Appearing on a Marriage Show Before Getting Divorced - Chapter 18

“—Come, Zhengzhi, come here and call her Grandma.”

Hearing Chu Nian tell her to call someone “Grandma,” Zhengzhi was startled. She quickly hid behind Chu Nian, clutching her waist tightly and refusing to come out.

Zhengzhi was exceptionally adorable. Although her complexion was a bit sallow and she was thinner than average children, those watery big eyes were like freshly picked grapes. Paired with her two little hair buns, she was “cute to the point of explosion.”

Chu Qing’s eyes were bloodshot. She handed over a small gift she had brought: “Zhengzhi, this is a gift Grandma bought for you.”

Her voice was choked and trembling. Chu Qing had originally planned to buy plush toys based on the child’s age, but Chu Nian had told her that Zhengzhi was different. Her intelligence seemed remarkably high; she had “disdained” playing with childish toys since she was very small—a trait that had only become more obvious as she grew.

Zhengzhi’s eyes looked as if they were about to overflow. She looked up at Chu Nian, asking with her eyes. Chu Nian touched her hair with a heavy heart: “It’s okay.”

Only then did Zhengzhi nod. She stole a timid glance at Chu Qing, lowered her head to take the toy, and whispered a tiny, soft, “Thank you.”

That milky, soft “thank you” melted Chu Qing’s heart. Although she hadn’t heard the word “Grandma” yet, she looked at Zhengzhi with grandfatherly kindness. “You’re welcome.”

Chu Qing had bought the LEGO Technic Bugatti Chiron. This model requires thousands of pieces to be layered; it’s a difficult task even for an adult, let alone a child.

However, by the time she and Chu Nian had made tea and sat on the sofa, Zhengzhi was already laying out an outline on the rug.

Chu Qing observed carefully. Zhengzhi was meticulous. She didn’t just rip all the packaging open; instead, she studied the image of the car on the box with intense focus. Her damp eyelashes blinked softly over a wide forehead and soft earlobes.

Chu Qing simply could not take her eyes off the girl. Across the hazy years, it was as if she were seeing the young “Jianjian” again.

Chu Nian knew what she was thinking. She also watched Zhengzhi, saying slowly, “She’s very smart. She’s been different since the day she was born—she didn’t cry much. After the first month, she stopped waking up for night feedings and slept until dawn. As she got older, I found her memory was excellent. She could distinguish colors and basic shapes before she was one, and could speak haltingly at two… She is very much like Jianjian. Very, very sensible.”

Hearing the name “Jianjian,” Zhengzhi looked up reflexively. Still clutching a LEGO piece, she subconsciously called out: “Mamma?”

Chu Nian’s eyes overflowed with maternal tenderness. Like every mother, she spoke of her child with a unique pride. She smiled at Zhengzhi, giving her an affirmative answer: “Yes, Mamma.”

Chu Qing’s nose stung. After a long silence, she asked softly, “Is she… currently…”

Chu Nian knew what she was asking. She leaned over, pulled a drawer from the coffee table, and took out two thick envelopes. “Mom, these are all her medical records over the years.”

Chu Qing’s hands shook. Usually a decisive woman, she hesitated at this moment. With trembling fingers, she finally took the reports.

Upon opening them, she saw pages dense with English medical terms. Chu Qing frowned, staring for a long time. “Immune system deficiency.”

Chu Nian nodded, her eyes filled with guilt. “Even though I tried my best to avoid medication while pregnant, there were still some side effects.” As she spoke, a knock sounded at the door and Lilo walked in. She was a smiling person with a warm expression: “Time for medicine.”

Chu Nian took a handful of colorful pills from Lilo. Without hesitation, she picked up a glass of water, tilted her head back, and swallowed them all.

Lilo then looked at Zhengzhi. “And you, Zhengzhi. This is yours.”

Zhengzhi was focused entirely on her toy; she didn’t even hear what was happening around her. Lilo, accustomed to this, walked over and held the temperature-regulated water and medicine to the girl’s lips. Zhengzhi swallowed it instantly without even looking up.

Although Chu Qing had imagined many scenarios—from the best to the worst—after seeing Chu Nian at the cafe, those mental images couldn’t compare to the impact of this living reality.

In the past, everyone in the family knew that Chu Nian’s only weakness was a fear of pain and medicine. And now…

And Zhengzhi… she was a child only a few months away from her third birthday. Most parents have to use every trick in the book, including candy, to get a child to take medicine. She had swallowed it all without even glancing away from her play.

Chu Qing looked at the various bottles of medicine on the table, colorful and labeled, yet overwhelming.

