A Secret (GL) - Chapter 32

In this frozen world, during a morning before 7:00 AM, if a living person were out and about, their breath would likely condense into white frost in the air.

Gu Shuge, however, felt nothing. She stood weightlessly on the small path, flanked by bamboo groves heavily laden with snow; the ground between the stalks was covered in a thick white blanket.

She continued her questioning: “Can you be sure?”

The Wicked Thought replied, “Certain. You haven’t offended anyone; if anything, you’ve done a lot of small favors. I’ve scoured our memory several times—I want to know who the killer is, too.”

Gu Shuge was actually a bit unaccustomed to it answering so civilly. She asked suspiciously, “Why aren’t you cursing or being violent today?”

“You—” the Wicked Thought blurted out, but restrained itself, suppressing an outburst. It merely complained: “You annoying ghost, you tatted on me to Shen Juan. She definitely hates me now.”

“You bullied me. Even if I hadn’t told her, Shen Juan would still hate you,” Gu Shuge said coldly.

“Nonsense.” The Wicked Thought started to get angry again but held it back. “I’m a part of you to begin with; bullying oneself—how can that count as bullying? Besides, I didn’t bully you. I was giving you pointers on how to take Shen Juan for yourself. On your own, you’ll never manage it!”

If Gu Shuge were still human, her face would be flushed red by now. She said angrily, “You are truly disgusting!”

“Don’t tell me you don’t have those thoughts?” The Wicked Thought feigned surprise.

She did. Gu Shuge couldn’t argue. She had even dreamed of doing that with Shen Juan. But dreams are uncontrollable; she couldn’t stop herself from indulging in a dream. To think that way while awake, however, was far too disrespectful to Shen Juan.

Being inside her head, the Wicked Thought shared her thoughts; it laughed triumphantly: “You don’t just want her once; you want her again and again.”

Gu Shuge said nothing more and turned back.

Realizing her intent, the Wicked Thought began to roar, telling her to stop. But as much as it roared, it didn’t curse her—it was likely truly terrified of being hated by Shen Juan.

As she neared the Library of Scriptures, the Wicked Thought gave a huffy whimper and vanished.

Gu Shuge was very unhappy; she hadn’t found a single lead on the case and had been mocked to boot. Outside the library, a young monk was peeking around the door, carrying a food container.

She recognized him—he was the one who delivered the meals. He had come too early; it hadn’t even been two hours since Shen Juan went to sleep.

She stood right beside the monk. Unaware that a ghost was standing next to him in distress, the monk muttered softly, “Is she not up yet?”

Gu Shuge considered how to get him to put the container down and leave quickly. The monk reached out and pushed the door. It didn’t budge; Shen Juan had locked it.

Finding the door locked, the monk thought for a moment and carried the container back, seemingly planning to return later. As he turned, he brushed past Gu Shuge’s shoulder. She waited for him to leave before passing through the door.

The desk inside was covered with books and a stack of notes made by Shen Juan. Gu Shuge took a look; the elegant handwriting recorded topics like nourishing ghosts, the effects of Buddhist light on spirits, how ghosts are resurrected, and similar content.

If anyone else saw this, they would likely think Shen Juan had joined a cult.

Fortunately, Shen Juan remembered to lock the door; otherwise, if that monk went out and started spreading rumors, it would severely damage her reputation. Gu Shuge hesitated a moment, then passed through the wall of the lounge. On a small tatami-style bed, Shen Juan was sleeping soundly.

She was wrapped in a thick quilt. A few strands of hair had fallen across her face. Her lips were a bit pale, her brow slightly furrowed. Her breathing was so light that Gu Shuge instinctively crouched down, leaning closer to listen.

She kept getting closer and closer until she heard the faint sound of inhaling and exhaling. Then, her gaze was drawn to those pale lips.

Her rationality surfaced, desperately trying to dissuade her.

Going into Shen Juan’s room while she’s sleeping is disrespectful enough. How can you think such messed-up things? Shen Juan has cared for you since you were eight. Fine, you have unseemly desires, but at the very least, you must show her respect in your actions!

But for some reason, though her reason remained, another voice drowned it out.

“You want her again and again!” the Wicked Thought’s voice echoed in her mind.

Disgusting. Gu Shuge frowned inwardly, but she couldn’t bring herself to look away.

Unable to restrain herself, she raised a hand and gently touched Shen Juan’s lips.

They were a bit dry, but so soft. Her fingertips trembled, her heart raced, and her chest felt as if it might explode from a mix of excitement and guilt. Finally unable to bear it, Gu Shuge withdrew her hand and turned around. She didn’t even use the door; she charged through the wall, emerging into the outer room and gasping for air.

The cold fingertip left her lips. Shen Juan didn’t open her eyes; she was worried Xiaoge hadn’t left yet.

She had actually fallen asleep, but with things weighing on her mind, her sleep was restless, leaving her in a half-awake, half-dreaming state. The touch of the icy finger on her lips woke her up completely.

The finger had trembled slightly, yet it had boldly and gently pressed against her lower lip. Shen Juan felt a surge of “wavy lines” appear before her, the peaks and valleys jumping violently.

Three hours later, around 10:00 AM, Shen Juan finally got up.

Gu Shuge was laboriously flipping through book pages. This scripture was ancient and the paper had yellowed, so she had to be exceptionally careful. Just as she was turning a page, the door opened and Shen Juan stepped out.

Gu Shuge’s hand shook, and the half-turned page fell back. She stared at Shen Juan, who didn’t look in her direction but went into the bathroom. Only after she disappeared around the corner did Shuge let out a soft breath. Then, she felt a belated sense of relief; luckily Shen Juan couldn’t see her, or staring like that would have surely aroused suspicion.

