Chapter 8
If this was a dream about regret, about unresolved knots in the heart, then perhaps after she said “happy birthday,” after Grandma accompanied Cui Xuan through her birthday, Zhao Mingyue should have woken up.
But the rain outside the window was still falling. The clock was still ticking. Time moved forward slowly and firmly, pushing along a journey she had once walked and yet had not reached.
After dinner, Zhao Mingyue had no choice but to think about the more practical matters that came next.
This apartment had two bedrooms, one living room, one kitchen, one bathroom, and a smaller study. One of the bedrooms had been converted by Zhao Mingyue into an art studio, while a bunk bed with a larger lower bunk and a smaller upper bunk had been placed in the study. The only places that could be slept in were the bedroom and the study.
She had many questions she wanted to ask Cui Xuan. If this was a dream she might wake from at any unknown moment, she wanted even more to use this chance to look at Cui Xuan a little longer.
But Cui Xuan probably wanted more to stay with Grandma Cui, to talk with her… Oh, what “probably,” what “wanted more”?
Whether in the future or now, the person Cui Xuan wanted to see and wanted to talk to had never been her.
Grandma Cui refused no matter what to rest in the master bedroom, so Zhao Mingyue could only tidy up the study and let them sleep in the bunk bed there.
The lower bunk was not small, and two people could fit. Cui Xuan helped Grandma take off her thick clothes, turned off the lights, and got into bed. She listened as Grandma kept asking in bits and pieces how she had been doing.
Cui Xuan answered with one lie after another. Toward the end, Grandma gradually quieted down, and Cui Xuan thought she had gotten sleepy. But before long, Grandma fumbled for her hand and stuffed something into her palm.
Cui Xuan lightly pinched it and realized it was money wrapped in cloth.
Cui Xuan half sat up and pushed the money back. “Grandma, I don’t need it…”
Grandma Cui gently patted Cui Xuan’s arm. “How could you not need it? Look how skinny you are now… Keep this money yourself. Eat more at school. Once a spot opens up at school, we’ll go live in the dorm.”
It was as if her throat were blocked. Cui Xuan suddenly could not speak.
Her eldest uncle had said that her eldest aunt had taken all the money when she divorced him, then made Grandma give him “living expenses for staying over.” Cui Xuan had only found out about this during New Year when she mentioned to Grandma that she wanted to live at school.
At that time, Grandma had asked her if she was being wronged at her eldest uncle’s house and wanted to take out money to send her to live at school.
Cui Xuan could only shake her head and lie to Grandma, saying that the school currently had no dormitory spots, and even if she wanted to live there, she had to wait until senior year.
Grandma Cui nagged her with reminders. “Eat at school. Just treat his place as a bed. If you don’t have enough money, tell Grandma…”
“Grandma, I really don’t need it,” Cui Xuan said. “The school said my situation is special, so they can reduce my dormitory and miscellaneous fees. Next semester, they’ll let me live at school for free, and meals are included too.”
Grandma Cui was shocked. “Really?”
Cui Xuan hummed in confirmation. To make Grandma believe her, she added, “Save the money properly. University tuition will still cost three or four thousand.”
Back in first year, she had wanted to apply for a work-study position, but those positions were reserved for impoverished students, and she did not meet the poverty standard.
Both her parents were alive and working out of town. Although they did not send money home, their income clearly could not be low enough to meet the standard. The supporting documents could not be issued, the process could not move forward, and the spot could not be given to her.
Cui Xuan thought this was fair.
She was only a little sad, but it was still okay.
There were many restaurants outside the school. Day students could leave campus, and there was a very good boss who was willing to hire her, paying ten yuan an hour and including meals.
After living in the dorms, she would not be able to leave campus to earn money, but she had calculated the cost of dorm life. In the morning, three small buns cost one yuan and eight jiao. At noon, vegetarian dishes were three yuan and rice was five jiao. In the evening, four small buns were two yuan and four jiao. She would not spend all of ten yuan in a day.
Food expenses would be three hundred a month. Water and electricity fees, daily necessities, and the money for school supplies, test papers, and practice workbooks—five hundred would be enough.
Calculated this way, living expenses for senior year would probably be around five thousand. Including dorm fees and various miscellaneous school fees, seven thousand should be enough. If she saved enough money this semester and during summer break, she could live in the dorms next semester and study steadily.
The vacation after the college entrance exam would be two or three months long. That would be enough time for her to work and save tuition. And she had heard that university had scholarships and grants, with quite a lot of money…
She had to study hard.
Only by studying hard would she have a good way out.
If she studied hard, she would have a good way out.
After Grandma fell asleep, Cui Xuan carefully tucked in the corners of Grandma’s quilt, cautiously got out of bed, picked up the coat hanging on the bed frame, and tiptoed out the door.
After gently closing the door, Cui Xuan instinctively glanced at Zhao Mingyue’s bedroom beside it. The crack beneath the door was pitch-black, with no light spilling out.
She let out a breath of relief and followed the dim glow of the nightlight into the bathroom.
She put the coat and the school uniform pants Zhao Mingyue had placed in the laundry basket into the sink. Then Cui Xuan crouched down and reached under the lower compartment to feel around for laundry detergent.
