Appearing on a Marriage Show Before Getting Divorced - Chapter 31

Ruan Youran’s sleep had been fitful at best. The alcohol surged through her system in waves, keeping the family busy until the early hours of the morning.

Chu Qing had prepared some easy-to-digest dough drop soup. After feeding Ruan Qiu, she stepped out and saw Chu Nian sitting blankly on the sofa. She said softly, “Nian Nian, eat a little too. It’s very good.”

Chu Nian shook her head, her gaze fixed and vacant. Food, to her now, was merely a means to stay alive; she had long since lost the ability to taste anything.

Ruan Qiu walked over and stroked Chu Nian’s hair. “Alright, Nian Nian, your body can’t handle this kind of stubbornness, okay?”

Chu Nian’s face was pale. She looked at Ruan Qiu, then at Chu Qing, before finally nodding slowly.

The family ate together, but for each of them, the meal tasted like wax. After an unknown amount of time, Chu Nian set down her chopsticks and said slowly, “I don’t want to hide it from her anymore. I don’t want to take it slow anymore…”

Ruan Youran was on the verge of a breakdown, and so was she. The repeated pain, the endless tears… she truly couldn’t see the end of it.

Ruan Qiu and Chu Qing remained silent. Chu Nian explained her plan to the two elders. Ruan Qiu nodded. “We won’t stop you from doing this. After all, it’s unfair to Zhengzhi as well. But Nian Nian, your body… you can’t fly back to the States tomorrow. I will handle that part.”

Chu Nian’s lips moved as if to speak.

Chu Qing patted her hand. “Yes, your mothers are here. Before you officially tell Jianjian, you must ensure your own health. Go to my hospital tomorrow; I’ll have everything arranged for you.”

Now that the moment had arrived, Chu Nian didn’t even know how she managed to nod. Her hands and feet felt ice-cold, and her heart felt the same. Until now, Ruan Youran might hate her, but she could still communicate with her and hadn’t kicked her out. But after this…?

Jianjian woke up the next day at noon. Her head felt like it was splitting. She looked down at the pajamas she’d been changed into and glanced around dizzily. Just then, Chu Qing pushed open the door, carrying a bowl of porridge. “You’re awake?”

Youran nodded. Although awake, she felt miserable; there wasn’t a single part of her body that felt comfortable.

“Have some porridge,” Chu Qing said.

“I don’t want it…” Youran turned her head away. She hated porridge. In the past, trying to get her to eat something light was harder than climbing to heaven.

Chu Qing smiled, set the bowl aside, and looked at her. “Should Mommy feed you?”

Youran looked at her mother in shock, her face turning red. “What are you doing? Making me look like a nursing infant.”

“Aren’t you a nursing infant?” Chu Qing stared into her eyes. “Crying and making a scene until the middle of the night. Nian Nian looked after you the whole time.”

At the mention of Chu Nian, Youran fell silent, biting her lip.

Chu Qing stroked her hair. “No matter how much you fight, you have to watch your health. Didn’t you say you’d be the one to wipe the drool for me and your senile Mommy in the future? If you keep this up, your health will be worse than ours.”

Youran’s eyes reddened. Chu Qing held the bowl toward her. “Mommy hasn’t sat with you for a meal in a long time.”

In the end, she managed to eat half the bowl. Even though she didn’t let her mom feed her, Youran felt her stomach settle. She looked toward the door and pursed her lips.

Chu Qing knew what she was thinking. “Nian Nian is busy with some things. Oh, right, Jianjian—Soya came by yesterday. She said she’s going back to the US tomorrow and hopes you’ll contact her.”

Youran nodded.

“Also,” Chu Qing continued, “since Nian Nian came back in a hurry, why don’t you go back to the house and get some of her clothes and daily necessities?”

Youran’s body stiffened. The “house” her mother referred to was their old private home. Though they didn’t live there often, she hadn’t been back in a long time.

Chu Qing reached out, hugged Youran, and pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead. “Alright, Mommy’s precious daughter. Everything will be okay, hm?”

Family affection sometimes has the same healing effect as love. By the time Youran reached the designated cafe, her mood was much better. She was even chewing gum to freshen her breath.

Soya’s arrival caused quite a stir. she was dressed very formally in a red dress that cinched at the waist, looking like a ball of flame. Her makeup was exquisite. Seeing Youran sit down, she pushed a gift across the table. “This is a gift I bought for you before I leave.”

