After Returning To Twelve Years Before My Late Wife’s Death - Chapter 1

April 2, 2030.

It was the final day of Zhao Mingyue and Cui Xuan’s five-year contract marriage.

Thirteen days ago, they had had a terrible fight. After that, Cui Xuan left and never came home again. Zhao Mingyue spent several days in a daze at home, and finally, on this last day, Cui Xuan returned.

Cui Xuan came back late. She was drunk. Sitting on the edge of the bed, she clutched Zhao Mingyue’s shoulders tightly, hunched over and trembling, calling Mingyue’s name again and again.

Zhao Mingyue’s fingers sank into Cui Xuan’s ankle, locking around the protruding bone. She lifted her eyes and met a pair of damp, hazy eyes.

The tears that had piled up in Cui Xuan’s eyes and could no longer be held back fell onto Zhao Mingyue’s face like rain. At first they were scorching hot, then quickly cooled.

“Mingyue… Ming…”

Zhao Mingyue pressed one knee onto the edge of the bed, gripped the back of Cui Xuan’s neck, and cut off her voice almost fiercely. The taste of blood rose in Cui Xuan’s mouth. Her misty eyes closed, and her tears melted into the tangle of their lips and teeth.

The arms wrapped around Zhao Mingyue’s neck tightened with a force that seemed to wish their flesh and blood could fuse together.

They clung to each other desperately, as if their love had been carved into their bones.

But after the damp heat faded and Cui Xuan’s breathing gradually steadied in her arms, Zhao Mingyue heard her say, calm to the point of near indifference,

“Tomorrow, let’s get divorced.”

Her already restless heartbeat abruptly skipped. Her body, still not yet cooled from its heat, plunged in an instant as if into an ice cave.

Cui Xuan’s collar was loose, kiss marks scattered across her neck and chest. Her temples were slightly damp, her lips flushed red… Zhao Mingyue had left so many marks on Cui Xuan that had yet to fade. Just moments ago, they had clearly done the most intimate thing in the world.

Beyond the cold that made her shiver, another surge of fury rose from the bottom of her heart.

Zhao Mingyue should not have been surprised.

Because the “Mingyue” Cui Xuan murmured and longed for was not her. She knew that.

Because theirs had always been a five-year contract marriage. From the moment they got married, every day had been another step toward divorce. She knew that too.

She had always remembered. She knew. Today, today was…

Zhao Mingyue tried her utmost to control the rise and fall of her chest, unwilling to reveal even the slightest trace of emotion. But in the end, she still could not stop herself from pushing Cui Xuan away and getting out of bed barefoot.

“Finally waited until this day.”

“After enduring five years, we finally waited until this day.”

Her voice carried an almost sharp anger. Zhao Mingyue gritted her teeth and glared viciously at Cui Xuan, trying to find even the smallest emotion on her face.

But there was nothing.

Cui Xuan only looked at her quietly, her brows and eyes silent, still wearing that calm, detached expression, as if nothing could enter her eyes, as if no one could ever reach the bottom of her heart.

Neither of them spoke. A cold silence spread through the air. Only after a long while did Cui Xuan gently nod.

“All right.”

All right.

Zhao Mingyue wanted very badly to smash something, if only to lessen the anger in her chest that had nowhere to go. But doing that would look far too pathetic, like an ugly clown furious because she loved someone she could not have.

She forced herself to maintain her calm, turned, and left.

April brought a spring cold snap. The underfloor heating was on at home. As she went down the stairs, waves of warmth rose layer by layer, baking the fire in her heart until it burned even hotter.

The place where the calendar had once hung was now completely empty. The digital clock had long since been turned off too. She had deliberately made herself stop thinking about it, deliberately avoided and ignored anything that could show her the date. Yet every day when she fell asleep and woke up again, the countdown still appeared in her mind.

Cui Xuan was insane.

The one who was sick was obviously Cui Xuan.

But Zhao Mingyue felt she was not far off either.

She stopped by the window and shoved it open hard. The cold night wind instantly rushed over her whole body.

In the courtyard, the branches and leaves rustled noisily. The cold enveloped her from every direction, slapping against her skin through her collar and stabbing into her lungs with every breath.