“Mom, did you know?” Chu Nian looked at Zhengzhi. “Zhengzhi is amazing. If Lilo isn’t around, she can distinguish which medicines are mine and which are hers. She knows exactly what she should take and when, and even remembers my schedule better than I do.”

Though spoken with a hint of a smile, the words made Chu Qing’s tears fall. “Nian Nian, what on earth happened?”

Chu Nian wasn’t good at expressing herself; she preferred showing Chu Qing the reality. She took a sip of water and said softly, “The hardest part is over. The doctor said things will be better once she passes age three… just past age three…” She blinked back tears. “Mom, do you remember that time in the second year of high school when Jianjian fought with you both?”

The second year of high school…

Jianjian had been so heartbroken. It was during a parent-teacher conference. All the other parents were calling their children “An-an,” “Baby,” “Darling,” or trendy English names. When it was her turn, Ruan Qiu had said shamelessly, “Our Jianjian—” and before she could finish, everyone had burst out laughing.

Ruan Youran was a teenager then, a “big sister” figure at school. Her “face” (reputation) was precious. Because of that incident, she nearly ran away from home and didn’t speak to her moms for a week.

Eventually, Chu Nian came over. Seeing Youran’s pouting face, she laughed. “Don’t be mad. They’ve called you that for so many years.”

Jianjian’s eyes turned red. “You’re laughing too?! You have no idea of my pain. If I were average-looking, I wouldn’t care.” She reached out, grabbing at the air. “A beautiful girl like me should have a name as free and elegant as the wind. But my two wicked moms only care about their own PDA and gave me such an embarrassing name. ‘Jianjian’? Heh, people hear it and want to kick my butt! When I’m a mother, I will never do that!”

Chu Nian asked with a smile, “What would you do?”

Youran put her hands on her hips. “I’ll give my child a name that sounds upright and incorruptible. I’ll call them—” She thought for a bit. “Zhengzhi! Hmph, I won’t be like my moms and ignore my child. I’ll love her with my life!”

How long had it been? Ruan Youran probably didn’t even remember.

Chu Qing was dazed. “It must have been over a decade. You still remember…”

At the mention of Ruan Youran, a smile always reached Chu Nian’s eyes. “Yes. Thirteen years.”

She remembered. She remembered everything. As long as Youran said it, Chu Nian remembered it.

“I remember you and Jianjian had check-ups,” Chu Qing said, her memory vivid. The atmosphere at home had been grim back then. Youran had always loved children and was great with them. She was always the “leader of the kids” at any gathering.

Though Youran was disappointed, she was naturally optimistic. After a few days of sadness, she accepted it. If there were no children, there were no children. Having Chu Nian was enough. Besides, no one would have to share the affection. She was a petty person who didn’t want anyone else dividing their love.

She had even worried her moms wouldn’t accept it. One morning, she raided their bedroom while they were still asleep, nuzzled between them, and kissed them both. She smiled like a “rotten eggplant,” looking particularly fawning.

Chu Qing had smiled, but Ruan Qiu didn’t have such a good temper. She had been “overworked” the night before and was grumpy at being woken up. “Why are you kissing my wife so early in the morning? Where’s your own?”

The two of them were very similar—both possessed a certain “shameless” streak.

Often, Chu Nian and Chu Qing would sit together for breakfast while the other two… well, sometimes they even openly compared their physical stamina and… other things. It was a lot. But “the ginger is spicier as it gets older”—Youran was no match for Ruan Qiu’s “peskiness.” Sometimes Youran would be so annoyed she’d whine to Chu Nian: “Darling, let’s move out.”

Chu Nian would smile. “No.”

Youran would immediately act like a spoiled cat. “Other wives hate living with their mothers-in-law, why are you like this? You’re closer to them than to me.”

Chu Nian would stroke her hair, her head lowered as she smiled. She cherished this family warmth as a treasure she never dreamed she would have.

Leaving behind the old “wars,” Youran had once curled up in Ruan Qiu’s arms. “Mommy, I want to discuss something with you.”

Ruan Qiu didn’t even open her eyes. Youran reached out and pried her eyelids open. “Seeing you and my mom so in love really moves me. As your child, I’m so relieved.”

Chu Qing: “…”

Ruan Qiu: “Speak human.”

“I really, really love you guys! Mwah, mwah~ Love beams fired!”

Ruan Qiu grinned. “So childish. As long as you know. Being born to us is the best thing you ever did in your past life—not only were you born with a silver spoon, but you have two beautiful moms.”

