Chapter 33

The three-story sutra library was built entirely of wood, so there was a natural fragrance of timber when one stood inside it. Gu Shuge guessed that this sutra library must have been passed down for many years.

The place where they read, took notes, ate, and rested looked from the outside as if it were part of the sutra library, built with the same materials. But once one entered, it was clear they were different. This side had been newly built later. It was not especially new, probably about ten years old, but compared with the sutra library, it was a young person in the prime of life.

From outside, the two sides looked like one whole. Inside, they were separated by a wall in order to protect the ancient texts in the sutra library.

But this method of preserving books was still rather outdated. Anyone who knew a little about preservation knew that paper had a lifespan of a thousand years, while silk manuscripts lasted only half as long. The ultraviolet rays in sunlight would make paper yellow, fade, and grow brittle. Dust and insect eggs could also damage paper. Gu Shuge had seen several books inside that made her heart ache terribly.

From the time Shen Juan and Gu Shuge entered until now, they had never discussed how best to preserve the scrolls and books inside. But it was obvious that Shen Juan was doing her best to reduce the number of times they searched for books and the amount of time they stayed among them. Usually, she left the task of finding books to Gu Shuge.

A place like this, carrying the vicissitudes of time, would always seem eerie once night fell. What was more, it was winter. From time to time, cold gusts of wind blew, accompanied by the quiet sounds of snow falling from the eaves and tree branches. It made everything seem even more gloomy and frightening.

Under the gentle light, the composure and calmness at Shen Juan’s brows and eyes did not melt away. But the words she spoke and the smile by her lips held an unbelievable tenderness.

Gu Shuge quickly turned her gaze away and silently recited the scripture she had repeated more than ten times that afternoon to calm her heart. Four years ago, she had already misunderstood once. Back then, she had still been able to flee in a panic. If she misunderstood again now, she would have nowhere to escape.

After Shen Juan said this, she did not press her too hard. Gu Shuge forced herself to finish silently reciting the entire scripture once before barely recovering the slightest bit of reason. She picked up the pen and wrote seriously, “What if eight hundred milliliters of blood a year still isn’t enough? How much blood do you have for me to squander? And what if fresh blood makes me violent, producing even more yin malevolence, and it backlashes against you?”

She still did not agree.

But Shen Juan remained calm. Clearly, this was not a sudden whim, but something she had carefully considered.

“Every day, you’ve been touching my [bailiantales.com]blood. Have you produced even the slightest hostility?” she asked.

Gu Shuge was silent for a moment, then denied it. She had not.

This was something Shen Juan had guessed long ago. With Xiao Ge’s self-awareness, if blood had even the slightest effect of intensifying her yin malevolence, she would definitely tell Shen Juan and never use it again.

“If eight hundred milliliters a year isn’t enough, there’s still the second year, the third year, the fourth year, and every year after that. No matter what, it’s much better than trying nothing like we are now.” Shen Juan continued persuading her. Since there were no drawbacks, the only thing Xiao Ge was worried about was the harm blood loss would do to Shen Juan’s body.

Shen Juan identified the crux and broke through it one by one. “I’ll act according to my limits. And with you by my side, you can supervise me at any time.”

Since she had said it to this point, Gu Shuge seemed to have no reason left to refuse.

After another long while, the word “Okay” appeared on the white paper.

She had finally persuaded this stubborn little ghost. Shen Juan stood and went to the resting room.

Gu Shuge knew she was going to draw blood. She followed.

Inside the suitcase Shen Juan had brought, there was a very complete set of blood collection equipment. Blood collection bags all had different capacities. When Shen Juan was about to pick up the four-hundred-milliliter one, Gu Shuge silently pushed the two-hundred-milliliter one beneath her hand.

This time, Shen Juan did not insist and listened to Gu Shuge. Gu Shuge let out a breath of relief. During this period of time, Shen Juan had not been sleeping well and had been eating little. Her physical condition definitely was not at its best. She could not draw that much blood all at once.

Shen Juan picked up the blood collection needle, found the brightest spot under the light, connected the collection tube to the blood bag, and rolled up her sleeve. Gu Shuge turned her face away, unable to bear watching.

But Shen Juan proceeded step by step, orderly and methodical.

When Gu Shuge turned back again, the needle had already pierced into the blood vessel, and blood was flowing out through the collection tube. She froze for a moment, then immediately understood. Shen Juan must have secretly practiced how to insert the needle in private.

They were together during the day. The only time they were apart for long stretches was at night, when Shen Juan returned to her bedroom alone to sleep.

She must have practiced during that time.

How many times had she practiced?

Gu Shuge looked at Shen Juan’s side profile, at her pale face. As if sensing something, Shen Juan looked toward her, her gaze calm. That one glance made Gu Shuge’s heart tighten. Even though she clearly knew Shen Juan could not see her at all and could only see empty air, she still could not help standing properly, motionless.

Shen Juan turned back and continued watching the blood collection bag. Gu Shuge walked over to her side.

