Chapter 66
The memory of every encounter—their initial meeting, ambiguous moments, sweetness, quarrels, anger, and despair—rained endlessly upon her mind like a heavy snowfall, freezing as it touched the ground, sending sharp, agonizing pangs through her nerves.
Lu Youqing standing silently on the bridge, Lu Youqing wearing her school uniform, Lu Youqing smiling at her, Lu Youqing declaring her love, Lu Youqing weeping and begging her not to leave, and… Lu Youqing deceiving her at every turn. The forgotten memories had finally returned to Yan He’s mind. In this single moment, the jigsaw puzzle of her past was fully pieced together; just as she had once wished, her memories had returned in full.
Yan He froze where she stood. Because her brain was processing so many lost memories simultaneously, a deep, throbbing ache echoed through her head. Her fingertips clutched the phone so tightly that her knuckles turned stark white and trembled. Yet that physical pain was nothing compared to the agony in her heart—it felt as though someone were using a blade to slice into her piece by piece, leaving her heart bloody and torn.
Why? Why did her memories have to return right now? Why did she have to recall those indelible moments of pain and despair precisely when she loved Lu Youqing the most?
The phone slipped from her limp palm, crashing onto the floor as its battery drained completely and the screen went dark. Yan He covered her face with both hands, tears streaming down her cheeks as an uncontrollable, desperate wail tore from her throat.
She had already resolved to break up with her completely, so why did fate play such a cruel joke on her? Why did the car accident have to strip away her memories, causing her to fall deeply, unconditionally in love with Lu Youqing all over again?
Fate was truly merciless. At the precise moment her love for Lu Youqing reached its peak, it restored every last memory, forcing her to recall their painful history—the unresolved issues between them, the widening rift, and the spiraling madness that neither of them could fix.
Yan He trembled uncontrollably, her eyes shaking as she caught her reflection in the mirror. Looking at the scattering of faint red marks across her skin, a wave of intense self-loathing washed over her for the first time, sickening her to the point of painful, dry heaves.
She curled up painfully in the corner, clutching her head as she gasped silently for air. She remembered everything now. The truth was nothing like what Lu Youqing had told her; their relationship was not the sweet romance she had claimed, nor was it the happy ending Yan He had hoped for after losing her memory.
Lu Youqing had lied to her—from the very beginning right up to this moment, she had been lying continuously. To force her to stay, Lu Youqing had committed terrible, unforgivable acts. Like a physiological backlash, Yan He’s entire body shook. Yet the clearer her past memories became, the more the sweet moments shared with Lu Youqing over the past six months pierced her heart like sharp thorns, impossible to pull out.
It was as if those memories were mocking her—showing that despite everything she had tried, she was still tightly bound within Lu Youqing’s palm, all her efforts nothing more than futile struggles.
Had Lu Youqing been lying to her throughout these past six months? Seeing her lose her memory, forget everything, and become deeply in love and clingy all over again—had Lu Youqing felt utterly satisfied? When her runaway pet willingly walked back into her trap, had Lu Youqing held her to sleep with a smile on her face?
Yan He had never felt like Lu Youqing’s partner; she was merely a dog on Lu Youqing’s leash, a pet to be summoned and dismissed at will. Naturally, when a pet tried to break free from its master’s restraint, the master would panic, give chase, and refuse to view the pet’s resistance as a legitimate plea. Lu Youqing had never been the kind of person to listen.
Lu Youqing was insane—a complete, unadulterated lunatic who would do anything for her own selfish desires. Over the past six months together, her act had been so seamless that Yan He hadn’t noticed a single flaw. At a moment like this, a strange thought crossed Yan He’s mind: given Lu Youqing’s flawless acting skills, her third Golden Trophy would likely be in her hands very soon.
In the mirror, her own eyes were bloodshot; compared to the Lu Youqing in her memories, she looked even more like a madwoman. She was going crazy, her mind splitting down the middle—one half was the Yan He who had been deeply in love last night, while the other was a Yan He consumed almost entirely by pain and hatred.
The mirror felt like a whirlpool attempting to pull her in. Recalling something through the reflection, Yan He instinctively reached down to touch her ankle. Only after failing to feel the cold, rigid metal from her memories did she let out a slight breath of relief.