Zhao Mingyue shivered.

This absurd marriage, opened by a single paper agreement, was about to reach its end.

Before she was twenty-three, Zhao Mingyue came from a wealthy family and lived a life where everything went smoothly. After twenty-three, her family was ruined, her loved ones were gone, and she carried tens of millions in debt.

After struggling for two years, when she realized that she would have to keep living like that for decades to come, Zhao Mingyue had almost been persuaded. She had even thought about selling her organs and ending everything once and for all.

At the fork in the road where she had nearly taken a wrong step, Cui Xuan appeared before her.

“How did you live yourself backward like this?”

Her tone was familiar, as if they were old acquaintances who had not seen each other for years, finally reunited after a long separation.

At the time, Zhao Mingyue stared at Cui Xuan in a daze for a long while, only managing to squeeze out one sentence: “You look somewhat familiar.”

Cui Xuan asked if she had just been arranging a date with someone.

Zhao Mingyue said, “Maybe I was selling myself.”

Cui Xuan said, “Since you’re selling yourself either way, why not sell yourself to me?”

Zhao Mingyue thought she was hallucinating.

Until Cui Xuan, who was staring heavily at her, repeated the sentence once more.

Zhao Mingyue looked at her for a long time. “…That’s illegal.”

Cui Xuan turned a deaf ear to it and only lowered her eyes as she said, “I’ll pay off your debts. You marry me.”

“…Five years.”

Back then, Zhao Mingyue did not know Cui Xuan’s name. She did not know Cui Xuan’s circumstances. She did not know why Cui Xuan would meet her in such an out-of-place location, and even less did she know how Cui Xuan knew about her situation.

Yet as if possessed, she agreed.

Perhaps she had been too exhausted from being crushed by debt these past two years, too unable to bear it anymore. Perhaps she still wanted to live, to live a little more easily.

Perhaps the other woman looked like she was doing very well, like she had a lot of money, and Zhao Mingyue’s debts might not amount to much to her.

Or perhaps… that meeting had not actually been their first.

The year she studied abroad as an exchange student, there were not enough models for a campus show, so her teacher had asked her, an Eastern face, to go onstage wearing the Chinese-style formalwear she had designed herself.

When she walked to the front of the stage, Zhao Mingyue saw the black-haired compatriot in the audience at a glance.

Long, straight, ink-black hair like silk. Skin as pale as jade. Dark pupils that, under the sunlight, were haloed with a clear ring of gold. Her features could not be called astonishingly beautiful, yet because of those eyes, Zhao Mingyue could not look away no matter what.

It was the first time Zhao Mingyue had ever seen eyes like that in reality—so quiet in brow and gaze, yet making one feel they were suppressing endless sorrow and stories.

She thought the other woman was an international student her friend had invited to fill the audience. After leaving the stage, she questioned her friend but got nothing. When she went back onstage for the curtain call and looked again, the original seat had already been occupied by a Western face.

Later, she asked around several times, but could not find any news.

After that, the matter faded away unresolved.

That person she had glimpsed only once seemed like an illusory dream she had imagined amid the roar and bustle.

Yet after so many years, that person had descended before her again in such an unreasonable, completely unexpected, dreamlike way.

The Cui Xuan who appeared again was utterly different from back then. Those eyes that had once held such intense emotion were now calm and indifferent.

Zhao Mingyue really wanted to know why. Why had Cui Xuan gone to see her back then? Why had she come to save her now? She wanted to know what kind of connection they had once had during the years she had forgotten.

But in the end, she still did not ask.

The first time she learned Cui Xuan’s name was on their marriage certificate.

Cui Xuan had spent tens of millions in exchange for a five-year contract marriage, but after they got married, she did nothing. She even rarely came home for as long as half a year.

During the half year when they did not see each other, Zhao Mingyue asked around for a long time before she slowly pieced together Cui Xuan’s past.

For example, Cui Xuan had once been her high school classmate.

For example, though Cui Xuan had spoken so lightly of helping her pay off her debts, she was not from a good background at all. On the contrary, she had no support behind her, and could be described as someone who had crawled out of a pit of mud.

