Back to Auntie’s School Days - Chapter 44

Think about it—a person who is ice-cold to everyone else, yet so indulgent with you that even your mother says to her, “Stop spoiling her, you’ve already ruined her.” While that vanity is immensely satisfied, one naturally becomes obsessed and starts wanting more.

I wanted Tan Yanqing to love me! To love me more than before, and more than now! I wanted to possess her, to make her mine and mine alone!

And now, that feeling was even stronger.

Especially when I realized that the person Auntie Tan loved and spent years searching for was me, the most vain corner of my heart began to bubble over like milk boiling in a pot—bubble, bubble, bubble…

“Bubble, bubble…”

The split-pot hotpot had started to boil on the spicy side. The bright red chili peppers made the rising steam carry a fiery sting.

Jian Hao couldn’t handle spice well, yet when eating hotpot, she always insisted on the spicy side. She loved the numbness on her tongue; Tan Yanqing would watch her gasp for air, sighing helplessly and chiding, “You can’t handle it yet you still eat it,” before handing her a drink.

Jian Hao sat near the spicy side. Tan Yanqing’s hand reached over the pot, placing a fresh bowl of sesame sauce in front of her. Although Tan Yanqing knew her tastes perfectly, she didn’t always stick to the same recipe; she often researched new flavors.

Just like now, Tan Yanqing said, “I put a little sugar in the sesame sauce today. Try it and see. If you don’t like it, give it to me.”

In the past, Jian Hao would have been over the moon, swaying happily and smiling at Tan Yanqing, saying, “Okay~”

After all, it meant Tan Yanqing treated her as family, willing to accept her whims and cover for her mistakes.

Across the hazy steam and the reflective lenses, Jian Hao couldn’t see Tan Yanqing’s eyes clearly, but she stared directly at where they should be and asked, “Don’t you think I’m gross?” (referring to sharing sauce/scraps).

Tan Yanqing was putting meat into the pot. Hearing her, she lifted her gaze and glanced at her. “You don’t have to give it back. It’s just a bit of wasted sesame sauce.”

Jian Hao gave a small huff.

This wasn’t like yesterday, where she lectured about not wasting food.

She picked up her chopsticks, putting the meatballs she wanted into the pot while saying, “I’m kidding. You know me so well—with or without sugar, your sauce is always delicious.”

“Maybe it’s not that I know you, but that you lie to me every time and say it’s good just to coax me?”

“My palate is very picky; I can’t coax people. Besides, is there any reason I’d need to coax you?”

“If you don’t coax me, who’s going to mix your dipping sauce?”

“I don’t coax you just so you’ll mix my sauce.”

Tan Yanqing asked, “Then what is it for?”

Jian Hao’s heart suddenly jumped, thunder rolling in her chest.

She stiffened her shoulders and slowly lifted her eyes. Tan Yanqing was sitting opposite her, looking back at her through the steam. She wanted to ask: Do you really not know why?

She couldn’t see the misty eyes behind the lenses, but she saw Tan Yanqing smile. She said, “Lying is bad. Liars are puppies.”

After that, she called toward the kitchen: “The pot is boiling!”

“Coming, coming!” Zhu Xinsui and Guan Xinting emerged from the kitchen, each carrying a fruit platter.

Jian You came over from the wine cabinet, clutching two bottles of red wine. “Everyone’s off today anyway, let’s have a drink. If we don’t, my little alcoholic here will sneakily finish it all.”

Jian Hao felt Tan Yanqing’s gaze sweep over her. she ignored it, looking down to fish a cooked vegetable leaf out of the spicy pot.

Because she couldn’t handle the heat, neither of her dipping bowls had chili. As the spicy leaf entered her bowl and she swirled it, two red lines appeared in the sesame sauce, faint and flickering… like the Red Thread of Fate.

While she was lost in thought, Tan Yanqing asked what “little alcoholic” meant, and Jian You retold the story of this morning. This was the third time she’d told it today—once to Guan Xinting, once to Zhu Xinsui, and now to Tan Yanqing.

And for the third time, the protagonist heard: “Red wine only has a slight sedative effect. Although you fall asleep when drunk, alcohol interferes with the sleep cycle. A little is fine, but don’t drink so much at once. Your tolerance isn’t high, and it’s bad for your health.”

Jian Hao looked up to see Tan Yanqing speaking to her with a composed face. She nodded: “…Mhm, I understand.”

Tan Yanqing’s concern prompted Guan Xinting, sitting next to her, to nudge her waist under the table. Jian Hao wasn’t prepared and flinched. Once she recovered, she didn’t dare look up; she just ate and swatted Guan Xinting under the table.

Stop it!

My mom is right here!

The three adults drank wine while the two “kids” toasted with orange juice.

The adults chatted amongst themselves, while the two younger ones huddled together, talking about things they were interested in. Guan Xinting was a fan girl, so most of her topics revolved around celebrities. When she happened to mention a star who was currently in high school and taking the college entrance exams next year just like them, Jian Hao inexplicably thought of how someone once said she could be an actress, too.

