Chapter 70
Shen You’an immediately withdrew her hand as if she had been burned, giving Su Wu a stern, warning look with her small eyes: “A-jie! You can’t just say things like that!”
Shen You’an: “I would never lift a hand against A-jie!”
Su Wu was amused by her expression and leaned lazily against the pillow: “Are you so sure?”
Shen You’an was extremely serious: “Of course!”
She even held up her fingers to swear: “Absolutely not!”
Shen You’an: “A-jie, don’t make jokes like that in the future either! It’s terrifying!”
It wasn’t funny at all!
Su Wu gently said “okay” and patted her slightly huffy head.
Shen You’an looked up at her: “Swear it, A-jie. Give me an oath.”
Su Wu couldn’t help but laugh as she raised her hand to swear: “Alright, alright, I swear. I will never make a joke like that again.”
Only then did Shen You’an feel a bit more at ease. She lowered her head and began to play with Su Wu’s fingers.
How could it be like this? Every part of A-jie was beautiful. Her fingers were beautiful too—well-manicured, with full nail beds, slender and straight, and very white.
Su Wu lowered her eyes, thinking: she wasn’t joking, but if Shen You’an didn’t like it, she wouldn’t mention it again.
Noticing that Shen You’an was playing with her fingers but suddenly seemed to lose interest—going from methodically touching every fingernail to staring blankly at her index finger—Su Wu asked, “Is something on your mind?”
Shen You’an: “A little.”
Su Wu: “Do you want to talk about it?”
Shen You’an: “Can I?”
Su Wu hooked her finger back: “What is there that you can’t say?”
Shen You’an glanced at her face: “A-jie, in the past, were you very unhappy?”
Seeing Su Wu’s face freeze for a moment, Shen You’an hurriedly said: “A-jie, A-jie, I don’t mean that you have to tell me everything right now. I just want to say that if your past days were unhappy, then in the future, I hope you can be a bit happier.”
“Of course, if you want to talk, I’m always here! A-jie, you’ve taken care of me so much, I want to take care of you too. I’m not that capable or smart, but I can at least listen to the things that make you unhappy and try to make you happy!”
Su Wu looked at her and said softly, “You’ve already done that.”
She had done it from the very beginning.
Su Wu shifted her posture to pull the girl into her embrace. Shen You’an took the opportunity to slide her arm under Su Wu’s shoulder, hugging her back. She buried her head in Su Wu’s neck, her nose surrounded by the woman’s fragrance.
Su Wu’s narration began at this moment.
Su Wu: “You’re right. During that time, I was indeed unhappy.”
Shen You’an: “What happened?”
Su Wu: “I… had a puppy I loved very much, and she went missing.”
Shen You’an let out a soft “ah”: “Then she must have been very pitiful. There are so many bad people outside these days.”
Su Wu: “Yes, she was very pitiful.”
Her hand stroked Shen You’an’s back. Although she had fed the girl well lately and she had grown some flesh, Su Wu could still feel the touch of Shen You’an’s shoulder blades beneath her palm.
Shen You’an: “…A-jie, do you miss her very much?”
Su Wu: “Yes, very much.”
Su Wu: “She was the most important existence in my life, surpassing everything else.”
Shen You’an: “You loved her so much!”
She felt a little bit jealous! What kind of precious puppy was it that could make Su Wu care this much!
She said: “What did she look like? A-jie, do you still have a photo?”
Su Wu smiled but dodged the question.
Shen You’an thought her abrupt request had accidentally poked at Su Wu’s wound.
Stupid, stupid.
She slapped herself twice in her mind. Gently, though—if it was too hard, A-jie would be worried!
Shen You’an changed the subject: “Is it because you missed her so much and were so sad that you left those marks?”
Su Wu gazed into the distance: “Maybe.”
Su Wu: “That Sister Tang you met, she told me before that my behavior might just be a way to show that I was indeed in pain.”
As her psychiatrist, Tang Lin had said: Su Wu, your self-harm is an external expression of internal pained emotions.
Su Wu: “Inflicting wounds on myself, feeling the pain, leaving scars. All of it was perhaps just my way of shouting to the world: ‘I am in pain.’”
At this point, Su Wu gave a self-deprecating smile: “But no one could ever find that spot.”
Shen You’an: “I found it!”
She scrambled out of Su Wu’s arms, her hair becoming a bit messy from the movement, making her look even cuter.
She said: “Even though a long, long time has passed, A-jie, I heard your voice!”
Every cut, every stitch.
It was Su Wu saying—
Anyone, please come save me.
Shen You’an had thought Su Wu could do everything! She could express her true feelings, care, and even handle a bad mood. But she didn’t know how to express pain; she wouldn’t say, “I’m not doing well, I need help.”
She didn’t know how to show weakness.
It turned out A-jie could be silly sometimes too.
But it didn’t matter, because the genius Xiao An had appeared.
Shen You’an was very, very serious as she looked into Su Wu’s eyes: “A-jie, your unhappiness, your pain—I heard it all.”
