Isn't This a Contract Marriage? Why Are You Sneaking Kisses! - Chapter 16

Ji Yunshen didn’t speak for a long time.

Shen Silie didn’t wait for him either; he walked straight to the door, inserted the key into the lock, gave it a soft turn, and the door opened.

Ji Yunshen stood up.

He lingered at the spot for a moment even after Shen Silie entered.

“Come in, it’s cold outside,” Shen Silie said flatly.

Ji Yunshen followed him inside awkwardly.

The moment the door closed behind them, Ji Yunshen was enveloped by the wafting, warm fragrance of the home. His body relaxed involuntarily.

Shen Silie took off the overcoat, habitually hung the umbrella to the side, changed his shoes, and headed into the living room.

Ji Yunshen was about to speak, but his pupils suddenly constricted as his peripheral vision caught sight of that coat.

Before his brain could process it, a questioning rebuke blurted out, “Who sent you back?”

Shen Silie’s footsteps paused. He ignored the man, boiled a pot of water, and unbuttoned his top as he walked straight into the bedroom.

By the time he had changed into his pajamas.

Ji Yunshen was still standing in the entryway, holding the overcoat Shen Silie had just taken off.

Shen Silie frowned, walked over, and took the coat from Ji Yunshen’s hands.

“Call your driver to pick you up.”

“Or I’ll call a car for you.”

Shen Silie gave him two choices.

Ji Yunshen stared at him blankly for a long while before suddenly lowering his head.

“I’m sorry.”

“Why are you saying sorry?”

As he spoke, Shen Silie turned to hang the coat back on the rack; the metal hook clinked crisply against the wooden hanger.

Ji Yunshen’s footsteps approached—a cautious, tentative crawl—and stopped half a step behind him.

“I didn’t mean those things I said,” Ji Yunshen’s voice was stuck in his throat, his tone muffled. “I’ve never thought of you that way.”

“Silie…”

Ji Yunshen suddenly reached out to grab the hem of Shen Silie’s clothes. His fingertips felt slightly hot through the thin fabric. “I…”

“I know.”

Shen Silie interrupted him before he could finish the sentence.

Shen Silie turned around. He saw that Ji Yunshen still had his head lowered, looking like a falcon that had suddenly retracted its wings and sharp edges; he was covered in blood but stood obediently in place, as if doing so would earn him a caress once more.

“Ji Yunshen, I’ve told you.”

“You don’t owe me anything, and you haven’t done me wrong.”

Shen Silie heard his own voice; it was calm to the point of being indifferent. “So you don’t need to apologize to me.”

Ji Yunshen whipped his head up, his eyes rimmed with red, his voice carrying a suppressed tremor. “Just because of those few sentences, you don’t want me anymore?”

Shen Silie’s eyelashes fluttered gently. He looked straight into Ji Yunshen’s eyes and denied it. “It’s not because of those words.”

He paused, his breath and tone hitching for a second. “It’s just because I don’t want to love you anymore. It’s too exhausting, and I no longer have the energy.”

Ji Yunshen’s pupils quivered. His voice suddenly rose, his long-suppressed emotions like a flood breaking through a dam. “Why! You know me, I’m…”

Ji Yunshen’s voice choked up. “I didn’t think that way. Why are you… why are you being so literal with me? Fine, I’m a bastard, okay? I was wrong. But I don’t… I don’t hate you.”

“You clearly know those words were just said in anger. How could I actually think of you like that…”

Shen Silie’s tone was gentle: “I know.”

“We are both adults. Let’s not obsess over something that has no result.”

“We are still friends.”

He slowly pushed Ji Yunshen’s hand away and took a half-step back, creating distance.

Ji Yunshen staggered forward another step, but froze in place at the slightly distant look in Shen Silie’s eyes.

He opened his mouth, his throat tight. After a long while, he squeezed out: “I’ll change. I’ll never say things like that again. Can we just…”

“No,” Shen Silie interrupted him.

Ji Yunshen looked frantic, about to open his mouth to explain further.

Shen Silie spoke up first, slowly and deliberately.

“Because of this novel ‘celebrity’ status of mine, because of this face, those people like me. You wanted to win them over but didn’t want to exert much effort, so you had me tag along to those entertainment venues.”

The obedient, beautiful little star. Even if he couldn’t be brought to bed, taking him out to play and teasing him a bit provided some fun.

“Director Li’s role—I prepared for a year. He chose me and was only willing to let me play it. But because your fellow investor’s son wanted it badly, even though I had already been selected…”

Shen Silie’s voice trailed off.

