After The Cannon Fodder Died, She Became The Female Lead’s White Moonlight (GL) - Chapter 30.1

Che Gulai had never seen Shen Sijin with such a sorrowful expression.

Since the two started dating, Shen Sijin had always been simple and happy, unlike now, with a pale face, like a broken flower.

A torrent of cold wind surged in Che Gulai’s heart. Many emotions were accumulating there.

She didn’t understand what this continuously welling up emotion in her heart was.

Shen Sijin stood up. “Can I leave now?”

Che Gulai didn’t know why she was so insistent on leaving. “It’s raining outside. You’ll sleep here tonight.”

“You’re not going to drive me back, are you?” This was a mountainside villa, far from the city. Transportation was inconvenient. She needed a car to leave.

“What are you making a fuss about?” Che Gulai also stood up, frowning slightly. “Why do you insist on going back? If I tell you to sleep here, then sleep here. Is my house scary?”

Shen Sijin thought that in Che Gulai’s eyes, she was probably now a complete, unreasonable troublemaker.

Che Gulai’s attitude was dominant. Shen Sijin knew she was determined not to drive her back.

She had initially thought Che Gulai disliked physical contact with her and would prepare a new room for her.

But unexpectedly, Che Gulai asked her to sleep with her.

“The other rooms don’t have beds.” Che Gulai’s villa rarely had visitors, so besides her room and the maid’s, there were no beds prepared.

In the past, Shen Sijin would have been very excited. Being able to sleep in the same bed as the person she loved, even if they did nothing, would have been delightful.

But not now.

She probably finally had the self-awareness to know that Che Gulai might not love her, and her enthusiasm was the joy of a one-person show. The excitement had lost all meaning.

Fortunately, the bed was large. They each covered themselves with a blanket, and there was still room for one more person in the middle.

Shen Sijin slept right on the edge of the bed, almost falling off, determined to keep a distance from her.

Neither of them spoke.

An inexpressible sense of strangeness flowed between them.

Che Gulai suddenly spoke. “Shen Sijin.”

Shen Sijin didn’t reply.

“You seem different.” Che Gulai looked at the dark ceiling. “Why do I feel like you’re avoiding me?”

The room was quiet as water.

After a long pause, Shen Sijin finally spoke. “It’s your imagination, Gulai. Let’s sleep.”

She didn’t want to say more.

Che Gulai recognized her evasion. Her first reaction was anger; she probably thought Shen Sijin was being ungrateful, but she didn’t have the energy to argue with her right now. She really wanted to know the reason for Shen Sijin’s change.

This was a bad sign, in many ways.

“You’ve learned to be perfunctory too,” Che Gulai said coldly.

Shen Sijin closed her eyes. She finally couldn’t hold back the grievance inside. Her voice was hoarse. “What exactly do you want to know? Would you even care what happens to me?”

Do I care?

Che Gulai asked herself.

The answer was naturally no.

Even now, Shen Sijin’s place in her heart wasn’t very high. Her memories were filled with Shen Sijin’s cruelty. These memories constantly reminded her of Shen Sijin’s true nature.

She felt no affection for Shen Sijin, much less care.

This was the most accurate answer.

Yes, she didn’t care at all.

Shen Sijin was asking a completely idiotic question.

Che Gulai tried to brainwash herself. The only thing left in her mind was her hatred for Shen Sijin.

She felt Shen Sijin was acting like a difficult drama queen, obsessing over trivial matters.

Che Gulai suddenly twisted her lips, saying emotionlessly, “What does it matter if I care? And what if I don’t?”

The air became even quieter. Rain pattered against the window glass.

Shen Sijin lay on her side, staring vacantly at a dark spot.

“Gulai, do you know why I don’t want to stay here?”

Without waiting for Che Gulai to reply, Shen Sijin spoke softly. “Because when I see your face, I can’t be happy anymore.”

The beautiful face that used to bring her so much joy was now hideous to her.

The room was deathly quiet.

After several seconds, Che Gulai seemed to be extremely angry. She first sneered, murmuring, “Seeing me makes you unhappy?”

She abruptly turned on a small nightlight, rolled over, and grabbed Shen Sijin’s collar tightly, her expression intensely cold.

“What? Do you find my face disgusting now?” A nameless fire burned inside Che Gulai. Her face became colder. “Shen Sijin, you need to set a limit on your acting up, or people won’t like you. Don’t tell me you don’t like me anymore?”

Shen Sijin looked at her quietly and silently. Then she spoke faintly.

“Do you love me?”

Che Gulai’s movement froze. She stared at her with a cold expression. It was the simplest question, yet her silence was as heavy as facing an insurmountable challenge.

Shen Sijin’s gaze slowly faded.

