Song of Everlasting Regret - Chapter 12

Yu Jingqiu arrived at the study and saw Lou Jing kneeling in the center of the courtyard facing the room. Lang Ye and Lou Yan were both standing outside. After asking Lang Ye, she learned of the incident where Lou Xuanzhi had coughed up blood.

After a long while, Yu Xiu came out. As everyone crowded forward, Yu Xiu consoled them, “It was just a sudden surge of anger affecting the heart; it’s nothing serious. Everyone go back; the Sect Leader needs peace and quiet.”

Although Yu Jingqiu wanted to stay and tend to him, Lou Xuanzhi refused to see anyone except Yu Xiu. The group had no choice but to leave, but Lou Jing remained kneeling there. Yu Xiu stepped forward to urge her, “Go back.”

Lou Jing said softly, “I want to see my father.”

Yu Xiu sighed and went back into the study. Half a beat later, he came out and said, “He does not want to see you.”

Lou Jing said nothing more, yet she continued to kneel. No one could persuade her otherwise, and having no other choice, they left her be.

Before long, the sky darkened and the night wind grew sharp. Yu Xiu came out after checking Lou Xuanzhi’s pulse and saw a figure in the courtyard; Lou Jing was still kneeling there. Yu Xiu stepped forward, attempting to pull her up, “Are you trying to make things difficult for your father, or for yourself?”

Lou Jing looked up at him. Yu Xiu said, “He is troubled right now. When his anger dissipates, he will naturally see you. Be good, go back, alright?”

Lou Jing lowered her head again and whispered, “I shouldn’t have talked back to him.”

Yu Xiu asked, “So you know you were wrong now?”

“I don’t understand.”

Lou Jing stared blankly at the bluestone slabs. As the night air saturated the ground, it was already becoming damp. “I…”

I want him to love me.

But at her age, she was ashamed to speak her desire for love aloud. Perhaps it was because she had never received an obvious, blatant favoritism that she lacked the confidence to say the words. Lou Xuanzhi had been very, very strict with her since childhood.

Yu Xiu stood by for a moment, but since Lou Jing continued to kneel, he went back into the study and did not come out again.

The night passed. When the sky was dim at dawn, a pitter-patter of rain began to fall. Yu Jingqiu woke to the sound of rain, took an umbrella, and went outside the study. Sure enough, she saw Lou Jing still kneeling in the center of the courtyard.

After it rains in the mountains, the scenery looks as if it has been washed, appearing exceptionally bright. That kneeling, thin figure was particularly conspicuous. Yu Jingqiu walked to her side, the fine rain tapping rhythmically against the oil-paper umbrella. “Jing’er, go back.”

Just then, the study door opened and Yu Xiu walked out. Lou Jing looked up with expectant eyes, but Yu Xiu spoke only to Yu Jingqiu: “You’ve come at the right time. Your Master wants to see you.” After saying this, Yu Xiu departed.

Lou Jing was soaked through by the rain. Droplets hung from her hair, trembling on the verge of falling. Her face was as white as jade, making the redness of her eyes even more vivid. She murmured, “You have everything…”

Yu Jingqiu stood before her, the umbrella tilted slightly toward her to block the drifting rain. “Jing’er?”

Lou Jing looked up at her. “No one despises you. You are extraordinarily gifted, you have his favor, and even your familiar name—he only gave one to you. Because you have everything, you don’t have to fight for anything.”

Lou Jing stood up. Because she had knelt for so long, she stumbled a step forward. Yu Jingqiu caught her by the arm to steady her, but Lou Jing pushed her away and walked down the mountain with a limp, never looking back.

In teaching the two of them, Lou Xuanzhi’s attitude was polar opposites: he was strict with Lou Jing but more relaxed with Yu Jingqiu. He was never harsh with Yu Jingqiu, which mostly had to do with their personalities.

But in the beginning, it wasn’t like this.

Lou Jing was very well-behaved when she was with her mother. Later, when she entered the sect and her mother was gone, she was surrounded by strangers. She cried and caused a fuss for a long time, clamoring to go down the mountain and run away. No one could calm her down until Lou Xuanzhi lost his temper and terrified her into silence. That one scare caused the relationship between father and daughter to freeze.

