Appearing on a Marriage Show Before Getting Divorced - Chapter 19

As Nian Nian spoke, Chu Qing wept along with her. From her and Ruan Qiu’s perspective, they had watched Chu Nian grow up and understood her family situation perfectly. They pitied and loved her as if she were their own daughter. Hearing what she had endured, Chu Qing felt a mix of heartache, self-reproach, and regret.

Those past events, once so agonizing and seemingly insurmountable, could now be spoken of by Chu Nian with a tone as light as a passing breeze.

In life, there is likely no mountain that cannot be crossed. When a person looks up from the base, the climb seems dizzying and impossible. But once you actually reach the summit and stand upon the gravel, everything below becomes nothing but mist and shadow.

After briefly describing the timeline, Chu Nian composed her emotions and said slowly, “In the past two years, Zhengzhi has gradually improved. She is very strong. When she was just over a year old and needed a bone marrow aspiration, several doctors had to hold her down while a long needle pierced her spine. She cried terribly. That night at home, she fell asleep sobbing. I was so heartbroken I wiped away tears in secret—she must have seen me. From that day on, she never cried in front of me again. No matter how much it hurts, she finds a corner where no one is around to cry so I won’t see her.”

Chu Nian spoke with both pride and heartache. In truth, she didn’t want Zhengzhi to be like this; she wished the girl could be more like Youran—bold in her love and hate, speaking her mind.

Chu Qing looked at Zhengzhi thoughtfully. “She seems a bit afraid of strangers.”

Nian Nian nodded, hiding nothing. “Her immune system was very poorly developed when she was little, so she lived in a sterile environment. Forget playing outside—she couldn’t even touch the earth, pebbles, or birds, the natural things children usually play with. It’s only recently that she’s been allowed contact with outsiders.”

“She’s very smart,” Chu Qing noted.

At this, Nian Nian beamed with pride. “Yes, I had her IQ tested. She’s in the exceptionally high range.”

Chu Qing mused, “That part is definitely like you, not like Jianjian.”

Chu Nian: “…” Official roasting from a mother-in-law is the scariest kind.

With the truth out in the open, both women felt overwhelmed. Chu Qing couldn’t help but ask, “The next surgery is in three months?”

Nian Nian nodded. “Mhm.”

“You endured for so long,” Chu Qing asked, “why come back now?”

Chu Nian lowered her head, the corners of her eyes reddening. “It’s my fault.”

It was her fault. She had kept all this from Youran, knowing the disappearance would be devastating. She knew she had no right to stand by her or even love her. But when she saw Youran on TV, smiling and joking with reporters to find her a new girlfriend—when she saw her saying in interviews that she wanted to find a partner at her age—Chu Nian was consumed by jealousy.

Heartache. It had been so long; Chu Nian hadn’t realized her scarred heart could still hurt this much.

Though she didn’t say it, Chu Qing saw the internal struggle on her face. she whispered, “So, Nian Nian, you came to me and told me the truth because you’ve prepared for the worst.”

Chu Nian bit her lip, looking down.

Chu Qing hit the nail on the head: “You know your surgery is coming up. Even though the success rate is extremely low, you still hold a sliver of hope that you can create another miracle, just like you did with Zhengzhi. You’re afraid that if you survive, Jianjian will truly have fallen in love with someone else. But… you’re even more afraid that if the surgery fails, Jianjian will have to face your death and Zhengzhi will be homeless. That’s why you told me all this.”

Tears finally fell. Chu Nian closed her eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t owe anyone an apology except Jianjian.” Chu Qing’s voice was thick. While she felt for Chu Nian and Zhengzhi, she was more shocked by what Youran had endured. In her mind, Youran was always a child who couldn’t keep a secret. Yet Youran had borne all this in silence, acting and smiling while her heart bled, just to protect Chu Nian’s reputation.

“I am not the person involved. Even as your mother, I have no right to judge your relationship. However, Nian Nian,” Chu Qing looked at her seriously, “I will not help you lie to Jianjian. She…”

She was the most innocent. And the most pained. No one else could truly understand the agony of a lover suddenly vanishing for three years—the journey from anger to struggle, to disappointment, to despair.

Chu Qing didn’t even dare think about how Youran had survived these three years. She and Ruan Qiu were not adequate mothers.

“Behind one lie, there are always countless others.”

“I know you’re worried and afraid. But Nian Nian, Zhengzhi is better, and your surgery is imminent. Do you still intend to keep her in the dark?”

“Even if you hide it, if the surgery succeeds, how will you face her when you return? How will she accept Zhengzhi? The person who tied the knot must be the one to untie it. There are things you must say to her yourself.”

“Even if it’s a dead knot, even if you have to start over, you must take this step. Don’t wait until someone’s heart is frozen cold before trying to win them back. By then, it will truly be too late.”

Late at night, Chu Nian stood alone by the window, wine glass in hand, looking at the distant scenery. Chu Qing’s words echoed in her mind.

It was her fault. She was the one who lacked the courage to face it.

In this whole ordeal, Youran was the one who suffered most. Chu Nian’s pain was physical and self-inflicted, but the scar on Youran’s heart was one she had carved in herself, stroke by stroke.

In the living room, Chu Qing sat on the rug, watching Zhengzhi build her Lego. She didn’t interfere or speak; she simply watched her. Zhengzhi had a way of blocking out the world when she was focused. Chu Nian watched the two of them through the door, a wave of emotion rising in her chest.

Meanwhile, Ruan Youran had taken her luggage to the countryside to find her sister, Liu Xinrou.