Youran took it and laughed. “I didn’t bring a gift for you.”

Soya stared at her smile, lost for a moment. “I like you better like this.”

They ordered coffee and chatted, both carefully avoiding heavy topics. They spoke freely about anything and everything, just like they had when they first met. Finally, Soya checked her watch and stood up. “Rose, can you see me off one last time?”

Youran curled her lip. “I’ll see you off, but don’t make it sound so tragic. What do you mean ‘last time’? We’re still friends, aren’t we?”

Still friends… Soya’s nose felt a bit stingy. She looked at Youran with her sapphire-blue eyes. “Do you know why I’m leaving?”

Youran shook her head, looking blank. It was strange; Soya was supposed to guest star in the upcoming episodes. If she left now, Director Niu would have to find someone else.

Soya looked steadily into Youran’s eyes. “I saw your feelings for her, and I got scared.”

She spoke very directly. Youran pursed her lips. Scared? Once, everyone who knew her and Chu Nian had envied their devotion.

Soya tried to lighten the mood, leaning forward to give Youran a hug. “Rose, I don’t quite understand a love that is so soul-stirringly intense. But I saw how you suffer for that love, and I saw how she becomes someone else entirely for you…”

She had seen Chu Nian on set; she was cold and proud, like a queen on a pedestal. Just standing there, every strand of her hair projected an untouchable aura. Even big stars like her own sister had to watch their words around her. Yet, the heartbreak and pain Chu Nian showed for Youran last night… the tenderness when she wiped Youran’s face…

“This is perhaps the magic of love,” Soya murmured. “But I don’t want it. I finally understand what you Chinese mean by ‘one life, one world, one couple.’ Whether it’s love, happiness, or even pain—it can only be given by her, right?” She laughed, pulling away from the hug, her smile as bright and bold as the day they met. “So I suddenly realized—sometimes deep affection isn’t necessarily a good thing. It’s better to be like me: eat, drink, and enjoy life. I have to go, Youran. If I don’t, I’m going to become the kind of person I hate.”

The words made Youran’s nose sting. She looked at Soya. “Be happy.”

Soya nodded. “I will. You too.”

Soya truly meant what she said. She was like a flame—she arrived with a roar, and after saying her piece, she dispersed brilliantly.

After seeing her off, Youran drove alone toward their old home, thinking about Soya’s words.

One life, one world, one couple… Is devotion a good or bad thing for a person? No one can say. But Youran let out a soft sigh. The beginning of love is always dazzling and makes one throw caution to the wind. If you could control the investment of your feelings from the start to avoid getting hurt, would it still be real love?

Reaching the front door, Youran felt a bit nervous. It was a digital lock; she didn’t know if Chu Nian had changed the code after her return. She entered her and Chu Nian’s birthdays. Accompanied by the chime of the music, the door opened.

She pushed it open. Everything in the room was exactly as it had been. As Youran looked around, her eyes grew moist. This was the little home she and Chu Nian had shared. They had bought it together, and every detail of the renovation was something they had decided on as a pair.

The whole house was like an ocean, decorated in deep blues because Youran loved the sea; she thought marine life was adorable and longed for their gentleness. Youran often played “sea monster” in these rooms, frequently pinning Chu Nian down to “bully” her. This little house had once been filled with their laughter.

The scent of Chu Nian still lingered in the air, proving she had been here recently. Youran remained silent for a moment. Not daring to linger, she went straight to the bedroom and pulled out a suitcase to pack clothes for Chu Nian.

Where the coats were kept… where the dresses were… even down to where the underwear was… Three years seemed to have cut so much away, yet it felt as if she had never left.

Youran quickly finished packing. Before leaving, she looked at the photo album on the desk. It was full of photos of the two of them, from childhood to adulthood.

Don’t look through it, her heart said. But her hands moved anyway.

She opened to the first page. She still had some baby fat back then, wearing a little pink dress and a hair clip, her arm around Chu Nian’s neck as she smiled happily at the camera. In the photo, Chu Nian also looked like a little princess, though she had less “meat” on her face. She looked a bit shy, with a finger in her mouth.

Who would have known that the future Film Queen had a habit of sucking her finger when nervous? Youran couldn’t help but laugh as she pulled out a chair and sat down.

