Appearing on a Marriage Show Before Getting Divorced - Chapter 27

“—Memories are just memories. Beyond sadness, they possess no power.”

The words were like the tip of a poisoned needle, piercing directly into Chu Nian’s heart. She didn’t look at Soya; she slowly turned her head away.

Amidst the cheers of the crowd, Ruan Youran wiped her tears and stepped down from the stage. She unslung her guitar and handed it casually to Soya, then pursed her lips as she glanced at Chu Nian, who was drinking alone in a far corner.

Soya was ecstatic. “Rose, you were amazing!”

“What did you say to her?”

In the past, whenever Soya praised her, Youran would high-five her or joke back with a smile. But now, as she looked at Chu Nian, her voice was icy and sharp in a way Soya had never experienced before.

Soya froze, her mouth hanging open.

Youran’s brow furrowed, a flash of ferocity in her eyes. In that moment, Soya finally understood why her sister—after learning of her feelings for Ruan Youran—had sighed repeatedly and warned her not to provoke members of the Ruan family. Soya hadn’t understood then; in her memory, whenever she was with Ruan Youran, the girl was either smiling or sad. She had never seen such a terrifying aura.

“Don’t provoke her.”

Leaving it at that, Youran walked toward Chu Nian without a second glance at Soya.

Soya stood rooted to the spot, still holding the guitar Youran had handed her. It seemed to still hold the warmth of her body, but at this moment, Soya’s heart was cold as ice.

Youran walked slowly toward Chu Nian. She wasn’t sure if it was an illusion, but she felt as though the person who was once the center of her world had somehow become painfully thin.

“Chu Nian.”

Youran spoke. Chu Nian turned to look at her, her eyes shimmering with tears under the neon lights.

Youran was silent for a moment. She looked at her. “Shall we go home?”

The word “home” was finally enough to warm Chu Nian’s heart for a fleeting second. She nodded and tried to stand up, but her feet faltered. Youran was quick and steady, reaching out to catch her. “Have you been drinking?”

Chu Nian had only had one cocktail.

By her old standards, that was barely a drop in the bucket—not even worth mentioning. But for the last three years, she hadn’t touched a single drop of alcohol. Having drunk it quickly, she was now hit by waves of dizziness.

The familiar scent filled her nostrils. Chu Nian felt a surge of bitter heartache. She leaned against Youran and murmured, “I feel sick…”

She did feel sick. Exhausted in body and mind.

Before returning to the country, she had sat on the plane full of resolve, telling herself that as long as Ruan Youran was happy, she could do anything. No matter if she resented her, was deliberately cold, or… even fell in love with someone else. As long as Youran was happy, she would give her blessing.

But now that the day had arrived, and Youran had merely laughed and spoken a few words to someone else, Chu Nian felt as if her heart had been hollowed out. The thought of Ruan Youran belonging to another… that feeling was more agonizing than dying on the operating table.

Youran supported Chu Nian as they walked out. She looked down at her pale face and pursed her lips.

Soya walked over with a friend. “What’s wrong?”

Youran didn’t answer, merely giving Soya a flat, indifferent glance. Soya was unexpectedly unnerved by that look. An unknowing friend nearby handed the car keys to Soya. “Soya, take them back. I have other friends to look after here.”

Nodding, Soya took the keys and looked at Youran.

Youran kept her eyes on Chu Nian. Since she had come straight from the plane, Chu Nian wore only light makeup, which wasn’t enough to hide her pallor and exhaustion. At the exit, Youran paused. Holding Chu Nian with one hand, she used the other to unbutton her own coat and draped it over the star’s shoulders.

Chu Nian’s head had been throbbing. Over the years, the pain in her heart had made her almost numb to pain elsewhere, but right now her head felt like it was splitting. Just as she was suffering, a familiar fragrance wrapped in warmth covered her. Her nose stung, and her headache seemed to lessen slightly.

The drive was silent. Soya watched through the mirror as Youran supported Chu Nian. To an outsider, it looked like Youran was simply helping her. But Soya saw the concern in her eyes clearly.

During this time, Soya had felt the change in Ruan Youran. Knowing she seemed ready to move on, Soya had told her sister to clear her schedule so she could stay and accompany Youran. They had formed a band, played their hearts out, and enjoyed the release that music brought every night.

On stage, Youran was charming and seductive, making Soya’s heart ache with desire. Everyone around them knew Soya’s intentions, and Soya didn’t hide them; her love was her own, and she didn’t need anyone’s permission.

Three days ago, when Youran arrived, something was off. She had started drinking and sat gloomily with her phone. Soya hadn’t known she had received a message from Chu Nian; she had simply stayed by her side in silence.

A little later, Youran had lit a cigarette. Soya was surprised; she had always thought Youran didn’t smoke. Under the hazy moonlight, Youran looked melancholic, as if every strand of her hair was dyed with sorrow. She held the cigarette between her long fingers, her hair spilling over her back.