Once the blood bag was full, Shen Juan removed the needle, put away the blood bag, and pressed a cotton ball against the puncture site. The process was complete. She pressed for a while and confirmed the bleeding had stopped. Then she put away all the used items. She did not throw them into the trash, but stored them separately in another bag, putting them back into the suitcase so she could take them away together when they left.

After that, she carried the blood bag out.

Gu Shuge followed closely, paying attention to her steps and complexion, afraid she had lost too much blood. But Shen Juan walked very steadily, and her complexion was still all right.

Gu Shuge was still not reassured. With Shen Juan’s willpower, even if she truly felt unwell, she could probably keep going as though nothing had happened.

Shen Juan poured the blood into a cup.

A full cup.

A faint sweet, bloody scent could be smelled in the air.

The feeling of starving hunger instantly clenched Gu Shuge’s stomach. She walked over, her gaze falling on the cup. Over the past few days, she had already overcome her craving for blood. But now there was so much of it, and the fragrance was so rich. Gu Shuge vaguely showed signs of losing control.

Shen Juan sensed her desire. She smiled.

It was a very faint smile. Gu Shuge forced herself to turn her gaze away from the blood and look at Shen Juan. By then, that smile only lingered at the corners of Shen Juan’s eyes, and soon disappeared completely.

“How should I feed you?” Shen Juan said.

With such a large cup, Gu Shuge definitely could not hold it herself. Shen Juan lifted the cup and tilted it slightly to one side, allowing the surface of the liquid to meet the rim. Then she saw the surface of the liquid ripple.

Gu Shuge licked once, letting her lips become stained with blood, then began drinking along the rim of the cup.

Blood poured into her mouth, slid down her esophagus, and entered her stomach. Then she clearly felt the blood spread from her stomach to her entire body. The dried-up blood vessels in her body seemed to awaken.

Gu Shuge could no longer restrain herself and began drinking wildly. She drank extremely quickly, and Shen Juan was startled too, but cooperated and fed her. Only when the cup was empty did Gu Shuge lick her lips.

A calm, peaceful sensation rose from her stomach, like mist steaming from the surface of a river, until it spread through her whole body. It felt very comfortable. Her stomach was warm. She raised a hand and pressed it to her chest. There was no heartbeat inside her chest cavity, yet her palm actually felt the area where her heart should be growing scorching hot.

It was like… like she could come back to life.

After who knew how long, all the changes returned to stillness. Gu Shuge went back to her light, drifting state, but she could sense the difference. Her soul-body was much more stable, like a ​stolen content​kite flying in midair whose string had now been placed in the hands of someone steadier. She no longer felt as if she might dissipate at any moment.

During this time, Shen Juan had not spoken at all. Gu Shuge looked at her and said nothing either.

Shen Juan did not know where she was, so her gaze was somewhat unfocused. She looked at a certain spot, then after a while, her line of sight would shift slightly to another place, as if judging where Gu Shuge might be but unable to be sure.

A long while passed.

“You…” Shen Juan finally spoke. She sounded somewhat hesitant as she asked, “How do you feel?”

For some reason, Gu Shuge did not immediately respond to her. Shen Juan paused for a while, pressed her lips together, and anxiety and worry finally surfaced in her expression.

“Xiao Ge, where are you?” she asked again, unease in her tone. “Are you all right?”

Gu Shuge still did not respond. She saw Shen Juan’s pale lips, saw her unease, saw her anxiety, saw her resolve to give everything for her. In that instant, Gu Shuge had the illusion that Shen Juan loved her too.

Shen Juan asked twice, yet still did not receive Gu Shuge’s response, nor did she sense her emotions. Her expression changed. She stood from the chair, eyes filled with fear. “Are you still here? Xiao Ge, are you here?”

Gu Shuge came back to herself and quickly picked up the quill on the table, showing that she was there.

The quill floated up. Shen Juan saw it, and the tightly pressed corners of her lips loosened slightly. In a daze, she stretched out her hand to touch the quill. More precisely, she wanted to touch the hand holding the quill.

But naturally, she could not touch it.

Gu Shuge saw the fear in Shen Juan’s eyes slowly scatter. Shen Juan withdrew her hand and said, “Why did you…” Her stolen content tone was somewhat urgent. Gu Shuge understood. She wanted to question why Gu Shuge had not responded, why she had made her anxious.

Gu Shuge lowered her head and began blaming herself too. But she did not dare say why she had lost focus. She wanted to apologize to Shen Juan and write “sorry” on the white paper, but before she could put down the pen, Shen Juan forcefully twisted her words around. As if afraid of frightening her, with that forced stiffness of someone trying to calm herself after being scared, she asked, “How are you? Do you feel uncomfortable anywhere?”

Gu Shuge clearly heard cherishing and care in her words. When she lowered the pen, the words that appeared on the white paper became: “I’m fine.”

“As long as you’re fine,” Shen Juan said. This time, when she spoke, her voice and tone had both returned to normal. She did not mention the fear from just now at all. After thinking for a while, she asked, “Then do you feel any better?”