She instinctively looked at Tan Yanqing.

The steam over the pot had dissipated now, making things clearer.

Tan Yanqing was a woman of few words; even facing Jian You and Zhu Xinsui, her speech was sparse. At dinner, she mostly listened to them talk, only occasionally interjecting. Right now, Jian You was sharing some gossip from the shop with Zhu Xinsui. Since it wasn’t something Tan Yanqing was interested in, she didn’t look up. She sat perfectly straight, her left arm propped slightly on the table, her shoulder shrugged a bit, using her right hand to pop a fried peanut into her mouth.

Due to her job, Tan Yanqing’s hair was usually tied back—gathered casually and folded over once to turn her long hair short. She actually had bangs, parted from the right side. Most of the time, to avoid obstructing her vision, she tucked them behind her ear. Right now, a strand had escaped, like a willow catkin in early spring, softly draping over her cheek. It gave her an air of being “half-hidden.”

It drew the eye—one glance wasn’t enough; the second and third looks would be pinned to her face, trying to see her eyes clearly, trying to tell if the mood in her pupils was spring or autumn.

But because Tan Yanqing’s eyes were downcast, Jian Hao couldn’t see them. She could only see Tan Yanqing’s cheeks, flushed pink from the wine.

Jian Hao rarely saw Tan Yanqing drink. Partly because of her duty as an officer, and partly because, though her exact limit was unknown, her tolerance wasn’t great.

The only time she’d seen Tan Yanqing drunk was… she forgot how long ago. She was probably thirteen, in eighth grade. Jian You had gone on a business trip to an out-of-town branch, so Jian Hao went straight to Tan Yanqing’s house after school.

To her surprise, as soon as she entered, she saw Tan Yanqing sitting on the floor by the coffee table, leaning against the sofa. The table was covered in beer cans—the tall green ones.

She didn’t react at first, but when she got closer and smelled the strong scent of malt, she realized what was happening. She crouched down and called out to her. But Tan Yanqing had drunk herself into a stupor; no matter how Jian Hao called, she wouldn’t wake.

Left with no choice, Jian Hao helped Tan Yanqing into the first-floor bedroom. She didn’t have much strength back then and was exhausted after getting her onto the bed. While resting by the bedside, she heard Auntie Tan murmur a name. She’d forgotten what it was—actually, she hadn’t heard it clearly—and assumed it was some criminal she couldn’t catch that haunted her workaholic mind.

She only remembered one thing: after Auntie Tan sobered up, her attitude toward her became much more distant. It had only softened in the last two years.

Back then, she suspected it was because she had slept in Auntie Tan’s room that night after cleaning up the cans. But no matter how she thought about it, that couldn’t be the reason. She never dared ask. After all, a young girl’s thoughts are like changing weather—visible and felt—but an adult’s thoughts are like the gray hairs on their head; they grow silently, and by the time they are noticed, it’s already too late.

Jian Hao was lost in the past. When she snapped back to attention, she accidentally locked eyes with Tan Yanqing.

“!”

Jian Hao’s heart skipped a beat. She hadn’t noticed when Tan Yanqing had looked up or how long she’d been watching her.

She lowered her lashes, set down her chopsticks, and stood up. “I’m full.”

She took her bowl and chopsticks to the kitchen to wash them. She used cold water. The icy water hitting her hands finally helped the heat in her body subside.

When she was chatting with Guan Xinting earlier and asking what she should do, she already had a plan in her mind. Last night, while crying behind the stairwell door, she had figured it out.

It was normal to want to hide out of guilt for those seventeen years of Tan Yanqing’s life. But Tan Yanqing was right here in front of her; why was she still unwilling to pay her any attention?

She loved Auntie Tan. She felt for her. So she had to tell her! Tell the truth! Tell her everything!

Otherwise, was she really going to let Auntie Tan keep searching for “Jian Lai” in 2026, 2027, and beyond? If she really let Tan Yanqing search for her whole life, she would be a truly horrible person.

Whether Tan Yanqing would believe her or not, she at least had to give a direction to this hopeless search.

The only thing she feared was that Tan Yanqing might go crazy if she believed it. Finding out the person you’ve searched for for so many years has been by your side all along—who wouldn’t lose it?

She was afraid Tan Yanqing would never talk to her again.

But this wasn’t her fault! It was Fate’s fault! Arranging such a mess! Is it fun to play with her and Tan Yanqing like this?!

It was this internal conflict that made her stall. She wanted to find a way to make Tan Yanqing accept it gently, without any cracks appearing in their relationship.

The seventeen-year-old Tan Yanqing fell for Jian Lai, but the thirty-four-year-old Tan Yanqing might not necessarily fall for Jian Hao. Jian Hao didn’t have the courage to believe that “Auntie Tan will forgive me no matter what.”

But she couldn’t keep running; she wasn’t the only one suffering. Instead of twisting herself into knots here, it was better to try and talk to Auntie Tan first to test the waters.