She held Che Gulai’s hand, smiling—a submissive, obedient smile.

“Gulai, let’s sleep.”

The next day, Che Gulai drove Shen Sijin to school and left without a word.

Che Gulai returned to the company. Xiao Xu ran up to her. “Ms. Che, Bai Yu’s sister is here to see you.”

“Bai Mingyu?” Che Gulai frowned. “What does she want with me?”

“I don’t know.”

Bai Mingyu was waiting outside her office door. She saw Che Gulai and called her coldly. “Sister Gulai.”

Che Gulai glanced at her and opened the door. “Come in.”

Bai Mingyu followed her inside.

“What would you like to drink?” Che Gulai asked.

“Nothing.” Bai Mingyu looked directly at her. “Sister Gulai, I want to ask you something.”

Che Gulai sat in her office chair and nodded. “Ask.”

Bai Mingyu got straight to the point, her eyes sharp as knives. “What are your intentions toward Xiao Jin?”

Che Gulai raised an eyebrow. “Why are you suddenly asking about her?”

“Sister Gulai, I already know from my brother about what happened between you and Xiao Jin before. I don’t care what Xiao Jin was like then; I believe in the person she is now,” Bai Mingyu said calmly. “My brother told me you hold grudges easily. Given how Xiao Jin treated you in the past, could you really be so generous as to forgive her, let alone fall in love with her?”

Che Gulai smiled slightly and said flatly, “That is between her and me, Mingyu. Don’t meddle in my affairs.”

“I absolutely will meddle!” Bai Mingyu put her hands on the desk in front of Che Gulai. “Sister Gulai, tell me, do you like Xiao Jin?”

Che Gulai’s eyes were cold.

Bai Mingyu continued, “Think about it, it makes no sense. The fact that you so easily accepted a woman’s confession, Xiao Jin’s, is suspicious. Since then, it’s always been Xiao Jin putting in all the effort, blissfully happy alone. That day you took her drinking, and her stomach was almost ulcerated when she returned, but you didn’t even come to see her.”

She shook her head. “Since she started dating you, Xiao Jin seems to have been sad more often. Sister Gulai, do you really love her?”

Che Gulai looked up, leaning back in her chair. “Mingyu, if this is what you came for, you can leave now.”

“Why won’t you answer?” Bai Mingyu’s eyes were sharp. She was determined to get an answer.

“The truth is you don’t like Xiao Jin at all. You’re just—playing with her.”

Bai Mingyu stated the cruel truth.

Che Gulai’s dark eyes moved ever so slightly.

“I shouldn’t have advised Xiao Jin back then,” Bai Mingyu grabbed her hair in anguish. “If I had known you were this kind of malicious woman, why would I have encouraged Xiao Jin to pursue you!”

“Oh God, what have I done!” Bai Mingyu took a few steps back.

She had inadvertently pushed her best friend into a disgusting trap.

“Che Gulai.” Bai Mingyu pointed at her. “I will make sure Xiao Jin stays away from you.”

Che Gulai was internally furious, and her face was equally cold. “Go ahead and try. See if Shen Sijin believes you or believes me.”

Bai Mingyu left. Che Gulai looked at the documents in front of her, too annoyed to focus.

They’re all such a hassle.

She wasn’t worried about Bai Mingyu’s words. She knew how much Shen Sijin loved her. She didn’t think Shen Sijin would completely believe Bai Mingyu.

After all, Shen Sijin loved her.

Though Che Gulai was confident, a seed of vague unease was sprouting in her heart.

Bai Mingyu quickly returned to the dorm, but Shen Sijin wasn’t there.

She messaged her, but got no reply.

Bai Mingyu went out to look for her again and finally found her at the school’s lake park.

Shen Sijin was wearing a thin white dress, sitting alone on a long bench. Bai Mingyu ran over and hugged her tightly.

Shen Sijin was startled. She patted Bai Mingyu’s back, asking softly, “Mingyu, what’s wrong?”

“Xiao Jin, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Bai Mingyu hugged her, apologizing repeatedly. “It’s my fault.”

Shen Sijin was confused. “What do you mean?”

“Xiao Jin, let’s stop liking Che Gulai, okay?” Bai Mingyu touched her face, pleading. “She’s not a good person. You’ll only get hurt if you stay with her. Let’s not like her anymore, okay?”

Shen Sijin was silent for a second. “Did you find something out?”

Bai Mingyu desperately wanted to tell her the whole truth, but she was afraid Shen Sijin couldn’t handle it. Che Gulai didn’t love her, but Xiao Jin loved Che Gulai.

How could she tell her that the person she loved had been playing with her all along?

Could someone as innocent as Xiao Jin really handle it?

Bai Mingyu really wanted her to know everything, but she truly couldn’t bear to hurt Shen Sijin. The truth was too cruel. Xiao Jin shouldn’t have to face it.