Xinrou was a girl Ruan Qiu and Chu Qing had sponsored years ago. Beyond financial support, Youran had spent every summer and winter holiday visiting her. Xinrou was a teacher—beautiful, with long curly hair, and an aura of infinite gentleness that could calm even the most volatile temper.

Knowing Youran was coming, Xinrou prepared her favorite meal. When Youran arrived and saw her sister’s gentle eyes, her nose stung.

“What is it? Did someone wrong you?” Xinrou asked, hugging her.

Youran clung to her, sobbing. “Sis… she’s back… she actually came back…”

Xinrou knew who “she” was. Only Chu Nian could make the optimistic Youran cry like this.

Later, over a bowl of rib soup, Xinrou urged her to eat. Youran tried, but her tears kept falling into the bowl. She didn’t know how to vent. She had no one to vent to. Xinrou didn’t ask questions; she just held her.

Youran sat on a swing in the garden that night, staring into the darkness. She and Chu Nian had built this swing together. Back then, it was decorated with flowers and filled with laughter and flirtation. Now, the flowers were withered and the swing looked desolate.

Xinrou brought out a sweater. “It’s cold.”

“Sister, don’t worry about me,” Youran smiled weakly.

“That smile is worse than not smiling at all. Don’t wear a mask around me,” Xinrou said, stroking her hair.

Youran realized that after years of lying to everyone, the mask had become stuck to her face. They sat under the stars. Sometimes, when a heart is too heavy for words, the vastness of nature is the only medicine.

Youran stayed for over a week. On the eighth day, an uninvited guest arrived: Qiao Xiaoxiao, one of Xinrou’s former students. She and Youran had always been at odds. Xiaoxiao, now a college freshman, had a crush on Xinrou and would visit every holiday.

“Oh, you’re here? Where’s Nian-jie?” Xiaoxiao asked casually.

Youran’s face turned pale instantly. Xiaoxiao was startled. Xinrou stepped in, sending Xiaoxiao to the backyard.

That night, Xiaoxiao tried to approach Youran. “What’s wrong with you?”

“Go away,” Youran snapped. “I’m annoyed.”

Xiaoxiao spit out a watermelon seed and moved closer. She figured it out: “Did you fight with Nian-jie again? Are you getting a divorce again?”

Back when they were younger, Youran would often swear she was done with the “cold woman” Chu Nian, only to crawl back to her within a week. Xiaoxiao assumed this was just another one of those cycles.

“Kid, do you still like my sister?” Youran asked suddenly.

Xiaoxiao’s face turned as red as the watermelon she was holding.

“Are you practicing to be a Ninja Turtle? It’s been years and you’re still hiding it?” Youran ranted. “I hate people like you, keeping everything inside, hurting innocent people, selfish and annoying… blah blah blah.”

“Not everyone is like you,” Xiaoxiao muttered. “A favorite of the heavens who can say whatever she wants and handle any consequence.”

“It’s still better than hiding it,” Youran retorted.

“I’m not hiding it… try hiding it yourself. It’s just that the teacher… she always treats me like a child.”

Youran gave her an “eye-roll” for the ages. If Xinrou really didn’t like her, would she let her hang around eating her watermelon?

Silence fell. Youran slapped a mosquito. “Why hide it? What’s the psychology behind that?”

“Why should I tell you?” Xiaoxiao scoffed. “If you want to know, ask her yourself.”

“Fine, I’ll go tell my sister—”

“Wait, wait!” Xiaoxiao panicked. “I’ll tell you. It’s not that I don’t want to say it, it’s that I can’t bear the consequence. If I don’t say anything, she treats me like a student and dotes on me. If I tell her and she rejects me, I might never see her again.”

Youran said nothing, looking at the stars.

On the seventh day, Xinrou noticed Youran’s deep dark circles. “Jianjian.”

Youran looked at her.

“I won’t ask about your relationship. I’m your family, I’m always on your side. But you must know your body isn’t just yours. If you fall ill, your moms will be sad, I will be sad, and everyone who cares about you will suffer.”

Youran lowered her head. She knew her health was failing. That night, she called her “Aunt Sophia,” a retired doctor turned psychologist.

“Auntie, I can’t sleep. My mind is racing. Even if I drift off, I hear sharp noises that wake me up. I feel like something is trapped in my heart that can’t get out. I keep dreaming of a red operating table and someone being cut open… I can’t see her face. Sometimes I wonder if my whole life is a dream, but I’ve cut my skin and it bleeds… it’s not a dream.”

Sophia listened quietly. “Jianjian, you have a ‘dead knot’ in your heart. Your conscious mind wants to let go, but your subconscious is resisting. If you really want to move on, don’t focus on the knot. Put it down. Stop hurting yourself. Forgive yourself.”

Forgive myself. Youran dazed for a moment.

Another day of struggle followed. She really needed to forgive herself. Life shouldn’t be a cage. Beyond love, there was family, friendship, the bright sky, and the sun. She shouldn’t be trapped in a knot of her own making.

Like Chu Nian said: they should end it as beautifully as they began. It was time for a full stop.

The next morning, Youran held her phone. After a long silence, she finally dialed the number she had called thousands of times in three years without ever getting through.

She expected the cold “Power off” tone. But then, it began to ring. Du… du… du…

She thought her heart would race, that she’d be nervous. But she wasn’t. Perhaps her heart was truly dead, for she felt only a strange calm.

“Hello?”

The voice she had longed for all these years finally answered.