Just then, she heard the sound of the door opening nearby, followed by Lu Youqing’s soft, murmuring voice drifting into her ears.
“A-He?”
The gentle, slightly magnetic voice echoed right beside Yan He. It was once her favorite tone to hear, yet now Yan He froze instantly, her body trembling violently. As an instinctive reaction, her mind went blank, listening only to the footsteps growing clearer and drawing closer.
Finally, the door swung open. Lu Youqing spotted Yan He crouching in the corner, and right beside her, she saw the mobile phone lying on the floor.
As if dealt a heavy blow, Lu Youqing stood frozen on the spot, her legs going so weak she could barely stand. An overwhelming wave of fear and panic swept over her, causing the hand gripping the door handle to tremble violently.
Everything in the room and Yan He’s abnormal state seemed to scream the single reality she had desperately sought to avoid.
“A-He?” Lu Youqing trembled uncontrollably. She tried to force a smile to make herself look less panicked, but the movement was stiff and unnatural. In her desperate confusion, her mind tried to cling to self-deception, convincing itself that Yan He hadn’t regained her memories and that everything she saw was an illusion.
“What is A-He doing here? Hurry and get up—the floor is so cold, you’ll catch a chill.” She remained as attentive as ever, her brows knitting with concern simply at the sight of Yan He sitting on the floor. Had this been the amnesiac Yan He, her heart would surely have fluttered with affection once again.
Yan He turned her bloodshot, trembling eyes toward her. The familiar gaze was completely stripped of its former warmth and passionate love, filled instead with coldness and pure hatred—shattering Lu Youqing’s delicate illusion in an instant.
It felt as though a long blade had pierced straight through Lu Youqing’s heart; the sharp agony left her unable to breathe, her mind thrown into utter chaos. Instinctively, she stepped forward, reaching out to grasp Yan He’s hands in a desperate plea, only to realize that both her hands and Yan He’s palms were freezing cold.
“A-He, don’t look at me like that. Did you remember something? It’s all fake, everything is fake! I beg you, don’t look at me like that. Please, close your eyes and don’t think about anything. Close your eyes, okay? Please, calm down first.”
She was telling Yan He to calm down, yet she was the one in absolute panic. Driven by overwhelming distress, Lu Youqing instinctively tried to appease Yan He, her speech incoherent. Tears welled up in her eyes and spilled down her cheeks, making her look pitiful, as though she were the one being wronged.
Yet Yan He showed no reaction. Her heart remained chillingly quiet. Staring at Lu Youqing’s hands tightly holding hers, the sight was so piercing it felt as if it were burning her eyes. Yan He let out a cold laugh and forcefully yanked her hands free from Lu Youqing’s grip.
The force threw Lu Youqing off balance, causing her to fall onto the floor. She stared blankly at her own hands. Her A-He had actually pulled away from her. How could she pull away? Hadn’t she promised to love her forever and never leave? She wouldn’t allow it—she absolutely would not allow it.
Lu Youqing’s eyes turned bright red. Her unhinged thoughts left her brain unable to formulate proper words, and right at that moment, Yan He spoke up.
“Everything is fake?” Yan He stood up unsteadily, suppressing the sharp pain in her head as she let out a mock sneer. “Stop lying to me, Lu Youqing. Haven’t you lied to me enough over all these years?! What is fake? Locking me up and preventing me from leaving—is that fake? Chasing me to the airport to drag me back—is that fake? Surveillance on me—is that fake too?! Lu Youqing, when you tell so many lies, you can’t even distinguish truth from fiction anymore, can you?”
Every single word stabbed into Lu Youqing’s heart like a blade. The blood in her veins felt frozen in an icy lake, the coldness making her entire body shiver. Seeing Yan He turn to leave, she scrambled up in panic and tightly grabbed the corner of Yan He’s clothes, blocking her path as she sobbed helplessly, trying to explain.
“No, no, A-He, it’s not like that! A-He, listen to my explanation! You must have only remembered a part of it—yes, just a part! You said you had already forgiven me; you said you wanted to go on trips with me and marry me! A-He, you can’t do this!”
