Not Just Friends - Chapter 4

The one who finally broke the silence inside the car was Shen Zhong. While waiting at a red light, she spoke, her voice so steady it was as if the earlier quiet and the four blank years between them had never existed.

“How did you feel today? Are you tired?”

The question was very ordinary, the simplest kind of small talk, and it let Bai Muxi respond naturally too.

“A little.”

She knew that a conversation had to go back and forth in order to continue. If her answer stopped there, then this topic would inevitably end. Bai Muxi could not bear to let this small step Shen Zhong had taken fall into emptiness, so she continued, “…It was my first time being someone else’s mentor. I didn’t really know what I should do.”

The pale fingers gripping the steering wheel in the driver’s seat loosened slightly. Shen Zhong comforted her, “Overall, you did very well.”

That was a comforting thing to say. Bai Muxi gave a vague hum, sadly wondering in what way she had done very well. Surely Shen Zhong could not mean she had done well at being cornered by her until her nervousness had nowhere to hide.

The car started moving again. Using the chance to glance at the rearview mirror, Shen Zhong quickly looked at Bai Muxi. Her fingertips unconsciously curled and loosened again, and she said softly, “I saw the variety show you were on before.”

Realizing she was talking about For Whom I Sing, Bai Muxi sat up a little straighter in discomfort. Having someone she knew see her on-screen was a slightly awkward thing. She was not quite sure why Shen Zhong was bringing this up now, so she only dared give an indistinct answer.

“Really? I watched it after I came out too. I always feel like I looked not very smart in it…”

At its core, For Whom I Sing was a singing competition show. It was not like The Flower Season and You, which specifically selected young girls around twenty years old to compete. Bai Muxi counted as one of the younger contestants on the show, and the editing had probably positioned her as the curious, bright, passionate sunshine youth type. Perhaps to contrast with the way she specialized in bitter love songs onstage, the editing had been a little too heavy-handed, making her seem so simple and cheerful that she came off slightly silly.

Thanks to the editors, half of her fanbase was probably full of mom fans.

She was thinking all these random things, a little worried about the impression Shen Zhong might have gotten after watching it, but when Shen Zhong spoke again, her voice was somewhat lower.

“I don’t often watch variety shows. I was also quite busy with work during that period… so I only saw it recently.”

Shen Zhong’s voice was very soft, carrying unease that she wanted to conceal but could not completely hide. She said quietly, “…Was Muxi very busy too?”

Bai Muxi very rarely wished that she could be a little stupider. If she were, then she would not have understood the implication behind Shen Zhong’s words so quickly.

Why didn’t you contact me after coming back?

Chewing over the aftertaste of Shen Zhong’s unspoken words, Bai Muxi looked out the window at the scenery rushing past. The neon lights of the big city blurred together in the night, colorful and beautiful. Looking at it like this, it was not all that different from the street views abroad. It was just that there was someone beside her now, and that actually made her feel somewhat unused to it.

The scenery flowing by gradually slowed. Then the vibration of the car stopped, and Bai Muxi heard Shen Zhong say, “We’re here.”

Bai Muxi followed Shen Zhong through the entrance. They had arrived at a Hong Kong-style cha chaan teng, high-end and quiet inside. Shen Zhong exchanged a few brief words with the server. She had probably reserved a table in advance, because the server led them to a private room, then closed the door and left, leaving only the two of them.

Seeing that the server did not show any surprise at Shen Zhong’s appearance, Bai Muxi guessed Shen Zhong was probably a regular here. After all, she had indeed always preferred lighter flavors. Bai Muxi had not originally liked that, but during the years she spent with Shen Zhong, she had forced herself to change. After going abroad, with no one she needed to accommodate, she had become a bit better. Even so, when facing heavy, oily, salty dishes, she still could not help frowning a little, as if some habit had been rooted deep into her bones.

She delayed sitting down for a long time. After Shen Zhong took her seat, she looked at her, the angle of her lifted eyes carrying a hint of confusion.

“Why aren’t you sitting?”

Why wasn’t she sitting? How could Shen Zhong possibly not know why she wasn’t sitting?

Bai Muxi pressed her lips together. Her gaze swept over Shen Zhong’s hand on the table, and she saw those slender, delicate fingers unconsciously curl tight. It was a sign of nervousness. Yet the woman’s exquisite face remained calm and composed, like a thin layer of ice that looked indestructible, so that one had to press down on it personally to hear the crisp crack.

There was one square table in the room. It was not very large. It seemed designed for only one person to sit on each side. Shen Zhong had pulled out the chair and sat down neatly and decisively, but she was sitting very far to one side, leaving enough room beside her for another person to sit down. It was like a bright, obvious invitation.

But if one could sit more spaciously, who would want to squeeze together with someone else on the same side to eat? Even picking up food would become less convenient. Their postures would be awkward, and if they were not careful, their arms would brush, drawing from the person beside them a sigh that seemed helpless yet held a smile.

Who would want that?

Other than the Bai Muxi from back then.

Bai Muxi lowered her eyes, pulled out the chair opposite Shen Zhong, and sat down. She failed to control her strength well, and the legs of the chair dragged against the floor with a slightly grating sound. Both people in the room flinched.

“Sorry.”

Her lips were a little dry. Bai Muxi licked the corner of her mouth and said with her eyes lowered, “When I was participating in For Whom I Sing, I really was quite busy.”

The ambiguous apology was drawn back to the unfinished conversation from the car. She continued, “But I wasn’t so busy that I didn’t have time to use my phone.”

“I didn’t contact you… because I really was a little hesitant about whether I should still come looking for you.”

“So much time has passed.” She paused. When those two syllables left her throat, they felt a little rough and difficult. “…Four years have passed, Shen Zhong.”

