tan Yanqing.

Jian Hao’s heart felt as if it were being placed over a fire, beginning to melt.

She laughed, then suddenly realized something. “You’ve been acting weird lately… was it really because you thought I liked Jian You?”

The topic returned to that. Tan Yanqing pursed her lips, retracted her smile, and went back to her worksheet. ” I haven’t been weird.”

“You have,” Jian Hao insisted. “I can’t put it into words, but I felt it.” She pressed on, not letting her retreat. “Otherwise, why would you ask if I like her ‘this much’? It shows you care about it.”

Tan Yanqing replied without changing her expression, “I promised Auntie I’d help you study. I won’t watch your grades drop because of dating.”

Seriously? She’s going to manage me to that extent?

Jian Hao didn’t like that answer. She instinctively countered, “Dating doesn’t affect grades.”

Tan Yanqing looked at her.

How could it not? Usually, she could finish all her homework and review in one afternoon. But because Jian Lai was sitting opposite her, listening to her talk to Jian You, she had to read each problem three or four times.

“When your mind is full of knowledge and then that knowledge is disrupted by an extra person, how can your grades not be affected?”

“It only proves you lack self-control.”

Tan Yanqing’s tone was a bit stern. Jian Hao snapped back once, then flopped onto the table. Stealing a look at Tan Yanqing, she muttered:

“Besides, my head isn’t even full of knowledge…”

Other than novels, it only held one person. And an impossible person at that.