Youran beamed. “Isn’t it? Not just beautiful, but as vibrant as young girls.”

Ruan Qiu’s grin widened. “That’s right. Vibrant, like eighteen-year-olds.”

Youran let out a booming laugh. “Then you ‘young girls’ work a bit harder and give me a little sister!”

Ruan Qiu: “…”

Chu Qing: “…”

That little brat. So she was digging a hole for us after all.

Youran only did that because she knew Chu Nian would be under immense pressure. Chu Nian was indeed sad and had been low for a long time. She was used to hiding her feelings, but Youran still sensed it.

The truth was, from the day her eyes first lingered on Ruan Youran and refused to leave, Chu Nian had felt a deep sense of inferiority. In every aspect, she and Youran were worlds apart.

She remembered her stepmother’s sneer at her father’s house: “You’re just a lowly brat. Your Chu family are all shameless, cold-blooded, and unworthy of love. He cheated and had affairs, did he really think I loved him? I liked his money.”

Sure enough, she witnessed that family crumble. She saw her mother coldly take her away, and her father kneeling on the ground in agony.

Perhaps her heart was too wounded. Chu Nian’s mother was always cold toward her, throwing all her energy into work. She bought frozen food for Chu Nian and told her to cook for herself if she was hungry. Often, Chu Nian would eat frozen dumplings and cry silently alone.

Fortunately… Ruan Youran would video call her. The radiant Jianjian would lie on her bed with her legs crossed and complain: “Do you know how pathetic I am? My two ‘wild’ moms went to Hainan to play ‘mandarin ducks in the water.’ They left a beautiful girl like me home alone with less food than they left for the dog. Speechless.” Then she’d look at the screen. “Hey, what are you eating?”

“Dumplings,” Chu Nian replied, tilting the camera.

“Wow!” Youran swallowed. “Great! I was craving those. Don’t eat them all, wait for me, I’m coming over!”

Back then, Youran “loved” Chu Nian like that. She’d ignore the feast her family’s chef made and travel a long way just to fight Chu Nian for a plate of frozen dumplings.

Chu Nian had never smiled so brightly for anyone else. Her heart was like a lake rippled by a spring breeze.

At eighteen, Chu Nian wrote in her diary:

Life is full of pain and sorrow. As people grow older, they miss their childhood innocence. I probably have no way to reminisce about that. Perhaps I will always be someone unloved, yet I had no choice in being born. Fortunately, I have her. She is my medicine.

Ruan Youran was Chu Nian’s medicine. She tolerated everything. To outsiders, Chu Nian was a cold, dignified goddess. To Youran, she was just a child lacking love. Thus, Youran had sworn to protect her forever.

They fought many times due to their personalities. Each time, Youran would swear she was done with Chu Nian. What does she have besides beauty? She’s cold, won’t act spoiled, won’t show weakness, and can’t express herself. She drives me half-dead.

In their sophomore year of college, Youran actually gave her the cold shoulder for a month. Chu Nian was never physically strong, especially during school sports meets. After a run, she’d need a long time to recover.

During the autumn sports meet, Youran walked past Chu Nian with a crowd of friends, looking as cold as winter. Chu Nian was in the long jump pit, unable to get out in time, her eyes fixed on Youran. Youran ignored her and laughed with her friends, wanting to “punish” Chu Nian.

But Youran felt terrible. She knew Chu Nian too well; she saw the plea in her eyes that morning. She was showing weakness. But why won’t she just say it? If she just spoke, I’d run to her.

After another week of this, Youran met Chu Nian’s roommate, “Big Flower.” Big Flower rolled her eyes at Youran.

“You rolling your eyes at me?” Youran shot back with an even more dramatic eye-roll.

Big Flower was furious. “Hmph, fox spirit! If you don’t like our Nian Nian, don’t mess with her.”

“Your Nian Nian?” Youran’s face fell.

“Exactly! Do you know she’s been secretly crying every night after the lights go out? She thinks I don’t know, but we’re in bunk beds. The bed is always shaking.”

Youran froze. She stared at Big Flower.

“I don’t know what’s so great about you,” Big Flower grumbled, looking away. “Just because your family is rich, you’re pretty, and have a bit of ‘aura’? I don’t see the appeal.”

Youran grabbed her arm. “Don’t go.”

That night, after lights-out in the dormitory, Chu Nian looked at her empty inbox and sighed. Day 31. She had a message saved in her drafts: Jianjian, I miss you. She didn’t dare send it, so she just kept it there. To her, Youran was so dazzling, always surrounded by people.