Since childhood, her parents had abandoned her in the countryside. It was her grandmother who raised her. In high school, she stayed at her eldest uncle’s home. After her uncle divorced, he would beat and scold Cui Xuan at every turn.

Later, one day during an argument, Cui Xuan was shoved into a cabinet. The cabinet toppled over and broke her foot.

On the way to the school, her grandmother got into a car accident. The rescue failed, and she passed away.

It was the same day.

That day was Cui Xuan’s birthday.

Her grandmother, who had bought a cake and gone to find Cui Xuan, spent that day unconscious in the emergency room and never got to see Cui Xuan one last time.

Cui Xuan, unaware of anything with a broken foot, curled up in pain for an entire night in a cold, gloomy room and never got to see her grandmother one last time.

After that, the parents who had abandoned Cui Xuan and gone far away, who had not returned home for more than ten years, finally came back with her younger sister.

They came to fight over the inheritance.

They fought over the compensation from the car accident, over the vegetable plot in the countryside, over the old house that leaked when it rained, over the chickens and ducks in the yard, even over the local mutt that guarded the door…

The only thing no one fought over, the thing that was instead pushed back and forth, was Cui Xuan.

For the first time, Cui Xuan resisted. She fought for the old house in the countryside and ten thousand yuan. From then on, she cut ties with them, limped back to school, and never looked back.

Later still, she got into an excellent university. With her scholarship and the wages she earned during summer break, she resolutely left that city.

Cui Xuan struggled for years, spending countless amounts of energy, effort, and blood before she finally reached where she was now step by step. Yet the assets in her hands still were not enough to fill the hole in Zhao Mingyue’s life.

So Cui Xuan sold a project she had painstakingly planned for years, signed a ten-year contract with her company, and mortgaged her future career. Only then did she gather enough money to pay off Zhao Mingyue’s debts. Only then did she descend before her that day.

That year, Cui Xuan was twenty-five.

And for another example…

Cui Xuan had actually hidden many things related to Zhao Mingyue. Photos picked off the honor roll, pieces cut from graduation group photos, paintings Zhao Mingyue had left at school…

Cui Xuan, who had scattered all her savings and poured out everything she had, who would rather burden herself with debt to pull Zhao Mingyue out of the mire. Cui Xuan, who bound Zhao Mingyue to her side with a marriage contract, yet had never made any demands of her.

During the many years of the past that Zhao Mingyue had known nothing about, this person might have already been quietly watching her for a very, very long time.

The closest relationships in this world were nothing more than family, friendship, and love.

Her family had died one after another, and she had nearly cut off contact with her friends. Over the past two years, Zhao Mingyue seemed to have been losing things all along.

The only person who came toward her, who poured out everything, burned her bridges, exhausted every last ounce of strength just to pull her out of the mud, yet asked for nothing in return…

Was Cui Xuan.

To Zhao Mingyue, Cui Xuan was the hope that suddenly appeared at the most miserable moment of her life. She was her lifesaving straw, the redemption that pulled her out of the mire and brought her back to the human world.

Developing feelings for Cui Xuan was such a natural thing.

But back then, Zhao Mingyue had accomplished nothing and was no different from a useless person. Other than dragging Cui Xuan down, she had not the slightest use. Even if her heart was moved a thousand times, ten thousand times over, what could she do? What could she say?

Back then, even picking up a paintbrush again would make her hands tremble uncontrollably.

Had it not been for Cui Xuan guiding her, perhaps she would still be trapped gloomily in the mud of the past, unable to cross that threshold in her heart, unable to smooth away the thorn in her chest, let alone pick up her old brush again and establish the later Xuanji.

At every lost turning point in her life, it was Cui Xuan who held her hand and led her out, leading her onto the right path.

Last spring had been the most triumphant year of Zhao Mingyue’s life. Her grievance was finally cleared, the truth came to light, and her enemies of the past were ruined and disgraced. Zhao Mingyue rode the momentum, stepping on her enemies with the favorable wind at her back, and sent her own brand to even greater heights.

With all the knots in her heart untied and her future boundless, the words she had kept bottled up for years, the ring she had prepared long ago and hidden away, finally came out all at once after she had repaid the debt she owed Cui Xuan, helped along by the wine at the celebration.

Paying the money back was to end that warped contractual relationship.