Soya would never forget that image. It was heartbreaking… yet even more mesmerizing.

After quietly finishing the cigarette, Youran stood up. Soya anticipated her: “Youran.”

Youran looked at her. Soya looked urgently into her eyes. “Can you… can you…” She wanted to ask for a chance. But under Youran’s gaze, she suddenly couldn’t say the words.

Youran gave a sudden smile—a weary one. She patted Soya’s shoulder, her voice low. “You will always be my friend.”

Soya closed her eyes in pain. She knew what that sentence meant. She watched as Youran slowly left the noisy crowd; saw her bow her head; saw her look up at the distant moon by the door.

Solitude is the carnival of a crowd; a carnival is the solitude of one person.

Youran felt exhausted. She had long since lost the ability to love. She thought she would be happy. She thought she had found the carefree youth who didn’t worry or care for anyone. She played, she made noise, she sang, she reveled…

And then what? Why, when she returned home in the dead of night, did she still weep alone? Who was she missing? Who was she worrying about?

At the house, Soya helped open the car door. Youran helped Chu Nian out. Chu Nian was truly unwell; after the drive, her brow was knitted and her complexion was sallow.

Youran supported her. Her gaze seemed cold and her words flat. “Alright, we’re here.”

But… who could that concern fool?

Soya thought back to when they entered the bar, and Youran had said “an ordinary friend.” Ordinary friend… Soya wanted to laugh but couldn’t. She wished she could even be that kind of ordinary friend.

Youran turned back to Soya. Under the moonlight, Soya looked desolate and lonely.

“Soya.”

Youran called her name softly. She felt the person in her arms tremble slightly at the sound of her voice. Soya turned, her eyes shimmering with tears. Youran gave her a small smile. “You’re a good girl.”

Soya was on the verge of tears. She looked at Youran. “But you don’t like me.” She hated being “friend-zoned” like this. Youran was the first Chinese girl she had ever fallen for, and she didn’t want to let go.

Youran looked into her eyes and said slowly, “I’m not worth your love. Don’t waste your time on me.”

How could she not know of Soya’s kindness? She had rejected her many times, but Soya only grew more persistent. That kind of obsession… Youran understood it. Once upon a time, hadn’t she been the same with Chu Nian?

Soya choked up, tears falling down her cheeks, her blue eyes heart-wrenching. “And if I say no? Rose, won’t you just give me some time?”

She believed time could heal anything. She had loved before, deeply and painfully, but she found that in six months, even the greatest pain and deepest feelings would be washed away by time. She felt Youran simply wasn’t giving her—or herself—that time. Six months; she was confident.

Youran was silent for a moment. She looked into Soya’s eyes and said slowly, “I once waited for three years.”

With those words, Youran shook her head. She said no more, supporting the person in her arms as they entered the house.

Soya stood rooted to the spot like a wooden post. She suddenly felt ridiculous… Yes, she had confidently thought it was a matter of time. She knew the truth, so how had she forgotten? Youran had waited bitterly for that person for three years. Had she ever forgotten?

The lights flickered on, filling the room with a warm glow. Youran helped Chu Nian into the bedroom. The air was filled with her scent. Though her head was still spinning and her eyes were too heavy to open, Chu Nian’s heart was heavy with sorrow.

She was home… Their home…

In her dreams, she had longed to return for even a single look. She never thought she would live to see it.

Youran helped her onto the bed and took off her shoes. She went to the bathroom, brought back a basin of warm water, and wiped Chu Nian’s face. She wiped away the tears and all the makeup…

Youran looked at Chu Nian’s face, her gaze lingering for a long time. Eventually, Chu Nian slowly opened her eyes and looked at Youran. Youran looked back. After a moment of silence, Youran stood up and began walking toward the next room.

The warmth vanished. Chu Nian curled up on the bed alone. She had told herself to be strong many times, but at this moment… she was driven mad by pain, sorrow, and regret. She bit her lip and closed her eyes again.

Youran slid open the door to the next room. Xiao Sao had long since heard the noise; he was wagging his tail and trying to jump on Youran. Youran picked him up and kissed his forehead. “Your mama is back. Go see her.”

As soon as she said it, Xiao Sao practically kicked Youran, jumping from her arms and racing into the bedroom like a spinning top.

When he saw the person lying on the bed, his little black nose bubbled with excitement. He whimpered, letting out a piteous sound like a child who had been abandoned.

Chu Nian sat up. As she reached out her arms, Xiao Sao leaped into the air and dived into her embrace. He licked her face frantically, his body shivering with excitement, his fur standing on end.

Chu Nian held him and wept, repeatedly kissing his furry head. “I’m back… I’m back…”

Xiao Sao whimpered, his tail wagging like a fan as he pressed himself against her.

In the next room, Youran sat on the sofa. She didn’t turn on the light. She sat there alone, tears streaming down her face.