Youran had secretly traded places with Big Flower. She waited in the lower bunk until she heard the sound of soft sniffing from above.

Is she really crying? Youran felt a stab in her heart. She wanted to slap herself. Why am I holding a grudge against her?

Youran climbed up quietly. Chu Nian thought it was Big Flower. “Is something wrong?” her voice was choked.

Youran lifted the quilt and slid in. Chu Nian shrieked and instinctively pushed her. She was a neat freak and never let anyone on her bed. Youran grinned, caught Chu Nian’s hands, and whispered, “It’s me.”

Chu Nian froze. Youran leaned into her ear. “So, you miss me but won’t tell me? You’re just secretly fantasizing about me? Big Flower said the bed shakes every night. Are you doing ‘bad things’ by yourself?”

Chu Nian’s face turned bright red. Youran just pounced. If she can’t explain, then don’t explain. Let’s just have some ‘intimate contact.’

The past was beyond reach. Chu Nian had always been in the “inferior” position in their relationship. Youran wondered where that insecurity came from—Chu Nian was a world-class beauty and a goddess to others, yet so anxious around her.

Because she knew Chu Nian overthought things, Youran had talked to her moms in advance. No one mentioned children again. But Chu Nian still sought out “treatments.” She even had two surgeries to clear her fallopian tubes.

Youran saw the pain those caused. She saw a tough, cheerful woman go into surgery and come out pale, crying to her husband: “I’m never doing that again! If you want a kid, go find someone else!”

Youran’s heart trembled. When Chu Nian came out, her face was white as paper. She looked at Youran and smiled. That smile was like salt on Youran’s wounds.

After the second surgery, Youran exploded in the hospital room. “Can you stop torturing yourself?! What’s wrong with not having a child? Are you possessed? Isn’t just the two of us enough?! Are you torturing yourself or me?!”

Chu Nian bit her lip and said nothing. She was like that—once she made up her mind, no one could change it. Youran stormed out to walk around the hospital and cool off, but eventually returned out of worry. At the door, she heard Chu Nian talking to her older sister, Liu Xinrou.

“Nian Nian, she’s just worried about you. Don’t be sad, it’s bad for your health.”

“I know,” Chu Nian’s voice was soft.

“Actually, as long as you’re together, nothing else matters.”

“I know, Sister… but… maybe I’m being pessimistic. The people in our Chu family don’t live long. I’m afraid I won’t be able to stay with her until the end. I’m afraid she’ll be lonely.”

It was true; the Chu family seemed cursed. None of them lived past fifty. Chu Nian had mentioned it once, and Youran had covered her mouth: “Don’t talk nonsense! If you’re gone, what’s the point of me living?”

Listening at the door, Youran leaned against the cold wall, tears streaming down her face. When she entered, the sister was gone. Chu Nian looked at her with “those eyes.” Youran sighed and compromised again: “I’ll try egg retrieval three more times. If it still doesn’t work,” she kissed Chu Nian’s forehead, “we’ll leave it to fate.”

Fate, it seemed, was cruel. Chu Nian went through several more rounds of hospital visits, losing a lot of weight for no result. Eventually, she seemed to accept her fate. She sat on her bed and stared at the sky until she was numb.

But then, fate played a massive joke on her.

Chu Nian was at the peak of her career then, an unshakable “First Sister” of the industry. She had very little time for Youran. Jianjian complained but eventually let it go.

Chu Nian decided she would take a high-end route after her final project, Fate, only appearing in one film a year to spend more time with Youran. she felt she owed her too much. Fate was a 76-episode palace drama with a grueling schedule. During filming, Chu Nian felt a tightness in her chest, but she had no time to see a doctor. She’d been warned before about a potential heart condition and told to avoid strenuous activity. She didn’t tell Youran, thinking it was just a “potential” issue.

The script didn’t seem too intense—just women fighting in a palace. But the director made changes. To highlight her character’s tragedy, she had to soak in cold water and film a series of scenes escaping on horseback.

After three months of non-stop work, she finished her scenes. She texted Youran: Baby, one more small thing to do, then I’m coming home.

The “small thing” was visiting her mentor in the US who was hospitalized. On the flight, her manager Su Mi noted: “Nian Nian, your lips look off and your complexion is bad. Get a full check-up when we get home.”

Chu Nian didn’t take it seriously. She just wanted to see Youran.

But that night, disaster struck. Perhaps because she had finally relaxed, her heart started racing so hard she felt she was going to die. She managed to call Su Mi in the next room. By the time the ambulance arrived, Chu Nian had stopped breathing. She was on the floor, phone still in hand.