Gu Shuge immediately felt her nose sting. She wrote down in detail the changes she had felt after drinking the blood.

Shen Juan watched her write. After Gu Shuge finished, Shen Juan smiled and said, “Then it really is useful.”

But Gu Shuge could not smile. She felt that Shen Juan was truly unlucky. Being liked by Gu Shuge was also unlucky. There was not the slightest benefit; instead, she kept being dragged down by Gu Shuge. She did not dare look at Shen Juan anymore. She lowered her head and fixed her gaze on the paper.

“The effect should be reflected in how long I can sense you,” Shen Juan said. “It’s only eight o’clock. There are still four hours until midnight. Let’s keep looking. Since the monk from Guangping Temple specifically pointed us here, there must be something.”

Gu Shuge was greatly alarmed and shook her head repeatedly. “No. You have to go rest.” Her complexion looked terrible, and even her lips were pale. If she forced herself to keep going like this, something would definitely happen.

Shen Juan sat back down and was about to take another book. Gu Shuge wrote two words on the paper: “Go sleep.”

“There isn’t much time,” Shen Juan hesitated.

There was plenty of time. Since the monks were willing to lend them the sutra library for five days, surely they could lend it to them for another five. They could also return after finishing the investigation and slowly search then. There was no rush at all. Nothing was more important than Shen Juan’s body.

Gu Shuge knitted her brows tightly and drew a huge exclamation stolen content mark after “go sleep,” expressing that this was not to be questioned.

Seeing her domineering exclamation mark, Shen Juan thought for a moment and did not remain stubborn. But she said, “Sleep with me.”

Gu Shuge’s face instantly flushed red. She even wondered whether her ears had broken.

“Come with me,” Shen Juan repeated firmly.

After saying this, she stood and walked directly toward the resting room without waiting for Gu Shuge’s response.

Gu Shuge stood frozen in place for a while before following stiffly, moving almost with the same hand and foot.

The light was on in the resting room. When Gu Shuge entered, Shen Juan had already lain down. She lay on the inner side. On such a tiny bed, she had actually left half the space empty.

It had been left for her.

Gu Shuge’s emotions surged, and she could not quite react. She did not understand why Shen Juan had suddenly asked her to sleep together. Shen Juan clearly knew she did not need sleep. But then Gu Shuge suddenly thought of just now, of Shen Juan’s fear and anxiety when she had not responded and Shen Juan had thought something had happened to her. Then she understood.

Was Shen Juan afraid she would disappear?

All kinds of messy, romantic thoughts vanished, turning into guilt and heartache. It was all her fault just now. For some reason, she had not responded to Shen Juan and frightened her.

She lay down on the bed, close to the edge. But the bed was truly too small. Although she pressed herself against the edge, she was still very close to Shen Juan.

Shen Juan had already closed her eyes.

Gu Shuge thought for a moment, then slowly stretched out her hand and placed her index finger on the back of Shen Juan’s hand, telling her that she was there.

Shen Juan did not open her eyes. She extended her index finger, and Gu Shuge gripped her finger with her own index finger and thumb, just as she had done outside Guangping Temple. This way, Shen Juan would always know she was beside her. Then she should be able to sleep peacefully.

Thinking this, Gu Shuge repeatedly told herself several times that Shen Juan had been frightened, which was why she asked her to sleep together. She could not indulge in wild thoughts.

After persuading herself many times, she finally managed to lie there calmly.

Just then, Shen Juan turned onto her side, facing her.

Gu Shuge stiffened like a little zombie, staring straight at the ceiling, not daring to move at all.

The sound of Shen Juan’s breathing was very close, almost pressed against her ear. Gu Shuge thought of the softness of her lips, her heart beating violently, producing a huge wave of wave lines.

For the entire night, she did not move at all. Her eyes remained wide open as she listened to Shen Juan’s faint breathing. Her heart was very complicated, countless chaotic images flashing through her mind. There were scenes of her and Shen Juan getting along in the past, scenes of her living alone over these years, scenes of Shen Juan shedding tears for her after her death, and the scene of Shen Juan outside earlier, calmly saying to her, “Sleep with me.”

All these images intertwined and gathered together, forming Shen Juan’s appearance.

Gu Shuge wanted to turn her head and look at her, but she did not dare. And so her body grew even stiffer.

Only when dawn was about to break, and faint morning light shone in, making the mist-covered window glow white, did Gu Shuge finally win her battle against timidity after struggling for the entire night. She turned her head and looked at Shen Juan. Shen Juan was sleeping deeply. Her back faced the window, her face in shadow, peaceful and quiet.

Only belatedly did Gu Shuge realize that she had spent an entire night sleeping beside the person she liked.

Sweetness rose belatedly in her heart. She bit her lower lip, gathered her courage, and carefully moved a little closer, secretly wanting to kiss Shen Juan’s cheek.

Author’s Note: Me, delivering a long and substantial update.