A Secret (GL) - Chapter 34

She was only 0.1 centimeters away from SShen Juan with just a tiny push forward, she could touch her.

Just one kiss. Gu Shuge kept bolstering her own courage.

She had finished the blood and licked her lips clean; she wouldn’t truly get any on her, so it was fine. Shuge continued to pump herself up.

After lingering for a long while, she finally convinced herself, closed her eyes, and leaned forward slightly.

Soft, warm, and delicate skin. Shuge froze. She opened her eyes to see Shen Juan right in front of her.

Shen Juan was still fast asleep, oblivious to what was happening.

Shuge stayed frozen, concentrating all her attention on her lips to feel the sensation again. It was indeed warm and soft; this time, she even felt the smoothness of the skin.

Shuge didn’t know whether to be happy first that she could touch Shen Juan without the help of blood, or that she had actually kissed her.

But she didn’t have to choose; her heart gave the most honest reaction. She instinctively leaned down further, and a kiss landed on the corner of Shen Juan’s mouth. She didn’t dare truly press her lips against hers; she just touched her for a second before pulling away at lightning speed, watching Shen Juan nervously, terrified she might wake up.

Outside, the morning light was faint. All things were still slumbering. Only by quieting the mind could one hear the occasional, delicate sound of snow falling.

However, at this moment, that slight sound felt like the deafening beat of a drum against Shuge’s heart. Her body went stiff, her eyes betraying her cowardice and guilt. Yet, she couldn’t help but raise her hand to touch her own lips, as if the taste of Shen Juan still lingered there.

She was actually very excited, but she fought to maintain her composure.

Shen Juan was still deep in sleep. Shuge knew why she was this exhausted; it was because she had drawn so much blood for her, worked day and night to help her manifest a body, and hadn’t slept well for days. Therefore, she couldn’t panic now. She had to figure out what happened just now—why she could suddenly touch Shen Juan without blood. This was surely the thing Shen Juan cared about most.

A string seemed to pull tight, holding her logic in place. Shuge sat up, facing Shen Juan, and extended her left hand—the fingers that had never touched blood. She prepared to touch Shen Juan with it to see if she still could.

But out of guilt, she suddenly didn’t know where to touch her.

I’m just doing a “pure” test touch, Shuge told herself firmly. Then, her hand reached toward Shen Juan’s brow.

She touched it. The bone of the brow was hard, not particularly soft, but Shuge felt intoxicated by the delicate skin beneath her fingertip. She felt that every inch of Shen Juan’s skin was tender, just like the gaze she used when looking at her.

Shuge counted silently in her mind.

When she reached thirty-one, the delicate tactile sensation vanished. She calmly withdrew her hand and tried touching Shen Juan’s hand—nothing; her hair—nothing; the pillow—nothing.

She had turned ethereal again.

Shuge’s calm was at its wit’s end. Voices shouting “Shen Juan is so soft!” began to clamor in her mind. Using the last scrap of her logic, she did a rough estimate.

The kiss itself lasted about one second, her internal debate took about two seconds, and the touch on the corner of the mouth was short—one second at most. As she thought this, her gaze uncontrollably drifted back to Shen Juan’s lips while she calculated: roughly ten seconds of “calm time” plus the thirty-one seconds just now… it was about forty-five seconds total.

She had materialized for at least forty-five seconds.

The moment she finished the calculation, her remaining logic vanished with a “boom.” She scrambled up, passed through the wall, ran to the outer room, and gasped for air.

These were all just habits from being human; she didn’t even have breath, so why would she be gasping? Yet Shuge did it instinctively, as if only this could calm her down.

As her “heartbeat” settled, Shuge thought: Shen Juan is really so soft.

She is so wonderful, she thought again.

And so, her heart beat even faster.

She covered her chest with her hand. It was empty inside, with no heart, yet she could feel a pulse intensifying, faster and faster. This, too, was likely a habit from life.

Shuge stood in a daze for a long time before she finally managed to calm down.

She thought she couldn’t just stand there doing nothing. Even though she was a ghost, wasting time was still wrong. She looked back at the wall of the lounge but ultimately didn’t dare go back in.

She had kissed Shen Juan stealthily; she was riddled with guilt. If Shen Juan found out, she would surely be angry.

Shuge floated between the bookshelves of the Library of Scriptures, searching for useful texts.

If she could have a body, she would confess to Shen Juan and tell her she had liked her for a long time. If Shen Juan accepted her, she would tell her about the secret kiss and apologize. If Shen Juan didn’t accept her… then she would never say a word.

Shuge’s mood was like a roller coaster, plummeting and soaring. Now she felt low again, thinking: If Shen Juan can’t accept it, wouldn’t she be disgusted to know I did such a thing?

Cowardice began to surface.

The determination she just felt crumbled. If Shen Juan couldn’t accept it, even a confession would just make her feel awkward and burdened, wouldn’t it?

Shuge felt a bit like a clown—and the most dishonorable kind at that. She paced back and forth through the shelves, her heart wavering.

Finally, she decided: a body wasn’t something easily obtained. She would first observe quietly and test the waters carefully. If there was even a chance Shen Juan could accept her, she would move forward. If not, she would… wait longer, keep testing, and move forward only when the time was right.

She had to fight for herself.

To have a body was equivalent to having a second life. If she could have life itself a second time, why should she be so cowardly as to give up without even trying?

When Shen Juan woke up, her index finger was empty. She called out “Xiaoge,” but there was no response.

