Chapter 62

“What do you mean ‘we shouldn’t be’? How should we be then?”

Jian Hao was so frustrated she almost laughed. But the laughter didn’t come; instead, she sniffed, continuing to stare at Tan Yanqing with tearful, pleading eyes. She looked like a lost, bewildered little stray dog that had just been brought home, wagging its tail to beg for mercy.

Tan Yanqing’s heart softened instantly.

That day—the day she had locked Jian Hao out—the reason she had forced herself not to open the door was because she knew she couldn’t resist her. During her academy training, she had endured the most grueling hardships without a single word of complaint; even her classmates and instructors had marveled at her self-discipline and endurance. When she started working and followed her seniors into remote mountain ravines for the census, she encountered environments she’d never seen before. Once, during a rainstorm, the dirt paths turned into sludge so thick it added pounds to every step—if your foot didn’t get stuck entirely. The mountain trails were barely five feet wide, with sheer cliffs right beside them; one slip meant a fatal fall.

Back then, she had gritted her teeth and endured it all.

But facing Jian Hao—whether she was crying, acting spoiled, being passionate, willful, angry, or aggrieved… no matter what version of Jian Hao it was, as long as it was her, all of Tan Yanqing’s restraint and endurance became fragile. She became so weak it felt like losing a single strand of hair could cost her her life.

To her, Jian Hao was a sunny day, but also an irresistible natural disaster. She knew the reason:

—She loved Jian Hao.

In her thirty-five years, she hadn’t loved many people. Counting them up, there were only four: her mother, Jian You, Jian Sihong, and Jian Hao. Three out of the four were from the Jian family. It was only natural; Jian Sihong had treated ​unauthorized copy​her like her own daughter when she was alive, and Jian You and Jian Hao treated her as family. Except for her surname, she was practically a member of the Jian family.

However, there was another person with the surname Jian in her world: Jian Lai. Tan Yanqing’s feelings for her were similar to what she felt for Zhu Xinsui. Tan Yanqing appeared cold, but she was deeply sentimental; at the same time, she categorized those sentiments very clearly. Toward the two of them, it was “like,” not quite “love.”

And because of the long separation and lives that didn’t overlap, that “like” had long since faded with the passage of time. When she thought of them later, she would only use terms like “high school classmate” or “former friend” to describe the past.

It wasn’t until Zhu Xinsui returned in recent years and their lives intersected again that those blank years began to fill with color through their conversations. Their bond felt as if it had returned to their high school days.

As for her feelings for Jian Lai, they had long become blurred following her disappearance. Her continued search for Jian Lai was merely a responsibility, though what kind of responsibility, Tan Yanqing wasn’t entirely sure. Yet, just as her feelings for Jian Lai were about to fade into oblivion, Jian Hao’s face dragged her back into the emotional vortex.

—Jian Lai had returned in another form, participating in her life and squeezing into her world, forcing her to recall that past spark and reminding her that she once had someone she liked.

As Jian Hao’s features grew more defined, she often looked at her and thought of Jian Lai. But shortly after thinking of Jian Lai, she would be woken by Jian Hao’s voice. When that mole appeared on Jian Hao’s shoulder, the dormant palpitations of her adolescence sprouted like bamboo shoots after a spring rain.

Then, Tan Yanqing fell into a daze: was the one she loved Jian Hao or Jian Lai?

Later, through repetitive, almost numb questioning, she found no answer because she didn’t dare think about it. Every time the question surfaced, she suppressed it. What she knew clearly, however, was this: she could not love Jian Hao as “Tan Yanqing.”

So, until she found an answer, she loved Jian Hao as “Auntie Tan.” She kept her distance and used every ounce of strength to restrain her feelings. Over time, she had grown accustomed to and accepted this kind of love. Her “like” for Jian Lai had faded, and her love for Jian Hao was for a child. Tan Yanqing unauthorized copy wanted to maintain the previous relationship; there seemed to be no problem with that.

But—

Looking down at the person in her arms, the softened part of her heart rippled again, as if water were being stirred. She knew that softening would allow Jian Hao to “give an inch and take a yard,” yet she couldn’t bring herself to use a cold, hard attitude to discipline or face her. She instinctively tilted her head, avoiding Jian Hao’s gaze.