The ring was to start over and ask for a wedding.

Cui Xuan, drunk and crying, agreed. Wet, salty tears mingled between their lips and teeth. After four years of marriage, they did something that intimate for the first time.

Before they fell asleep in each other’s arms, Zhao Mingyue held the drowsy Cui Xuan, her gaze falling on the left foot that had once been smashed and broken. Countless regrets surged in her heart.

They had once been so close, clearly so close. But Zhao Mingyue had not seen Cui Xuan. She had not changed Cui Xuan’s past. She had let Cui Xuan suffer so much hardship alone… She asked Cui Xuan if she resented her for coming too late.

Cui Xuan, who had nearly fallen asleep, heard her voice. Even though she was so sleepy she was barely conscious, she still struggled to half-open her eyes, lightly patted Zhao Mingyue’s back, and said it was not late.

Cui Xuan said it was not late.

Cui Xuan said Zhao Mingyue had already done enough. She had saved her in the alley, stood up for her at school, taught her uncle a lesson, helped her grandmother…

Cui Xuan’s voice grew lower and lower, until in the end, she sank into deep sleep, leaving only Zhao Mingyue frozen in place, stormy waves surging wildly in her heart.

Her career was soaring. The person she loved had accepted her confession and agreed to hold a formal wedding with her. The old illnesses of the past had all cleared away, and the future was bright and brilliant. After the upheaval in Zhao Mingyue’s life, that day should have been the happiest day of all.

If not for the fact that on that day, she learned the truth.

She learned that the person Cui Xuan liked, tolerated, watched with her gaze, and wanted to give everything to had never been her.

It was the perfect, flawless white moonlight she had imagined based on Zhao Mingyue, the one who had once saved Cui Xuan from suffering.

That was why their first meeting had felt so familiar.

That was why, after marriage, Cui Xuan had not seen her for half a year.

During that half year, Cui Xuan had not been busy with work. She had only been hiding from her. She had only not wanted, not dared, to see her.

Hiding from Zhao Mingyue, this counterfeit, this substitute. And hiding from that hesitant, anxious, unsettled heart that did not know whether it was betraying “Mingyue.”

Zhao Mingyue had tried. She had attempted to change things. The result was only that, again and again, she clearly realized just how important that Zhao Mingyue was in Cui Xuan’s heart, how irreplaceable, how untouchable.

The most perfect person in this world only existed in fantasy and memory.

How could she compare to the Zhao Mingyue in Cui Xuan’s imagination, the one who could do anything, who was good in every possible way?

Fortunately, this marriage had an end.

Fortunately, she would soon be free of this warped relationship.

It was exactly what she wanted.

Exactly what she wanted.

When the sky faded from deep night to gray-white, Zhao Mingyue suddenly felt her heart palpitate. She jolted awake from a muddled nightmare, her whole body covered in cold sweat.

The dream quickly receded. She could not remember what had happened. She twisted her stiff neck and looked out the car window. The street was bleak and deserted, and the Civil Affairs Bureau was hidden in darkness.

Being able to free herself from this warped relationship should have made her happy, pleased, relieved. She should not have been tossing and turning, unable to sleep.

But in reality, starting from the day before yesterday, to Cui Xuan coming home, to her driving here, she had gone more than forty-eight hours without proper rest.

She glanced at the time. It was not even five in the morning. Her body and mind were both exhausted beyond measure. For a moment, she could not tell whether those few short hours had been sleep or unconsciousness.

She had not planned to drag this out stubbornly. She had come with the divorce materials. She had intended to wait until the Civil Affairs Bureau opened and immediately line up.

Only after arriving did she remember that she had forgotten to ask Cui Xuan what time she would come to handle the procedures.

While she was hesitating over whether to call and ask, her phone happened to run out of battery and shut off. Now she had no way to contact Cui Xuan at all.

Zhao Mingyue reclined the driver’s seat again and closed her eyes with a clear conscience.

Since Cui Xuan had said they would divorce today, even if Zhao Mingyue could not contact her, Cui Xuan would definitely know to come to the Civil Affairs Bureau to meet her, right?