Ji Yunshen’s face was deathly pale. He wanted to defend himself, but having never done such a thing before, he didn’t know how to start.

Shen Silie lowered his eyes and smiled. His long eyelashes covered his trembling eyes, showing only exhaustion. “You said you were going to take me abroad for a vacation.”

Shen Silie spoke slowly, recounting one instance after another. It felt as if a long time had passed, yet also a very short time.

“I remember it all. I’ve never forgotten. Do you want me to keep going?”

Ji Yunshen’s lips trembled; his face was startlingly white.

Shen Silie sighed and continued.

“You’ve known all along.”

“You knew I loved you.”

Because you knew about this love, because you knew I would tolerate you, you hurt me without restraint. You never worried I would be heartbroken, because you knew I loved you.

So no matter what happened, I would never leave.

But that was something I did willingly.

And so, I can blame no one.

Consider it repayment for your past kindness.

It was just that now, he no longer wanted to keep gambling with his time, and that love was gone.

The water finished boiling with a light “ding.” It was a soft sound, yet it felt exceptionally piercing in the quiet living room.

Shen Silie turned toward the kettle, took out two cups, and mixed cold water with the hot.

The other cup of steaming water was placed on the small side table near Ji Yunshen.

Shen Silie ignored Ji Yunshen after that, busying himself with making salted milk tea.

Ji Yunshen stood frozen, watching Shen Silie’s back. He suddenly felt that the person before him was both familiar and a stranger.

The Shen Silie who would smile at him no matter what he did, who would tolerate all his wilfulness, was now standing there quietly, stirring his milk tea with an expression of weary calm.

It was like returning to their first meeting.

It was exactly like this.

Always polite, gentle, exhausted, and keeping everyone at a thousand miles’ distance.

Ji Yunshen bit his pale lips. He knew. How could he not know?

Precisely because he had encountered those hardships, Shen Silie had a massive capacity for tolerance—but also the resolve to swiftly extract himself from things that caused him pain.

Shen Silie was the type of person who, upon finding out that the childhood friend who was closer to him than anyone else had done those things, would mercilessly sever all affection and become a total stranger from that day on.

How could he possibly be soft-hearted toward Ji Yunshen?

He had always been this way: gentle yet cold. No matter how much he tolerated, once the bottom line was hit, he would take everything back. It wasn’t heartlessness.

It was a form of self-preservation to seek gain and avoid harm—a self-preservation meant to avoid further pain.

He had never changed.

It was only that Ji Yunshen, under years of the other’s indulgence, had long since forgotten that inherent nature.

Under the influence of fear, Ji Yunshen’s brain worked at high speed.

But he’s soft-hearted. In these nine years, besides me, who else does Shen Silie have to rely on?

He only has me.

A lonely person cannot survive.

This thought rose up within him—base, yet clear.

“Silie.” Ji Yunshen’s voice was hoarse. He stepped forward and grabbed a corner of Shen Silie’s shirt, sobbing as he avoided the main issues.

“I was wrong. I shouldn’t have treated you like that. I just… I just wanted to know if you really loved me that much.”

“I just felt insecure.”

Shen Silie looked down at the milk tea in his cup. He drank a third of it; his stomach felt exceptionally comfortable.

The sound of rain pattered outside the window.

Shen Silie looked up and set down the teacup.

“Let go.” Shen Silie tried to pry his fingers away, but Ji Yunshen suddenly grabbed his wrist. The man’s burning palm covered him, and with an unyielding force, he pulled Silie into his arms.

Shen Silie slammed into the man’s violently heaving chest.

“Don’t drive me away.” Ji Yunshen held Shen Silie tightly, burying his face in the crook of his neck, his hot breath fanning across Silie’s collarbone.

A flash of lightning streaked across the sky, followed by an even more violent downpour.

His nose was filled with a warm orange scent, mixed with a sandalwood fragrance that never belonged to the man holding him.

Ji Yunshen’s body shuddered. Like a young beast about to be abandoned, he whimpered uncontrollably, not daring to loosen his grip for a second.

“I was wrong, I know I was wrong. Please don’t throw me away. I’ll change everything. I’ll change everything, okay? Just don’t leave me.”

A damp sensation seeped through the fabric—it was the rain on Ji Yunshen’s clothes.

Shen Silie sighed softly. He heard his own heartbeat—steady, rhythmic, no longer carrying the palpitations of the past.

Under the man’s near-pleading gaze.

Shen Silie pried the hands from his waist and stepped back, inch by inch.

“Ji Yunshen, it’s too late. Go home.”