Good Girl, You Can’t Eat This - Chapter 5

“Today’s livestream ends here. I’m going to take her to the police station. I’ll notify everyone in advance about the next livestream time.” Xie Chi quickly ended the stream. She was afraid that if she kept streaming, something would happen that she would not be able to lie her way out of.

After turning off the livestream, Xie Chi no longer restrained the little cutie she kept inside the box. She even specially let her out to breathe some fresh air.

Yin energy of a slightly darker color crawled out from her sleeve. It seemed to know that Xie Chi was its financial backer… no, its owner, so it ingratiatingly rubbed against her wrist before crawling toward the female ghost.

When Xie Chi had picked her up, her soul had been seriously injured. Now, not only was she unable to condense into a spirit body, even her consciousness had been reduced to instinct. The damage to her soul made her mind full of thoughts of replenishing herself. When she saw other ghosts, she practically drooled.

The black energy approached the female ghost, then quickly transformed into a huge bloody mouth. It was about to bite down on the female ghost’s head. Fortunately, Xie Chi moved quickly, grabbing it and stroking it repeatedly. “This one can’t be eaten. Hurry, hurry, spit it out!”

The black energy dumpling had already bitten the female ghost’s head. How could it bear to spit her out? But it knew that Xie Chi was usually the one who fed it blood, and that blood tasted much better than these lonely souls and wandering ghosts. So after seriously thinking it over, it reluctantly spat the female ghost’s head back out.

“What a good girl.” Xie Chi held the black energy dumpling and stroked it again. She only felt that there was nothing in the world more obedient than their family’s Little Black, and her heart immediately softened.

Only the female ghost was left dumbfounded. Trembling, she shrank into a corner to avoid being turned into a snack pack and having her soul scattered, saving herself the trouble of reincarnation altogether.

I’m so stupid.

She had only known that Xie Chi did not look simple, but she had never expected that these days, there were people who would not even let ghosts off and would directly try to chew them like crispy corn chips.

Too ruthless…

Xie Chi did not bother with that female ghost anymore. She was only a small character and was not important. Right now, she had to check on how that young man was doing first. If he died in this hospital, that would be her fault.

Xie Chi walked forward. The fog grew thicker. The yin energy had gradually occupied the entire space. This place had already become the ghosts’ home ground. Every now and then, hands stretched out from the walls, the ceiling, and the floor. But before they could touch Xie Chi, they were frightened into scattering by the black energy coiled around her.

Although the black energy on Xie Chi’s body belonged to a remnant soul, the hostility on that remnant soul was too heavy. It was filled with a fierce, baleful aura, and it even showed a drooling attitude toward them. Who would dare approach…

And so, Xie Chi walked all the way in without obstruction. Pushing aside the mist formed from yin energy, she arrived at the source where the yin energy was heaviest. When she pushed open the door, everything inside entered her sight.

The young man was sitting beside the innermost hospital bed, holding a white swaddle in his arms. His head was lowered, and his expression was unclear. He only gently rocked his arms, his movements as tender as a mother coaxing a child to sleep.

The black energy coiled around Xie Chi’s body—more accurately, lying on Xie Chi’s neck—became excited in an instant. It almost impatiently circled around Xie Chi, looking very much like it was waiting for its owner to pour out cat food.

“Get down from him!” Xie Chi carried the peachwood sword and walked over expressionlessly. “I haven’t killed anything in a long time. Don’t make me make an exception.”

The young man raised his head. His brows and eyes were gentle, and he unexpectedly made a voice that sounded like a woman’s. “This humble woman is merely an ordinary mother hoping for her child to be born. Why must you make things difficult for me?”

“Your child?” Xie Chi stopped in front of the young man. “It’s only a remnant soul formed from the obsessions of countless babies who died young. Just because you say it’s yours, it becomes yours? If you call to it, will it call you Mom?”

Young Man: “???”

Why the hell are you not following the script!

The young man—no, it should be said the female ghost inside his body—instantly lost the gentleness in her expression. The swaddle in her arms was quickly dyed red with blood. The loud crying of a baby was sharp and piercing, sounding like countless people blasting Douyin videos on dual speakers at the same time.

The kind with the volume turned all the way up.

“You’ve been a ghost for at least several hundred years, yet every day you’re still thinking of becoming a mother out of nowhere. No wonder you still haven’t reincarnated.” Xie Chi weighed the peachwood sword in her hand and felt that it was not very easy to use. She casually threw it onto the hospital bed beside her, rolled up her sleeve, and punched the young man in the face.

Bang!

A phantom figure flickered and was almost smashed out. Staggering, it threw itself back into the young man’s body. The ghost fetus in his arms was enraged. The bloody, mangled lump of flesh had no eyes, only a mouth full of sharp teeth. After jumping out of the swaddle, it pounced toward Xie Chi.

Xie Chi was in the middle of rolling up her other sleeve. Seeing this, she punched out, striking the lump right in the mouth. With a thud, she smashed it to the ground. The fleshy lump bounced twice on the floor like a ball, stunned from the blow.

This ghost mother and child had been ghosts for several hundred years and had seen all sorts of Daoist arts, Daoist techniques, formations, and magical tools. But this was the first time they had seen physical exorcism.

A true fist the size of a clay pot.

It rolled several times on the floor. Suddenly, dozens of eyes opened on the lump of flesh, each one bright red as if soaked in blood. In an instant, the lump looked like a popsicle under the sun, melting into a puddle of blood. Countless remnant souls drilled out from inside it and rushed toward the young man, one after another.