She would only wait here for one day. Tomorrow, she still had to go on a business trip to attend a new product launch. Once she left, it would be half a month or a month. By then, Cui Xuan would probably get busy too.

If Cui Xuan did not come today, then she could only suffer a little grievance and get divorced later.

At eight o’clock, people had already gathered in twos and threes outside the Civil Affairs Bureau to wait. Some were excited and full of longing. Some were exhausted and numb. Others were arguing fiercely. This time, Zhao Mingyue was woken by the noise and did not fall asleep again. She watched them through the car window, her mind a complete mess, not even knowing what she herself was annoyed about.

She watched from early morning until dusk. During that time, she did not drink a single drop of water, yet somehow did not feel hungry or thirsty. Only when the Civil Affairs Bureau staff got off work and came out did she feel as if a heavy burden had been lifted. Joy, almost like surviving a disaster, actually surged in her heart.

She dug out her charging cable, plugged in her phone, and waited two minutes before turning it on.

She thought she would see messages, texts, and missed calls from Cui Xuan. But in reality, aside from app push notifications, there was nothing else in the pop-up window.

Zhao Mingyue suspected something was wrong with her phone, or perhaps it had been shut off too long and the messages were delayed. But after waiting and waiting, she still did not receive anything.

Could it be that Cui Xuan actually did not want to divorce either, and had avoided her phone for an entire day, just like Zhao Mingyue?

After thinking that, she could not help tugging at the corner of her mouth, mocking her own foolish wishful thinking.

She deliberated for a long while on the chat page. The words in the text box were typed and deleted, deleted and typed again.

During the half day she had been waiting, she had thought of countless excuses to explain why she had lost contact. Now that she typed them out, they all seemed unbearably clumsy, impossible to send.

The final trace of afterglow at the edge of the sky dimmed. Lights came on one after another throughout the city. Only Zhao Mingyue sat in the car, holding the faint light of her phone.

It was dark. Her phone was fully charged. Zhao Mingyue still hovered in the text box, unable to send a single message.

A thousand words and ten thousand thoughts were silently worn away by the passage of time. She leaned back in her seat, exhausted. The phone screen, which had not been touched for a long time, gradually dimmed, then suddenly lit up again.

The ringtone echoed inside the car. Zhao Mingyue’s heart lifted, then slowly sank when she saw that the number on the screen was unfamiliar. Rubbing her aching brow, she answered the call.

“Hello, I am Ms. Cui Xuan’s entrusted lawyer.”

Entrusted lawyer? Someone Cui Xuan had hired?

Zhao Mingyue’s heart clenched. By the time she reacted, she had already instinctively hung up the phone.

She had kept a portion of Xuanji’s shares for herself. The remaining shares and all the assets she had accumulated over the years had been allocated to Cui Xuan. That divorce agreement, already signed in advance, had been placed in Cui Xuan’s room.

Cui Xuan clearly only needed to sign it. What need was there to hire another lawyer?

Xuanji was the brand Cui Xuan had watched her build from nothing with her own hands. With Cui Xuan’s personality, even if she did not like Zhao Mingyue, she would never sell the shares to someone else.

…So was she dissatisfied? Did she not want the shares? Did she not want to have any further connection or entanglement with Zhao Mingyue at all?

What difference was there between a brand they had watched grow together and a child they had raised together? How could Cui Xuan be this cruel? She did not want Zhao Mingyue, and now she did not even want their child?

The call she had just hung up rang again.

For a moment, Zhao Mingyue did not move. Her heart was stuffed full of fire, stuffed full of hatred, and perhaps also stuffed with a surging wave of grievance and fear.

As the ringtone neared its end, just one second before it would automatically disconnect, she still pressed accept.

“Hello…”

It was not Cui Xuan.

“Put Cui Xuan on the phone,” Zhao Mingyue interrupted urgently, almost through gritted teeth. “Whatever there is to say, have her tell me herself. Personally!”

The other end of the phone fell silent for a moment before a voice came through.

It was not Cui Xuan.

“I’m sorry.”

Zhao Mingyue’s heartbeat abruptly skipped.

Sorry… for what?

“It is with great regret that I inform you… Ms. Cui Xuan unfortunately passed away today. In accordance with her final wishes, she appointed me as the executor of her will…”