Just as her fingertips touched the cold plastic bottle, the surroundings suddenly lit up.
Startled, Cui Xuan instinctively lifted her head. Only at that instant did she realize it was bad, but what her head hit was not a hard corner. Instead, it felt like a soft wall.
The development, completely different from what she had imagined, left her stunned for a moment. Cui Xuan crouched there blankly. Only after a few seconds did she come back to herself and hurriedly lower her head, retreating out.
Zhao Mingyue lightly shook her left hand twice, then tucked it into her pocket before Cui Xuan could raise her head.
Her right hand, braced against the sink counter, curled slightly. Her long hair, loose and untied, scattered casually. A few strands slid from behind her shoulder to the side of her face, drifting lightly in the air.
When Cui Xuan anxiously lifted her head, the hanging ends of Zhao Mingyue’s hair happened to brush across her face.
It was very ticklish.
But Cui Xuan did not dare move. Her heart was beating very fast. She felt ashamed and guilty, uneasy and afraid of Zhao Mingyue’s reaction before Zhao Mingyue had even made one.
Zhao Mingyue looked at Cui Xuan, who seemed to have been frightened silly and was not moving at all.
“…Did it hurt when you bumped into me?”
In her excessively nervous state, Cui Xuan did not realize at all that Zhao Mingyue’s tone was not one of blame.
Her fingers resting on her knees tightened unconsciously. Cui Xuan tilted her head up and stammered an apology. “I-I’m sorry…”
Zhao Mingyue thought, why was Cui Xuan reading the message and replying with nonsense? She gave a soft hum in her throat and followed Cui Xuan’s words.
“If ‘I’m sorry’ was useful, why would compensation be needed?”
Cui Xuan froze for a moment, then nodded seriously. “You’re right. You also helped me a lot. I should… What do you want?”
She had always known that when one received help, one had to pay a greater price than the help itself in order to repay it.
So when she was being beaten, she had actually hoped no one would help her. If she was insulted and took a beating, the matter could be considered over. She was used to it. She could accept that. But if someone saved her and she owed a favor, then she would have no choice but to think about how far she had to go before that kindness could be repaid.
But later, there had been the embarrassment when buying the cake, the dilemma of having nowhere to go—all of those had been problems she could not solve herself, problems that urgently required help.
Zhao Mingyue had helped her solve those troubles, so she sincerely wanted to repay her.
This conversation seemed to have returned to several hours ago. Zhao Mingyue laughed softly and asked in a quiet voice, “Anything I want is fine?”
Cui Xuan nodded seriously. “I can also run errands for you, buy things, pick up packages, clean, fetch water, line up and save seats, deliver things…”
Zhao Mingyue said, “I don’t seem to need any of those. What now?”
Cui Xuan frowned solemnly and thought seriously for a few seconds. “Then what do you need? As long as it’s something I have, something I can do, anything is fine.”
Zhao Mingyue deliberately asked, “Money too?”
Cui Xuan nodded. “But I don’t have money on me right now. My money is… The earliest I can give it to you is tomorrow noon. How much do you need?”
Zhao Mingyue knew how important money was to the current Cui Xuan, which was why she had deliberately asked that. Her original intention was for Cui Xuan not to casually make promises like “anything is fine.”
But Cui Xuan agreed without hesitation just like that, and even foolishly asked how much she needed.
Zhao Mingyue was silent for a few breaths, then asked softly, “Are you like this with everyone?”
Cui Xuan was a little confused. “Hm?”
“As long as someone helps you even a little, you prepare yourself to offer everything and repay them many times over?”
Back then, Cui Xuan had given everything she had to pay off Zhao Mingyue’s debts. Now, she was still willing to give everything as repayment, disregarding fairness and ignoring gains and losses.
How could there be someone this foolish in the world? How could someone this foolish be the former Cui Xuan?
Zhao Mingyue could not understand.
“I’m not like that,” Cui Xuan said softly. “It’s just that I have very little money, and the only things I can do are those… I don’t know how I should repay you.”
She possessed too little. Compared with the consequences that would come if no one helped her, even giving everything was worth it.
Besides… Cui Xuan thought somewhat ashamedly, she could feel that Zhao Mingyue was a very good person. She probably would not deliberately ask for repayment that would make things difficult for her.
Zhao Mingyue did not reply. She only reached one hand toward her. “Why are you still crouching there? Get up.”
Cui Xuan said, “You still haven’t…”
Zhao Mingyue withdrew her hand and leaned against the wall behind her. She lowered her eyes to look at Cui Xuan, her voice carrying no discernible emotion. “Are you asking so urgently because you want to repay me sooner, settle the debt, and be even with me?”
“No, I…”
Feeling that Zhao Mingyue seemed to be angry, Cui Xuan hurriedly stood up. But before her slightly numb legs could steady themselves, her vision suddenly went black, and her body swayed before abruptly pitching forward.
Zhao Mingyue caught her in a full embrace, her palm instinctively closing around Cui Xuan’s back and touching a stretch of sharp, jutting bones.
After two seconds of silence, Zhao Mingyue sighed softly, her tone gentling.
“If you don’t know how to repay me, you still shouldn’t throw yourself into my arms.”
Comments 0
You must be logged in to comment.
No comments yet. Be the first!