Back To The Past To Cherish You - Chapter 4

Si Chun could hardly believe what she had heard.

The girl before her was still wearing her Jiarui uniform: a white T-shirt and a short gray skirt. Her black hair fell neatly around her face, and tears welled in her deep blue eyes before spilling down her cheeks in great drops.

She said nothing more. She just watched Si Chun in anxious silence, waiting desperately for an answer.

Si Chun felt as though young Ling Yan’s tears would break her heart. Without thinking, she went around the table, sat beside her, and pulled her into an embrace.

Tears dampened Si Chun’s shoulder. She patted the girl’s back and soothed her gently. “Okay. I’ll talk to my mom.”

This wasn’t a child’s idealistic promise. Si Chun knew that she and her mother were capable of caring for one more person, and she knew Ling Yan’s character.

Besides, Ling Yan’s current situation truly was bad. Si Chun couldn’t imagine how much she had suffered at home to cry like this and cling to a stranger’s outstretched hand as though it were a lifeline.

“Wipe your tears and eat first, all right?” Si Chun handed her a whole packet of tissues, then returned with a bowl of egg-drop soup. “You’ll need your strength for what comes next.”

She was a little worried Ling Yan might be too upset to eat. Every few bites, she stole a glance at her.

The girl chewed slowly, her cheeks slightly puffed out. Between sips of soup, she finished the meat skewers bit by bit. Soon the vegetables on her tray were gone, and so was the extra rice Si Chun had served her.

Si Chun was relieved, but her heart ached for her too.

The Ling Yan of the future had a chronic stomach condition. Sometimes, when she was tired from the day or in a bad mood, she would come home with no appetite. She would take a few bites of vegetables and put down her chopsticks, having eaten less than half a bowl of rice.

Si Chun had asked a former classmate from a family of traditional Chinese medicine practitioners to examine her. But when Ling Yan got busy, she couldn’t even remember to take the medicine. Her treatment stopped and started until it eventually fell by the wayside.

Now that she was back at the beginning of everything, Si Chun was determined to find out what had happened and whether she could prevent the stomach trouble before it began.

She waited patiently until Ling Yan put down her bowl and chopsticks before asking, “What about tonight? If you don’t want to go back tonight either… you can stay at my place. We have a guest room.”

Relatives never came to visit. After her divorce, Ms. Si Jiao had cut ties completely with the awful people on both sides of the family. She had moved far away and changed her name. None of them would ever be allowed to disturb the peaceful life she shared with her precious daughter.

Still, Si Jiao had felt they ought to have a guest room. She might one day make a close friend, or her daughter might bring a dear friend home. They couldn’t expect a guest to squeeze into a bed with them. So when the teachers’ housing was renovated, she had specifically asked the workers to set aside a room. She also kept a spare set of bedding at home.

The girl froze, then asked timidly, “Can I really?”

Her deep blue eyes blinked in disbelief, bright as sapphires.

Resisting the urge to rub her little kitty’s head, Si Chun nodded solemnly. “Yes! Of course you can!”

She walked around the running track with young Ling Yan to help them digest their dinner. When she thought enough time had passed, she took her back to her mother’s office.

As expected, Ms. Yu and Ling Yan’s uncle, Ling Decai, were both there.

The moment he saw Ling Yan, the man hurried to speak. “Yanyan, it’s about time we went home. Your little brother’s homework…”

“I’m sorry, Uncle, but the school nurse said Ling Yan has injuries on her hands and body,” Si Chun cut in at once. “I’m worried about her, so I’d like her to stay at our house tonight and have some time to settle down. We have medicine at home too. Don’t worry, Uncle! Ling Yan is very considerate. She won’t be any trouble for us.”

Ling Decai paused, but persisted. “Thank you. I appreciate your kindness, but we’re Yanyan’s family. We’re related by blood. Surely she’ll be better cared for if she comes home with her uncle…”

“That’s wrong.”

He heard the girl who had been silent speak softly. “Every part of it is wrong.”

“The three of you are a family, aren’t you?” Ling Yan raised her eyes. Her loose black hair partly obscured them, and her voice was calm, though her words showed no mercy. “I’m a source of money, a free tutor, and a burden you can’t get rid of. The one thing I’m not is family to you.”

“Uncle, children don’t understand discretion the way adults do. They aren’t as brave, and they aren’t as good at keeping their mouths shut. We are family, after all. For the sake of your reputation, I think it would be better if I didn’t spell certain things out. Don’t you?”

Her beautiful eyes turned cold, filled with an indifference and contempt far beyond her years.

Ling Yan had no desire to be pleasant to that family ever again.

They knew she listened to her family more than anyone else. They knew that, having just lost her parents, she longed desperately for familial affection and care and would find it hard to defy the people who had taken her in. That was precisely why they had found endless ways to wear her down and control her.

They exploited her abilities while fearing she might become too capable. So they clipped her wings, belittled her, and filled her head with insinuations until she was trapped within the walls they had built around her.

How could a twelve-year-old child, still overwhelmed by grief, have imagined any of those schemes?

She had no one to confide in. The words and actions of her classmates, teachers, and family hurt her over and over, constantly telling her that she was the one at fault.

Yet all she had wanted was justice for herself and a stable place to study. She had wanted to remain, from beginning to end, the excellent student and good child her parents had hoped she would be while they were alive.

“The child has clearly had quite a fright. It’s entirely understandable that she wants to stay somewhere she feels safe,” Ms. Yu said firmly. Then she turned to Si Jiao, who had been listening. “Ms. Si, would that be all right?”