Lou Jing was like a wolf cub; she could not become a submissive, obedient house dog. If you hit her with a stick, she would bite you. When Lou Xuanzhi lectured her, she would talk back. Because she talked back, Lou Xuanzhi felt even more that he had to be strict with her. Back and forth it went, until the situation became extremely difficult to reverse.

In truth, Lou Jing wanted Lou Xuanzhi to be gentler, the way he was with Yu Jingqiu. Perhaps because she lacked her mother’s tender, water-like care, she craved it so much. she even desperately lacked Lou Xuanzhi’s praise rather than his criticism, but she simply could not say these things…

Yu Jingqiu entered the study and stood behind the partition curtain. Lou Xuanzhi said, “Is that Shan Jun? Come in.”

Yu Jingqiu lifted the curtain and walked in. Lou Xuanzhi was half-reclining on the bed, his complexion poor. He glanced toward the door. “Is she still kneeling outside?”

“Junior Sister has gone down the mountain. Master…” Yu Jingqiu hesitated for a moment, wanting to plead for Lou Jing, but feared that speaking would irritate Lou Xuanzhi and affect his injury.

Lou Xuanzhi saw through her thoughts and waved his hand. “Let’s not talk about her. Shan Jun, Master called you here because of another vital matter.”

“Open the cabinet at the bottom of the window and take out the small box inside.”

Yu Jingqiu followed his instructions, found the box, and brought it to the bedside. Lou Xuanzhi took it, his hand resting on the box as if hesitating. After a long silence, he said solemnly, “Shan Jun, what Master is about to tell you is of the utmost importance. You must take it to heart.”

Yu Jingqiu’s expression turned solemn. “Yes.”

“Before that, you must first promise Master three things.”

“Master’s command, your disciple shall naturally obey.”

Lou Xuanzhi stared at Yu Jingqiu, his gaze incredibly piercing. “Master wants you to swear an oath.”

Yu Jingqiu could not help but hesitate for a moment. “I do not know which three things Master wishes me to promise.”

Lou Xuanzhi said, “Once you have sworn, Master will naturally tell you.”

Though Yu Jingqiu did not know what matter prompted such caution from Lou Xuanzhi, she obeyed and swore the oath before him. Only then did Lou Xuanzhi nod. “Good.”

“Shan Jun, you are seventeen this year. You were only a tiny thing when I brought you up the mountain.” Lou Xuanzhi smiled, gesturing with his hands, but as he turned to look at the wind and rain outside the window, he sighed again. “You are grown; it is time you knew your heritage.”

“Master.” Yu Jingqiu could hardly contain her surprise and delight, involuntarily taking two steps forward. She had asked Lou Xuanzhi who her parents were before; her junior brothers and sisters could go down the mountain to visit family, but she could not. Every Lunar New Year, she and Lou Jing remained on the mountain. Lou Jing’s father was Lou Xuanzhi, but who was her father? Lou Xuanzhi had always said: When you are grown, Master will tell you.

Grown? When was one finally considered grown?

She never imagined it would be today.

“Come, Shan Jun, come closer.” Lou Xuanzhi beckoned.

Yu Jingqiu walked over and knelt beside the bed. Lou Xuanzhi said, “This… for a moment, I truly don’t know where to begin…”

Lou Xuanzhi gazed into the void, looking quite desolate as if sensing the transience of life. This triggered a dull pain in his chest, and he could not help but cover his mouth and cough twice. Yu Jingqiu gently rubbed his back. “Master, your disciple is not in a hurry. Why not wait until your injury is better…”

“It doesn’t matter,” Lou Xuanzhi waved his hand. “Let us start with your father’s identity. Since ancient times, the art of healing has been divided into three branches: Medicine, Poison, and Gu. The latter two are dangerous; whether they save or harm depends entirely on a single thought. Only the practitioners of Medicine have, from the very beginning, focused on saving the dying and helping the injured. In the lineage of Medicine, there are two great masters: one is the Peach Blossom Medical Valley, and the other is the Meng family.”