Xiao Jin didn’t do anything wrong.

This shouldn’t be happening.

Bai Mingyu hated her past self for encouraging her.

She simply held Shen Sijin, her voice choked up. She was consumed by guilt. “I’m sorry, Xiao Jin. I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”

Shen Sijin gently patted her back. She could actually guess what Bai Mingyu had found out—probably the fact that she was being mistreated.

Who was to blame for this, really?

The pitiful, love-starved her, or the cold-as-ice Che Gulai?

A little bit of both, perhaps. She was a useless, love-deprived creature. She deserved to be lied to.

And Bai Mingyu wasn’t at fault at all.

Bai Mingyu wanted her to give up on Che Gulai.

But was giving up on someone really that simple? Shen Sijin found it incredibly difficult. She was weak by nature and couldn’t be decisive.

Even knowing Che Gulai’s cold face and the reality of not being loved, she couldn’t completely abandon everything.

Even now, she still held a shred of love for Che Gulai. This remaining piece of love was the only thing holding her back from ending the relationship.

But she was exhausted now. She felt disinterested in everything. She didn’t know how much strength she had left to continue this relationship.

What she was certain of was that she and Che Gulai would never walk the same path in this life.

They were both walking on the same road now, but as soon as they reached the next fork, Shen Sijin would choose a different path.

Bai Mingyu felt guilty for a long time. She followed Shen Sijin constantly for the next few days, urging her to give up on Che Gulai.

Shen Sijin could only give a helpless smile each time.

That weekend, Shen Sijin returned home. Just as she was preparing to visit her grandmother, someone knocked on the door.

Shen Sijin was puzzled, but she opened the door.

It was Che Gulai.

“You…”

“Where are the butterfly earrings I gave you last time?” Che Gulai asked urgently.

Shen Sijin replied, “In my jewelry box.”

“Have you worn them?”

Shen Sijin shook her head. She hadn’t had her ears pierced yet.

Che Gulai seemed relieved. “Give them to me. I have an emergency.”

Shen Sijin asked her, “Didn’t you already give them to me?”

Che Gulai was frantic and became impatient with her questioning. “I need them right now. Sang He lost her earrings and urgently needs them for the red carpet. Those earrings are similar to the ones I gave you. Give them to me first. That red carpet is very important. There can’t be any mistakes!”

“But you gave them to me,” Shen Sijin was always hurt by Che Gulai’s callousness. Every time she thought Che Gulai couldn’t be more heartless, reality would slap her with the fact that Che Gulai could be even colder.

“I’ll buy you something better.”

Shen Sijin sadly shook her head. “It’s not the same, Gulai. The meaning is different.”

Che Gulai was running out of time. “I’m genuinely in a hurry. Be a good girl and give them to me quickly. I’ll buy you anything you want later.”

Her heart felt like a hole had been carved out. Shen Sijin felt it was difficult to breathe.

She was always the one who was never chosen.

Whatever she possessed would eventually be taken back in one way or another.

Just like in that other world, she couldn’t possess anything, couldn’t gain anything.

The butterfly earrings were the last thing Che Gulai had given her. If she took them back, Shen Sijin would have nothing left.

She closed her eyes, forcing back the soreness in her throat.

“Gulai, think carefully. If you insist on taking them, from this day forward, I will never accept anything from you again.”

Shen Sijin said mournfully.

Che Gulai hesitated for three seconds, but those brief three seconds held no weight in Che Gulai’s heart.

“Stop talking so much. Give them to me.”

Shen Sijin looked at her, then slowly turned and gave her the butterfly earrings.

Che Gulai left without a word.

In many moments that followed, Che Gulai often wondered if the outcome would have been less cruel had she valued that three-second hesitation.

But a human life often contains such fatal oversights. Even Che Gulai’s deepest regret would be meaningless in the grand scheme.

Shen Sijin felt her heart was empty. She no longer felt much sadness, just a kind of dead-tree numbness.

Later, while she was taking care of her grandmother, she saw Sang He on TV walking the red carpet.

Sang He was beautiful, wearing a light purple mermaid dress and the purple butterfly earrings. She looked stunning and glamorous.

Shen Sijin’s gaze was fixed on the earrings. She suddenly felt nauseous.

She went to the bathroom while her grandmother was asleep, retching intensely.

She couldn’t bring anything up, but the sickening feeling in her stomach lingered.

She walked to the sink and splashed cold water on her face.

In the mirror, she saw her wet face, pale as paper, with bloodless lips. Because of her recent poor appetite, her cheeks were slightly sunken.

From a distance, she looked like someone about to die from illness.

A stark contrast to Sang He on TV.

She was utterly bleak.