No Longer Escaping (ABO) - Chapter 55

The night was deep.

Dujuan, however, could not sleep. She curled up in a corner of the bed, her eyes wide open in the darkness without a hint of drowsiness.

From now on, she would have to sleep in the same bed as Li Wuyue. Everything that had happened before, and everything she was about to face, left her heart in a state of turmoil. She felt as though she had completely become a newly purchased pet for the Li family—a feeling so suffocating she could hardly breathe.

Li Wuyue, lying behind her, was also awake. She stared at Dujuan’s back with her large, fawn-like eyes.

Though they shared the same bed, they remained far apart, as if a great divide lay between them.

Li Wuyue didn’t understand. Ever since the journey back, Dujuan had looked despondent. She hadn’t even eaten more than two bites of food. Whenever Li Wuyue felt down, she could become happy again just by eating something delicious… why wasn’t Dujuan like that?

After thinking it over, she wondered: Did I do something to make her unhappy?

“I’m sorry…”

Li Wuyue’s sudden words startled Dujuan. She eventually gave a faint reply: “It’s not your fault…” It’s my own doing.

Hearing her reply made Li Wuyue very happy, but that happiness quickly turned into confusion. When she made a mistake and upset her parents, a sincere apology always made them feel better. But why… was Dujuan still keeping her back turned?

Staring at Dujuan’s silhouette, Li Wuyue frowned. She had thought an apology would fix everything. Now, faced with this situation, she felt completely at a loss.

Just as she was sinking into disappointment, Dujuan spoke.

“Do you… remember things from when you were little?”

“When I was little?” At the mention of her childhood, Li Wuyue’s eyes grew dim. How could she ever forget? Forget that incident? “I remember…” Her voice was no longer clear; it was heavy.

“Then… do you hate that person?”

Hate?

Li Wuyue looked away. She would always remember that pitch-black room and the woman who held her while weeping.

The tiny version of herself had been cradled in those arms, her large eyes watching the woman’s sorrowful tears as she continuously muttered a name she didn’t know.

“Mother will take you to a better place… Mother will never leave you again…” Tears soaked the woman’s face, falling uncontrollably. She talked to herself incoherently, her trembling hand clutching several pills.

Just as she was about to feed one to Li Wuyue, the child reached out to wipe the tears from her cheek. Her innocent eyes were filled with compassion. “Don’t be sad…” a tender voice reached the woman’s ears.

In that instant, the woman seemed to regain her senses. She looked at Li Wuyue, tears still streaming. “Young Mistress…”

Even though she had regained her reason, she still swallowed the poison. In her final moments, she held Li Wuyue, saying “I’m sorry” over and over until death arrived.

A look of sorrow crossed Li Wuyue’s eyes as she shook her head slightly. “No… she was… very sad… very heartbroken. I don’t want to hate her.”

Dujuan had expected a denial, but she hadn’t expected Li Wuyue to explain it that way.

Her curled-up back shifted slightly. She closed her eyes, intending to say no more.

“Why are you sad?” Li Wuyue’s voice came from behind. Her question was like a sharp needle, piercing straight into Dujuan’s heart.

Why was she sad? Even she wasn’t entirely sure. Was it because her life was being arranged for her again? Was it because she couldn’t choose her own destiny? Or was it simply out of envy for Li Wuyue’s family? She didn’t know.

She turned around to face Li Wuyue, but when she met those innocent eyes, she looked away again. “You wouldn’t understand…”

“If you don’t say it, how will you know I won’t understand?” Li Wuyue leaned closer. Her body radiated a warmth that made Dujuan feel much more comfortable.

Dujuan didn’t dare tell her the truth, so she changed the subject to fool her. “What about you? Why are you afraid of those people?”

“I…”

The tactic worked; Li Wuyue sank into thought. After a long silence, she answered. Unlike Dujuan’s avoidance, she looked steadily into Dujuan’s eyes.

“I don’t know. I don’t want to be like this… but I can’t control it.” Ripples appeared in her clear eyes.

Seeing her like this, a strange emotion sprouted in Dujuan’s heart. She couldn’t bear to see Li Wuyue sad. She moved closer and cupped the girl’s face, kissing her lips under her startled gaze.

She sucked and licked her lips. If thinking too much leads to unhappiness, then use physical pleasure to block it out.

“Do you hate this?” When their lips parted, Dujuan pressed her forehead against Li Wuyue’s and asked.

Li Wuyue panted softly and shook her head, her eyes filled entirely with Dujuan.

Looking at this innocent face, Dujuan’s heart beat rapidly for some reason. Tempting Li Wuyue into pleasure felt like a strange kind of sin.

Perhaps to escape the guilt in her heart, she kissed Li Wuyue again. This kiss was more intense than the last; she even extended her tongue to intertwine with Li Wuyue’s, wanting to use this stimulation to cover her inner unease.

She intentionally let out seductive moans, her hand reaching eagerly between Li Wuyue’s legs.

That organ was still dormant. Dujuan released her scent to arouse Li Wuyue’s desire, but no matter how thick her scent became, the flesh gave no response.

This made her both anxious and nervous. She frantically tried to untie the belt at Li Wuyue’s waist, but she couldn’t get it open. Growing more panicked, she began to tear at Li Wuyue’s clothes, climbing on top and pinning her down.

She roughly pulled at the garments. Her panicked movements caught Li Wuyue’s attention.