The library had a lounge and a bathroom, likely used by staff in the past. Currently, however, no one was stationed there.

Gu Shuge felt a bit uneasy and couldn’t help but stand up. A knock sounded; that monk was back.

He had come three times in one morning.

Shen Juan emerged from the bathroom. Droplets of water still clung to her temples, dampening a few strands of hair. Her face was very pale from staying up late. As she walked out, she glanced toward the desk. Gu Shuge instinctively went stiff. Shen Juan’s gaze held a trace of an indescribable tenderness—faint, brief, and gone so fast it was hard to catch. A moment later, she regained her usual composure and walked toward the door.

“Benefactor,” the monk said with a smile.

Gu Shuge followed. Shen Juan took the food container, saying, “Thank you for the trouble, Little Master.”

The monk shook his head quickly, his eyes fixed intently on Shen Juan. “No trouble, no trouble at all!”

Shen Juan offered a small smile, and the monk’s eyes went glazed. Gu Shuge finally understood why this monk was so diligent. She glared at him, and after a long while, she managed to squeeze out: “Scoundrel!” She wished she could release the Wicked Thought then and there to curse this dog of a monk to death.

Shen Juan closed the door, blocking the monk out. Carrying the container, she went to the side to prepare for her meal.

Gu Shuge followed sullenly. Shen Juan set down several dishes of vegetarian food and a bowl of rice and began to eat.

Gu Shuge didn’t disturb her. Shen Juan hadn’t eaten since having half a bowl of rice for dinner yesterday, and she hadn’t slept well. Shuge only hoped she would eat more; she was already thin enough.

But she couldn’t help herself from staring at Shen Juan’s lips.

Shen Juan’s lips… are so soft.

Gu Shuge watched unblinkingly.

Shen Juan took two bites and suddenly stopped, pursing her lips. She sensed wavy lines appearing; Xiaoge was right across from her, yet there was no movement. For some reason, she thought of the sensation of the icy finger lingering on her lips, feeling a bit unnatural.

Seeing her stop, Gu Shuge thought she was full already and grew anxious. Just as she was about to urge her to eat more, Shen Juan picked up her chopsticks again.

She finished the entire bowl of rice. After putting the utensils back in the container, she couldn’t resist raising a hand to touch her lower lip.

Walking to the desk, Shen Juan called out, “Xiaoge.”

Gu Shuge finally reacted; Shen Juan hadn’t looked for her once from the moment she woke up until she finished eating. She hurriedly tapped the back of Shen Juan’s hand to signal her presence.

“Did you find any information?” Shen Juan sat down, fixing her gaze on the open book.

Gu Shuge drew a cross, then picked up the quill and wrote on the white paper: “That monk has bad intentions.” To be a monk yet stare at Shen Juan like that—how outrageous!

Thinking Shen Juan hadn’t noticed, she specifically warned her, only for Shen Juan to say calmly, “Mhm.” Then she picked up her pen and immersed herself in the sea of books.

Gu Shuge dazed for a moment, then realized: there must be so many people pursuing Shen Juan, and even more who looked at her with adoration. How could she not have noticed? She was simply used to it.

Gu Shuge was suddenly as sour as a giant lemon. Among those who adored Shen Juan, had any confessed to her? Had any been treated with her gentleness?

She kept looking at Shen Juan, her heart churning with jealousy, but Shen Juan kept her head down, completely focused. For the entire afternoon, she didn’t say a single word to Gu Shuge.

Gu Shuge’s restless heart gradually calmed. She decided she couldn’t let the Wicked Thought out again; not only was it no help at all, but its thoughts were disgusting, and it seemed they were contagious.

She found a scripture and recited it ten times in her mind.

Around 6:00 PM, a knock sounded at the door; someone was delivering dinner. Gu Shuge found her ten recitations had been in vain as her calm heart grew agitated again. She looked at Shen Juan.

Shen Juan stood up and went to open the door.

Gu Shuge pursed her lips and followed. Seeing the person outside, she was surprised. The one delivering food this time wasn’t the monk, but a woman in her fifties. She handed over the container, said, “Keep the utensils, I’ll collect them next time,” and left.

Gu Shuge didn’t even know when Shen Juan had arranged the change. She followed Shen Juan back, who opened the container and took out the food.

Though she was no longer taking the temple’s food, the dinner delivered from outside was still light vegetarian fare. Gu Shuge looked at the color of the greens and guessed that even the oil used was vegetable oil.

“When we get back, you must definitely nourish yourself properly,” Gu Shuge said with heartache.

Shen Juan picked up her bowl and ate unhurriedly.

After dinner, Shen Juan returned the books she had read today to their original places. She had an excellent memory, placing each book back in its exact spot without a single error, then selected a new batch.

At this pace, five days should be enough to browse the library roughly, but it was impossible to read anything in great detail.

Shen Juan returned to the desk. This time, she didn’t dive straight into the books but spoke up: “In a bit, you try my blood.”

Gu Shuge was stunned and quickly picked up the quill to write: “Didn’t we agree to look for other ways?”

They had agreed last night. Shen Juan watched her finish writing and said, “Blood is confirmed to be effective. Even if there are other methods, as long as they aren’t in conflict, we can keep using the blood method.”

Gu Shuge hadn’t expected her to not only change her mind but actually plan to use blood to nourish her long-term. She grew anxious, about to urge her to stop this dangerous idea. Shen Juan continued: “Dr. Mu said that given my health, donating 400ml of blood every six months is fine. That means I can provide 800ml a year; as long as I don’t exceed that, it won’t affect my health.”

She spoke very calmly, leaving Gu Shuge with no room for counter-argument.

Shen Juan curled her lips into a gentle smile. “More importantly, I don’t want to wait anymore. I want to see you immediately.”