She spoke almost deliriously, desperate for Yan He to stop being so angry, for Yan He to calm down, and for Yan He to recall the gentle promises she had made. She pulled so hard on Yan He’s dress that it was on the verge of tearing, completely oblivious to it as she stared fixedly at Yan He, her eyes filled with obsessive, unhinged pleading—a love driven to absolute madness.
A-He had explicitly stated she forgave her, so where had things gone wrong? What had gone wrong?! Yan He shouldn’t be looking at her like this; she shouldn’t have those eyes. Her A-He was supposed to look at her with a smile and say she would love her forever.
Why? Why did it turn out like this? Lu Youqing clutched Yan He’s clothes tightly, her mind filled with bitter unwillingness and anguish.
Why did her memories have to return so quickly? Why did fate deal another devastating blow just as she had begun to relax her guard? Hadn’t the doctor said it would take a long time? A year, two years, ten years—hadn’t the doctor even mentioned she might never recover her memories in this lifetime?
Yan He looked down at her in cold silence—at the lover who, just last night, had held her while asking for endless assurances of love and promises never to leave. Lu Youqing was wearing a matching nightgown, one they had picked out and bought together. Yet those sweet memories now felt like razor-sharp blades plunging into Yan He’s heart, filling her with bitterness and pain.
“Can you really not tell whether what I said was real or fake?” Yan He said softly. “I did say those things, and I can say them again right now—I can say that I forgive you, Lu Youqing.”
Lu Youqing’s dark eyes suddenly lit up, her hands tightening around Yan He’s wrist. “Is that true, A-He? Is it real?” She would believe anything Yan He said; she would never question a single word.
Yet as she looked up, she saw the unvarnished coldness in Yan He’s eyes—a gaze devoid of any affection, as icy as a block of frozen stone. It felt as if a bucket of ice water had been poured over her entire body.
“Lu Youqing, you really need to see a doctor,” Yan He said softly, her voice so flat it carried almost no emotion.
“How much have you lied to me? How many lies have you told? Do you even remember them all yourself? If you can’t even remember your own words, how could you possibly believe a single line I used to placate you?”
Lu Youqing’s heart sank into an icy abyss. She felt as though she were standing alone in a desolate field, with a cliff ahead and a chasm behind—a step forward or backward meant certainty of death. She could only hold onto Yan He tightly, pressing against her chest to feel her breathing, as if that were the only way to feel truly alive.
She had prepared countless times for the day Yan He recovered her memories, envisioning how Yan He would react and how she would respond. Yet when the day finally arrived, she couldn’t offer a single lie or comforting word; she could only apologize endlessly, explaining and begging her not to leave.
“A-He, I’m sorry. I was truly wrong. I know those things were all my fault—I was too paranoid, too unhinged, too insecure. But I really can’t live without you, I can’t live without A-He! I beg you, don’t leave me. You can ask me to do anything, just don’t leave me, okay?”
She used every word she could summon. Terrified that Yan He would walk away, she embraced Yan He with all her strength, wishing she could melt herself directly into Yan He’s bones to find a sliver of comfort.
Yan He stood motionless, her arms hanging by her side without returning the embrace. She allowed Lu Youqing to hold her, silently listening to her entire explanation before letting out a quiet laugh against her ear.
That faint laugh gave Lu Youqing a fleeting glimmer of hope. Without even wiping her tears, she hastily looked up, her tear-filled eyes reflecting Yan He’s blurry face.
She heard Yan He laugh, speaking in a cruel tone: “Lu Youqing, you’re simply terrified that your pet is slipping out of your control.”
From start to finish, Lu Youqing had only talked about what would happen to her without Yan He—how she would die of grief. She had never truly cared about Yan He’s feelings. Just like before, no matter how Yan He explained or begged, Lu Youqing had refused to unlock the restraints around her ankles.
Lu Youqing’s heart stopped for a second. Yan He’s smile was striking yet painful to witness, as if dragging all the darkness and filth within her soul out into the harsh light. For a moment, she froze in place, allowing Yan He to easily break free from her embrace.
Yan He cast a cold look at her, then turned away without a trace of lingering affection.
She reached for the door handle and twisted downward, only to feel a firm resistance push back against her hand a second later.
Her body froze.
The door was locked from the inside.
Comments 0
You must be logged in to comment.
No comments yet. Be the first!