Li Wuyue reached out and held Dujuan’s hands as they tore at her chest, looking at her with concern.

“You can smell my scent, right?” Dujuan bowed her head, her long hair masking her face so Li Wuyue couldn’t see her expression.

“Yes…” Li Wuyue nodded.

“Does it smell good?”

“It smells good.”

“Liar…” Her voice trembled slightly. “Then why is there no reaction?” As she spoke, she released even more floral fragrance, shrouding the entire room. But no matter how strong the scent, Li Wuyue remained unmoved. She stared blankly at Dujuan pinned above her, not understanding why she was suddenly acting this way.

Li Wuyue sat up, leaning in to sniff Dujuan carefully. “It really does smell good…” she said, confused.

After she said that, Dujuan silently climbed off her and lay down with her back turned once more.

Li Wuyue grew even more bewildered. She didn’t understand why Dujuan’s moods were so mercurial.

Dujuan hated herself like this. Ever since her differentiation, her self-loathing had grown daily, especially after reaching the Chunxiang Pavilion with her brother. She envied her brother, who was also a Kun Ze; she envied how he could effortlessly charm anyone. Even though she was more beautiful than him, she wasn’t as attractive. Even the lowest prostitutes at the Pavilion were more appealing than her—they only had to release a tiny bit of fragrance to attract a swarm of admirers. Although she hated that her parents were so eager to sell her off, she also wished her scent could attract people. At the very least, it would make her feel less useless. Kun Ze were already looked down upon, let alone a Kun Ze like her who couldn’t even attract a single Qian Yuan. And after finally getting Li Wuyue into that situation, she had messed it up again. She was the biggest failure of a Kun Ze, the most useless…

The more she thought, the sadder she became. Tears began to flow uncontrollably again, making her hate herself even more. She gritted her teeth and wiped the tears away harshly with her hand, closing her eyes tight to keep more from escaping.

“I’m sorry…”

The faint apology from behind made Dujuan feel irritated again.

Seeing that Dujuan wasn’t responding, Li Wuyue said it once more: “I’m sorry…”

“I already told you it has nothing to do with you, it’s my fault!” She turned around to face Li Wuyue. This sudden flare of anger left Li Wuyue stunned.

But seeing Dujuan’s bloodshot eyes, Li Wuyue felt a wave of pity. Not knowing how to comfort her, she could only offer a clumsy, “I’m sor—”

Dujuan pressed a finger against her lips to silence her. “Don’t say another word.”

Li Wuyue was startled into silence, looking at her with innocent and aggrieved eyes.

“Go to sleep…” Dujuan suppressed the anger on her face, turned back around, and pulled up the quilt.

Li Wuyue didn’t understand why Dujuan was like this—she was so unpredictable and inscrutable. And as for the “scent” she spoke of, Li Wuyue couldn’t comprehend it. But every time she saw Dujuan’s eyes filled with tears, every time she saw tears soaking that face, that face from her past would appear in her mind. It made her feel an unbearable urge to be kind, and a fear of seeing life fade away before her eyes once again…

••••

The next morning, Wan Niang and the others bid farewell to the Li family.

The previous evening, Wan Niang had returned the silver to Master Li and expressed her sincere gratitude. Under Wan Niang’s insistence, Master Li eventually took the money back, but seeing that she wouldn’t accept valuables, he packed a large bag of dry food from the house and insisted she take it.

Yang Lulong looked at the bulging knapsack with a bit of dissatisfaction. It wasn’t okay to take the silver, but taking a whole bag of food is fine? After a moment of thought, she realized her attitude was inappropriate; she was probably just unhappy because Wan Niang had scolded her.

“Are you angry?” Wan Niang walked beside her, tilting her head to look at her face.

“No.” Only a single word popped out of her mouth, and she turned her head away to avoid Wan Niang’s eyes.

“You didn’t say a word all last night.” Wan Niang put her hands behind her back, walking leisurely.

“I was tired.”

A period of silence followed…

Wan Niang followed behind Yang Lulong. After walking for a while, Wan Niang sighed. “I’m sorry… my tone was a bit harsh…”

“No, it was me…” Yang Lulong turned to look at her, feeling a bit embarrassed. “I was being narrow-minded…”

“You weren’t narrow-minded, you were just being bold,” Wan Niang teased. “Twenty taels just like that—you didn’t even blink at such a huge sum.” She quickened her pace to keep up with Yang Lulong.

Yang Lulong stopped and waited for Wan Niang to reach her side before talking back. “I didn’t realize how much twenty taels actually was.”

“Twenty taels is enough for the two of us to eat for three years—and eat very well at that.”

“It’s that much?” Yang Lulong asked in surprise.

“How did you even grow up? Twenty taels is a lot.”

“The money where I come from is different from this…” Yang Lulong said sheepishly.

“What is it like then?”

“It looks like a piece of paper, about this big.” She gestured with her hands.

“Using paper as money? Wouldn’t that be a hassle? Paper ruins so easily—if a mouse got to it, wouldn’t you become a beggar instantly?”

“It’s not ordinary paper. Besides, since I grew up, I rarely used paper money anyway.”

“Then what did you use?”

“Money you can’t touch.”

“Money you can’t touch?”

“It’s like… there’s a thing made of a little box, and everything is inside it. People just use the little box to pay each other.”

“Isn’t that just a purse?”

“No, that’s not what I mean…”

The two of them walked along, chatting back and forth…