“Legend says the two are of the same lineage, their founder being the ancient ancestor of medicine, Qibo. Later, because their medical skills were so superb, they were harassed by various figures of the martial world. Rumors spread that they possessed golden prescriptions that could bring the dead back to life, leading to persecution by those driven by greed. The Peach Blossom Medical Valley chose to go into seclusion, while the Meng family did not want to abandon the knowledge of their lifetime. Thus they parted ways, and one family became two.” Lou Xuanzhi’s hand rested on Yu Jingqiu’s shoulder. Yu Jingqiu felt as if the palm was incredibly heavy. Lou Xuanzhi said, “Shan Jun, your father was the head of the Meng family, Meng Zhitang.”

“Meng Zhitang.” The three words lingered on her tongue as she tasted them. He was much as she had imagined—he must have been a refined and gentle man, with broad, warm palms and a smile like the sun.

“What about my mother?”

“Your mother’s name was Yang Shen.” Lou Xuanzhi saw her joyous expression, and his smile became even more tragic. “Back then, your Mistress (Lou’s wife) hit it off with her at first sight.”

Yu Jingqiu smiled. “So my mother and Jing’er’s mother were acquaintances.”

“More than that. It was originally because your father and I were friends. When your father married, your Mistress and I went to celebrate. That was when your Mistress met your mother. Later, their friendship became even deeper than the one between your father and me.” Lou Xuanzhi chuckled. “The two of them had matching temperaments.”

Since she had a matching temperament with Mistress, she must have been a member of the martial world. Master had said more than once that Jing’er was like her mother; presumably, Yu Jingqiu’s own mother was also a bold and unrestrained character.

“And then?” Yu Jingqiu’s eyes shone slightly, anticipating the rest of the story.

“Then… then your elder sister was born.”

Yu Jingqiu’s heart leaped. It was hard to describe the joy in her heart; she simply felt her vision brighten, as if the Heavens had placed a small surprise on the path of her life. “An elder sister? I have an elder sister? What is her name? How old is she? What does she look like?” For the first time, she lost her composure before Lou Xuanzhi, asking many questions impatiently.

Lou Xuanzhi’s eyes grew dim, and he did not answer her questions. “And then, there was you.”

“For some unknown reason, the rumors about the Medical lineage possessing golden prescriptions to raise the dead began to spread again. But how can the dead return to life? It is all a delusion. Yet human greed is insatiable; people eventually believed it and targeted the Meng family. At that time, someone was pulling the strings in the shadows and leaked your mother’s identity…”

Yu Jingqiu’s heart gradually sank. “My mother’s identity?”

Lou Xuanzhi was silent for a moment, then said slowly, “Yang Shen was a member of the Feihua Alliance. She was the premier martial general under Qiu Zhaoyi, and a Banner Lord of the Pilgrimage Cult.”

Lou Xuanzhi spoke calmly, but Yu Jingqiu’s heart suffered a thunderous shock. She had a premonition and suddenly felt afraid to hear what happened next.

“Brother Meng had originally changed his name and lived in seclusion. But later, a plague broke out in the south. The situation was critical, and Brother Meng could not bear it, so he left the mountains. It was then that his whereabouts were exposed. According to what Yang Shen said later, Qiu Zhaoyi’s cultivation had gone awry, causing his body to suffer from paralysis. The Peach Blossom Valley and the Meng family had methods to treat it. But the Peach Blossom Valley was in hiding and hard to find. Brother Meng was a scholar with integrity who would rather break than bend. So Qiu Zhaoyi sent Yang Shen to get close to him and plot for the medical method. He never expected the two would gradually fall in love. For Brother Meng’s sake, Yang Shen left the Feihua Alliance.”

Yu Jingqiu instinctively asked, “How did she leave?”

Lou Xuanzhi did not speak. Yu Jingqiu’s heart skipped a beat; she could already guess it must have been a difficult and painful method—so much so that Lou Xuanzhi could not bear to recount it to her.

“Yang Shen was left with a chronic illness. When she gave birth to you, she was at her weakest. It was also then that her identity was exposed. In her years with the Feihua Alliance, she had made many enemies. As if by coordination, on the day of your hundredth-day banquet, they all came seeking revenge together. Yet no one knew among them who came for revenge, and who came under the guise of revenge, driven by greed for those rumored prescriptions to raise the dead.”