When Guan Xinting finished her meal and returned to the bedroom, Jian Hao told her about her plan to “talk to Auntie Tan.”

Guan Xinting nodded: “That’s the spirit~ The Jian Hao I know wouldn’t get discouraged just because of one rejection. Besides, I feel like Auntie Tan came to pick us up—no, pick you up—yesterday because she wanted to talk, too.”

A sentence suddenly surfaced in Jian Hao’s mind. On the day she traveled back, Auntie Tan had said: Nothing you want to tell me?

What was it that Auntie Tan wanted her to say back then?

At the dinner table, the adults took a long time with their wine. Jian Hao and Guan Xinting had finished an entire variety show episode before they heard the sounds of the dinner party breaking up outside.

Jian Hao told Guan Xinting to keep watching while she went out. The three of them had drunk a fair amount and were sitting on the sofa. Jian Hao saw they were okay and started clearing the table.

Jian You heard her and shouted, “Baby, leave it for me. Go play with Tingting in your room.”

If this were the Jian Hao before age fifteen—the one who wasn’t very obedient—she wouldn’t have touched the table at all. Her biggest flaw was laziness. Lazy to study, lazy to do chores; her greatest wish every day was to lie in bed and read novels.

But the current Jian Hao smiled and cleared the table briskly. “You just sit there and sober up. You want to help? I’m afraid you’ll break the bowls.”

Jian You stumbled over and hugged her, leaning on her shoulder. Jian Hao couldn’t dodge, so she led her toward the kitchen.

“Aww, you’ve grown up. You know how to care for your mom now,” Jian You mumbled.

Jian Hao’s heart constricted with a sudden ache, but she kept a smile on her face. She said, “I’m holding plates, don’t lean on me too hard or you’ll knock me over.”

Jian You said, “Oh? I just said you care about me, and now you’re already annoyed by me?”

“How could that be, Auntie Jian? Jian Hao is just afraid you’ll fall.” Guan Xinting, who had just come out of the bedroom, came over to support Jian You. With a laugh, she helped her to the sofa and then turned back to help wipe the table. After wiping, she wanted to help wash dishes in the kitchen, but Jian Hao refused. She told Guan Xinting to go watch the three adults in the living room—specifically Jian You. After spending time with the seventeen-year-old Jian You, Jian Hao knew her mother was capable of anything when drunk; she was afraid she’d set the house on fire if left unwatched.

By the time Jian Hao finished the dishes and came out of the kitchen, only Tan Yanqing was left in the living room.

Guan Xinting had come into the kitchen earlier to tell her that a little Pomeranian had just arrived at Zhu Xinsui’s house, and the three of them had gone over to see it. When asked why Tan Yanqing didn’t go, she said Tan Yanqing had drunk too much and seemed to have fallen asleep on the sofa, so they didn’t wake her.

Jian Hao dried her hands and approached Tan Yanqing.

In Nanqing’s winter, it got dark early. At 6:00 PM, the sky outside was a deep blue-purple, like an overturned ink bottle. The lights were on inside, so it didn’t feel dark.

Jian Hao tossed the tissue into the bin by the coffee table. She stood still for a moment, watching Tan Yanqing. Feeling that the glasses on her nose were reflecting light, she moved a few steps to the side, standing at an angle where there was no glare.

This was the first time today she had clearly seen Tan Yanqing’s eyes, though they were unfortunately closed.

But… her sleeping face was pleasing enough to the eye. A sleeping beauty.

The corners of Jian Hao’s mouth curved up, and she couldn’t help but move closer to the sofa.

She had held hands with both the young Tan Yanqing and Auntie Tan, and had kissed both (the young one on the mouth, the older one on the cheek as a child), but moving toward the sofa now, she still felt very restless.

She didn’t intend to get too close, fearing she’d wake her. Standing before the sofa, she took out her phone, opened the camera, and crouched down. Finding a good angle, she slowly adjusted the focus, wanting to take a photo to save in her private album. She wondered if Tan Yanqing had seen her private album when she checked her phone…

However, just as she found the angle and before she could press the shutter, Tan Yanqing’s eyelashes fluttered and her eyes slowly opened. The light was a bit piercing, so she closed them again to adjust.

In that moment, Jian Hao quickly pressed the shutter, hid the phone behind her back, stood up, and asked softly: “Do you want some water?”

Tan Yanqing’s gaze shifted to her.

A drunk Tan Yanqing was a bit slower than usual. Those cool eyes looked much clearer now, with a hint of contemplation, as if she were thinking about what the question meant.

Jian Hao smiled, leaned over to pick up the glass from the coffee table, and headed for the water dispenser.

As she stood up, Tan Yanqing called out to her.

Jian Hao’s steps froze. After a long while, as if having found her soul again, she turned her head. Her gaze fixed on Tan Yanqing. “What… what did you call me?”

She happened to be standing directly under the light. Looking at her meant looking into the glaring light. Tan Yanqing’s eyes were bothered by the glare; she frowned, closed her eyes again, and her lips moved:

“Lailai…”