This meant Shuge had gone out and wasn’t lying by her side waiting for her to wake.

Shen Juan had a bit of a headache; her temples were throbbing. She pressed them with her hand and sat up, only to find her body a bit weak. She leaned against the headboard and looked at the space beside her where Shuge had lain yesterday.

She checked the time on her phone: 7:00 AM.

She had slept for eleven hours.

Shen Juan got up, washed in the bathroom, and opened the library door to find a thermos outside. She had ordered someone to deliver it last night.

She brought it in, poured the porridge into a bowl, and took a sip. Then, she felt a little ghost floating down from the ceiling.

So, Xiaoge usually didn’t even walk properly; she just floated around like this. Shen Juan took a small sip of porridge and set the bowl down. She checked the time again: 7:40 AM.

She could still feel Xiaoge’s presence; the time had been extended by over two hours.

The blood was not only effective—it was a miracle.

Shuge floated down but didn’t see Shen Juan on the other side. She drifted outside the lounge, thinking: If I want to test if Shen Juan can accept my feelings, how should I even do it?

It must be secret, it can’t be discovered, she thought again.

Shen Juan felt Gu Shuge arrive outside the lounge, drifting around for a while but refusing to come in.

What is Xiaoge doing? Shen Juan was puzzled, but she didn’t speak, continuing to observe.

After a long pause outside, Shuge bit her lip and finally went in. Only after entering did she realize Shen Juan wasn’t there.

She dazed for a moment and hurried back out, finally seeing Shen Juan in the outer room.

Shen Juan felt Shuge’s gaze land on her. She thought: Now I can not only feel her presence but also sense her specific movements. Next time I feed her blood, would it be possible for her to manifest?

As she thought this, she felt Shuge stop floating and walk over properly, clearly paying attention to her “image.”

Shen Juan’s lips curled up imperceptibly before returning to a calm line. She suddenly wanted to know what Shuge was like when she normally couldn’t feel her. So, she didn’t speak, picking up her bowl and continuing to drink, acting as if she were completely unaware of her arrival.

The moment Shuge saw Shen Juan, she remembered her secret kiss from this morning. she didn’t quite dare to look at her, only glancing at her bowl and seeing it was red date and peanut porridge. This is for blood replenishment, Shuge thought. She does need to nourish herself.

Then, she sat across from Shen Juan, still not looking at her, as if lost in a daze.

Shen Juan wondered why Shuge wouldn’t look at her. Just as the thought arose, she felt Shuge’s gaze drift over—just for a second—before quickly darting away.

Shen Juan set the bowl down with half still inside; she was full and prepared to put it away.

Shuge hurriedly tapped Shen Juan’s hand and wrote the word “More,” indicating she should eat a bit more.

Shen Juan was full, but seeing her say this, she sat back down. Shuge let out a sigh of relief and stared at her, as if determined to make her finish the entire bowl.

Shen Juan lowered her eyelids, a smile flashing through her eyes. Shuge, however, supervised her very solemnly until the bowl was empty. Satisfied, she prepared to tell Shen Juan about the materialization.

Shen Juan spoke first: “Are you unhappy?”

Shuge froze, not understanding what she meant.

Shen Juan was also nervous, but she hid it well behind a calm expression—though her pale complexion made her look quite pitiful.

“You don’t want to sleep beside me,” Shen Juan continued. She had carefully weighed this sentence; if Xiaoge became suspicious or repulsed, she would bring up their childhood—how Xiaoge loved sleeping in the same bed as her then—and frame the sadness as being over their current distance.

Shen Juan’s thoughts took a thousand turns, her escape routes planned meticulously.

Gu Shuge, however, hurriedly wrote in her palm: “I don’t!” She denied it frantically. How could she not want to be with Shen Juan? She had just done something “worse” in the middle of the night and fled, that was all.

“Then why did you get up first?” Shen Juan asked again.

Actually, the question made little sense. Shuge didn’t need sleep; she didn’t have to stay in bed. Getting up early wasn’t strange. Shen Juan knew she was being unreasonable, yet she couldn’t help but ask.

Shuge was just thinking about how to test if Shen Juan could accept her, completely unaware that within minutes, Shen Juan had made the first move against her.

She was panicked, not knowing what to say. She couldn’t very well say it was because she had a guilty conscience. Shuge moved uneasily, her soul-form seeming to become more transparent from the tension.

When she didn’t answer for a long time, Shen Juan sensed her but couldn’t feel her emotions, and couldn’t help feeling disappointed.

Gu Shuge wasn’t good at lying. After a long while, she wrote: “I went to look for books. I want to have a body quickly.” This wasn’t the whole truth, but it wasn’t a lie either.

So that’s it. The disappointment Shen Juan felt upon waking up to find Shuge gone finally subsided.

Her emotions were buried deep; she simply spoke in a softer tone: “You will.” In this matter, it had always been Shen Juan who was more anxious than Gu Shuge. She was more desperate for her to have a body and stay in the world, while Shuge seemed to accept it passively.

Shuge’s gaze lingered on her lips for a moment. She sat up straighter and wrote “Mhm” in Shen Juan’s palm.

Shen Juan privately reached a conclusion: Xiaoge didn’t mind sleeping beside her. Now, one question remained: what did the “wavy lines” actually mean? She had fallen asleep last night amidst a dense cluster of them. She suspected “wavy lines” might not mean “complex” after all.

As she was thinking, Shuge wrote in her palm:

“I materialized for at least forty-five seconds just now.”