Her eyes were as bright as obsidian.
She muttered under her breath: “Although I might not be that much like a dog—I mean my mutated state!—if A-jie is willing, I can be your puppy too!”
She summoned her tail, wagging it back and forth as it brushed against Su Wu’s thigh under the quilt.
“I have a tail too! And claws!”
“A-jie, when you miss her, come to me! I’ll let you play with my tail!”
“…A-jie?”
Shen You’an began to panic.
Su Wu’s tears fell without warning.
Shen You’an reached out to wipe them, but as soon as her finger pad touched the skin, the “golden beans” fell even faster. She hurriedly turned to grab a tissue from the nightstand, but Su Wu hugged her, not letting her go.
She was at a loss, truly not knowing what to do, so she could only clumsily kiss away Su Wu’s tears.
“A-jie, did I say something wrong?” Her heart was in a panic.
Su Wu shook her head and only said: “Let me hold you for a while.”
Shen You’an was naturally willing, staying as still as a warm wooden statue, allowing Su Wu—this little bird with sand in her eyes—to rest.
Su Wu asked: “If I treat you as my puppy and one day you go missing too, You’an, what should I do then?”
Shen You’an felt a sharp pain in her nerves.
Yes.
She had said whatever came to mind without considering that.
Si Qi, the apocalypse, the still unclear situation… They were all there, and they wouldn’t disappear just because of a few words.
Her future was too uncertain for her to cheerfully reply, “It’s okay, I’ll be here forever!”
She couldn’t guarantee it.
Shen You’an’s sudden silence made Su Wu’s heart tighten. She gripped the girl’s clothes tightly but didn’t ask further.
Shen You’an’s heart ached for her, yet she didn’t know what to do. A person as smart as Su Wu must know exactly what she was thinking during that brief silence.
She lowered her head and pressed her chin against Su Wu’s head: “A-jie, I won’t go missing. If there really comes a day when I have to leave, A-jie, I will tell you.”
Su Wu uncharacteristically showed some temper: “Tell me for what? To watch me get angry?”
Shen You’an: “That’s not it!”
Shen You’an: “Of course it’s to tell you so you know what lies ahead and won’t be too afraid. And to let you know that even though some people leave, things will remain!”
Su Wu: “Nonsense.”
Shen You’an huffed twice: “It’s not!”
Shen You’an: “Death isn’t the end! Never starting to live because of a fear of death—that is the end!”
Su Wu: “You’ve turned into a little philosopher now.”
Shen You’an giggled: “Not at all, not at all.”
Su Wu clearly didn’t want to ask this question anymore, so she started a new topic: “I have something to ask you too.”
Shen You’an: “Speak!”
Su Wu: “Where is the bracelet you gave me?”
Shen You’an remembered: “I put it away! I’ll go get it for you right now!”
Su Wu pulled her back: “No need right now.”
She hadn’t held her enough yet.
Su Wu: “Why did you put it away?”
Shen You’an said: “I secretly did some processing on it! I put some new things inside! If we encounter Si Qi’s illusion again, it won’t be as easy to fall for it!”
Su Wu: “Did you secretly draw blood again? Do you think you’re a blood bank?”
Shen You’an let out an “aiyah” and pinched her thumb and index finger together: “Just a tiny bit!”
Shen You’an: “Before we go back, I’ll make some for Sister and Sister Meng Xi as well.”
Su Wu: “Make what? Are you going to draw design blueprints for them too, buy pearls, and put tiny tails inside?”
Shen You’an: “……….?”
A-jie remembered so clearly!
Shen You’an: “No, no! That’s too complicated and there’s no time! I’m planning to buy some red strings; it won’t be as obvious with blood on them!”
Su Wu: “Alright, I’ll buy them for you.”
Su Wu: “How many?”
Shen You’an counted on her fingers: “Mom, Sister, Sister Meng Xi, Meng Dongdong, and… one for Xiao Yu. What about Shen Zhirou? A-jie, do you think I should prepare one for her?”
Su Wu didn’t notice anything the girl said after those words. Her nerves were piqued by a certain name.
She asked casually, “Who is Xiao Yu?”
Shen You’an replied seriously: “Dongdong’s friend, and also a new friend I’ve met recently—a very impressive girl!”
Oh, very impressive.
Su Wu said warmly: “Why give one to her too? Is she in danger as well?”
Shen You’an shook her head: “No, no. It’s because she gave me a gift before and I haven’t decided what to give back. Giving this will be like a peace charm!”
Su Wu: “What did she give you?”
Shen You’an’s expression froze for a second. She felt a bit shy and hurriedly said: “No, no, no, no! I can’t tell you, A-jie. I can’t tell you about this.” She wouldn’t even look Su Wu in the eye.
Su Wu gave an “mhm”: “Then don’t.”
She pinched Shen You’an’s chin to make her look back. In the girl’s eyes that were trying to dodge her gaze, she asked as if it were the most normal thing: “What about a kiss? This, can you not tell me either?”
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