Appearing on a Marriage Show Before Getting Divorced - Chapter 33

When Zhengzhi ran out, hugged Chu Nian’s leg, and told her, “Mamma-Youran kissed me,” Chu Nian was in the middle of preparing fish. Her body stiffened as she looked at Zhengzhi in disbelief; she didn’t even notice when her finger was pricked by a fish bone.

Ruan Qiu had once said that Zhengzhi was too “old-fashioned” and aloof—so much so that she didn’t seem like a child at all. But now, she was gesturing excitedly to her mother, her two little hair-pigtails practically vibrating with joy, and her cheeks flushed like red apples from the excitement.

Dinner was lavish—six dishes and a soup. Actually, Chu Nian wasn’t skilled at cooking meat, but for Ruan Youran’s sake, she had been slowly changing, following recipes step by step.

In the evening, Ruan Qiu and Chu Qing specifically came over. Ruan Qiu had bought new toys for Zhengzhi, choosing “down-to-earth” things that typical children her age enjoyed, like toy musical drums and teddy bears. Zhengzhi looked at them, tossed them aside with disdain, and stared longingly toward the bedroom.

Chu Qing and Ruan Qiu exchanged confused glances, sensing that Zhengzhi was acting a bit strange. What could she possibly like more than toys? What was she looking at?

Chu Nian was the same. After serving the final dish, Sweet and Sour Ribs, she became distracted, eating her rice one grain at a time. Ruan Qiu looked at Zhengzhi, then at Chu Nian, and was just about to speak when the long-closed bedroom door “creaked” open.

They all looked up together. Zhengzhi’s eyes seemed to light up.

Ruan Youran walked out slowly. She was a bit weak, but her state was okay; she had even washed her face to make herself look more alert. Facing their collective gaze, she didn’t speak. Instead, she sat down next to Zhengzhi. Youran picked up her chopsticks, looked at the fish Chu Nian had meticulously deboned for Zhengzhi, and asked in a low voice: “Do you want some fish?”

Zhengzhi looked at her, hesitated for a moment, and then nodded.

This was Youran’s first time deboning fish for a child. She had no experience; she flipped a single piece over and over, checking it countless times. That level of focus and care was heartbreaking to witness. Chu Nian lowered her head to hide the pain in her heart, while Ruan Qiu and Chu Qing felt a mix of relief and sorrow.

The first step had finally been taken…

They hadn’t forced “Jianjian” these past few days because they knew no one could change her mind—only she could do that for herself.

Youran didn’t speak to the others. She just quietly put food in Zhengzhi’s bowl. Since she didn’t know the girl’s preferences yet, she would observe for a moment every time she served her. Zhengzhi was actually quite a picky eater. In the past, whenever Ruan Qiu gave her food, she would shake her head and refuse; only Chu Nian knew her tastes.

As Youran served her every dish and carefully watched what the girl liked, her heart grew heavy with grief. Zhengzhi’s tastes were exactly the same as hers… They both loved sweet and sour flavors… They both preferred food that wasn’t a hassle to eat; if it was fish or shrimp, someone had to peel it before they’d touch it. They both disliked things that were too salty…

Youran remained silent, her eyes never once drifting toward Chu Nian. But even so, seeing the two of them—big and small—sitting there together eating the meal she had cooked made a surge of emotions rise in Chu Nian’s chest. She got up and went to the bathroom. Fearing the others might hear, she turned on the faucet and let herself have a good cry in private.

It had been too long… it had been too painful… No one could know how much she had longed for this exact moment.

When she left Youran, she was nearly dying of grief. On the brink of death, she lived alone with a child in a foreign land. She had truly thought about it many times—just telling her, letting Jianjian bring the two of them home.

But… she stubbornly convinced herself otherwise, over and over. What if she died? What if Zhengzhi couldn’t hold on either? …Would she be bringing back two corpses to China?

Heaven had finally shown her mercy. A few days ago, she had received Lilo’s check-up report; as long as they were a bit careful with daily life, Zhengzhi was now no different from a normal child. She… had survived, healthy and strong.

In the evening, Chu Nian ran the hot water and cleaned the bathtub to give Zhengzhi a bath. Her physical strength wasn’t what it used to be; after bending over to scrub the tub, she had to hold onto the wall for a moment to catch her breath.

Youran watched from the doorway for a while, then walked over in silence. Chu Nian looked at her, feeling a bit nervous. Without any words, Youran took the brush from Chu Nian’s hand and began scrubbing the tub vigorously with her head down. Chu Nian stared at her blankly. After a moment, she whispered: “Youran?”

Whether it was from the rising steam or something else, Youran’s tears fell as she scrubbed. Chu Nian watched her, her heart feeling as if it were being cut by a saw.

Until the tub was finished, Youran didn’t say a single word to her. She walked straight out and carried in Zhengzhi, who had changed into pajamas and was playing on the bed like a little dumpling.

Zhengzhi was very happy. She didn’t understand the complexities between the adults; she just felt she suddenly had an extra mother to love her. Her smiles were noticeably more frequent.

Youran tentatively tested the water temperature. She was cautious with everything regarding Zhengzhi, terrified of doing something wrong. Zhengzhi was placed in the tub. Youran made some bubbles for her, put in a rubber duck, and played the “I Love Bathing” nursery rhyme on her phone.