The next photo was of them during a fight. It looked like Ruan Qiu had caught the moment; there was even a smudge from her hand on the print. Chu Nian was meticulous; every photo was labeled. Instead of traditional dates, she had written: “Our Fifth Year.” In the photo, they seemed to be quarreling; Youran had a lollipop in her mouth and refused to look at Chu Nian, while Chu Nian watched her with a cautious, pleading gaze.

Youran’s heart ached. This was how it had always been… since they were children, in many places she couldn’t see, Chu Nian would always watch her with that look. It was that very heartache that made Youran unable to restrain her love over and over again.

“Our Tenth Year.” The photo was Youran’s favorite. Both were wearing little yellow hats, crossing the street hand-in-hand. Youran was losing her baby teeth, showing a big gap when she smiled. Such innocence.

“Our Twelfth Year.” Youran had taken this one herself, playfully captioning it: “Managing ten thousand affairs a day.” Chu Nian had always been exceptionally passionate about studying. The table in front of her was piled with workbooks while Youran, with a spicy snack in her mouth, posed with one hand while snapping the photo.

“Our Thirteenth Year…” Middle school. Chu Nian hadn’t changed much, still in her school uniform. But Youran was clearly in her rebellious phase—hair untidily tied, eyes full of defiance. She had one arm around Chu Nian, pulling her close with a bossy, dominant grin.

“Our Fourteenth Year…” They were fighting in this one. Chu Nian was angry at her, sitting alone by the roadside with tears in her eyes. Youran was approaching from behind, her hands reaching out to cover Chu Nian’s eyes.

15, 16, 17…

As she flipped through page after page, Youran laughed until she cried. When she reached age 20—the two of them in wedding dresses looking at each other—she suddenly felt the weight of a lifetime passing.

Life is so short. Her mother once told her that life is like a dream, a bubble, a shadow; like dew or a lightning flash. If you don’t cherish it, your hair turns white in an instant.

She continued flipping. These were the bits and pieces of their lives together. At the 27th year, there was a blank space. Youran fell silent and closed her eyes; that was when Chu Nian had left her.

She intended to close the album there, but she subconsciously flipped one more page. She expected it to be blank, but it wasn’t.

On the page was a horizontal ultrasound photo. Youran was confused. The ultrasound looked like a little bean, black and white, with a snippet of English below. She leaned in to look closely, and her heart suddenly hammered against her ribs like a lightning strike.

In that moment. At that time.

Youran felt as if she were on fire. Her body grew hot, her eyes red. She stared fixedly at the words, her hands shaking uncontrollably. Her very blood felt ignited.

She flipped further… more ultrasound photos. But these had Chu Nian’s handwriting on them.

— “Her fourth month.” — “Her eighth month.” — “Her ninth month…”

Youran’s breathing grew rapid. Her eyes were blurred by tears. Many past suspicions suddenly coalesced into a single thread.

She flipped again.

It was a photo of a baby. The infant was wrinkled but smiling at the camera. Her features weren’t fully formed yet, but those eyes… Youran knew them intimately. Every time she looked in the mirror, she’d brag to those around her: “Hey, look at my eyes! Why are they so charming, so beautiful? I’m afraid I’ll accidentally enchant the whole world.”

Enchant the whole world… They had the exact same eyes.

She flipped again… it was the child in overalls, being held in Chu Nian’s arms, laughing radiantly. Below, Chu Nian had written a line:

— “Zhengzhi’s first birthday. Mamma and I love you.”

If she couldn’t believe it before… she could now. That face was a carbon copy of her own.

Youran flipped through the album frantically, urgently, back to the photos of her own baby fat as a child. She held the two photos together… A lifetime indeed…

Old words flooded her mind:

— “A beautiful girl like me should have a name as beautiful and free as the wind… when I’m a mother, I will never do that!” — “I’ll give my child a name that sounds upright and incorruptible… I’ll call them—Zhengzhi! I’ll love her with my life!”

With a clatter, the album fell to the floor before Youran could pick it up.

With a click, the front door opened. From outside, a soft, timid voice drifted in.

“Will she… not like me?”

Chu Nian bent down and stroked Zhengzhi’s hair. “How could she? She loves you just as much as Mamma does.”

Zhengzhi kept her head down, looking at the Lego set she’d bought as a meeting gift for her other mother. She was still nervous. “She…”

Before she could finish, the door was shoved open.

A tear-stained Ruan Youran walked out. In that moment, without needing anyone to say a word, her gaze fell instantly upon Zhengzhi.