The lights in the room didn’t just illuminate Tan Yanqing’s expression; they were bright enough to reveal every little hidden thought in one’s heart. Even if there was a mist between them, it was clear enough to see through.

Liar.

Jian Hao saw that Tan Yanqing was lying to her. If Tan Yanqing really viewed her as “little Jian Hao,” she wouldn’t have resisted or struggled during the hug. Instead, she would have acted like an adult who let her throw a tantrum as long as she didn’t get hurt—letting her hug her while giving a stern, old-fashioned lecture about keeping her thoughts on the “right path.”

Jian Hao understood this logic in an instant, but she was simply aggrieved and unhappy. Why wouldn’t she let her hug her? Why was she hiding?

The arms wrapped around Tan Yanqing’s waist tightened bit by bit. Tan Yanqing noticed and reached out to grab Jian Hao’s arms to break the hold. But the moment she touched Jian Hao’s hands, she froze at the girl’s question.

“You say you love me? Then kiss me.”

Through the mist of her tears, Jian Hao gave Tan Yanqing a small smile. “Kiss me read the original at bailiantales.com just like you did when I was little.”

She tilted her neck back, lifting her head. Her watery eyes sparkled under the lights like they were filled with stars. She should have looked adorable and sweet, but her eyes held a note of provocation: “Do you dare?”

“You—”

Jian Hao interrupted: “Were you going to say I’m grown up and we shouldn’t kiss casually? But it’s so strange—you just said I was ‘small’.”

Tan Yanqing’s lashes dropped low. Jian Hao gave her no time to breathe, pressing her further: “Isn’t that a contradiction?”

Tan Yanqing finally looked at her, meeting her gaze. She furrowed her brow and said in a heavy voice, “Those are two different things.”

“As if.”

Jian Hao mumbled, lowering her head until her forehead rested against Tan Yanqing’s left shoulder, through the overcoat.

Tan Yanqing was a “rough” person. Her energy was entirely focused on work; she didn’t care about the details of daily life. No makeup, no hair styling; washing her face was just washing her face, without any creams or masks. Her eyes opened to work and study. She pulled all-nighters frequently.

If it weren’t for Jian You, her beauty-salon-owner friend, who checked her skin status every time they met and grumbled while stuffing her with products and treatments, Tan Yanqing’s skin would certainly ​bailiantales.com​be in much worse shape. But Jian Hao didn’t care about her skin; she cared about the phrase Jian You often used to describe her: “She hasn’t the slightest clue how to love herself.”

Besides that, Tan Yanqing was the same with clothes. She didn’t care about brands or quality; if it was wearable, it was fine. She had been wearing this 200-yuan coat for four winters now. The fabric was thick but poor quality, rough and covered in pilling. As Jian Hao leaned against it, it prickled her face.

She hadn’t decided on a New Year’s gift for Tan Yanqing yet, but now she had: she’d use her remaining red envelope money to buy her a new coat. At least then, hugging her would be more comfortable.

Through the coat, Jian Hao nudged Tan Yanqing. Her forehead felt a tingling itch. Her behavior was very much like a small animal acting spoiled to beg for pets. Feeling Tan Yanqing’s body stiffen, she lifted her head slightly, rubbing her face against the coat twice to smear all her tears onto the fabric before saying fiercely: “This is the punishment for you hurting me.”

She knew exactly how to control Tan Yanqing’s emotions. Her sudden action and the tone laced with coquetry made Tan Yanqing’s hands—which had been about to push her away—falter again.

Jian Hao didn’t look up after her “punishment.” Instead, she turned her head and pressed her cheek against Tan Yanqing’s chest. She closed her eyes and listened intently. Tan Yanqing’s heartbeat grew loud in her ear. Jian Hao’s tone softened as she asked in a low, tender voice: “Are you angry?”

The hands Tan Yanqing had intended to use to push her away dropped to her sides at that question.

“Mhm,” she replied. “You are being very naughty.”

The person in her arms let out a soft laugh. Jian Hao looked up, her chin resting on the folded collar of the overcoat. She gazed up at Tan Yanqing, blinking mischievously. “You guessed right—it was all a lie. I didn’t do anything with Guan Xinting. That ‘Classmate Tao’ was made up, too. The scarf is for you, and that photo was one Tingting helped me take.”