Since it knew it could not win by fighting, it changed tactics.

That lump of flesh was a ghost fetus. Xie Chi did not know where they had come from, but even a ghost fetus could not allow this strange thing formed from remnant souls to reincarnate. It could only make it become that neither-human-nor-ghost lump of flesh from before, so abandoning it did not seem too painful.

The female ghost possessing the young man instantly opened her mouth. The remnant souls and the blood formed from the lump of flesh all drilled inside. Xie Chi could not stop it in time and was stunned.

“Crap!”

Xie Chi quickly stepped forward and punched the young man in the stomach. The female ghost was also tough, covering her mouth and forcing herself to swallow all those messy things down.

“Get out here! Make your turtle sons get out too! Hurry!” Xie Chi fiercely punched again. The blow made the female ghost vomit with a loud retch, throwing up instant noodles all over the floor…

“Too late…” The female ghost attached to the young man smiled especially strangely. “I know you’re not an ordinary person, but even you have no way to…”

Before the female ghost could finish speaking, Xie Chi grabbed her and beat her with a crackling series of blows, forcibly beating the female ghost out of the young man’s body. With one command, the female ghost was surrounded by the little cutie Xie Chi raised.

Female Ghost: Weak, pitiful, helpless… trembling…

Xie Chi punched the young man’s stomach a few more times, beating him until he threw up all the midnight snacks he had eaten, but still not a single ghostly shadow appeared.

Xie Chi turned to look at the female ghost. “My temper isn’t very good. Tell me, are you going to get the ghost fetus out, or should I kill you first?”

“You… didn’t you say you hadn’t killed anything in a long time…” The female ghost had lost every bit of arrogance. The main reason was that the black energy dumpling was drooling as it circled around her, looking as if it were searching for a place to bite down. Although she was an old ghost of several hundred years, she was not actually very capable.

It was only because, while alive, she had been pregnant with three children, miscarried two, and lost the one she gave birth to immediately after birth, creating resentment so heavy that it turned her into a resentful ghost. Her heart clung to that obsession, and she had yet to reincarnate.

“Yes. I haven’t killed anything in two weeks,” Xie Chi said coldly. “But you’re a ghost. Killing you doesn’t count as killing a living thing. Also, I don’t need to do it myself. Little Black.”

The black energy dumpling excitedly opened its mouth wide. It was only waiting for Xie Chi’s order before starting its meal.

Female Ghost: “…”

With a whimper, she collapsed onto the ground, trembling. “There… there really is no way… Or… maybe there is, but I don’t know. My resentment is mixed and messy. I… I don’t taste good…”

She did not seem to be lying. Xie Chi’s brows furrowed tightly. After a long while, she first took out a small bottle, stuffed the female ghost inside, and tossed it to the black energy dumpling for it to hold and play with. “You’re not allowed to eat her. Bring her back and ask Sect Nephew.”

The black energy dumpling was stunned. Not allowing it to eat, but still making it hold her—wasn’t that a little too cruel?

It blankly held the bottle in its mouth. Only after a while did it pitifully crawl back onto Xie Chi’s body. It had lost all vitality, like a puddle of soft mud smeared against her.

With some worry, Xie Chi went to check on the young man. He was still unconscious, giving Xie Chi some time to organize her words and tell him this bad news.

The young man woke up half an hour later. He had no memories from the time he was possessed. After waking, he only felt sore all over, exactly like the descriptions in old-school CEO novels: like a battered doll that had been played with until it was broken… or, in other words, like he had been run over by a car.

Especially his face. It was swollen.

“Hiss…” The young man clutched his stomach and sucked in a cold breath. “Who… who beat me while I was unconscious? They were way too ruthless!”

Xie Chi: “…”

She raised her head and looked at the sky. Then she felt that avoiding the issue was wrong, so she looked at the young man with innocence and sincerity. “When I came over, you had been possessed by a female ghost. Maybe she took the opportunity to do something to your body. Do you want me to take you to the hospital?”

“Not for now. Wait, you finally believe there are ghosts in this world?” The young man became inexplicably excited. “How about that! I’m not a scammer… Holy crap, that hurts!”

He covered the corner of his mouth. Just now, because he was happy, he had smiled a little too widely, tugging at the bruised and swollen corner of his mouth, and pain shot through it.

“Mm-hm, mm-hm…” Xie Chi felt just the tiniest bit guilty, but this could not really be blamed on her. After all, the tools she was used to were not by her side. She could only rely on her fists for physical exorcism. “I should still take you to the hospital to have a look.”

“It’s only a small injury.” The young man waved his hand. “But why did that female ghost leave so easily? Something isn’t right… I underestimated the enemy. Otherwise, it wouldn’t have come to this. Hiss…”

He grimaced from the pain, but still tried to soften his tone and comfort Xie Chi. “You don’t need to worry. I’ll ask my teachers and elders for help to resolve this matter. My skills are lacking. If that female ghost hadn’t left on her own, I’m afraid I would have dragged you down too.”

Xie Chi’s conscience hurt a little. She fell silent for a moment, then said, “You… why don’t you touch your stomach again?”

“Hm?” The young man touched his belly. Other than hurting a little, there was nothing… wait!

He lowered his head in horror and looked at his stomach. “Holy crap, how did my stomach get made big!”

Author’s Note:
Xie Chi: This one really wasn’t my doing…