“Of course.” Ms. Si Jiao answered without hesitation. “Our place is close to the school, just across two roads. There’s no need to worry about her being late tomorrow, and she can have breakfast here.”

“Then Ling Yan can go home with you tonight.” Ms. Yu nodded and turned to the silent man. “Mr. Ling, I hope your family will give serious thought to moving this excellent child into another class. I’ve taught for thirty years, and I would never allow bullying in my classroom. You can rest assured she’ll be safe with me.”

Ling Decai could plainly see the two teachers backing each other up. But he remembered his son crying as he complained that “Sister called me useless” and said he would “rot at home and live off his parents for the rest of his life.” After a brief hesitation, Ling Decai agreed.

His older brother’s daughter was nowhere near as easy to control as he had imagined. Her talk of being a “source of money” and his “reputation” had broken him into a cold sweat. He felt a chilling sensation, as though a drowned ghost had fixed its eyes on him.

He even suspected Ling Yan already knew he had paid some idle, troublesome students to pick fights with her.

A well-behaved child barely into her teens ought to learn to depend on her family after being knocked around by the outside world a few times.

But this stubborn girl wouldn’t listen to anything, and her little mouth was as sharp as poison. Instead, she had humiliated him in front of outsiders.

After a few perfunctory pleasantries, Ling Decai hurried out of the office as though fleeing.

“Come on. Let’s ask the evening study hall teacher to excuse you,” Si Jiao said, patting Si Chun’s shoulder. “We need to get a room ready for Ling Yan at home. And… you have something you want to discuss with me, don’t you?”

A mother knew her daughter best. Having seen Si Chun take such care of a transfer student and offer to bring her home for the night, Si Jiao could guess what she was likely to hear once they got there.

She had raised Si Chun on her own, so she knew better than anyone how difficult it was to bring up a child and what challenges another person at the table would bring.

But when she heard that Ling Yan’s parents had died suddenly the month before, that the uncle’s family who had taken her in were of poor character and had a son who had no interest in studying, Si Jiao wanted to lend her a hand too. She couldn’t bear to watch such a promising girl end up in the position she herself had once been in.

Sitting in the car on the way to Si Chun’s home, Ling Yan gazed at the night outside the window, still feeling dazed.

…Just like that, she had gone home with Si Chun when they were young.

To Ling Yan, both Si Chun and her mother were exceptionally kind people.

Three years ago, soon after she and Si Chun had made their relationship official, Ling Yan had gone home with her once and met Ms. Si Jiao, the familiar music teacher from middle school.

If she had any fond memories of Zhiting No. 3 Middle School, it was of the conscientious, cheerful, outspoken Ms. Si. Her teacher had been like a slender thread of moonlight shining into Ling Yan’s gray life.

Ms. Si had been the only one to notice how she was doing. She would even ask after class whether Ling Yan felt unwell and whether she wanted to see the school nurse.

Whenever Ling Yan did well in class, Ms. Si would be the first to applaud. She never held back her praise, telling Ling Yan how well she had done and pointing out each of her strengths.

After they recognized each other again that year, Ling Yan had thought how fortunate she was that fate had let her meet both the big moon and the little moon.

But she was destined to be a bottomless abyss. The moons should not go on shining over her forever.

“Do you usually have a snack before bed?”

Si Chun’s voice pulled Ling Yan from her thoughts. “When I get home from evening study hall, I always eat a little something and read for a while before bed. Mom makes something for me.”

Ling Yan was almost shaking her head already when she remembered those evenings in the future. Si Chun had made her late-night snacks that were gentle on her stomach, never the same meal twice, always taking her tastes into account. After a few seconds’ hesitation, she asked, “Could I have noodles in soup with a fried egg?”

Si Chun’s eyes curved with her smile. “Of course! We have tomato soup base at home too. I only put salt in it, but the tomatoes Mom buys are naturally sweet and tart, so it tastes really good. If you like, I can add some for you.”

Ling Yan had eaten Si Chun’s tomato soup several times. She couldn’t help swallowing at the thought of it. She looked instinctively at the young Si Chun, but the face that flashed through her mind was her girlfriend’s, smiling brightly.

The longing she had held back for more than half a month suddenly surged through her, catching her off guard. She stared at the girl and went still.

Hold on to her.

Pull her close again.

Stay beside her shamelessly, day and night, even if the thorns pierced her, even if she drowned in the darkness…

“Ling Yan?”

Like a cultivator in a fantasy novel whose inner demon was taking hold, suddenly hearing a calming Buddhist chant, Ling Yan jolted back to herself and escaped the feeling of sinking into a mire.

“…Sorry. I was just thinking about what I’ll have to say to my uncle and aunt, and how I’m going to get back all the money Mom and Dad left me,” she murmured.

In the past, she had craved family and affection so badly that, when she turned eighteen, she had agreed to let her uncle and aunt change her parents’ wills. With her own hands, she had given up the property her parents had left her.

All she had received in return was a heartless expulsion from their home.

She had been unbelievably foolish.

Fragments of old words surfaced along with the memories. Ling Yan could almost hear the demons whispering and laughing at her.

Then something soft and warm covered the back of her hand.

“We can take our time figuring all that out. Right now, you only need to think about getting away,” Si Chun said. She held Ling Yan’s hand and leaned close to her ear, soothing her softly. “Don’t be afraid. I’m here! Mom and I will catch you!”

Warm breath brushed Ling Yan’s ear. It drowned out every cruel word rising inside her, transforming them into the tender calls she would hear in their moments of pleasure in the future—

“My dearest, dearest Ling Yan.”