Jian Hao’s chin left the coat, but only by a fraction. she tilted her [Read on BaiLianTales]head slightly, not looking at Tan Yanqing. Her cheek brushed against the collar of the coat as she moved upward, stopping near Tan Yanqing’s neck.

Just as she was about to lean in, Tan Yanqing—feeling the warmth of her breath—saw through her intention. She placed her hands on Jian Hao’s shoulders, halting her.

Jian Hao paused, tilted her head, and flicked the corner of her eye up to stare at Tan Yanqing. “The ‘Tao’ in Classmate Tao is the same ‘tao’ as in Taotao.”

Jian Hao was usually obedient, but Tan Yanqing knew the girl she had raised was full of clever tricks. She was so used to her being submissive that she often seemed harmless, but if one wasn’t careful, they’d fall right into a trap she’d set.

Just like now.

“I listened to you. I didn’t kiss anyone.” Jian Hao tilted her cheek toward her. “Shouldn’t you reward me now?”

Since Tan Yanqing treated her like a child, she would use a child’s methods against her. She waited, but no soft touch landed on her cheek; instead, her arms around Tan Yanqing were unwound.

Tan Yanqing let go of her hands. Jian Hao turned back to look at her. Tan Yanqing’s eyes were beautiful—so beautiful that even when her gaze was cold and devoid of emotion, a casual glance felt like a hook pulling at the soul. One look and you were hooked; once hooked, you were lost.

For Jian Hao, it wasn’t just being lost; it was being beyond redemption. She felt her racing pulse and gave Tan Yanqing a radiant smile. “See? You say your feelings for me are for a child, yet you can’t even bring yourself to kiss me on the cheek.”

Although she had stopped crying, the tears hadn’t dried, and her eyes were still red. Her smile [bailiantales.com]only looked more aggrieved.

“Even if I don’t do these things or say these words, will our relationship really return to what it was, just like you want?” Jian Hao spoke slowly, her words reaching Tan Yanqing’s ears like pebbles dropped into a lake, creating ripples that would never disappear.

“Even if it returns to the past, that past is when I was little. Because of Tan Yanqing, I’ve liked you since fifth grade.”

“From then on, I wanted to date you, to be your girlfriend. Later, as I grew up, I wanted to hold your hand, to hug you. Now, I want to kiss you, I want—”

“Stop.”

Jian Hao looked at the person who had interrupted her. Seeing that Tan Yanqing’s brow wasn’t furrowed and her eyes held no anger, she licked her lips and shifted forward. Using her usual “spoiled” expression, she stared at Tan Yanqing and said:

“Auntie… were you really only angry today? Not even a little bit jealous?”

Jian Hao gripped a part of the overcoat, preventing Tan Yanqing from backing away as she drew closer again. “I’m not forcing you to do anything. I’m not forcing you to define the relationship right now. Let’s just give it a try, okay?”

“Just a try. Like when you taught me to ride a bike when I was little. I was scared to ride, but you were so patient, coaxing me from the side, telling me to try, calling me brave.”

“Auntie… you can’t let go of me, and I can’t help but love you. We’re just torturing each other like this. Even if you don’t care about ​stolen content​yourself, pity me a little…“

Only Jian Hao would say that last part. She was undoubtedly taking advantage of the fact that Tan Yanqing loved her. Like a spoiled child, she made her willful demand: “Now, you be a little brave too. Try with me.”

Silence. Tan Yanqing didn’t speak. But that also meant: there was a chance! Tan Yanqing was wavering! If she wasn’t, she would have pushed her away by now and given her a stern lecture like a dean.

Seeing her silence, Jian Hao saw hope. Her grip on the coat tightened, and she gave it two slight shakes—a silent, coaxing gesture.

“We’ll let things develop naturally. If we can make it work, we stay together. But if… if at the end, I mean, like many couples, we feel we aren’t a good fit during the adjustment process, or the feelings fade later—if you want to break up then, we can.”

Tan Yanqing’s expression flickered. Her hands at her sides curled into fists, then relaxed. After a few seconds, her throat bobbed. She asked hoarsely, “What is the point?”

Jian Hao’s eyes were full of earnestness. She said in a low voice, “The point is… I want you to be able to love me once without any reservations.”

As Tan Yanqing.

The lights in the room were still too bright. Tan Yanqing looked at her. “But it is precisely because I don’t ever want to be apart from you.”