Zhengzhi had never experienced this “kid-level” treatment. She was delighted, kicking her little feet in the water and squeezing the duck as she played happily. Chu Nian went to get a towel and formula; she knew Youran had a knot in her heart and didn’t want to face her yet.

Watching the happy child, Youran felt a pang of sorrow. She touched Zhengzhi’s soft cheek. “Have you never played like this before?”

Zhengzhi shook her head. Though she didn’t speak much, her articulation was very clear when she chose to answer: “No. Before, Mamma didn’t dare let me use these things. Sometimes if I swallowed the water, I’d get sick. I’ve been better lately.”

Youran felt as if a knife had been carved into her heart. She splashed warm water for Zhengzhi. The girl squeezed the duck, her grape-like dark eyes looking at her: “Mamma-Youran, are you unhappy?”

Youran froze, looking at her, not knowing what to say.

Zhengzhi giggled. “Mamma says Mamma-Youran talks a lot and is someone who smiles all the time like a sunflower. I’ve never seen a sunflower. Mamma, can you smile for me?”

Youran’s nose stung. She looked at Zhengzhi and wanted to cry, but in the end, a sliver of a smile bloomed on her lips. It really was like the sun. Zhengzhi was satisfied and let out a laugh like the squeak of her rubber duck.

Although Youran was still feeling stifled, she couldn’t keep a long face in front of the child, and her voice became soft and gentle.

After the bath, Chu Nian came over with a towel to wrap Zhengzhi. She looked into Youran’s eyes. Youran still didn’t look back; she handed Zhengzhi over and said flatly: “I’m going out for a while.”

Zhengzhi, who had been laughing, immediately went silent.

Chu Nian pursed her lips. “You…”

Youran frowned. “I’ll be back tonight.”

The tone, more or less, wounded Chu Nian. She nodded and said nothing more, feeling pained for the girl in her arms. She hadn’t seen Zhengzhi this happy in a long time; at this moment, she could feel her daughter’s disappointment.

Zhengzhi was washed and smelled wonderful. She curled up in the blankets like a little puppy. Chu Nian kissed her forehead. Zhengzhi clutched her mother’s lapel.

“What’s wrong?” Chu Nian stroked her soft hair. Since Zhengzhi’s health improved, she had gradually put on some weight and was no longer as thin and pale as before. She was getting cuter by the day.

Zhengzhi whispered: “When is Mamma-Youran coming back?”

Chu Nian bit her lip. “Very soon. You’ll see her when you wake up, okay?”

Zhengzhi’s watery eyes blinked, and she said no more, rolling herself up in the quilt to the other side of the bed. She was unhappy. In expressing emotions, Zhengzhi was very much like Chu Nian; she wouldn’t use words, but her body language couldn’t lie.

Youran went to the hospital. She had made an appointment with Chu Qing in advance. She sat in a chair, flipping through Chu Nian’s medical records page by page. Every page… every glance felt like a knife carving into her heart.

Chu Qing watched her solemn face, her tone cautious: “Heart disease is different from other illnesses. She especially cannot get angry. A few years ago, Nian Nian had a heart repair surgery… and now…”

It had reached the point where a heart transplant was needed. The surgery in less than three months would decide her life or death. Chu Qing, after all, couldn’t bring herself to say those words out loud.

Youran looked up at Chu Qing. “Mom, what kind of pain is it?”

Chu Qing pursed her lips. Seeing that Jianjian’s complexion wasn’t good, she could only describe it simply: “…Sometimes her heart rate accelerates uncontrollably… most of the time it’s chest pain. Simply put, it’s like a normal person staying up for a very long time and suddenly feeling discomfort in their chest. Often she feels chest tightness, like she can’t catch her breath. It can make a person irritable and lead to feelings of despair…”

Youran nodded. She asked no more, lowering her head to continue reading, page by page. Chu Qing stared at her in silence for a while, let out a long sigh, and stepped forward to hug her. “Alright, if you’re hurting, just say it, okay?”

Youran looked up, tears falling. She grit her teeth and shrank into Chu Qing’s embrace. “Mom, why is she so stubborn? She went through such a major illness alone, carried our child, and just ran off to a foreign country by herself. Why couldn’t she tell me? How could she endure so much? I…” She bit her lip hard. “I want to strangle her.”

Grit teeth, bitter pain, and flowing tears still couldn’t express Youran’s current feelings.

After seeing the records and talking with the lead cardiologist, Youran drove home. It was already late. She sat in the car downstairs, lit a cigarette, and stayed silent for a moment. Then, she slowly rolled up all the windows and held her breath.

One second… two seconds… three seconds…

She held it until her face turned purple and she could bear it no longer. Youran finally let out a massive breath, leaning on the steering wheel, gasping for air, desperately craving every breath of fresh oxygen. She reached out and hammered her own chest with force, over and over—so hard that the heart that had been leaping with sorrow began to ache.

Tears—huge drops of them—slid down Youran’s face and onto the steering wheel. In that enclosed space where she was all alone, she wailed.

Her heart pained for her. She was devastated. She wanted to dig her own heart out and give it to Chu Nian.

Why didn’t she understand? Why didn’t she understand?!