Song of Everlasting Regret - Chapter 13

Yu Jingqiu’s breath hitched; sweat broke out on her brow. She leaned forward, mouth open as if desperate to ask something, yet in the end, she could not utter a single word.

Lou Xuanzhi looked at her. “Understand that your mother’s identity was a major liability. Not everyone in the martial world can cast aside prejudice. Once her identity was exposed, the siege on the Meng family seemed justified.”

“Master…” Yu Jingqiu felt utterly lost. Her beliefs were suffering an unprecedented shock. Perhaps because she had not grown up at her parents’ knees, she lacked that bone-deep emotional bond, allowing her to view these matters of right and wrong with a certain level of cold objectivity. Yet, she ultimately yearned for family, and her heart leaned toward her own kin. Her reason and emotions collided, sinking her into a deep contradiction.

Her elders had taught her from childhood that good and evil were rewarded in kind, and that this was a natural law. Had her mother summoned these enemies because of the seeds she sowed in the past? Was it a cycle of retribution? Was that why villains were able to take advantage? Yu Jingqiu felt it seemed so, yet also felt it shouldn’t be so. “Master, do you believe those people going to my home for revenge and my family suffering such a catastrophe was… only right?”

Lou Xuanzhi, seeing her bewildered expression, felt a pang of pity. “Master was a person involved in those events; how can I give an objective evaluation? I was deeply close to your father. Since Yang Shen had already left the Feihua Alliance and turned over a new leaf, my private wish was naturally for your family to be safe and successful. Alas, your Mistress felt the same.”

At the mention of his late beloved, Lou Xuanzhi’s eyes grew tender, and his expression turned melancholy again. “When the incident occurred, I was in closed-door cultivation. Your Mistress went to your hundredth-day banquet alone and was swept into that chaos. It was because of that… it was because of that…”

Yu Jingqiu’s face turned pale. Jiao Lan (the Mistress) had given birth to Lou Jing while away and wandered for several years before returning to the sect—so it was actually related to her family’s feuds?

“But at that time… from the moment I had memories, I was in the sect. Jing’er and Mistress only returned several years later.”

“Shan Jun.”

Lou Xuanzhi called her name, and her heart sank, as if a thousand-pound weight was pulling it straight down.

“That night, the Meng family was swallowed by a great fire. Your father was murdered while protecting your mother. The Peach Blossom Medical Valley practices martial arts, but the Meng family only valued medicine and knew nothing of combat. Aside from a few close martial arts friends, the only people protecting them were your mother and your Mistress. Your mother was physically weak and had to protect both you sisters and a group of servants. How could she compete with the flashing blades and swords? In the chaos, the servant holding you became separated from them.”

Yu Jingqiu’s ears seemed to ring with the crackling sound of burning wood and the shouts of killing as blades crossed.

“Your loyal servant was terrified and jumpy; he didn’t dare search aimlessly for a Mistress whose whereabouts were unknown. The only person he trusted was me, and the only destination he knew was this Tiger Roar Mountain. Thus, he traveled in fear day and night toward the Qian Yuan Sect. Upon reaching the mountain, he mistook your Uncle Lou Yan for me. After entrusting you to him and explaining the circumstances, he breathed his last.”

“My mother, my elder sister, Master… Jing’er and Mistress returned, so my mother and sister…” Though Jiao Lan had passed away, Yu Jingqiu dimly remembered seeing her Mistress once when Lou Jing first came to the Qian Yuan Sect. Later she was gone; the elders said she died of illness. At that time, she was too young to have a deep impression.

“Regarding what your mother and Mistress experienced afterward, I do not know much. I only heard your Mistress mention that Yang Shen had already…”

Yu Jingqiu lowered her head slightly, her expression desolate. She had guessed long ago that both her parents might have passed away, but hearing Lou Xuanzhi speak of it in detail, a small spark of hope had remained in her heart. Even if the conclusion was obvious, she couldn’t extinguish that hope, leading to inevitable disappointment and sorrow.

“However, your sister is likely still in this world.”