They revived her in the ambulance. She was in a coma, her phone slipping from her hand as she was intubated.

She was saved, but the doctor gave her news that brought both joy and agony.

“Miss Chu, your heart condition is very poor and requires immediate surgery. However, the tests show you are three months pregnant.”

She was pregnant. With Youran’s child. Her cycles were always irregular; she hadn’t noticed. Her joy was cut short by the next sentence: “Your heart requires surgery, possibly a transplant. If we operate, the child cannot be kept.”

A week later, she could sit up, but her chest felt like it was tearing. Her mentor, Liu Hong, came to see her. “Nian Nian, don’t be afraid. I’ve found the best experts.” Chu Nian just stroked her belly.

Three days later, the experts gave their verdict: “The heart repair might not be successful. The patient is nearly four months pregnant. Terminating now would be a heavy physical and mental blow.”

“If we transplant,” Liu Hong asked, “how long can she live?”

The translator replied: “In China, the one-year survival rate for heart transplants is 85%. Internationally, the longest survivor lived 30 years. In China, the record is 12 years—and that’s the lucky ones. Usually, it’s a five-year survival period. And the surgery is incredibly difficult, with lifelong medication.”

If she chose to have the child, the risk during birth would be immense. During pregnancy, the pressure on the heart would increase as the fetus grew. If she terminated, the mental trauma…

Liu Hong asked the lead doctor, Lucas: “I want the truth.”

Lucas sighed. “She is physically weak. Surgery only has a 20% success rate. If she has the baby, many hormone medications must stop, which…” He paused. “At this point, we can only hope for a miracle. And in medicine, ‘miracle’ is often just a comfort for the dying.”

Chu Nian didn’t break down when told. She just asked softly, “Is that so?”

For a week, she struggled. She felt she might not make it. But she couldn’t die. What would Jianjian do?

She felt the first flickers of fetal movement. A mother’s instinct took over. Every night, she dreamed of Ruan Youran crying at a black tombstone. I have to live. No matter how many years, I have to walk back to her.

She didn’t sleep the night she made her decision. On the cold operating table, tears slid down her face. Her doctor, Lilo, wept with her. Lilo had seen Chu Nian endure so much pain without crying, but now she was heartbroken.

“It’s okay,” the doctor comforted, “the injection will make it painless.”

Chu Nian looked at the needle. In that moment, she heard a voice in her heart: Mamma, don’t kill me.

She threw off the quilt and escaped the bed.

If she terminated, she might live less than five years anyway. Why kill their child and leave nothing for Youran? Her life was “cheap”—unloved by her parents. But her child would be different. She had Youran’s blood. She would be blessed by heaven.

She didn’t get a new phone. She was afraid that if she heard Youran’s voice, she’d break. She was even more afraid of explaining. Sorry, Youran, I might die on the table, or only live five years, and I killed our child?

The child had come with such difficulty. If she told Youran, Youran would choose her over the child. And then… she’d live for five years and leave Youran with even more pain. If she didn’t tell her and just left, Youran would hate her, which might be better.

She thought until she collapsed, until her face was covered in tears. As the child grew, she felt the life within her.

The sixth month came. “The child may have immune system issues,” the doctor warned. Chu Nian had prepared for the worst. A week later, she heard the heartbeat—fast, like a happy little train. She wept with joy.

At every check-up, Chu Nian watched other mothers with their partners. She stroked her belly with tenderness. Every visit was a walk through the gates of hell.

In the seventh month, Lilo warned: “The child will need treatment for the first three years after birth.”

“I’ll live,” Chu Nian said. “I’ll have the repair surgeries. I’ll last as long as I can to see her safe.”

“You’re crazy,” Lilo said. “Open-heart surgery is no small thing.”

Chu Nian didn’t answer. She had been “crazy” since the day she decided to keep the child. By the end of the pregnancy, the heart pain was unbearable, but she refused medicine to protect the baby.

She missed Youran to the point of madness. She finally called Su Mi: “Su Mi, how is she?”

Su Mi wept. “She’s still looking for you. She knelt and begged me for your location… Nian Nian…”

Chu Nian’s heart shattered. “Help me pick a burial plot. If I don’t survive, bring my ashes home. America is too far; if I’m buried here, I couldn’t even see her across the ocean.”

She whispered: “Put ‘Wife and Daughter of Ruan Youran’ on the tombstone.”

In this life, she had been unwelcome from the start. Only Youran had loved her and cherished her. Now even Youran would hate her. That was her fate. If she died quietly, she might be forgotten. But if she died, she still wanted that connection. She was her wife.