When she had been abroad, it had been all right. Avoiding news related to Shen Zhong had not been very difficult. But after returning to the country, things were different. Television, phones, even the advertising screens in shopping malls—Bai Muxi had no way to avoid it. The overwhelming amount of information conveyed one very clear message to her: Shen Zhong was now extremely famous.

A nationally beloved actress at the height of her popularity, Shen Zhong, loved by so many people, probably would not lack friends, right?

Maybe she had already forgotten her.

Thoughts like maggots clinging to bone corroded Bai Muxi. She had always been cowardly when it came to Shen Zhong these past years. Perhaps not disturbing her was the safer choice—she admitted that she had thought this way.

She had not had time to organize these tangled thoughts into words she could properly say aloud before the woman sitting properly across from her suddenly caught her breath.

“…Whether you should?”

A slight ripple appeared in Shen Zhong’s usually calm voice. Bai Muxi could not help lifting her eyes to look at her and saw that she had lightly furrowed her brows. Her long eyelashes trembled faintly, and on her cool face, there was a dazed fragility.

As if she had not expected to hear such wording, Shen Zhong repeated it once and then fell silent. The quiet in the room felt far too heavy, making Bai Muxi feel as though she had said something wrong, yet she did not know where the mistake was. Her hands, resting on her lap, twisted uneasily together. She did not know how much time passed before she saw Shen Zhong raise her eyes. In those pitch-black pupils, there seemed to be damp mist winding through them. Her shoulders and neck looked very thin, so delicate it was startling.

“It has indeed been a very long time, so I…” Shen Zhong stopped again as she spoke, drawing in a thin breath. Even her words became difficult to form. “To me, no matter when it is… you don’t need to have those concerns.”

Bai Muxi relaxed the breath she had unknowingly been holding and gave a soft hum.

Those words were a little dangerous, like hearing the song of a siren.

After dinner, the two of them walked out together.

Spring nights were still somewhat cold. Shen Zhong had draped a long black trench coat over herself. She was tall and already far too thin, making her whole person look even cooler and more distant.

Bai Muxi slowly followed behind her, unconsciously staring at the swaying hem of her trench coat in a daze. Shen Zhong already looked like a fully mature adult. Standing together with Bai Muxi, who was wearing an oversized hoodie and carried a student-like air, they truly did not seem very well matched.

It had been the same while they were eating earlier. The food was served after Shen Zhong finished speaking, and Shen Zhong very quickly returned to her usual self. Every movement and gesture was no different from the way they had interacted back then. Only Bai Muxi had failed to return to her proper place. Her responses were stiff and inexperienced, and all she could do was lower her head and use food to block her own mouth.

“Was it not to your taste?”

Probably attributing her distraction to the restaurant, Shen Zhong had, at some point, fallen back to walk beside her. She said softly, “If your stomach feels uncomfortable, it’s still better to eat something easy to digest first. Next time, I’ll take you somewhere else.”

Bai Muxi was not particularly surprised that her stomach discomfort had been easily seen through. She shook her head and politely answered that it was not that the food was not to her taste, instinctively skipping over the second half of Shen Zhong’s words, which might or might not have been an implicit invitation for next time.

As they spoke, they had already reached Shen Zhong’s car. Shen Zhong naturally opened the passenger door for her and asked, “Where do you live? I’ll take you back.”

Only then did Bai Muxi realize something was wrong. She took a small step back and did not get in. Waving her hand toward Shen Zhong, who looked at her in puzzlement, she said, “I’m currently living in the dormitory arranged by the company. Quite a few artists from the same company live there. It’s easy to get photographed. If you take me back, people will see. There’s no need to trouble you. I’ll call someone to pick me up.”

Shen Zhong frowned slightly. The hand she had on the car door did not loosen. Instead, it tightened as she asked in return, “Dormitory? Do you live with someone else?”

“No.” Bai Muxi, stunned by the unexpected question, denied it blankly. “Some of the others live together, but I live alone.”

But whether or not I live alone, as long as you drive to the building, you’ll easily be seen—

Before these words could leave her mouth, Bai Muxi saw Shen Zhong’s brows loosen slightly. Then Shen Zhong asked her, “If we’re seen, will it cause trouble for you?”

Cause trouble…

Bai Muxi blinked and answered honestly, “It should cause more trouble for you, right?”

Shen Zhong’s expression did not change, and her tone remained steady.

“It won’t cause trouble for me.”

“…”

The atmosphere became a little strange for a moment. Bai Muxi did not know why Shen Zhong had suddenly become so persistent about taking her home, but she truly did not want to see topics like “Shen Zhong Meets Idol Bai Muxi Late at Night” on tomorrow’s trending searches. So even though she knew this person had the kind of personality that was hard to persuade once she had made up her mind, Bai Muxi still took another step back.

“There’s really no need. I’ll call my assistant. You don’t have to worry.”

Perhaps because Bai Muxi’s attitude seemed quite firm, Shen Zhong only stood in front of the car and did not speak again. Bai Muxi took it as her agreement. Before contacting her assistant, she lifted her phone and waved it at Shen Zhong, signaling to her.

“Then I’ll just—”

“…Haru.”

The sudden yet somewhat familiar syllables came abruptly. Bai Muxi froze, then met Shen Zhong’s gaze as she lifted her eyes. In the night, the woman looked so fair she seemed to be glowing. A few traces of complex emotion flashed through her eyes. The lip color she had reapplied after dinner was full and vivid, and from those lips came a straightforward invitation.

“Haru misses you very much. Do you want to… come to my place and see it?”

Author’s Note:

If Muxi says no, this book is about to take a different direction.

By the way, I saw some friends in the comments asking about it. Shen Zhong’s Zhong is pronounced zhōng, first tone. Zhong is the name of a plant and belongs to the Oleaceae family. Gently.