Yu Jingqiu’s eyes brightened. This turn of events felt like finding life in a dead end. Her heart began to beat rapidly. “Master, truly? Her… what is her name? Where is she? How old would she be?”

These were questions she had asked before. Lou Xuanzhi still avoided answering.

Lou Xuanzhi took an object out of the box. It was a piece of broken jade. Originally a circular jade pendant carved with a pair of bluebirds on white jade, it was now one half, with a jagged break. The half-pendant was tied with a red string. “This was originally your father’s pendant. When the enemies attacked, your mother broke the jade into two pieces to prevent you two sisters from being lost to each other forever. You each held a piece. Who would have thought such a catastrophe would truly occur? There are ten thousand pieces of fine jade, but only the piece held by your sister can fit together with this one.”

Yu Jingqiu took the jade into her hand and held it carefully. This was likely her only reliance for recognizing her sister. Suddenly, she felt the broken jade was heavy in her palm.

Lou Xuanzhi opened the box. “Shan Jun, earlier I asked you to promise me three things.”

Yu Jingqiu said blankly, “Yes.”

Lou Xuanzhi’s expression became solemn and stern. “The first: You must not go looking for your sister, let alone recognize her.”

“Master, why is this…”

Before she could finish, Lou Xuanzhi added: “The second: You must not investigate the murder of the Meng family; you must not think of revenge.”

“Master!” Yu Jingqiu grew frantic and shook her head. “No, I do not understand. I do not understand.”

Yu Jingqiu asked: “Does Master not wish for me to avenge the deaths of my father and mother?”

“Shan Jun, I know your nature is gentle. If you were as intense as Jing’er, I would not be telling you these things today.”

Yu Jingqiu bowed her head, her low voice laced with grievance. “If Master forbids revenge, I shall not seek it. But even just to find my sister… is that also forbidden?”

Lou Xuanzhi shook his head. Seeing Yu Jingqiu’s disappointed expression, he sighed. “For at least ten years—no, until you have the ability to stand on your own, at least until your skills are not inferior to mine—whether you want to find her or find your enemies, Master will not stop you.”

Yu Jingqiu sensed a hidden meaning in his words.

“With your current ability, it would undoubtedly be an ant trying to shake a giant tree. Once they feel threatened, to eliminate future trouble, they will surely strike while your wings are not yet grown and pull you up by the roots. Do you understand?”

Yu Jingqiu still felt a trace of longing. “But my sister… just to see her…”

Lou Xuanzhi snorted coldly. “With your current skill, you are not sufficient to handle her or associate with her. Even if she takes the initiative to find you, you cannot see her.”

Yu Jingqiu suddenly asked: “Master, do you have news of my sister?”

However, Lou Xuanzhi was determined not to speak further. Yu Jingqiu’s questioning was in vain.

Lou Xuanzhi suddenly said in a deep voice: “Yu Jingqiu, receive your orders.”

Lou Xuanzhi’s voice was exceptionally majestic. Yu Jingqiu was startled; when Lou Xuanzhi addressed her by her full name, he was always speaking in his capacity as the Sect Leader. Yu Jingqiu stepped back, knelt, and said: “Your disciple obeys.”

Lou Xuanzhi rose, covering a low cough. He walked to the long table and lifted the long sword from the sword rack. The scabbard was ancient and heavy, restraining all of the sword’s light. “This is the Sect Leader’s sword—Jie E (Relief from Calamity).”

Lou Xuanzhi held the sword in both hands, standing before Yu Jingqiu. “From this day forward, this shall be your sword. When I abdicate, you shall be the next Sect Leader.”

Yu Jingqiu pressed both palms to the floor. “Your disciple cannot.”

“Why can you not?”

Yu Jingqiu was terrified. “Your disciple is unworthy of such a great responsibility and has no heart for the position of Sect Leader. Master… the Sect Leader should truly seek other talent.”

“Then tell me, which disciple in the sect surpasses you?”

“Though your disciple has talent in martial arts, I lack the talent to govern a sect. My junior brothers and sisters are all promising materials. To take a step back, even the elders are more suitable than I.”

Lou Xuanzhi was unmoved. “Governance is something learned slowly. When the time comes, the elders will assist you.”

“Master…” Yu Jingqiu looked at the sword, her heart undecided. She had never thought of succeeding to the Sect Leader position. In her mind, her future was likely only at the Clear Heart Waterside Pavilion, listening to the rain, writing, practicing her sword—and suddenly a lifetime would pass.

This position was surely something many desired. She did not want it and was willing to let those who did have it.

Lou Xuanzhi said: “Shan Jun, this is the third thing.”

“Master is in his prime; the matter of succession can be considered for some time longer.”

Lou Xuanzhi clasped his hands behind his back. “Fortunes are as unpredictable as the weather; who can say for certain?”

Lou Xuanzhi’s mind was set. Yu Jingqiu, being of a nature to obey her elders’ commands, could not defy him. Helplessly, she took the sword Jie E.

Lou Xuanzhi sat by the bed, lost in thought for a moment. He feared that if his disciples held high positions, some would make things difficult for them; yet he also feared that if they had no status, no one would protect them. The matter of whom to pass the Sect Leader position to had been weighed in his heart for a long time. In the end, pressed by time, he made this painful decision in the midst of a dilemma.

“Aside from those three things, Shan Jun, Master has one more request of you.”

“Master has a command; your disciple will not fail to obey.”

“Your Junior Sister…” Lou Xuanzhi gave two bitter laughs. “She is a weight on my heart. I always fear she will go astray if I am no longer here.”

“Master, please do not speak such unlucky words.”

“Everyone has this day as they age. If that day truly comes, for my sake, protect her if you can, and advise her if you can. If it reaches a point where you cannot—and she is likely already too far gone, having committed a grave error—then… kill her!”

Yu Jingqiu was shocked by this final sentence, frozen and not knowing how to react.

“It would be best if those were just my senile worries. Your nature is too soft, and hers is too strong; you two perfectly complement each other’s deficiencies. If you sisters are harmonious and help each other, any problem within this sect can be solved.” Lou Xuanzhi had told Yu Jingqiu earlier about Jiao Lan wandering for years to protect her mother and sister precisely because he hoped Yu Jingqiu would remember this kindness and do her best to protect Lou Jing when he was gone. This was his private wish as a father.

When Yu Jingqiu emerged from the study, the sky was even gloomier than before. The rain intensified. She walked into the courtyard as if her soul were wandering elsewhere, even forgetting to take the umbrella under the eaves.

Lou Yan was standing to one side, but she didn’t notice him. It wasn’t until he spoke that she stopped. “Uncle.”

Lou Yan first glanced at the sword Jie E in her hand. Seeing the soul-lost expression on her face, he asked, “Your Master told you?”

Yu Jingqiu asked, “Uncle also knows of my heritage, doesn’t he?”

“Regarding the Meng family matter, your Master didn’t tell you because he had his difficulties. He didn’t want you growing up in hatred. Furthermore, Yang Shen’s identity was unusual; he naturally had to act with caution. Do not blame him.”

“I understand Master’s painstaking efforts. He has raised and taught me since childhood; his heart for me is as clear as the sun and moon. How could I blame him?”

“That is good. The past is beyond help, but the future can still be pursued. He has entrusted you with a heavy responsibility; you should pull yourself together and not be too grieved.”

“Yes, your disciple understands,” Yu Jingqiu replied, but her expression remained listless. She bid farewell to Lou Yan and, without an umbrella, walked through the desolate mountain rain, returning alone along the winding path.

Shortly after Yu Jingqiu left, Lou Yan glanced in another direction. A person approached and bowed. “Uncle Lou.”

“Does your Master have a request?”

Han Ling held the scroll in his hand and smiled. “I came looking for Senior Sister Yu. I have something to tell her. I was delayed yesterday, and when I went to see her today, I was told she had come to the study.”

“Ah, you missed her. She has already left.”

“Then your disciple takes his leave as well.”

Lou Yan gave a couple of laughs. “Go then.”